Jul. 1, 2009 - Teaching Our Children to Communicate

  The bible has the most amazing instruction regarding communication. It helps us to understand how to communicate so that we can glorify the Lord. Let's use it to teach our children to communicate. Provide an empty writing in journal. You can have your children use the following scriptures as:  copy work, add personal reflections, memorization, shared practice speech with the family at meal time or family time,etc. You can also set goals for completion with a chart that you create with them. Here are some scriptures to focus on:

1. Speak in a guarded fashion. "Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth". Psalm 141:3

Count to ten before you speak; record what you say and review it, particularly those words that brought conflict. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you stop from saying something you should not.

2. Use limited or thoughtful speech. "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19

It is easy to say too much, and like a tube of toothpaste that has squirted out the toothpaste, it is impossible to take it back. You might say something you regret. You might also start talking about something and then shift to gossip or inappropriate topics.

3. Communicate unselfishly. "Do  not merely look out  for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Phil 2:4.

Do not talk about yourself all the time. Speak about subjects that relate to and will interest your listener. Also, give others a chance to share their stories and hear felt desires. Sharing our conversation is like sharing a toy. I use to have the children hold the salt shaker at the table to practice this. Each time they took a time to share then they had to pass it to another person. The only person allowed to talk was the one holding the item. You could have a special item on the table to do this.

4. Speak pleasant words. "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones Proverbs." 16:24

Make this a family focus to talk about pleasant comments at home each dat. Then practice outside your home by encouraging other home-school families and your organizational leadership. You can also practice this by having the children write a kind encouragement, exhortation, about each of their siblings. Then have each of the children give the written exhorations to their brothers and sisters. Discuss with them about how those exhortations made them feel. Did it make them feel like the exhortations were like a honeycomb to their soul?

5. Use edifying words. "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification".Eph. 4:29

Avoid words that tear down and crush the listener. Instead, build up and encourage people today. Your words will bring strength.

6. Speak humbly. "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth". Proverbs 27:2

 Do not brag on your own accomplishments. Rejoice with someone who is rejoicing instead.

7. Speak appropriately. "We urge you, bretheren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men." l Thess. 5:14

There are three groups of people in this that require a different type of communication.

Also, discuss boundaries. There are different speach for different relationships. Looking at Jesus, he shared some things only with those closest to him (example: transfiguration), and he shared things less intimate with those who were not so close to him (his last meal and what he communicated with the twelve disciples), and he shared even less intimate with those who were at a further distance (the parables with anyone who wanted to sit in his presence). He didn't spend any time talking with those who were mocking, arrogant, and self righteous (the pharasees), only speaking enough for his listerners to learn from the Pharsees verbal tricks. Jesus handled different groups of people differently according to his relationship boundaries.

Use "solution" words. Instead of being critical of those who are leading and trying to learn a new responsiblility within  so that you are "patient" with all men. How can that apply to your brothers and sisters? How does that apply to friends and family?

8. Use "fruit of the Spirit" words. "But the fruit fo the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control." Gal. 5:22

Have the children come up with words that would represent or demonstrate each of these fruits.

9. Give soft soft answers. "A gentle answer turns away wrath." Proverbs 15:1

Often you will be able to turn away pride or wrath that could create a conflict. Such words demonstrate a humble heart that fears the Lord.

10. Hear a matter before you answer it. "He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him". Proverbs 18:13

Listen to what the speaker means, not just what he says. Listen and wait until you hear the facts before you answer.  Don't jump to conclusions. You can reply, "so I hear you saying...(repeat back what you heard)." or "are you saying...(repeat back what you heard).

11. Speak timely words. "A man has joy in an apt answer, and how delightful is a timely word". Prov. 15:23

Ask God to give you discernment about when to speak in private and when it is necessary to speak in public at a hameschool meeting. Inappropriate timing has often been the source of a wounded spirit.

12. Speak the truth. "Speaking the turth in love." Eph. 4:15

Do not exaggerate or give false information. Make sure that your truthful words are also said in love and in the spirit of

13.  Speak with grace.  "Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted."Gal. 6:1

Don't say, "I told you so..". Don't be haughty in your speech if you see a brother or sister fall into sin. Don't ever say, "I would never do that". You will be sure to undergo some testing in the future with those words with a just God. Stay humble by speaking with grace and love in dealing with a brother or sister that has sinned.

14. Speak gratefully. "In everything give thanks".l Thess. 5:18

How often do you tell others, brother and sisters, how you appreciate kind words or helping hands?

 Perhaps, you could have the children come up with way that they can show and tell God that they appreciate what he has done for them. How can they give thanks through their speech or actions.

15. Study how to answer. "The heart of a righterous ponders how to answer" Proverbs 15:28

Know what is fitting. Know scriptures that fit various situations. There is so much that can be gleaned in Proverbs about an apt reply or a man that restrains his tongue as being wise. Have the children find a couple of scriptures that helps them learn how to answer the mocker or the "fool" (should you answer a fool?).

Listening tips: eye contact, affirm you understand, avoid listening in a critical spirit, watch facial and body responses for nonverbal clues, make comment or ask questions to clarify, listen for underlying plea for help, listen for helpful ideas and worthy suggestions, listen for action that is required for the Bible alwys links together listening and hearing with doing, Learn to discern truth from error: know what God's Word says so you can examine the teaching of any speaker.

Commitment: "let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my stength, and my redeemer" Psalm 19:4
(have your children decide to make it their ambition to practice this, making it a commitment to speak in a way that is pleasing to God. My husband is excellent at this as he took the prophet's commitment to heart,not wanting a word to drop to the floor.

* The credit of this article goes to Dennis and Sharon Grimes who shared this in Teaching Home magazine. I changed it around a bit from adult to child to use for homeschooling. I added additional things that I felt would help. I wanted to share this with other moms to help teach our children the truths of God's words, making them stronger arrows for the Lord's hands.

God bless you all,
Missy

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