Today the word "DISCIPLINE"  has been running through my head and heart.  I really didn't  realize how important this word was on so many different levels.

Today at swim practice, one of Cameron's friends was not being very cooperative with his mother about going to practice.  She (the mother) called it a "tantrum" but what I saw was outright willful disobedience.  This behavior also carried over onto the way this boy acknowledged his coach.  His mother grounded him (the LEAST of what I would have done) but as we were leaving the parking lot this boy stopped my car and asked if Cameron could come over and play.  I do not think his mother knew he was going to ask that and I really think he was oblivious to the fact that I had witnessed the entire "interchange" between him, his mother and his coach.  I told him no and we left.  On the ride home I asked Cameron what he thought would have happened to him if he had acted the way his friend had.  Cameron said grounding immediately, then he said he would probably get some corporal punishment (he was correct).  We talked about disobedience, defiance and discipline.

While we all know about the words disobedience and defiance, the word "discipline" has some more of a mysterious meaning.  I looked it up in the dictionary and this is what I found.

Discipline:
1. training to ensure proper behavior: the practice or methods of teaching and enforcing acceptable patterns of behavior.

In parenting, it is my obligation as a parent to teach my children and enforcing acceptable patterns of behavior!  My children know explicitly which types of behavior are acceptable and which are not.  Acting on bad behavior will bring an immediate response from me or my husband to correct and enforce acceptable behavior.  I would also hope that any other responsible parent or adult would do the same for my children if I was not around!  If we as parents do not "discipline" our children and teach and enforce acceptable behavior then we can not complain when they begin acting the way the "world" would rather they act!

2. order and control: a controlled and orderly state, especially in a class of schoolchildren.

Ok, this one has always been very obvious to me.  It flat out astounds me to read or hear about or even witness for myself the way that some children behave even in group or classroom environment!  Modern day schoolrooms in public schools deal with this daily.  In my home school environment I expect a heavy dose of order and control to be followed every day.  Personally that is how I am anyways.  Don't get me wrong....a little controlled chaos is fun and even liberating at times but it has it's place, most definitely!  There are things I expect my children to do in their daily schoolwork.  I do not give in to whining or shirking schoolwork (or chores for that matter).  My children are also expected to behave in a disciplined way when they are under the tutelage of others, for example: museum classes, co-ops,  swim team, church classes.  I am not saying I expect them to be perfect, but I am saying certain disciplines and behaviors are non-negotiable.  I am also of the mind that less than acceptable behaviors need to be corrected immediately-not hours later.....I need to be a parent whether or not I'm around "others" or not!

3. calm controlled behavior: the ability to behave in a controlled and calm way even in a difficult or stressful situation.

When my children don't get their way or when they are upset about something, I expect them to still behave in a controlled and calm way.  My oldest son recently sent me a video of a teenage boy throwing a temper tantrum because his mother closed his "World of Warcraft" account.  A sibling of the boy left a video camera in the room to record the reaction when the son was informed of that.  I have to say my chin was on the floor.  I can understand a 4 or 5 year old throwing this kind of tantrum but not an obviously older teen.  This yelling, screaming, ripping his clothes off, tearing his room apart and attempting to bodily harm himself went on for what seemed like half an hour!  Not once did any adult try to put an end to it!  Boy, I can tell you what would have happened after only about 30 seconds of that behavior in our house!  My son would have been crying but it would have been from some serious corporal punishment!  The bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child"!  I have to say that in 22 years of parenting, we have only seen this behavior once or twice and never ever more than once in the same child!  Our children learn from early on how to voice their frustrations and anger in as calm and controlled way as they are able!

4. conscious control over lifestyle: mental self-control used in directing or changing behavior, learning something, or training for something.

 Anyone who is an athlete knows that becoming good at your sport involves massive amounts of "discipline"!  I see kids all the time at swim practice that only give a half-hearted effort, but then these same kids cry and whine when they don't place or are disqualified because of their poor style.  Xavier and I have always told our kids that nothing takes the place of hard work and practice...especially in something like sports.  We also teach our kids that committment is vitally important, especially to something like a team sport!  Yes, getting up early to go to swim practice during the summer is hard, but it is part of the "discipline" required in order to perform well on an athletic level.  When I signed Cameron up for swim team, my only goal for him at the time was to become a stronger swimmer-develop more stamina (at the time, he could not swim an entire length of the pool without stopping!).  With lots of hard work and practice, he is swimming wonderfully and is learning how to swim correctly and on a competitive level.  As of now, he is undefeated in the 9-10 year old boys Backstroke bracket!  While he has great Freestyle form, he lacks the speed to compete in that event on an individual basis-but as a Freestyle relay team they are 1st or 2nd placers every time!  Cameron REALLY doesn't like the Butterfly, but he is good enough in that to swim comptetively and he has placed 2 out of the 3 times he has swam it!  All of our children know that to be good at something requires hard work and discipline.  That counts for work, sports, hobbies or crafts, or even friendships and relationships!

5. (education) activity or subject: a subject or field of activity, e.g. an academic subject.

Education takes "discipline".  Some subjects require more discipline than others, depending on the skills or gifts one has.  I am NOT mathematically inclined....at.....all!  My husband and several of my children can do math in their heads.  NOT ME!  Math is something I have to work HARD at!  On the other hand, writing, reading, and spelling come to me almost effortlessly, while my husband and some of my children struggle with those things daily!  I know that if I want my son, Cameron, to be better at math, then we work on math year round.  If I want my children to be good readers then they must read on a daily basis.  We found out this year that working year round in math with Cameron made all the difference in the world!  Unfortunately, he is surrounded by other kids who "take a break" from education during the summer months (which make work beautifully for them and their families) so creating in him the discipline to keep working is pretty hard for him.  He is rewarded by this extra effort with higher scores on his testing that we do each year.  Now I'm not saying we stick his nose in the mathbook all summer, but we do try to incorporate some math activities weekly if not daily, in the form of worksheets and games and daily life skills year round.

6. punishment: punishment designed to teach somebody obedience.
 
Discipline can also mean punishment designed to teach obedience.    This is pretty much self explanitory.  I do want to mention that in our family we talk more about discipline than punishment.  We don't have any problems "disciplining" our children when they misbehave!  Most of this takes place while our children are younger.  Waiting until your children are teenagers and hit that rebellious stage is almost a guarranteed recipe for disaster!  Correcting unacceptable behaviors and disciplining our children when they are younger means that they grow up knowing what is acceptable and expected.....and what is not.  For our family, this has meant an easier time (definitely not perfect or conflict free) dealing with the children as they got older.  So consequently when my almost 20 year old son runs across a "youtube" video of a teenager throwing a temper tantrum over a video game, he sends me the link and wants to know where the parents are in all of this and how is that boy allowed to "get away" with that, and doesn't he know how "childish" that makes him!  The avenues of good productive discussion are openen much easier by instilling in our children good discipline!  I should also mention that as each child is different and learns and responds differently, so too should the discipline be tailored to each child.  If our oldest (and only daughter) got into trouble, all it took was an upraised eyebrow or being sent to her room to bring her to tears and quickly bring about the accepted behavior.  My oldest son on the other hand has to learn things the hard way.  You've maybe heard that some people have to hit rock bottom before they can go up? Well that would be our oldest.  You could take away everything but the skin on his body, and ground him till the Lord returns, but it wouldn't make a dent.  Sit the same child down and show him something written down or have a good discussion with him and he would be tearful and contrite shortly thereafter.  Our third child is a child of worldly things and desires physical affirmation. He will debate the issue till the cows come home and yelling at him is like yelling at a stone wall.  Take away the car, cellphone, weekend activities, friends over and he is instantly correcting his behavior.  Our two youngest are really learning discipline from their older siblings and seeing what's expected of them.  Our fourth child is leaning towards behaving like our oldest, while our 5th child is leaning towards our 2nd and 3rd child in behavior.   So you can see, the "discipline" that works for our oldest will definitely be different that what works for our youngest!

7. (christianity) church rules: the system of rules used in a religious denomination or order.

Now THIS one was a surprise to me....not because I didn't already know it, but because I find it a rare occasion for the secular world to acknowledge a definition that pertains to "religion"!  Over the last 4 years or so, I have been intrigued by religious "orders" and the "disciplines" they use to promote orderliness, brotherhood and growth.  The Benedictine Rule has been intertwinning itself with my life for all of these 4 years.  One of my favorite books and models for my home is called "A Mother's Rule of Life" and it promotes following a RULE within your own home.  St. Benedict wrote a book of "precepts" or rules for monks living communally (think family) under the authority of an abbot (think parent).  During the 1500 years of its existence, it has become the leading guide in Western Christianity for monastic living in community for many Catholic Orders, and in Orthodoxy  (since the Great Schism) and in the Anglican Church (since the time of the Reformation).  The spirit of St. Benedict's Rule is summed up in the motto "Peace, Prayer and Work".  I find that motto a perfect model for my family to follow!  St. Benedict's Rule was written as a guide for individual, autonomous communities (think families!). This rule is quite lengthy but covers most everything including service in the kitchen by ALL monks in turn, how to treat fellow brothers; care of the sick, old and young.  If you have never heard of or read about the Benedictine Rule (which also prescribes reading aloud during meals.....as opposed to watching tv as most families do today), then I humbly implore you to search it out!


These are only definitions of the word "discipline" as a noun, but I am willing to bet you get the point without me having to go any further! So without further ado, I'll step off my soapbox on the subject of having and administering "discipline".  And please note that if you ever happen to meet my children when I am not around and they are exhibiting unacceptable behavior, I hope you will take it upon yourself to give them the "discipline" they need in order to grow and learn how to live their Christian values!