This has been a week of learning for me. Learning to use my voice and body language in a different way than I am accustomed. On Monday I had vocal cord surgery and the protocol after such surgery is to not use your voice much and to never speak louder than arm-reach away. I am from an Italian/Irish family, aka LOUD!  I have always had a more commanding voice, but this week I am learning that it isn't always necessary to raise your voice to gain attention. In fact, the quieter you speak the more people have to lean in, pay attention, and hear what you are saying. I have struggled my whole life to understand what God really means by a meek and gentle spirit...does it mean quiet in tone? Does it mean never being extraverted? Does it mean not ever being loud and boiterous? Isn't it just temperment? Didn't God create some us to be a little more gregarious? I think the answer is yes and no. I think there is a time for rejoicing, a time for letting go and loving and living with unabandonment. There is a freedom in that. But, I also think there is a time to be quiet, to be reflectful, to listen. Meek and mild in spirit is more in the tone of our hearts. Am I resting in the arms of Jesus, at peace with where He has me regardless of circumstances?

As I have gone through this first week not being able to call my children from another room. Or ask them to keep it down without getting up and going to them to say it.....I AM EXHAUSTED!  I must have logged more hours moving around my house than I ever have and I am pretty fit. But, in a day and with five children all over the house, I can't catch a minute to just sit down without needing to get up and talk to one of them.  I was reflecting with my boss yesterday.  She said after a few minutes in her office that I was making her feel peaceful because of the tone and gentleness of my voice. I laughed. Ok, normally I am a little hyper. I am not used to being so subdued.  I told her that the way I am forced to talk with my children when they are out of control or being naughty is probably the way I am supposed to be talking to them on a regular basis. I am reflecting on that and thankful for the forced opportunity to practice it for a few weeks...hopeful it will stick and become second nature.

So, I am looking for the ever-needed balance of this paradigm in my life between a meek and mild spirit and an outgoing and sometimes boisterous personality.  I like both and love the creativeness of God. Pray for me! 

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