leafed in Ponderings

After looking over my blog, I was sad to realize I haven't really posted in awhile. Sure I participate in all of the things I sign up for (as much as a busy life will let me do). But I haven't really spoken from my heart in awhile.

I must admit, I have been struggleing for some time. In a way this last year has been really hard on me. We changed churches, went back to homeschooling all five of our children not just a couple, and moved into a new house that is in need of much repair. In all of this I have fallen away from making God first place in my life.

Now there are many things I could use as excuses, but it has still happened and I need to change it. I am very much a social person, I love people and being around people. During this past year my world has become very small. It consists of my children, school, a very busy husband and a house in a state of bad disrepair! This is causing me to pull into myself and not reach out. I have gone from happy and content to upset and mean. Blaming God and wondering why this is all happeining to me. Not happy with much in my life.

I had come to this conclusion and realized the need to reach out to a few more grounded ladies that I know. With love and understanding, they guided me to see that God wasn't hiding from me, I was pulling away and hiding from him. With a heart full of sadness I sat with my hubby and told him where I was spirtually. I don't want to be here, but I know there are time in all of our lives we find ourselves here. So I have been pouring my self into The Book of Philipians and Romans and bringing myself back to where I had overflowing JOY! I want the joy back and bubbling out of me so that I can show others the joy of the Lord in me.

I want to thank all of my friends that have helped me and loved me and prayed for me. I wasn't as alone as I had told myself I was.