I am in the midst of many struggles right now. So I'm going to try to express some of them.
#1 is contentment. I get so upset when I see unthankfullness show in my kids words or actions but that is just where I have been lately. I've been feeling pretty miserable lately too. I'm sure they go hand-in-hand. Let me start from the beginning. I have been a pretty organized person as a wife and mother. I have definately learned to adapt throughout motherhood like not needing all of the cans and boxes to be on the shelf tallest to shortest or books on the shelves to be tallest to shortest etc... I have always enjoyed sorting and arranging things...weird things my husband would say. Anyway, I just like to know where things are, everything has a place and if it doesn't have a place I ditch it. My family can get irritated with me on this one. Okay, the thing is we are living in cramped quaters right now and everything does not have a place. Clutter is building all around me and my ability to function is being diminished!!!
This just works on me badly. We are working on finishing our basement ...about 1000 sq ft...and this will be a tremendous help. It's just how I am wired. I am so holding onto the day when the basement is done, mentally it is a daily challenge to let things go another day. To hold onto sanity another day. Okay maybe I'm already crazy.
Another thing is that I am trying to figure out how to make my home work more efficiently. I am just seeking answers from God. I know I can manage things better than I have been. Yes I know the baby is only 4 months but things just need to be orderly for me...hmmm...here's that orderly concept again.
Homeschooling...I have my curriculum all figured out for next year. Everything is on the shelves ready to go. I have visions and plans. I want a to have a great year not good but GREAT! Problem...I haven't quite figured out how to schedule...how do I make all these thoughts come together?? I'm sure some of it will be trial and error but It's constantly on my mind. Chris tells me not to think about it right now...just relax...but there is no switch to turn it off.
Probably the most important thing is my childrens hearts. I have seen some things lately that i need to get control of but some of it I am not sure how to reach their hearts effectively. Name calling has been a big problem. My daughter is just hard to reach sometimes. She's wired differently than the others. The cause and effect part of her brain just doesn't work for her. She's the kind of child that when you send her to her room to clean up and check on her an hour later nothing will be done. In fact something else is usually ripped out.
I want to be able to reach each of my children...to be able to minister to each of them as individuals. By the time I begin to figure this out I think they will be grown.
I'm still trying to figure out why I do some of the things I do!
I feel like summer is going to be over and I am not going to be where I want to be by the time we begin school.
Pray, pray, pray....that's all that is running through my head right now.
Well goodnight.
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