Sorry it has been so long since I updated my life.  I have a new job working as a caregiver at an assisted living facility, working with the elderly.  It is ok, and I mostly work 12 hour night shifts from 6pm until 6am.  My husband and I are still legally separated, and I am still only able to see my youngest three children on Sunday for 2 hours. My first ex-husband is refusing to let me see my oldest 4, minus the oldest son.  He is now living with me, and is a bright spot in my life amidst all this pain.  I miss my children terribly, as well as my husband. We are supposed to go into mediation soon, and I still do not have a lawyer.  He is asking for full custody, and I just don't know what I am going to do.  I need to have at least $2,000.00 to even retain a lawyer here, and my family won't lift a finger to help me.  I tried to get a loan at the bank, but because i was a stay at home mother with nothing in my name, i do not qualify for a personal loan.  I am out of options and really discouraged.  I dread the thought of going into court without someone to represent me.  Please pray for this situation.  I want my children with me so desperately, and I know they want to be with me too.