Sorry it has been so long since I updated my life.  I have a new job working as a caregiver at an assisted living facility, working with the elderly.  It is ok, and I mostly work 12 hour night shifts from 6pm until 6am.  My husband and I are still legally separated, and I am still only able to see my youngest three children on Sunday for 2 hours. My first ex-husband is refusing to let me see my oldest 4, minus the oldest son.  He is now living with me, and is a bright spot in my life amidst all this pain.  I miss my children terribly, as well as my husband. We are supposed to go into mediation soon, and I still do not have a lawyer.  He is asking for full custody, and I just don't know what I am going to do.  I need to have at least $2,000.00 to even retain a lawyer here, and my family won't lift a finger to help me.  I tried to get a loan at the bank, but because i was a stay at home mother with nothing in my name, i do not qualify for a personal loan.  I am out of options and really discouraged.  I dread the thought of going into court without someone to represent me.  Please pray for this situation.  I want my children with me so desperately, and I know they want to be with me too. 

My friend, Jenny has been on me to update my blog.  So, here I am to let everyone know the latest.  I found a job at the Dawn Of Hope working/teaching mentally handicapped adults.  It pays pretty good, and is something I really want to do.  I work M-F 8am-4pm.  AND next weekend I will be moving into a really nice 3 bedroom house.  I am so excited and thankful.  You see, my friend Jenny and her husband bought this house for me to rent from them.  They want me to have a NICE place to live with my children.  It's just amazing to me that my friends are more loyal to me than my own family has been. I am just so grateful...yet another thing the Lord has provided for me.  I am doing OK.  It's nice that I can keep busy everyday.  Nighttime is still the hardest for me.  I just miss my husband so much.  I am still praying for a miracle in our marriage.  It's so hard not to know the future. 

Thank you to alll of you who have left such sweet and encouraging comments.  Please continue to pray for our family.  

Things are still the same.  My life is falling apart and I don't know if it will ever be the same again.  I lost custody of my first 4 children because my ex-husband's father knew the judge.  And now, my husband is wanting sole custody of our three youngest children.  They keep asking me when I will be coming home.  I think they feel like I have "left" them, when really I was forced out of my house.  My husband has custody of our children right now.  I have no access to our money, and he changed all the locks on our house so I cannot even get in.  I heard from others that he had been planning this for awhile.  He never said a word to me that he felt anything was wrong.  I never saw it coming.  What really hurts more than anything is that my entire family knew what was coming and never said a word to me. 

Everything I love has been ripped away from me.  In spite of all this, I still love my husband very much.  I miss my children so much that my heart just hurts all the time.  I feel so alone...I cannot confide in anyone in my family for fear they will tell anything I say.  I have one friend that has stuck by me, and is praying for me everyday.  My life and my children's lives have been thrown to the lions because my husband is not willing to work on our problems.  I would love for us to go to some marriage counseling, but he says I am the one who has all the problems.  I was a stay at home homeschooling mother...my children are now in public school and daycare...I feel like such a failure.  AND I am sceduled for a tubal ligation on May 12th.  I don't think I can go through with it.  I originally hoped that compromising in that way would get him back, but he isn't willing to try at all.  I still would love to have another child.  No, I am not going to have it done.  Sorry I am rambling.  I feel very sad today.  Nighttime is the worst.  I miss him holding me at night.  I still sleep with one of his shirts wrapped around me. 

I'm sorry it has been so long since I have written anything.  I have seriously just not had a chance to be online very much.  I am now using the computer at my friend Jenny's house.  I wanted to give an update on my situation...so many of you have sent the sweetest comments to me, and your prayers for our family are so much appreciated!

I am living with my mother right now. She has graciously provided me with room and board...and I am so thankful.  My husband has temporary custody of our children.  It has been really rough and I miss them so much.  I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that this is happening to me.  I thought we would be married forever.  I am doing ok though.  I still see my husband several times a week.  And I was able to see my children on Saturday and Sunday this past weekend.  I miss being involved in their everyday life.  I think what hurts the most is that we are no longer homeschooling.  My son, David is in kindergarten at the local school near us, and my 4 and 2 year olds have been enrolled in a christian daycare. (this just breaks my heart...anyone who knows me, knows that I am the most anti-daycare person on the planet!!!)  It breaks my heart to think of someone else raising my children for me during the day. I miss them more than I ever felt possible. I have had 2 interviews with a home health company that works with mentally handicapped people.  Please pray that this job works out.  It would mean alot more money, benefits, and a job I can do well that will make a difference in someone else's life.  AND the hours are from 7:30am til 3:30pm...just perfect for being able to spend the afternoons with my children.  So, I am trying to get my life back together.  And I am still praying that the Lord works a miracle in our marriage.  I love my husband so much and cannot even fathom life without him.  I don't think I have ever prayed so much in my entire life.  Amazingly,  He has given me a sense of peace about this whole situation, and I know that He will work it out according to HIS plan for my life.  It may not go the way I want it to, but I know that He has my best interest at heart, and all I can do is trust.  And that is sooo hard for me...not knowing what is going to happen next.  I appreciate all of my online friends who have supported me through this.  Please continue to pray for our family.   

1. Bible Study: Currently reading in Ephesians, and really just making time is what i need to do!

2. Zone: De-clutter and clean out broken/un-used toys. Also move all toys to bedroom area.

3. Train Them Up: Working on being a servant to each other without expecting anything in return...ex-"I want to catch them doing something good for someone else."

4. Homeschool: We really need to get caught up this week on Math and Language Arts. I had a migraine four days last week.Technically, though, we're never really behind though are we?

Monday - Sandwiches, pretzels, chocolate milk...thought we would have a REAL gourmet night!

Tuesday - Catalina Chicken/Pineapple, Brown Rice, Steamed Broccoli, Crescent Rolls

Wednesday - Crockpot Chili, Corn Muffins

Thursday - Shrimp, asparagus, and Penne pasta with asiago cheese sauce, crescent rolls, fruit salad

Friday - Eat Out!

Saturday  - Sausage, sausage gravy, biscuits, fried apples(a true southern delicacy!)

I have a few minutes, so I thought I would give an update.  I woke up Sunday morning not feeling well, and I had almost talked myself out of going to church, but something inside just kept telling me to get ready.  I got my children ready and we went.  I am so glad that i did.  I felt like i had the entire world on my shoulders, and sat almost numb during the service.  Something the Pastor said just spoke directly to me...He described someone, who may be in our congregation right now.  This person was saved many years ago, but has always felt that God was far away.  This person has screwed up so many times they may feel they are unworthy of being loved by anyone, especially God.  It was like he was describing me EXACTLY!  And then he said something that profoundly spoke to my heart..."WE CANNOT UNDO WHAT JESUS DID FOR US ON THE CROSS! No matter how many times we mess up or fail, there is nothing that can separate us from His love!"  I prayed right then and thanked Him for loving me in spite of all my failures.  And while I am still struggling with some issues, I truly do feel much better...I so appreciate all the kind words and prayers sent up on my behalf.

I thought the perfect theme for this week's Wordless Wednesday and Valentine's Day would be pictures from our wedding on July 10, 2004.  We had a very small wedding with only family and close friends.  It was just beautiful...and truly was one of the happiest days of my life.

I am sure most of you have seen this already, but it really deserves a re-print.  This is the "famous" ebay auction written by a mother of six children.  I had read it before, but just really needed a laugh today...please take the time to read it...I found myself laughing out loud when I re-read it again. 

 
I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.

You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.

“The Lecture“ goes like this…
MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”
KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“
MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”
KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“
MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”

OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.

Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one. My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.

At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!

“Oh my, you have your hands full.”

“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.

We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”

I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”

“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”

With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.

A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”

Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.

“Can we get donuts?”
“No.”
“Can we get cupcakes?”
“No.”
“Can we get muffins?”
“No.”
“Can we get pie?”
“No.”

You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.

In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.

In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”
I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”

(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)

Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.

Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.

As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?

The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.

Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.

As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”

Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”

So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say "Energy". I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids' sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don't think there's anything special about any of these cards, but I'm very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I'm not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.

Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)

The van I have now is a white Dodge Caravan.  It has given us so much trouble since we bought it.  I would really love to get a Honda Odyssey.  Honda's are known for their reliability and lifespan.  That's so important to me when I am out on the road with our family.  I checked out a Honda at Car Prices, and was very happy to see that they will give me a free quote on a new or used Mini-Van or any other car I choose.  The one I would really like is the Honda Odyssey...I think a blue one like the one pictured would be nice. 

"this sponsored post is helping to buy books for our homeschool"

I have had several inquiries about my visit to the neurologist.  I saw him a week ago and have to say I was really impressed with him.  He spent about 40 minutes talking to me and my husband and doing all kinds of exercises with me.  He said it would take awhile to weed out all of the symptoms I am having.  I have to go for a sleep study, because we are quite sure that I have sleep apnea, which can cause alot of problems on it's own. I also have to have a couple of other tests done...and I have no idea what they are.  After those tests are done, I will see him again, and then he will be doing a spinal tap to check for other conditions.  He said that he has an idea of what is going on, but has to rule out as much as he can to be sure.  He says that he thinks that I have a disease similar to Lupus...and I can't remember what he said it was exactly.  That's about all I can remember.  I appreciate so much all of you ladies who have told me that you are praying for me...Thank you so much.  I will keep you posted as I find out more.

The last week here in Tennessee has been so cold!  I am usually not one to get very cold as I am constantly moving all day chasing children.  But lately, I have been getting quite chilled.  We live in an older house and it wasn't insulated well when it was built.  We have a heat pump, but when the weather gets down below freezing, it just can't keep up.  I'd really love to have a Gas Tower Space Heater for our living room, because that is the room most used by our family. 

The exact one I want (above) is called a 'Comfort Glow' Vent-free Infrared Gas Tower space Heater. I like this one because it is safe and doesn't require any matches as it has an automatic electronic ignition.  AND it is made for smaller spaces.  While we do have a large family, our house is rather small, and the size of this heater is perfect as it can be installed into a corner, or even a smaller space.

"this sponsored post is helping to buy books for our homeschool"

I found this picture and the look on her face reflects the way I am feeling tonight.  I am venting here because I have absolutely no one else I can talk to, so i will talk here to my online friends.  I am sad and have been crying...my husband went out with some friends and left me here alone.  That in itself is not wrong, however, this is the 4th time this week he has gone "out."  He meets his guy friends and they go to this really awful bar in town and sit around and drink all night.  He usually doesn't get home until 2 or 3am.  I literally begged him to stay and spend the evening with me.  He still left. My feelings are hurt and I am so sad.  I am starting to wonder what is wrong with me.  I try so hard to do everything I can to please him.  I wonder sometimes if he even loves me anymore.  I realise that there is nothing I can do on my own to change him. I feel like I am losing him. And I do love him so much.  Ladies, please pray for us. 

This past fall we had a homeschool kick-off picnic with our "Keepers Of The Faith" homeschool group.  We had it at the appropriately named "Jail Park," because it is a really nice park next to a jail.  I know, what were the city planning people thinking???

David (5) and Madeline (11) sitting together.

Daniel (4) on the monkey bars.

David (5) on the monkey bars.

My beautiful Madeline.  She is such a little Mommy, and is one of my best helpers with the little ones.

My beautiful Zoe (12) helping Rose (2) on the slide.  Zoe is such a sweetie, and loves to help me in the kitchen.