Pastor Mike Cooper told me more than once, that I needed to sit back and let God Wow me.  It is so hard for me to do, because in case you didn't know, I tend toward the control freak side of things! LOL. 

I have told Kevin, Julie, Jeremy, and Beth how they just understand how they affected me.  They keep saying that they do, they did the work they knew how much it was!  I hate to say it, but this job was WAY bigger than the massive amount of work that they did.

Anyone that knows me well, knows that while I may seem like I am happily buzzing around life being busy, but I am a worrier!  I continue with my life, yet fret.  It is the thorn in my flesh.  God is constantly dealing with me about worry.  I have begged him to take it away, and I continue to hold on.

 I have been mentally wrapped in this house.  I have felt like such a failure as a mother that I could not even provide my children with such a basic concept - A BEDROOM!  OR even more basic- A BED.  Sure they have had matresses - but only on the living room floor.  I have been tortured by this!  I have begged Him to take care of it, but inside I was sure that it was a near impossible task alone.

At Thanksgiving, our oldest gave me a thank you note thanking me for a bed!  He just had gotten a bed, and he too was on a mattress.  I bawled like a baby.  I was so thankful that my child was so thankful, but heaping waves of guilt were washing over me.  I have that note on my fridge, and I see it and I want to cry.  I think of our sweet girls who have happily slept in the living room, yet sweetly asked when they would get to move in their room again.  I just kept telling them, "As soon as mommy can get it all together, babes." 

When can we get a new bird mom? 

When can we open that new toy mom?

When can we fix up the fish tank?

When can we....?

The answer was always the same. " As soon as mommy can get it together."

 I would leave the room wondering how in the world I would be able to conquer that mountain.  My husband can't lift a piece of drywall.  My dad is in bad shape.  My friends have given me so much of themselves, I can ask no more.  I can't hold drywall on the ceiling on my own!  What am I going to do?  I am determined, but how in the world can I give my children the basic desire for a bed and a room?  What kind of mother tears apart a room, and can't finish it?  What kind of mother has children sleeping on a mattress on the floor while she sleeps in a bed?  The vicious line of thought ran continuously through my head. 

I fretted, yet continued to make my lists and pretended that I would be able to accomplish it all on my own. It made me feel better.  I tried to figure it out in my head, and how I could do it on my own. I probably couldn't, but I was going to try and pretend I could.

All this doesn't matter anymore. They took it away.  They lifted that burden off my shoulders.  It was SO MUCH MORE than the physical labor.  It was a daily mental weight that hung about my shoulders.

God gave them the gifts and the desires, and they were able to be used of Him to lift that heavy burden for me.   God used them to WOW me yet again.