Well, I have been praying about this for awhile, and I feel (I think) that the Lord is directing me to Homeschool my children again next year.  Oh dear!  Did I really just say that??????  Homeschooling in the past has NOT worked too well for us.  The curriculum we used was difficult (for me), I was not disciplined enough to make it work.  There was no structure to our Homeschool, I was not strict enough, the kids didn't want to put any effort into their schooling.......  Excuses, I know!  Not good excuses, but excuses,  none the less! 

We enrolled the children in the Christian School this year, and I thought that is where they would stay, but I think the Lord is trying to tell me differently.  I think I needed this year off to rethink some things.  Time to realize what is really important for my family (and for me).  

I have fallen away from all the things that are important (or should be important).  My walk with the Lord.  Being the wife and mother that I should be.  Looking after my family and my home. 

When I went through a serious illness about 8 years ago, my whole life changed.  I had been ill for 6 years, and in those six years, I was not able to do much of anything.  Taking care of my children was very difficult, and my home suffered as well.  Physically, I did not have the strength to take care of my children, or do my housework.  It was very difficult to do even the simplest tasks.  My husband helped when he could, but he did have a job to go to.  Emotionally, I was a wreck.  My husband was there for me ( of course), but besides him, I was all alone with three little children (ages 5, 4, and 2). 

Because of this illness, I am the person I am today.  My illness (Ulcerative Colitis) is gone now, due to having major surgery, but it has left me a very negative person.  I don't put out a lot of effort into anything (sad to say).  If my housework gets done ~ great!  If it doesn't ~ oh well!  The same attitude spilled over into our Homeschool, as well as other areas in my life (being a good wife, reading my Bible, my Prayer Life, my walk with the Lord).  Now I know that this is NOT a good place to be.  I am slowly trying to climb out of the pit I find myself in, but it sure is a hard struggle!  I hate (and I know that is a strong word, but it is true) the way I feel.  I hate feeling dead inside.  All I ever wanted was to grow up, get married, and have my own family.  Well, I have that, and sometimes all I want to do is run the other direction!

I want to have joy in my life!  I want my Husband and children to be the most important (next only to the Lord) things in my life!  I want my Home to be a haven of rest for my Husband when he comes home from 12 hours of work.  I want it to be a place that he looks forward to coming too, not dreading it instead!  I want to be a good mother to my children.  I want to be an important part of their lives.

I have been praying that the Lord would begin a work in my heart.  Change me to become the woman I desire to be ~ the woman I KNOW I can be with the His help!  I am tired of doing this half-heartedly.  I want to give everything 100%.  Just like the verse in 1 Corinthians 10:31 ~  Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

So, if the Lord is leading me to Homeschool my children again in the Fall, then that is what I am going to do, and I am going to pour my heart and soul into it, and do the best that I can do with God's help.

* Sorry if this is long, but I guess I wrote all of this down so that I have something to come back to and remind myself over and over again of the how the Lord is leading in my life!  Thank you for listening to my ramblings (if indeed you have read this far!)