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Elijah looked right at me this morning and said, "Mama" and then he smiled and laid his head on me!!!! I've waited for a year (wink! he just turned 1) to hear him say Mama and now my heart is over-flowing with happiness!!
The last time I saw my Father it was the day before he passed away and it was the first time I had seen him in almost 20 years. I saw him in a hospital room with about 6 other family members, it was a surreal time. When everyone left the room and it was just me and him I reached out and held his hand. His hands were just as I remembered, they were strong, hard working. He was a true 'blue-collar' man. I always respected him for his hard working ways. Every negative and confused feeling I had quickly vanished. My heart was filled with compassion, love and forgiveness. All the questions I was going to ask him vanished.
As we tried to visit, he could barely say two wds without gasping for air and I could tell that his attention span was almost gone, I told him that I think about him everyday. He looked at me with a look of, yeah right. And so I said I really do Dad. Everyday I sing a song you sung to me when I was a little girl to one of my children. I hold it dear to my heart just like I hold you dear to my heart. His eyes filled with tears and he looked away. I laid my head on his shoulder, held his hand and sang the song he use to sing to me. I knew then that I would never see him again on this earth * but I pray deeply and believe with my whole heart that I will see him again in Heaven.
You have to know that my Dad was a man's man - if that makes any sense. He was 6'2 and probably 250-300lbs. He worked hard his whole life. He fought for me through a nasty divorce and he was awarded custody of me at 2 years old. So here was this big guy, raising a little girl by himself. And until he remarried, when I was 8, I vividly remember him singing this song to me.
He used the word Papa where I use the word Mama. And since I have 1 girl and 4 boys I do change that when singing to my boys. When I sang it to him I used the word Papa.
The song goes like this:
I once had a doll that was all dressed in white. I called her my baby and I held her tight. Her eyes were so blue and her cheeks were so red. And I loved it most of all each time that she said, Papa....Hmmmm, Papa......Hmmmmm. One little word she knew. Papa.....Hmmm, Papa.....Hmmm. To me it meant, I Love You. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this song is familiar to you please don't tell me for in my heart it is a song that only my daddy sang to me. Thank You.
Blessings, EMichelle |
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