As I'm working on getting my home organized for what seems like the millionth time (though I never seem to be able to actually finish the job), God has been teaching me a lot about what has gotten me here in the first place.  It's clear as I stack and shift and box things that the main problem is that we just have way too much stuff!  And as I clean it all up these are the lessons that God is pressing on my heart:

1)  All of these "good" things that I thought that I just had to have and can't seem to bear to get rid of are actually stealing from me what is most important in my life.  I have held on to the "good" while missing out on the best.  How much better it would be to have less things, and spend all the time that I'm using to organize actually doing things with my children who are growing up so quickly before my very eyes?

2)  How different am I than my children?  We often have the talk about contentment, and I chide them for never being satisfied with what they have.  The are always thinking about the next thing that they want (for birthday, Christmas or whatever), and once they acquire that thing it satisfies only for a short time before the "wants" start up again.  Often that much-coveted item gets totally set aside & forgotten once it has been attained.  I'm ashamed to say that I'm not much different.  Instead of being grateful for the abundant blessings and using what He has already graciously provided (curriculum, etc.), I see the next "perfect curriculum" that I just have to have, and am restless & discontent until I acquire it.  I guess this explains all of the books, papers and educational materials that I am finding myself sorting and rearranging today!  How easy it is to see the speck in someone else's eye while completely missing the plank in one's own.

3)  I glorify God most by being content with what He has graciously provided for me.  Besides that, it's a lot easier for my children to learn contentment and gratitude by watching it lived out before them instead of having it lectured to them while I am actually doing something else.

Heavenly Father, thank you so much for continually teaching, leading, and guiding me.  Thank you for your unbelievable patience with me ... it seems like it takes me so long to learn the most basic lessons.  Your provision for my family and me has been more than abundant!  Please help me to store up treasures in heaven rather than trying to accumulate them here, where moth and rust and 2-year olds with markers destroy.  Thank you for loving me and never giving up on me.  May I learn to imitate you more fully as I walk before my children & try to model before them a life that brings honor & glory to you.

I haven't had much time to blog because the last couple of months I was 'nesting', and 2 weeks ago we welcomed blessing #6 to our home.  I think each childbirth experience is more precious to me, as I always wonder if it will be the last.  So right now I am reveling in the smell of newborn babe, the peach fuzzy skin, and the joy of getting to know a new little person.

I know that there are so many people who simply don't 'get' us at all.  Having more than 4 children seems to brand us as some kind of fanatics in most circles ... most of all in our own families, which can be a really painful thing.  In fact, just less than a week before my scheduled C-section, a family member asked if I was planning on having any other surgery while I was in the hospital.  She volunteered her opinion that we had a nice sized family and that I should get my tubes tied.  Then she went on to express her opinion (for the nth time) about homeschooling ... and how our kids need to be exposed to the real world sooner or later, need the competition that a classroom offers, our property taxes are already paying for public schools, and a dozen other arguments why we need to be doing something else as far as our children's education, too. 

 Just the week before I had heard that my own mom had expressed concerns to another of my family members about our homeschooling ... whether it was the right choice for one of our daughters, how I don't get any time to myself etc.

It gets so discouraging when you feel like you're marching to the beat of a different drummer, and even those in your own family (and oftentimes your church) don't understand or completely support what you are doing.  But I know that in the midst of it there are so many great faith-building lessons that the Lord is teaching both my husband and me.  Lessons about self-sacrifice, dying to self, patience, perseverance and laboring for God's approval instead of man's approval just to name a few.  In fact, I think that parenting (including homeschooling) is one of God's best character development curriculum.

Well, the new baby is calling me ... and it's a wonderful sound to hear.  Incidentally, we named him Matthew, which means 'gift from God', as a constant reminder that even though he is #6 in our family, he is a treasured gift from the Father's hand.

Well, I think that I'm making a little progress   Last night my husband mentioned in passing that we (I) should probably go through the drawer in the kitchen that holds all of the spatulas and large utensils.  It has been pretty irritating trying to find something in there because it was so overloaded with many items that we hardly ever used.  I put that project at the top of my list, and while I was at it sorted through several other cabinets that were overflowing with rarely used items that were cluttering things up and making everything a mess.  I've almost filled a large box to take to Goodwill!!!  God answered the prayer I prayed this morning for Him to give me the strength and the courage to get rid of things.  It feels very liberating.

This project  may not be bringing his slippers to him (he doesn't wear them anyway), but at least it's a start at really listening to what he's saying and making that a priority in my life. 

I've got so many areas that need improvement, but I'm not going to let Satan discourage me by making me see everything all at once.  By God's grace I will take it one day at a time, one project at a time, obeying what He shows me to do to make the improvements on His timetable instead of trying to making them all on my own and my own timetable.

Praise God again!

So much has happened since my last blog entry that it would take more time than I have to actually record it.  The bottom line is that in God's providence, I am in a very exciting time of both conviction and spiritual growth in my life.  God is opening my eyes to areas of sinfulness in my life that I was previously unaware of (mainly because of some other trying circumstances that are currently taking place in our lives regarding the training of our children, financial challenges etc.)  It is really true that God does not waste anything, but uses every irration and every circumstance of our lives to conform us more completely to the image of His Son ... if we will only listen and cooperate with His working in our lives.

I am truly thankful to God that He doesn't reveal every single area of sinfulness to us at once, because surely I would be overwhelmed & just feel like giving up.  Today He opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of the disorganization and chaos in my home is because of my lack of obedience to my husband.  For many years I served as the Nursery Coordinator of our church, a ministry which I greatly enjoyed at the outset.  As time passed, and my responsibilities at home grew with each addition to our family and homeschool, my husband repeatedly urged me to give up the ministry and let someone else take it over.  I pridefully and obstinately refused to listen to his advice reasoning that 1) I would be putting the Children's Ministry Coordinator in a bad position 2) Nobody else would be willing to assume the position 3) It really didn't take THAT much time (although I foolishly didn't realize how much of my time and energy it was taking) and 4) This one is the worst one to admit ... My husband just wasn't as 'spiritually-minded' as I was and so I just discounted his advice.  I'm ashamed to say, that in this instance and in my previous leadership in Bible study, that my husband ended up functioning more as my help-meet than the other way around.

In May when we discovered that we were going to have our sixth baby, I finally decided that this would be a good opportunity to  resign my position.  Since we would soon have 6 children and homeschooling 3 of them, I figured this was really the straw that broke the camel's back.  Amazingly, the Children's Ministry Coordinator survived, someone else DID come along to fill the position, and I've had a lot more time to realize the state that my home had come to be in as a result of my time spent involved in this outside ministry. 

God has shown me that not only is my primary ministry to my family (duh!), but He has even graciously started to bring me out of the time of spiritual dryness that I was experiencing (probably mainly because I was not being obedient to my husband).  I am ashamed that my home had gotten completely out of control because I didn't realize that God gave my husband to me to protect me in so many more ways than just physically.  In the past I spent a lot of time in 'victim' and 'martyr' mode about how much I had to do, etc., yet how much of what I was doing had God specifically called me to do at this time?

His burden is truly light and He does empower us to do that which He has called us to do at this specific time in our life.  A time may come down the road where He calls me back to another outside ministry opportunity, but I am much more content now that I have eliminated all of the 'good' things that I was doing in my life to focus on the 'best' things that God has for me to do right now.

I praise God for His patience with me ... I am such a slow learner!

Keeping our secret is driving me absolutely crazy, so I decided to blog to save my sanity....

We're expecting blessing #6 in January!!!

The kids don't know yet, because as soon as they know they'll tell Grandma (who will be less than pleased about the whole situation). 

I've been on a cleaning and organizing jaunt, which seems to be the story of my life, and hope to get things in a little better running order before we add another little one to the mix.  The thought of having 3 children who are 3 years old and younger frightens me a little, I'll have to admit.  But I know there are loads of other people who are doing the same.  I find lots of encouragement in the MOMYS group from ladies who have 2x as many kiddos and are still managing.

It is definitely an opportunity to rely more upon the Lord in more ways than one.  Only He can supply the strength, endurance, and wisdom that I need to parent, disciple, and homeschool all of these children for Him.  Only He can give me calm and peace in the midst of living a lifestyle that is completely counter-cultural and just plain weird to most of the people that we know.  I just pray that He would make us a bright light shining for Him.

Today's Project: Purging and organizing our office, filing away all of the 'outgrown' school books until the next children need them.

Today's Reading: Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin (although 'I'm finding it a little difficult to be too fascinating when I've got nausea that lasts throughout the day

Today's Dinner: BBQ Chicken, Oven Baked Potatoes, Asparagus & Chocolate Brownies for dessert .. yum!

Today on my 36th birthday I would just like to praise God for so many things:

*For His amazing, saving grace that has transformed my life & given it meaning

*For all of the circumstances of my life, including the difficult ones, that He has used to cause me to grow spiritually

*For allowing me to serve Him in my home, at my church & in my community

*For giving me all that I truly need in this life

*For lavishing upon me the blessing of 5 wonderful children and a loving husband

*For giving me the freedom to worship Him and the privilege of homeschooling the children that He has entrusted to me

*For blessing me with 36 years of robust health & energy

*For being patient with my many failings [sins] and never leaving, forsaking, or giving up on me.  (Oh, if I can only be 1/2 as longsuffering & patient with my own children)

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for lavishing your many blessings upon me, even though I have done nothing to earn a single one of them.  I pray that the next 36 years of my life (Lord willing) will bring glory and honor to You, as You continue to conform me to the image of Your Son.

After spending hours digging through piled up e-mails I discovered the one that warned of blogs being deleted, and realized how long it had been since I made an entry.  It's definitely my intention to keep up with this blogging thing ... I'm hoping it will keep me accountable to do what God is laying on my heart to do in the areas of home organization and home education.

So many things have changed in our lives since my last entry.  We have a beautiful, healthy baby boy who is now 7 months old.  He is crawling, pulling up & getting around & into everything.  What a joy he is, and what an incredible blessing from God.

My husband's work schedule has changed & he is currently working 1 p.m. to 1 a.m, which we found to be much easier on his body.  We miss having him home for dinner those 3 nights of the week, but at least he gets to sleep when it is dark instead of trying to sleep during the day time.  It's also much easier to not have to tell my children 'Be quiet, daddy's sleeping' all day long.

As far as the Music Director position ... the job opening appeared in May (after my dh had been doing the job since Nov.)  All Summer long we waited eagerly, as he continued to do the job.  In July our pastor informed him that even though he was the only local applicant, they had decided to hire someone from out of state for the position. Naturally, I was heartbroken.  I was so certain that this is what God wanted for us ... but I was wrong.  It took quite awhile for me to get over it, but my comfort in the whole situation was the knowledge that God is sovereign.  He never makes mistakes.  And a 'no' now does not mean a 'no' forever.  He is still involved in the music ministry at church, but at least we don't have the stress of planning the service each & every week (which I guess is kind of a relief).

This summer we were also asked by the board of directors for our city's homeschool association, to consider becoming members of the board.  We have been asked to begin conducting the homeschool orientation classes that are offered monthly from January to August.  I'm so excited to become even more involved in the homeschool community as a support to all of those who are considering taking the leap into homeschooling their children.  Who knows what God has in store for us in this area ... it's exciting to see what He has planned.

I am currently taking a class at our church on becoming a Titus 2 woman, which I believe will also open up some other opportunities for discipling (beginning with my own daughters).  Even though I am just 35, I think that it is never too early to begin working on becoming a mature woman who is able to encourage younger ones to 'love their husbands & children, be keepers at home, etc'.  It seems to be an area that is sorely lacking in the church today. 

And finally, I'm trying to get back 'on the wagon' with FlyLady to get my home in order.  I've tried several times, but then a new baby is born, or somebody gets sick & all of it goes downhill again.  Perhaps if I have the accountability of charting my progress here I will finally be successful.  I know that it has worked for so many others ... I can't wait to say that I am one of the success stories.

Time to go get some school schedules and materials organized for next week!

I have set here in front of my computer screen for a long time, trying to find a suitable title for this entry and then trying to organize my jumbled thoughts to get them recorded.  I'm not even entirely certain that I won't just hit the 'delete' button once I'm done, rather than sending my thoughts out into cyber-space.

As my blog information states, I am a homeschool mom of 4, ranging in age from 1 1/2 to 9.  We are also expecting a 5th child, due in about a month.  Since my husband works 12-hour night shifts, homeschooling has been a real blessing for us, allowing our children to spend more time with him than they would if they attended school somewhere outside of our home.

In addition to the time that my husband spends at his job, he has also taken on the workload at our church as part-time music director, and has decided to stage an Easter cantata, including drama etc.  The hours that he spends doing all of the preparing & rehearsing for this are volunteer hours for which he is not paid, and additional time that he is not with us at home.  I know that he greatly enjoys the music work that he is doing at our church (which is also an answer to a specific prayer of mine), and I believe that God is really going to use it as a means of spiritual growth in his life.  However with his job & church responsibilities, he is only home 1 night a week (which happens to be the 1 night that I get out for my sanity-saving Bible study that I take my 2 oldest daughters to).

In my mind, I know that part of God's design in allowing this set of circumstances is for me to learn to rely on His strength, put my faith & trust more fully in Him etc.  However, I still end up regularly feeling defeated, exhausted, and overwhelmed.  I want to be a good testimony to others of the great blessing a full quiver is, but too often end up short-tempered and having a home that looks like a tornado blew through.

I've tried many organizing programs, including FlyLady, but always seem to end up back in the same mess, beating myself up again because I can't keep an immaculate home, parent my children nearly single-handedly, homeschool etc.  I know that there are women that have way more children than we do and manage to handle all of the above along with other responsibilities such as a home business etc... so I'm not sure what my problem is.  I guess it's just a lack of discipline on my part.

As I stated in the title of this entry, I'm  not trying to start a pity party for myself. I know that there are countless people in more difficult and trying situations than this.  I guess my lonely heart just need to have a place to express itself.  If you've read this far, thanks for listening.

Dear Lord,

My heart cries out to know Your presence in a more tangible way.  You are my source of strength, my source of hope, and my firm foundation. As you revealed yourself to Hagar in the desert, You are the God who sees me, too.  No matter how lonely I might feel, I know that You never leave me nor forsake me.  I know that that it is in my weakness that I experience the fullness of your grace.  It's for more of this grace that I now cry out.  Thank you God, for always hearing us when we cry out to You.

I must preface this entry by describing where we have been recently in our homeschool journey.  We have tried many different approaches to homeschooling trying to find the perfect fit for our children.  The last several months have been especially discouraging, as my oldest daughter's attitude towards anything that remotely resembles 'school-work' has been terrible.  There has been little enthusiasm for learning & excitement that I hear of other homeschooling families experiencing.

But God does not waste any situation in our lives, and I believe we have gone through this particular season in our homeschool journey, so that I would rely more fully upon Him to set the priorities, agenda & goals for our schooling.  As I've done more reading in the last few months about the purpose of education, why public schooling is not working, relying more upon the leading of the Holy Spirit in homeschooling decisions etc., I have felt the burden gradually being lifted & some life returning to our home.

I've been training my 2 oldest daughters in life skills --such as cooking, baking, managing a home etc. and we have been doing a family read-aloud time much more consistently.  I no longer feel pressured to overload my kids by doing every subject every single day (we only do the basics daily now), but have adjusted to a more manageable schedule.  We have even gotten out all of those educational games we never seemed to have time for, and they have been learning an amazing amount, but enjoying it much more.

However, the point of this entry is to record a surprising discovery that came this week as I taught my oldest daughter to crochet.  On Tuesday morning, I felt that God impressed upon me that I was to persevere with my daughter until she learned how to do her single & double crochet.  In fact, besides math & reading, that is how we actually spent a good portion of our school day.  The old me would have seen this as a lost day of school, but at the end I realized that a lot of true education comes in non-traditional ways. 

These are the things that we learned as we crocheted together:

1) the character qualities of patience & perseverence (both in her and in me)

2) spending this time w/ my daughter actually brought some healing to a relationship that has struggled in recent months.  She felt comfortable enough to confide in me some things that were really causing her to feel sad (which had been manifesting itself in anger & lashing out at me), and we were able to have a real heart-to-heart connection again.

3) short & long-term goal setting, as we planned together the 1st project that she would create, and set some timelines for accomplishing it

4)  the value of using our gifts & talents to serve & bless others -- she is excited about crocheting a baby afghan to donate to a local charity.  This takes her focus off of herself & onto how she can give to someone else.

All of this is an amazing answer to prayer.  I had been seeking God to know how to heal the relationship between my daughter & me, and also seeking Him for specifics on how to develop godly character in my children. His answer was way more effective than anything that I would have come up with from my own head!

It has been my heart's desire to journal for a very long time, but somehow that has never managed to occur with any regularity.  I have all of these wonderful insights throughout my day... things that the Lord is impressing upon my heart, but somehow by the time the day ends all of those thoughts are either gone or exhaustion sets in & I'm snoring before I even have time to set pen to paper. 

I'm not sure that anything that I have to say will be of any value to anyone else, but I'm hoping that blogging here will help bring some clarity to my muddled mind  (which is always filled with more projects than I can ever possibly accomplish & more ideas than I could possibly every pursue in this lifetime!)

Well, sun's up & so are the kids, so I'm off to my daily duties ... but truly excited to be a part of this homeschool blogging community!