Pastor Mike Cooper told me more than once, that I needed to sit back and let God Wow me.  It is so hard for me to do, because in case you didn't know, I tend toward the control freak side of things! LOL. 

I have told Kevin, Julie, Jeremy, and Beth how they just understand how they affected me.  They keep saying that they do, they did the work they knew how much it was!  I hate to say it, but this job was WAY bigger than the massive amount of work that they did.

Anyone that knows me well, knows that while I may seem like I am happily buzzing around life being busy, but I am a worrier!  I continue with my life, yet fret.  It is the thorn in my flesh.  God is constantly dealing with me about worry.  I have begged him to take it away, and I continue to hold on.

 I have been mentally wrapped in this house.  I have felt like such a failure as a mother that I could not even provide my children with such a basic concept - A BEDROOM!  OR even more basic- A BED.  Sure they have had matresses - but only on the living room floor.  I have been tortured by this!  I have begged Him to take care of it, but inside I was sure that it was a near impossible task alone.

At Thanksgiving, our oldest gave me a thank you note thanking me for a bed!  He just had gotten a bed, and he too was on a mattress.  I bawled like a baby.  I was so thankful that my child was so thankful, but heaping waves of guilt were washing over me.  I have that note on my fridge, and I see it and I want to cry.  I think of our sweet girls who have happily slept in the living room, yet sweetly asked when they would get to move in their room again.  I just kept telling them, "As soon as mommy can get it all together, babes." 

When can we get a new bird mom? 

When can we open that new toy mom?

When can we fix up the fish tank?

When can we....?

The answer was always the same. " As soon as mommy can get it together."

 I would leave the room wondering how in the world I would be able to conquer that mountain.  My husband can't lift a piece of drywall.  My dad is in bad shape.  My friends have given me so much of themselves, I can ask no more.  I can't hold drywall on the ceiling on my own!  What am I going to do?  I am determined, but how in the world can I give my children the basic desire for a bed and a room?  What kind of mother tears apart a room, and can't finish it?  What kind of mother has children sleeping on a mattress on the floor while she sleeps in a bed?  The vicious line of thought ran continuously through my head. 

I fretted, yet continued to make my lists and pretended that I would be able to accomplish it all on my own. It made me feel better.  I tried to figure it out in my head, and how I could do it on my own. I probably couldn't, but I was going to try and pretend I could.

All this doesn't matter anymore. They took it away.  They lifted that burden off my shoulders.  It was SO MUCH MORE than the physical labor.  It was a daily mental weight that hung about my shoulders.

God gave them the gifts and the desires, and they were able to be used of Him to lift that heavy burden for me.   God used them to WOW me yet again.

As I drove the final three hours of our 21 hour journey home, my mind raced over the To Do lists that I had finally written earlier in the day.  As I had mentioned earlier, my husband usually shakes his head while  I contruct my constant lists, and I found myself conscious of him even  viewing  my list.  I meticulously listed the rooms in my house, and exactly what needed to be done in each room.  I wrote a short time table for what I wanted to accomplish this summer.  I knew that my first and foremost task was the girls' bedroom. 

Don't be in shock, but our girls were ousted from their room nearly 16 months ago when we began construction upstairs.  Work stalled when my dad's back went very bad, and continued its stalled state when JP fell through the floor, major construction started in other parts of the house, and I began teaching again.  I was determined to finish the project in the next month even though I wasn't so sure that I could do that.  I never voiced the fear, and I was afraid to even allow the thought to creep into my own mind. 

My mind wandered to my friends, and the ones that I miss so dearly.  One might think that I am only thinking of those far away, but I was thinking in particular to those I live so near and hardly see anymore!  My two closest friends have felt so distant lately.  I haven't been able to spend much time with them because of our insane life.  I wondered if this summer would be different from those that I have become used to.  It was worrying me, and I tried to squelch that fear. 

When I pulled in my driveway, I was trying to look around and see if all my flowers died in my mother's care.  I know that sounds harsh, but If you knew my mother's lack of a green thumb, you would understand why.  Everytime I talked to her, I had asked how were the plants, and she claimed they were fine, but the fear was in the back of my mind.  My glance shifted to the other side of the driveway, and I let out a sigh.  "More Junk"  I thought to myself.  "Are we ever going to get this place not looking like we are hardly a step above trailer trash?"

Then it dawned on me, that was a NEW pile of drywall, and who in the world lined up the bikes like that?  I didn't get that done before I left.  My thoughts wandered to my parents.  I said to JP, "If my parents paid someone...."  I have been secretly very worried about doing the drywall. I was trying too figure out where we could find the money to pay someone to do it.  I thought I could hang two sheets a day, and make progress...

I went in through the garage to open the front door, and my heart was warmed when I saw this. 

I thought, "Thats Julie!  She is so incredibly thoughtful like that.  It is her special gift."  I continued to walk.

I was slightly concerned when I saw this.  I kept thinking of my garden.  I am so vain, and particular when it comes to my garden, and Julie had already apologized for the crooked rows.  She told me I was going to irritated, and I was trying hard to not let it bother me!  I was determined to turn over a new leaf....

I started to grin when I saw the remaining signs.  I ran back outside and said to JP, "Oh my goodness Honey, I think they hung the drywall!"  I was stinking excited! I knew that I could tape it, and I knew that I could mud it.  I wasn't so sure I could frame in the closet, but if my dad could watch me, I was sure that I could figure it out.  Maybe...

I wondered why Julie had asked several times about when we were coming home.  We decided to push through the night because I like to be home before people expect us.  It gives me most of a day to get caught up before life begins again.  But, I was so tired...

We started pulling out sleeping children out of the car, and JP kept asking if I went upstairs yet.  I hadn't because I was afraid he would be mad if I left him to bring in four sleeping urchins.  With his prodding, I headed upstairs to see this...

I couldn't control the tears. It began with a welling, and continued with bawling.  I sobbed and sobbed.  Jp came up to see what in the world was going on.  I cried and cried. I cried so hard, JP began to get irritated that I was crying so hard.  The girls woke up and were alarmed at my sobbing. JP was mad I was upsetting the girls.... I continued crying. 

THE FLOOR IS EVEN IN!  Yes, they laid the floor!  When I finally calmed down I saw the note (that I didn't take a picture of, but can't go up and wake the girls!) that said,

"We love you! 

Kevin, Jeremy, Julie, and Beth" 

II was going to give myself three days to pick up the disaster the kids had made upstairs!  Here is was cleaned up, organized, with beds that were made!  My girls aren't sleeping in the living room!  WOW! 

Sure, I have to work more up there. I have sanding to do, another closet to frame and a little more sheetrock, but those fabulous four people cut off the first two thirds of my ginormous To do list!  They made my summer so much less daunting. 

I AM SO BLESSED!

I felt like those who stand there and sob on Extreme Makeover.  I find myself cursing their crying because they have caused me to sit on my own couch and sob like an idiot for someone I will never know.  In my life, I will never be able to top the complete and happy shock that I was greeted with this early morning!

I will never be able to thank them enough. I will NEVER be able to repay them.  I just can't even express what kind of burden they have lifted.  I am so undeserving and so humbled...

Crap, I am crying again!

Today was the first day what we had a glimpse of decent weather.  We headed up to the Garden Creek Falls.  Here are some pictures.

Today is our last day here in the West.  I really do love it our here.  You would never think that a midwestern girl would fall in love with the West, but I did a long time ago.  I miss living out here.  I have said often that I wish I could have all the perks of the midwest (green, family, and work) in the setting of the west.  I miss the pace of the West.  I miss the scenery.  I miss the life.

I know that our kids are sad. They'll miss their grandparents.  I know that #2 in particular will be a total wreck tomorrow.  She has always had a special bond with her grandma, and she always goes into decline when they have to part company. Tomorrow will be a sullen day. I am so thankful that we have two sets of grandparents that our kids are close to and love dearly.  We are truly blessed.

I find my emotions in a mixed bag as we get ready to leave.  Two weeks is a long time to be gone from home, and this mama is ready to be home.  The last year has been a complete whirlwind for us.  It started last spring with JP falling through the floor.  That began the construction which led into the suprise school year.  We left for Wyoming the morning after Kindergarten graduation.  It has been just insane. 

I can't keep the To Do list from running through my head at a frenzied pace. I have SO much to do, and I plan on having the time to do it.  I have been prioritizing constantly in my head.   I want to make lists. I want to make plans, and yet I know I know what happens to those best laid plans.   Look what has happened to us in the last year!  We have had a crazy year!

Now, I know that is my sister in law Lyssa reads this, she will make a mental comment that this is the way our entire married life has been.  She has often commented on how hectic our life continues to be, and she doesn't understand why.  In our eleven years of marriage we have been through four babies, eight moves, two start up businessess, one law suit, and countless other major life changes.  We have been busy. To me it just seems normal, and I know I don't do well with boring, so I think God allows us to have the excitement. It is only by his grace that we have survived it all.

Yet, I find myself ready to embark on the summer with a to do list as long as JP is tall.  I am excited.  I love lists!  I love knowing what I need to accomplish, and being able to check things off the list as I go.  I have hestitated to put it all on paper, only because it would seem a little daunting to see it on paper.  I have started several small lists, and I think I will have to combine then when  I get home.  I have a giant bulletin board in the old homeschool room, and I have been making plans for repurposing.  I can picture it now! 

 I can also see my husband standing in the doorway rolling his eyes. We are cut from a different cloth.  I just move at a different pace than he does, and after eleven years of marriage I have come to accept that. However, acceptance doesn't mean that I don't still get frustrated.  I know that he just can't keep up.  I say that with a small smirk on my face knowing that my readers may think that I am cruel. It is not cruel, it is just the way it is.  We are just  different, and that is just fine.

This post has gone completely differently than I intially planned.  Writing is funny that way.  I started of writing about the west and ended up taking about our differences in marriage.  I guess that is why I like writing.  Stuff comes flying out that you don't even realize you are thinking about.  The bottom line is that vacation is over, and we head home tomorrow.  It will be a long drive home, but the start of an exciting summer, I am sure!

Ten years ago our lives changed forever.  We became parents.  We will we parents until the day we die. Today we celebrate our first kid in double digits.  Half his life at home before college is over, and that make me sad and excited all at the same time. 

Our Big ten year old!

Time passes so quickly - Here he is missing teeth while hunting Easter eggs in 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don't know how he grew up so quick!