Jul. 5, 2009 - Tying Heartstrings with Your Children
I am recently learning a lot about love languages. My husband and I went to A Weekend to Remember together, which I highly recommend for every married couple. I was really surprised to find out the root causes for some of our relationship struggles. We took a love language test. My husband had, for more than fifteen years focused on loving me through Acts of Service. Guess where that was on my list? Last, bottom of the list. So, I guess that is why I never felt my love tank filled by him. I had tried to meet my husband's needs by spending quality time with him. Guess where that was on his list? Very near bottom of his list. So, he didn't feel his love tank filled. We were two trains passing in the night. Once we identified what we were doing wrong, it was like an answer to prayer. My husband could see that my number one love language was words of affirmation. He admitted to almost never doing this because he said it was hard for him to verbalize. I realized that my husband's needs were physical touch. That was something I hated to do because of my past childhood. So, we found out we were meeting each others needs so our love tanks were always empty. This workshop really opened our eyes. It was like one of us speaking Greek and the other Italian. We just were not understanding one another. Since then, we are working to improve meeting each other needs. This lesson has also taught us about how to meet our children's needs.
Discuss, with your husband, what he observes with the children. What do your children like to do in their spare time? What do they ask to do with you? Watch them interact. What do they do with one another? The five love languages are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. However, my husband and I, noticed that we could go bike riding for an afternoon with our oldest son Sam, but he would be left feeling emotionally empty, even though his love language was quality time. He would tell us that he didn't spend time with him. However, when we spent time building models, walking together, working on projects, his love tank did get filled. So, it seemed that his love language alone was not just spending time, but spending time with his learning style being kinesthetic (doing something with his hands).
I am wondering if there is a connection between love languages and learning styles. I noticed when we made the I love you jar, the children put in the items that pertain to their love language. In doing this activity, watch what they write down as their favorite things to do. It can be really eye opening. For instance, Hannah's favorite things to do are to put puzzles together and having mom read aloud while painting (visual with quality time). Sarah, on the other hand, are: listening to stories and telling stories, jokes to me. She is very auditory. However, with either of my girls, if I just speak their love language, they won't feel their love tanks are filled unless I consider their learning style. Hannah doesn't just visual things alone, puzzles, but quality time. She wants to do puzzles with me or dad to get her love tank filled. Sarah doesn't just want to tell stories, but she wants to hear affirmations from me. It is really important to her to have feed back about her stories, what I like about them, and what I really enjoy about her. Filling her love tank seems to be both Verbal Affirmations with auditory learning considerations.
Thus, I think, or am drawing conclusions, that the love languages tie together with the learning styles. Although, my children aren't all one style or another, they are mixed, I have noticed that they seem to favor, or show a strength in certain learning styles. Learning styles are: Kinesthetic, Visual, and Auditory. I am starting to journal about the children's different love language and learning styles. Here is what I have found in my experiences and observations iwth my children. Perhaps, a few of my reflections on my children, will better demonstrate this connection that I am finding.
(Sam)
Kinesthetic Learner & Physical Touch & Acts of Service.
Favorite things to do:
1. Mom making a special breakfast for him
2. Playing Legos, Lincoln Logs, Soldiers together with mom
3. Model building with mom or dad
4. Rubbing backs, snuggling with reading (just mom and him)
5. Wrestling with dad
(Sarah)
Auditory Learner & Words of Affirmation
Favorite things to do:
1. Read a book together as a family
2. (Hearing encouraging words) cooking together
3. Playing Scrabble
4. Who, What, Where Game (reading and drawing funny sentences- draw cards for a noun, verb, and adverb...A bunny jumping in an elevator)
(Hannah)
Visual Learner, Quality Time & Gifts
Favorite things to do:
1. A special gift from the grocery store (even small pack of gum or new hair bow)
2. A special gift of a favorite book.
3. Love notes left in special spots
4. Putting puzzles together
In conclusion, I am finding that the importance of tying heart strings from my heart to my children's hearts is best connected when I consider my children's love language and learning style. Keeping a journal to write my observations and realizations is helping me to learn how to help them feel like I love them. I think we, as mom's, can easily think that if we love them from our own love language and learning style that they should feel loved. It would be the same mistake my husband and I made with each other. To think that my husband would feel loved by my language and learning style when his language and learning style is different is like expecting him to speak Greek when he speaks Italian. So, tying heart strings to each other hearts means that we respect how God made us and our children differently by selflessly going out of the way to meet each others different love language and learning style (tying heart strings).
Comments
Jul. 19, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Mumkins
Wow. Those are very good observations on your children. I have the Love languages book for children, but never got around to reading it. You've prompted me to go read it.
Jul. 21, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by loobylou1971
Thank you for this post, I have found this so helpful.
Blessings
Lou x
