So much has happened since my last blog entry that it would take more time than I have to actually record it.  The bottom line is that in God's providence, I am in a very exciting time of both conviction and spiritual growth in my life.  God is opening my eyes to areas of sinfulness in my life that I was previously unaware of (mainly because of some other trying circumstances that are currently taking place in our lives regarding the training of our children, financial challenges etc.)  It is really true that God does not waste anything, but uses every irration and every circumstance of our lives to conform us more completely to the image of His Son ... if we will only listen and cooperate with His working in our lives.

I am truly thankful to God that He doesn't reveal every single area of sinfulness to us at once, because surely I would be overwhelmed & just feel like giving up.  Today He opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of the disorganization and chaos in my home is because of my lack of obedience to my husband.  For many years I served as the Nursery Coordinator of our church, a ministry which I greatly enjoyed at the outset.  As time passed, and my responsibilities at home grew with each addition to our family and homeschool, my husband repeatedly urged me to give up the ministry and let someone else take it over.  I pridefully and obstinately refused to listen to his advice reasoning that 1) I would be putting the Children's Ministry Coordinator in a bad position 2) Nobody else would be willing to assume the position 3) It really didn't take THAT much time (although I foolishly didn't realize how much of my time and energy it was taking) and 4) This one is the worst one to admit ... My husband just wasn't as 'spiritually-minded' as I was and so I just discounted his advice.  I'm ashamed to say, that in this instance and in my previous leadership in Bible study, that my husband ended up functioning more as my help-meet than the other way around.

In May when we discovered that we were going to have our sixth baby, I finally decided that this would be a good opportunity to  resign my position.  Since we would soon have 6 children and homeschooling 3 of them, I figured this was really the straw that broke the camel's back.  Amazingly, the Children's Ministry Coordinator survived, someone else DID come along to fill the position, and I've had a lot more time to realize the state that my home had come to be in as a result of my time spent involved in this outside ministry. 

God has shown me that not only is my primary ministry to my family (duh!), but He has even graciously started to bring me out of the time of spiritual dryness that I was experiencing (probably mainly because I was not being obedient to my husband).  I am ashamed that my home had gotten completely out of control because I didn't realize that God gave my husband to me to protect me in so many more ways than just physically.  In the past I spent a lot of time in 'victim' and 'martyr' mode about how much I had to do, etc., yet how much of what I was doing had God specifically called me to do at this time?

His burden is truly light and He does empower us to do that which He has called us to do at this specific time in our life.  A time may come down the road where He calls me back to another outside ministry opportunity, but I am much more content now that I have eliminated all of the 'good' things that I was doing in my life to focus on the 'best' things that God has for me to do right now.

I praise God for His patience with me ... I am such a slow learner!