A Mom's Journey

7 Wierd Things

Ok, Stephanie, and this is especially for you:

So here are the rules....

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the ‘7 weird things about you.’ People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 7 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 7 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.”

So  seven weird things about me......

1.  I grew up Baha'i and now I'm LDS

2.  I've lived in Costa Rica and Ecuador.

3.  I'm a gamer and if you know what this is you are one too and if you aren't you won't understand.

4.  I love to geocache.   If you are interested see www.geocaching.com

5. I like to eat my french fries with a ketchup and mayonaise mix but I won't touch mayonaise otherwise. 

6.  I HATE TO CLEAN ANYTHING.  I love the clean house etc but I can't stand to do it and have an extremely hard time starting it and then I do a lazy job.

7.  I am extremely grumpy if anyone wakes me up.  It is exactly why I don't nap because I'll wake up mean.

Zoo Time

I'm really lucky to have a neat zoo in a nearby community.   It only has local desert animals.   On Saturday my daughter asked me to go to the zoo.  Since we haven't gone recently I decided to (reluctantly) go. 

We had the best time!!!!  The weather was perfect at a sunny and high 70's (actually cool for us).  We did the almost 2 mile walk and saw all the animals.   Best of all their new baby bear was out playing.  Also the mountain lions decided to growl at us and of course the turkey gobbled.   There was so much to see and the kids had a blast.  

We really need to get out more often. 

Things

It's been quite awhile since I have made an entry.  Lately my life has kind of sucked.  I keep writing these blogs in my head and they help me come to terms with whatever problem I was facing but somehow they just don't make it to the blog. 

I've decided I need to laugh more.  So, how do I do that?  Well play with the kids of course.  

Friendship

I've been thinking a lot about friends and friendship lately.   Actually, I'm one of those people who never seem to have any real close friends (other than my husband).  But I've always been that way. Really I have my husband, my aunt and two good friends and of course the numerous acquaintances we all seem to have.    My husband however is Mr. Social Butterfly.  He has a several friends that he's known for over 20 years.  

One of the reasons this has been discussed lately is my three year old daughter.  My husband thinks she needs friends.  Okay, I guess.  But where do we find them?   I was part of a play group composed of ladies from church who have children the same age.  I actually gave that up.  The reason was the other children.   I never before in my life ever saw a 4 year old snob.  But now I have.   This one little girl would actually turn her nose up, grab another snobbish 4 year old's hand and walk away when my daughter said hi.   At first I thought I imagined it but, no, my husband's grandma saw the behavior at an event.  Also in the group are two terrorizers (their moms have no control over them and don't want to).  I just don't want to spend the whole time keeping my kids safe from them.   There is one mom I'm kind of close to and her boys are fine.   Occassionally they come to our house or vice versa and it is just fine but our schedules just don't come together very often.    One of my real good friends lives an hour away at least until next week when she is moving but I never get there.  She has a daughter the same age and the girls seem to play together okay.  So, unless I specifically go out searching there really isn't a playmate her age for her. 

Then of course, this started me thinking about my friends.  My "best friend" is suddenly not my "best friend" anymore.    Our relationship really changed.  She started dating my father in law.  I was very happy for them, if they can make it work for them great.  I didn't think the age difference was a problem or anything.   But here is the thing.  Things changed, at least on my part.  I simply didn't feel I could talk to her about everything anymore.  Then they had a fight.  My friend had had a horrible week at work on top of it, so I took ice cream and let her cry on my shoulder.  She told me they were over etc...  Well, two days later they are at my house all happy and in love.  It became clear to me that she told him everything we talked about the night I was consoling her.  Not that anything I wouldn't tell my father in law was said but it became clear that the relationship was definately different.  Now they are broken up again,  will they stay that way?  Who knows.   Regardless, things have changed and I don't think they'll be going back to the way they were before.  

It is amazing to me the twists and turns life has in store.   As my dad always told me, life is what happens when you are making plans.   I guess I just need to go with the flow and concentrate on raising my children and being my husband's best friend. 

Why does the phone always ring

when you are stepping into the shower???

This morning I sent my husband off to work.  I got ready to jump in the shower while I had happy children.  So, I step in I'm not fully in yet and the phone rings.  I thought it was my husband telling me he was bringing me breakfast (there is a local burrito shop that sells a Chili relleno burrito that is fabulous).  So I run for the phone dripping water everywhere.   It is my husband but calling me to tell me he saw a van a friend of mine might be interested in.  She has nine children and has been having a hard time finding a 12 or 15 passenger van.   I told my husband to get the number he ends up talking to the guy selling it for several minutes as I stand there dripping. He gives me the info.  I call my friend real fast because I know she isn't going to be able to talk to me later today.   But she doesn't answer.  So, I decide to finish my shower and call her later.   Of course as soon as I step in the phone rings.  Yep, my friend.   We didn't talk long and I finally did get a shower.

Small Town Politics

I live in a small town.  Well, if you ask a local we are a village not a town.   Perhaps there are 1200 adults.  According to the newspaper, we have 864 registered voters.  And everything they say about small town politics is true.   Actually, I think politics are similar everywhere but in a small town they are more noticable and everyone knows everything.  

Well this town I live in has been a joke to the surrounding communities for a long time.  Our mayor had to give up her post a few years ago because she was convicted of a crime but come the next election, she won by a landslide. She has been mayor for 35 years except for that short period where she was forced to resign until the next election.   Our chief of police was allowed to resign in a neighboring community because his wife beating became too public.    So, he came here.   He spent most of his time on disability, unable to actually work yet collected a paycheck.   His flagrant disrespect for the law unless he was arresting you was chronicled in the newspaper (published in a neighboring city).  It continued for years with the mayor's full support until finally he was arrested in a neighboring town for driving under the infuence (actually a local cop saw him drinking and get into his vehicle, he then called a village councilman, who then called his son who is a cop in the neighboring town, who tracked him down and arrested him).  We were finally rid of him because he lost his driver's license and therefore "could not perform his duties". 

The village is actually divided into two camps, those who support the mayor and those who do not.  I don't have any particular problem with the mayor as mayor only I don't think she should hold her position due to her conviction.  And I hated the police chief that she supported.  

Now, yesterday was election day. I expected things to remain in the mayor's political influence.   She was running with two opponents.  Therefore the anti-mayor group was splitting their vote.   To top it off the former police chief was running for municipal judge. His wife was running for a council seat. Very depressing. 

Yet this morning, I woke up and my faith in the democratic  process was renewed.  The mayor was ousted by a decent margin and the police chief only recieved a paltry 66 votes.  A new day has dawned for the village.   Now, we'll just have to wait and see what this new group does.

Travel

I've been thinking a lot about travel lately.   I used to do it all the time.  Before I was married, besides the States, I lived in Costa Rica and Ecuador.  While I was there I travelled to Panama, Brazil, and Peru.    My husband was in the Navy and so he saw the world.   After we were married we still travelled quite a bit.  Anytime we had a few days off we went somewhere,  maybe camping in the mountians, exploring back roads, Mexico, LA, San Diego (We lived in Las Vegas at the time so it was easy to get anywhere).   Since we had kids we sort of lost the habit.   I know we started not travelling because as an infant my daughter would scream at the top of her lungs everytime she was in her car seat, immediately giving a headache to anyone in the vacinity.  

I do travel with my kids.  More so than most people I know.  I take them to visit relatives every year ( a 24 hour drive).  I often have to shop in the larger cities which are 2.5 hours away.  And once a year we go to Vegas to visit friends.  

But what I miss is the exploration.  Finding new places.  Learning about the area, the history, etc...  We just simply need to get back in the habit. 

Changes

Someone once said, "The only constant in life is change."  That really seems to be true.  And somehow, we get comfortable in our lives and are not open to change.  In fact, sometimes we openly oppose it.

The past couple of weeks have been full of changes for me. Some have been good and some have not.   I think my biggest problem has been that I've had no time to adjust to a change before the next one hits. 

First I left a discussion board I've been on for over a year.  This was actually a good change but it hurt my ego when noone noticed I left.  

Then my husband took over paying the bills for his business.  Surprisingly we both feel better about this one. 

Then my son's speech therapy was increased to weekly.  I'm not sure this is a good change as I'm not sure it is helping at all.  

Then my dog died.  Not a good change but at least she didn't suffer any.

There are other changes but those are the highlights.   I think what I need to do is change my perspective and embrace change instead of dread it.

Sad Day

It's been a sad day today.  Our 10yo dog died this morning.   It was not unexpected but very sad just the same.  

My dog

My dog has been very sick for awhile.   A few months ago she began having terrible nosebleeds.   We were told she had one of two diseases.  One of which could be cured with an antibiotic and steriod and the other which is uncurable.   

Well we did the medications.   We finally got her nose bleeds to stop but she is still sick.   She is not eating, lethargic, vomitting and diarreah.   We'll be taking her back to the vet but I'm not very hopeful at this point.   Every morning I wake up and have to clean up the messes from the night.  

We actaully have two dogs from the same litter.  Her sister is just fine.  But I'll be honest Maggie is our favorite.  It is really going to be sad if we loose her. 

Disappointments

I have a good friend who frequents a discussion board with me.   Recently she has become embroiled a couple of discussions that she felt the others on the board were not listening to her opinions or at the very least misunderstanding them.   The whole thing has arrived to a point where she is very hurt.  I guess I don't understand why discussions can't be had even with differing opinions and still have everyone just get along.  To be honest, this has really wrecked my illusionary utopia I had in regards to the discussion board.   I really watched these issues unfold and develop.  Now, I'm not completely sure what I want to do.   I don't think I can stay on the board and feel happy there, yet I will miss the comaraderie that existed.  Perhaps my friend and I can start our own little discussions.   Though to be honest she is much more the religious scholar than I am.  She'd probably loose me very quickly. 

Expectations

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about expectations.  What are my expectations for the day?  Are they reasonable?  What expectations do other have for me?  Can I fulfill those roles?  Oftentimes the answer I come up with are who knows.  

First for me I expect to have a happy day.  I expect to do certain things with my time.   Usually I get derailed in the first few hours.  Now the days I am not derailed I get most everything done.  I just can't seem to plan for the unexpected very well. 

Now, my husband, kids, my husband's grandmother all have different expectations of me.  These are the ones I am trying really hard to stay on top of.   Mostly they involve dropping everything to handle whatever is necessary.  It is actually very frustrating but my family is the most important thing in my life so I can't begrudge them. 

It really makes life a juggling act.  I just don't know if I can keep catching all the balls I have in the air.

Speech Delay

My 20 month old son does speak at all.   He seems to hear and he does make sounds but he doesn't communicate at all nor does he want to. A few months ago, my doctor got me all worried about it and and I began working with a local organization that brings a developmental specialist and a speech therapist to me at no cost.   I am grateful for the services but I'm just not happy with it. 

My biggest problem is that while my son has made some progress recently I don't think it is because of the services.   So far they haven't taught me anything new.   I was already trying to sign with him, I was already trying to encourage verbalization, I was already trying to encourage interaction.  These people keep coming into my home and telling me to do what I am already doing.    My husband thinks their self-interest is apparent.   The rest of the family in the area think I'm silly to worry about it.

I almost think my son just doesn't want to talk.  Perhaps there is a problem but if so what they are doing is not addressing it.    On one hand I want to help my son progress.  If there is a problem, I want to address it and do all I can to help him.   On the other hand I think if we just leave him alone he'll come along.   I am so ambivelant on the topic I don't know what to do.  

I will probably continue with the services for now because if something is wrong and I didn't, I'd probably never forgive myself.  

Perspective

I've been pondering many things the past few days.   Where my priorties lie, what order things should be completed, etc....  I realize I only have so much energy and it needs to portioned out everywhere. 

I think I acheived something with my epiphany the other day.  I am no longer trying to do everything everyday.  I admit I haven't been keeping my schedules but I'm not getting upset at the lack of accomplishments either. 

Yesterday I spent the morning doing school, cleaning house and playing with the kids.   I didn't worry about doing the paperwork for the business nor did I worry about doing my schoolwork.   And you know what??? I was happy. I had a great morning.   The kids had fun and so did I.  And to top it off I have a clean house today.    Then I spent the afternoon doing paperwork for the business.  It wasn't as fun but I got a lot done. 

So, what is the moral to my story......I can't do everything everyday.  I have to choose one or two items to concentrate on each and every day.   Maybe then I'll have some perspective.  

I am not superwoman

Yesterday morning I was so excited to start the blog, I was composing new entries in my head.  Then my day fell apart.  It was a horrible afternoon.  It finally culminated in my burning dinner, deciding I wasn't going to touch another appliance, loading the kids up into my newly repaired van and discovering half way to town to pick up a pizza that the van was not fixed.  As I sat there and cried, my 3 year old daugther said, "Thats ok mommy, I can change my mind, we can have hot dogs for supper."

I didn't sleep much because I was still keyed up from the day and we had a toilet tank (yes the tank not the bowl) decide to overflow in the middle of the night.  My poor husband discovered the water with his feet at 2am.  Needless to say no one was happy. Anyway, as I lay there thinking (and wandering the house) I realized that I can't do everything.   I can't be a good mom, handle my husbands business phones, finish college, homeschool, keep a clean house and have any type of social interaction outside my home.  Or at least I can't do this on a daily basis.  Now this is not a new epiphany, I've had it before but maybe this time it will sink in.

So, what am I to do?   I only have this semester of college and next semester then I'm finished. I really want to finish so I can't give that up.  I can't give up being a mom, or homeschooling, or answering my husband's phone..... I guess I just need to schedule life.   Each day decide what is most important that day and do just that.   Today, I am going to write a paper for school, only answer my husband's calls or the business line, do school, and clean house.  If I finish those tasks I'll work on the swing set I'm putting together.   That's it, nothing else.   And if dinner doesn't get cooked then the kids can have sandwiches.  

Well, I better get started....

Why I am doing this...

I'm actually not sure why I am starting a blog.   I only recently learned about them. Then a friend of mine started one.  Today she commented to me that she was more comfortable with her blog than on a discussion board we both belong to.  Since, it had been rambling in my head for awhile, I think her comments lured me into starting. 

I had a very tough year last year and I think I let most of my life slide.  I feel like it is all a jumble right now and perhaps blogging may help me get back on task.  What do I want out of my life?   I think I want to find joy again.  I want to find joy in my children and not feel stressed when I'm not getting everything else done and the children want to have fun with me.   I want to find joy in my relationship with my husband.  I want us to have fun again both as a couple and a family. 

Today, my daughter was jumping, for no reason, she just likes to jump.  I was so proud of my self when I stopped myself from chastising her and began to jump with her.  She was so happy and so was I.  I think I need to do things like this more often.