Apr. 9, 2008 - Heart Change
I finally broke down and bought Created to be His Help Meet a few weeks ago. I have been wanting it since I knew Debi Pearl was writing it. After it was published I read what others thought of it. To say opinions can differ on this book is an understatement. Either people love it or hate it, and the Pearls themselves for that matter.
After reading it through once and now halfway through a second time I can't see where the disdain is coming from. I don't agree with everything the Pearls say. For instance I'm not KJV only. But I don't have to agree with them on everything to see the wisdom in their teachings. I have yet to find a teacher or church leader I agree 100% with on all aspects of life.
I have known for a while that I am not the wife I should be to Dustin. We will celebrate our 6th anniversary on June 1st and I am so happy to call him my husband. However, I know that he can't always tell how happy and thankful I am for him. My normal, what I've been practicing for as long as I can remember, is playing the victim.
My mindset has been that if someone hurts your feelings you should throw yourself a pity party so the offending person will realize just how hurtful they were to bring them to repentance. How silly and selfish, right? Thankfully Dustin isn't this way. Can you imagine if we both acted so childishly?
Most days because of my attitudes he probably thinks I'm very unhappy with him and my life in general. It's more clear to me now than ever that how I have acted is WRONG. I have been selfishly seeking to make myself happy at his expense, expecting him to change before I do. I've had moments of realization and have determined to "try" to change. But of course something always happens and I go off course once again feeling sorry for myself.
What do I have to feel sorry about? I have a wonderful husband who loves me, evidenced in that he is still here. No other man would be I assure you. I have two beautiful little boys who bring so much joy. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food on my table. I have great family relationships. I have a great church and church family. The list could go on and on. God has blessed me beyond belief and yet I sit and complain. It's beyond terrible.
Today is the day I change. I purpose to be thankful and have my actions and words show it. I don't want my husband to wonder if I really love him, ever. I want him to know that I love him, am thankful for him, and need him. Because those things are true. I want to be the person who helps him, who is there for him. I want him to never question if I'll back him up or not, if I'll talk bad about him or not, if I'll leave him or not.
People can say what they want about that book but I know that God is using it to bring a change in me that is a long time coming. I look forward to a marriage that is more wonderful than I ever imagined because I know God can do anything, even change someone like me. And I know the amazing man I married and what he is capable of.
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