I have thought for several years now, about writing a book on what it's like when our homeschooled children grow up.  I wish now I'd started back when the first one turned 12 or 13!  I was shocked.  No one tells you what it will be like.  I mean, people say, "Teenagers!" like they are something to be feared or dreaded.  It wasn't behavior and attitudes that got my attention first.  It was growth!

My, oh, my, how fast they grow during adolescence!!  No one told me.  Why is that?  Why are there volumes of books on babyhood, toddler training, child discipline, etc., but no one writes about what it's like when your baby turns into a man or a woman? 

Our firstborn was a boy.  When he hit puberty, he changed practically overnight.  There was no gradual growth process.  Just a quick succession of blue jeans and shoes of ever-increasing size!  I never noticed his voice cracking.  It just changed.

And then, the dilemmas began.  Is a "child" of 12 or 13 too old to physically discipline?  Yes, they are supposed to be trained and we are never to have another problem with them as they grow into gracious adults.  But, alas!  That does not happen.  They still bow up.  They still get in moods.  They still have a sin nature which rears its ugly head as occasional rebellion, slothfulness, sloppiness, or disrespect. 

I feel that I had it easy.  Both of my two oldest were never in-your-face rebels.  I guess that's why I never found a book about what it would be like.  All the books on adolescence are about what to do when you fail to train and you end up with a monster on your hands. But, if you train children properly, and they are generally respectful, obedient, and responsible, then they really become young adults, not "teenagers".  But it is still a shock.

Besides watching this incredible physical change take place so amazingly fast, I struggled with my own emotions.  And I still do.  When your "baby" is 22 years old, you can hardly tell him what to do or how to think.  But you still love him.  In fact, you love him more than you ever knew possible.  More than anyone ever warned you it was possible to love someone.  As a homeschool graduate, this "child" spent his entire life with me, almost 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for 18 years!  Yes, I worked to encourage maturity.  I wanted my son to grow into a man and be capable, wise, prepared for life.  But the more I invested in his life, the more precious he became to me.

I have had older folks at church tell me (now!) that parenting adult children is the most challenging of all.  When they are in diapers and we decide what they will eat, or swat their little hands for touching a no-no, we think that is the most taxing, exasperating time.  But we do not know what is coming.  Someone should have warned us.

Fortunately for my younger children, I had their older siblings with which to gain some experience.  I will learn from my mistakes, and the younger ones will benefit from that.  My poor older two!  They have had to suffer from an inexperienced mom all these years.  But I have been a good learner.  I have studied many wonderful books on the subject of Christian family life, and of course, the Word of God has been my guide.  But nothing prepared me for my thoughts and feelings.  For knowing when to dispense advice and how to do it respectfully.  For being hurt or discouraged by the children for whom I invested my all.  Don't get me wrong.  They have not intentionally hurt me.  It is a byproduct of this immense love I have for them. 

I do not want to smother them.  I have to let them become who God has planned for them to become.  They must develop their own relationship with the Lord.  They must determine their own standards of conduct.  They must find their own purpose in life.  But my heart!  These are my babies!  I watch them launch into adulthood with fear and trembling.  I *know* what the world can be like.  I want the Lord's blessings on their life.  I want them to be happy.  I want them to succeed in the plan God has for them.

Somebody should write a book.  Maybe I will.  Young mothers, be warned.  There is no love like the love of a mother.  And we homeschool moms have the opportunity to experience twenty times the love by virtue of our constant togetherness with our children.  I praise God for the opportunity to have known such love.  It helps me understand better the great sacrifice the Father made for me in the giving of His Son. How much He loved! And to think that His great love for me far surpasses what I feel for my own.  Unfathomable.