Jul. 1, 2008 - 'warning controversial blog on motherhood

I am sure many of my friends will be upset about this blog.  I am not to worried about it though.  I am going to just say what has been on my heart lately.  Which may sound feministic but I don't care.lol  I am not a huge feminist either so this is weird.

I have been very very upset with my husband lately, and I am realizing I am the one who pathed alot of my own undoing.  He is doing alot now to turn this around.  ALOT!  Now he is home but I need to say something about it.  Not about my husband but about what happened.  I was BRAINWASHED by alot of crazy talk by alot of friends and people online, about submission.  To the point I was ruining myself my marriage and my own happiness trying to do EVERYTHING.  And I am an IDIOT for letting it happen.

It started when I got pregnant with Clay, I was pregnant unmarried and told my DH, I said I am pregnant but if you don't want to stick around that is OK, I can do this.  OK WAIT!  HOLD UP!  Society taught me this, a girl gets pregnant it is her fault and she should not trap the man.  PTL my husband is a stand up man who said oh no, I am staying right here and helping.  Next we had the baby, he was not holding him much, why well 1 I hogged him and 2, he was scared.  Well so was I, who is not nervous about holding a newborn, there first newborn but instead of saying get over it, I held the baby, and thought it was cute.  Next my DH didn't want to change diapers.  WHO wants to change diapers?  Instead of saying to bad, I changed EVERY diaper, because he was a man, and it was how it was supposed to be.  My DH didn't change hardly any diapers the first 3 kids we had.  Because I just did it, he didn't have to.  now if I was in a situation where I could get out of diaper changing especially the poopy ones I probably would to.  But I just thought it was cute.  It isn't cute.  Scott now changed diapers. 

Next he didn't cook or do laundry because he worked and how dare he not come home to a spotless house, clean clothes, and a hot meal.  Never mind the fact I was working all day also.  I did this to pay for the fact I was a SAHM.  Being a SAHM did not mean I was a slave, it met I was staying home to take care of the babies, but I spent majority of my time cleaning the house and cooking.  I was an idiot like I said.  I now know better.lol

And lastly I did all of this, to myself.  When Scott started staying home with me I was FURIOUS at him for not helping out around the house, but being this little submissive doormat and doing it all, but mad underneath it all.  And it was silly.  I did it. I am the one who decided I could do it all on my own, because doing it all meant I was a good wife.  That is WRONG!  Being a good wife means asking for him, and not losing pride for asking.  and admitting you can't do it all.  Being a help-meet to your husband doesn't mean being his slave but helping him and also helping by not allowing him to miss out on the important aspects of fatherhood and being a husband. 

Yes when your husband works you are going to have to do much more around the house,but on the weekends, why should you cater and let him lay around?  I did and now he is home I realize all he missed out on.  Being a father doesn't mean only getting to do the fun stuff.  Fatherhood, involves dirty dishes, dirty clothes, diapers, reading and teaching children, and cleaning the mess.  We mothers also have a very long work week.  I know so many mothers who are EXHAUSTED on Monday from doing this.  NOWHERE in the Bible does it say be a slave to your husband and do everything he says.  This is the words of people outside of the bible.  Before you go preaching maybe some of these women should do an intense bible study on the Women of the Bible.  Mary did not go to Joseph and ask his permission.lol  She told him what was up and then an Angel came and reassured him.  Abigail didn't just sit and await her fate for her husbands stupidity she went to King David and said my husband is a fool and asked forgiveness from him, with out her husbands permission, infact against her husbands wishes.  God didn't make us blind idiots, he made us with Brains for a reason.  And many many many times Women are treated wonderfully in the Bible. Yet so many people try to say we should be silently slaves who just obey and if we aren't we are not following the bible.  Now I think a husband is the head of the family, I think a woman should stay home with their kids.  But we also have a voice and we need to use it and not allow this attitude to turn us into bitter women, and make our husbands LOSE out on so many important things in our lives. 

So you don't have to do every dish, every load of laundry, change every diaper, feed every baby, etc to be a good wife.  That is just ridiculous.  You just have to be you.  And saying something, asking for help counting on your husband is not going to make you a bad mother or wife either.  Infact it will do the opposite.  I am learning the more I trust in my husband the more I ask for his help and lean on him.  The more I say NO I can't do it all you are going to have to help the better Mother and Wife I am becoming and the better Father and husband my husband is becoming also.  

But at the same time you must allow things to go the way he is going to do them, the laundry will not get folded the way you want it, the kids may not do what you had planned for school.  But this is a GOOD thing!  Your way is not the only way, or even the right way.  Your husband is going to do it his way.  And who cares, help is help!

And trust me I have a husband who is not a pushover OK honey whatever you say husband.  He was a sergeant combat medic for the Calvary, he has absolute no problem saying exactly what he feels on any  subject.  

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Jul. 2, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Dizzy

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