Last night, I had the great pleasure of gathering together with some great Christian ladies.  I was very encouraged by the realness and openness of this group....something I don't experience very often.  I walked away with gems:

1) The Christian life is a marathon.  While I know this is what the Bible says, it's another thing to "know" this.   I was sharing with these ladies how I have found it very difficult to find joy in my salvation in an on-going sense.  To help you understand what I mean, let me give you some background.  I had always been a very confident, outspoken person.  If you know me, you generally know where I stand on various issues within a very short period of time.  I was never the girl in highschool that needed all her friends to go to the washroom with her, or to the mall.  I was confident in who I was and acted as such.  Come salvation, my reality has been shaken.  I have been plagued with the feeling of "getting worse" instead of getting better as the Spirit reveals more and more sin in my life.  I often second guess what I say to others.  I am sensitive to other peoples feelings to the point that it drives me batty at times.  I know this is the Spirit working in me, but it is unsettling.  I feel my confidence in who I am is gone.  I look forward to the day when I will have the confidence back, but fear it will not be this side of eternity.  After sharing with last night, one of the other ladies present expressed that she felt the same way.  I'm not alone...that brings me great comfort.  We spoke about Psalm 139....God did not make mistakes when He knit us together.  Another lady spoke up saying, "Our life is a marathon, not a sprint.  If you run to fast, you will get pooped out.  Take your time, step by step."  This too brought me great comfort.    It is my prayer that I will not try to get ahead of myself, that I will rely on Jesus when I feel beat down.  I praise God that He WILL finish this work that He has started in me.

2) God loves our children more than we do.  I believe most mom's love their children with a love that cannot be easily broken.  We have an innate desire to protect our children from harm, including seeing our children come to faith in the Lord.  Salvation is not of us, it is all of the Spirit.  As much as love our children and desire them to come to Christ, God desires this more.  Wow.  Somehow I missed this.  One mom last night was sharing about her wayward daughter and you could clearly see her broken heart.  My heart broke for her.  As she was sharing about this daughter, she spoke of how the Lord is using this situation to draw her family closer to Himself.  Her prayer life is stronger than ever.  Her other children have a genuine concern for their oldest sister and a desire to see her come to the Lord.  While she pleads for her daughter, she knows that God desires her daughter's affections more than she does.  What a great demonstration of faith and love.  This mom is becoming a great encourager for me and I consider it a priveledge to pray for her daughter.

3) Women need to be encouragers, not stand in judgement.  This seems to be particularily hard for women.  In my experience, women tend to be competitive and comparative.  If something is not right with one of your children, you must have done something wrong.  You didn't raise them right, you didn't discipline enough, you didn't stop the world from influencing them etc.  We need to be careful not to stand in judgement and remember that children have their very own sin nature and, just like us, their natural inclination is to rebel against authority (ours and God's).  While I have known this for a long time, it hasn't always prevented me from looking at another mom with a critical eye and judging their decisions by what I do or don't do.  I must remind myself constantly that I am not the standard, God's Word is.  We need to come along side those moms who are struggling and hurting and offer our encouragement and prayer.  Parenting is tough no matter which way you cut it, and I don't know of anyone who intentionally seeks to harm their children or cause them to stumble.  We need to give each other grace.....after all, hasn't God given you grace?

Overall, this was one of the best times I've ever had with a group of women.  There was no falseness.  It was real, genuine fellowship. 

I was in Sunday school a couple of weeks ago when one of our Deacons was teaching his way through Hebrews 11.  At the end of the chapter, he happened to mention some issues he felt the church needed to deal with ASAP.  I'd like to share with you the areas he mentioned and some of my thoughts:

1) The Marriage Debate:  Unfortunatly, in Canada, my home country, gay marriage is already legal, thanks to the Liberals lead by Paul Martin.  So far, marriage has not been redefined, but I'm sure that is next on the gay activists agenda.  What is concerning is that gay marriage will surely have implications for the Church in our country.  What will happen when a gay couple approaches a pastor who has the "gall" to refuse to marry them?  Will that pastor be protected or deemed a hate monger?  There have been reports (I don't have the sources, but have heard this through the grape vine) that pastors in Canada have been either arrested or jailed or both for speaking out about gay marriage and homosexuality in general.  Chrisitans throughout our country need to stand up and make their voices heard or all the officials will hear are the voices of the gay activists!  Now that gay marriage is legal, what will be the standard used then to keep an adult from marrying a minor?  What will be the standard used to keep a man from having multiple wives?  So far, the squeakiest wheel gets the grease......what will the next squeaky wheel be?  When I've mentioned this in conversation, people think that I'm all "doom and gloom", and admittedly, I'm generally a bit of a pessimist.  However, look down the corridors of time and you will see that at one time, gay marriage was illegal and being homosexual was an abomination.  There are now gay pride parades in most major cities across North America.  Homosexuality is common place and often accepted....after all, God is love and if two gay people love each other, God can't be mad.  Oh yes He can!  Read Scripture and you will see in countless places where God condemns homosexuality....does Sodom and Gomorah ring a bell?   I truly believe that there is a very real possibility of worse "marriages" coming down the line now that this door is open.  Now, in saying this, I want to be clear that in no way do I condone hate crimes against homosexual individuals.  They are sinners, just like I am a sinner...what they need most from us is not condemnation and judgement, but the gospel of Jesus Christ! 

2) Evolution:  Each year, many Christians send their children to the public school down the street, with the belief that their children are getting a great education and that they will be salt and light.  What many people fail to realize, is that the nice building with the friendly teachers is anti-God in every respect.  You see, there is a trickle down effect in the public system and I believe it all stems from the removal of God from the curriculum.  When there is no God, what is he being replaced with?  The fact that schools teach and believe evolution points to there being no God present.  If we all evolved from a big pool of muck and ooze, then who holds us accountable?  Morality becomes relative.  So, when little Joey is in kindergarten and Mr. Jones tells him about the other Mr. Jones, its all okay because they love each other.  I had a conversation earlier this week with a mother whose child is about to enter kindergarten and she is not sure what to do (I believe the only options she is considering is private Christian school or public school).  When I cautioned her that regardless of where she sends her little one, be sure to teach the truth of creation.  She said she wasn't as concerned about her child learning about evolution as she was about the godlessness of the schools.  I commented that they are related....the godlessness has trickled down from the overarching worldview of the public system....there is no creator.  Some Christians will take the lazy way out and claim theistic evolution...God used evolution to create the world.  What's wrong with that?  It flies in the face of Genesis 1!  If Genesis 1 is wrong, then so is the book of Jonah (do you really beleive that a man could live in the belly of a fish and that the same fish would miraculously spit him out exactly where he was supposed to go??), so is the account of Jesus walking on the water (do you honestly beleive that??) and so is the ressurcection.  Without the ressurrection, we don't have salvation. Evolution opens the door to discredit the Word of God.  I will not occupy your time with the proofs for Scripture being the infallable Word of God....you can do some research on that yourself.  As Christians, we are to esteem God's Word.  It is what can make us wise unto salvation and keep us from sinning.  Do we really want our children to be taught anything contrary to what Scripture has to say?  The Church needs to wake up and pull its children out of these godless institutions!

I'm pretty sure he mentioned one other, but for the life of me, I can't remember it.  There are a lot of issues facing the Church today and we just can't afford to sit idly by.  We need to fight for righteousness!  The best place to begin this fight is by teaching our children the truth!

I just wanted to put in a plug for the Beautiful Unique Girl Beach Party, through Family Life Network!  Our church hosted this amazing party for girls in Jr High/Sr High and it was enjoyed by all!  There is a team of 5 young ladies (all in their early/mid 20's) who are basically missionaries, taking the message of true worth and true beauty to young girls.  True worth and beauty is from God.....you are valuable because you are God's workmanship and you are beautiful because beauty is seen in the heart, not your outward appearance. 

The night lasts four hours, complete with pizza, drinks, smoothies, pedicures, foot massages, nachos, a concert and bible learning/key speaker.  Let me tell you....amazing!  I was lucky enough to be one of the parent leaders while my daughter attended.  The concert for our group was given by a new, young, Christian recording artist named Kassie Tyers...what a beautiful voice!  She just finished recording her first CD and it is going to be released soon!  Our keynote speaker was Ainsley and she had an incredible testimony that resonated with all the girls present.  The other three ladies (Julie, Julliene and Jesslyn) did a lot of the behind the scenes work of the night and were also very eager to share and pray with the girls. 

Anyway, many girls were very deeply impacted as a result of this ministry and I would highly recommend it to your church for all the young ladies!

I have been reading and thinking a lot about womanhood lately.  I have never been a feminist but I must admit, I never gave "women" in general a whole lot of thought.    My thoughts went about as deep as a mud puddle and usually along the lines of "I'm glad I wasn't born in the 1800 hundreds when women had to work at home and do everything without technology."  Since I've been saved, the Holy Spirit has worked on many areas and now He is working on this one. 

I have been leading the Women's Ministry at our church for just over a year now.  As the foundational verse upon which to build all that is done through our Women's Ministry, I selected Titus 2:3-5.  This verse is chock full of great instruction to women!  The more I study and meditate on this verse and read about biblical womanhood (through books and blogs mainly), the more I am convinced that Christian women as a whole do not take this verse to heart (myself included).  Here are some things I see within the church that cause me great concern: 

* Women are not taking seriously the command to love their husbands, or divorces may not be so prevalent (I'm not saying women are the cause, but if we were loving our husbands as we ought, maybe our marriages would be brighter and stronger...we can only change ourselves, not our husbands).  The fact that we need to be taught to love our husbands by the older women implies this doesn't come naturally in our sinful state and that it isn't easy.....but difficulty does not negate our responsibility and give us permission to throw in towel and divorce. 

*Women (in society as a whole, and in the church too) are not content to be  "just" homemakers.  How often have you asked a woman, "So, what do you do?" intending to find out what career they have aspired to?  This is not a biblical mindset, but a wordly one.  There is pressure, even from those within the church, for women to be in the workforce, which leaves the bringing up of children to strangers or family members or friends instead of the parent.  I'm not saying it is wrong for a woman to work and earn income, that would be a violation of Prov. 31.  What I am saying is our aspiration, especially as mothers, should be to train up our children in the Lord and to care for our families.  This is a big job! 

*We are also to be "teachers of good things" and what is better than Jesus? I know this isn't strictly speaking of education, but as our world gets increasingly hostile to our faith and our Lord, I believe more and more each day, that our job is to teach our children....all day, not just between 3:30 and bedtime.  How can just a few hours of conversation admist cooking dinner, doing homework, dishes, bath time etc. possibly undo all the godlessness our children's heads are pumped with at the local public school?  If we truly want to raise warriors for the Lord, we wouldn't dream of sending them to the enemies training camp.   I can hear someone out there saying, "But I want my children to be salt and light at the local school!".  I wholeheartedly disagree.....there isn't enough salt in the dead sea to change that system and if you truly want your child to season the earth, train him first at home, where God is the centre and truth reigns supreme. 

*What about gossip?  Do you gossip?  This is a big issue for many women and something I battle with daily (often losing).   By the way, it is false concern to say to your girlfriend, "Oh, pray for Joan....her and her husband {fill in the blank}".  This is GOSSIP!!!  Unless Joan has asked you to speak to your girlfriend asking for prayer, you are violating her trust!  Does this surprise you?  It sure did me the first time I heard my pastor address it.  Our conversations should be kept private and confidential.  In the situation I noted above, if you have the urge to spill the beans to someone, use that urge as a reminder to pray and talk only to God.

* What about "older women teaching the younger women"?  How many older women are actively involved in ministry at your church?  Our church has more young women than older women serving by a long shot.  Many have adopted the worldly perspective that "they have retired from ministry to allow the young ones to take over".  This is not biblical!  Older women are to be active in ministry too!  There is no retirement age when it comes to serving the Lord!

I could go on and on about this verse, but I will spare you that.  I think you see where I'm coming from and I'm sure you could find other examples in your own life or church.   We, as women, have a crucial role to play and it is being usurped by wordly values, mostly promoted by the feminist movement and I don't think women are happier as a result.  Most working women I know stress over not being with their children enough, struggling to balance home and work and church. Bottom line...feminism doesn't work.  We need to carefully re-examine our lives and bring our lives into closer proximity each day to what the Lord desires.  In my own experience, the closer I am to the biblical role or womanhood, the more satisfied I am because that satisfaction comes from knowing that I am in the centre (well, almost at the centre) of God's will.

One last point I wanted to mention.....there is great reward for sticking to the biblical role for womanhood.....look at the end of verse 5:  "that the word of God may not be blasphemed".  How amazing is that?  As Christians, our Master is Jesus as we best serve him by leading by example and fulfilling our role as designed by God. 

If you are looking for some reading material, check out "Feminine Appeal" by Carolyn Mahaney.  This link is also interesting http://www.truewoman.com/?id=317 click on "You've come a long way baby". 

As I am sitting here on the computer, reading all my favourite blogs, my daughter came upstairs and announced she was going to bed.  I said goodnight, gave her a hug and off she went.  This isn't the first time she went  to bed completely of her own deciding, but when did it first happen?  I honestly don't know.  My son is doing this too.  After all the years of bed time stories, never ending bedtime rituals, gentle coaxing to now, it amazes me to think back on how far they've come and how much they have matured.  I can see their maturity in other areas too.  For example, they are completely self-educating.  I am simply the "Director of Education" at our house.  I plan, oversee and assess.  I never saw this day coming either....when did it happen that they took the reigns?  I don't know. 

It is my prayer, that as I continue to have to remind and coax in some areas, that those too will become automatic.   I desire for my children to truly desire the Word, not just read it because I've asked them to.  I desire for my children to serve the Lord out of love for the Lord, not because it is expected.  If the past dictates the future, these things will come in due time.  In the mean time, I will continue to set the pattern and the expectations.  I hope I don't miss this too!

 Thank the Lord that He works in the hearts and minds of our children and that we have the promise that He will complete the work He starts in us. 

I don't know about you, but I feel sort of sad today.  This is the first year that I'm not excited for back-to-school.  While I love homeschooling my children, I love the freedom of summer!   Our summer has been so busy that I don't feel relaxed and refreshed enough to get back to the grind that school can be.  I know I have the authority to change the first day of school, but I think my kids are ready to go back (even amidst the grumbles). 

As I reflect on all that our summer has been, it has been a great summer!  We have done a lot of camping, swimming, spending time in God's great outdoors.  We have hiked, rock-climbed, went boating, kayaking, bike riding.  It has truly been a packed summer and we have enjoyed doing all these things as a family.  I am so happy that my teenaged son still wants to hang out with us!  We have strong relationships with both of our children....I don't remember having such strong relationships with my parents....yet another great benefit of homeschooling.

So, although I'm sad to see summer fade into the distance, I'm sure our upcoming school year will be a great year.  Again, if you have read my post before, I'm trying to make this year more fun than last. I'm also trying to crop out all the "busy work" that is not necessary to great education.   I want to be sure we are "homeschooling" not just doing "school at home".  Each year we get closer to the ideal I have in my head.  I think parents need deschooling more than children do.  I believe we will have more time to explore and do stuff together.  Isn't great to be able to tweak school each year so that each year is better than the last?  I think so. 

I am amazed at how many Christians will discard Biblical authority for the authority of man.  Before I continue, I just want to say that I'm not immune to this either.  It is hard to swallow some of the mandates laid out in Scripture when worldly advice is so much easier to take.  It doesn't challenge us like the Bible does.  Please don't flame me....I'm not judging, I'm making an observation.

So many Christians will throw the towel in on their marriages when things get tough, using any excuse or advice (non-biblical) to justify their decision.  Christian children are being educated in public schools because it is easier and their children are there to be salt and light.    These are two issues that the Lord is giving me a passion for.

As for marriage, the bible gives only infidelity as valid reason for divorce.  This infidelity refers to a spouse having relations with another man or woman... not an addiction (whether an addiction to drugs, alcohol, food or possessions).  Addicitons, whatever form they may take, are idolatry, not adultery!  Even if there is infidelity, God's preference is still reconcilliaiton.  Jesus said that Moses allowed divorce becausce OUR hearts were hard.  Job said it best (forgive me, I don't have my Bible beside me) when he said that he can't take the good without the bad.  This should be our attitude in our marriages!  What example do we set for the world if Christian marriages are no better than the world's?    I could say a lot more about this,but I defer you to the Bible.

As for homeschooling, how can we raise a generation ready to fight for the Lord (which is getting increasingly more difficult given our current state of anything biblical is a hate crime) when the world is educating our children?  Education outside of your home is destructive to the family, the very unit that is the building block of society and God's ideal for bringing up His own.  As for children being salt and light, this isn't really possible....how can a child change the school system?  Evolution and all manner of godless "wisdom" will continue to be spouted and your child will be defeated and eventually fall silent.  This child will be more influenced by the school than the other way around.  Children can witness to other children (and maybe even adults), don't get me wrong, but they don't need to be in school to do this.  It is better to prepare them for battle at home so they CAN take on the system, and know WHY it is important.   I didn't always believe this.  I fell for the world's view of education...that only professionals could do this and my children needed to be there to change the school.  That's like sending a 10 year old to Iraq!  You wouldn't dream of it!  Even soldiers go through intense training to prepare them to face their enemy.  Before you think this is a harsh analogy, anything (like a school system) who denies God is God's enemy (and by extension, ours).   Again, I defer you to the Bible.....nowhere does it say "Thou shall send your children to the world to be educated".  Instead, we are commanded to keep our children pure, untainted by the world, and teach them all the time (see Deut. 6) so they can go and make disciples of all nations.  This and knowledge of God are the true purposes of education.

There are so many other areas we take man's advice over God's authority.........a desire to seek revenge over loving and forgiving, speaking harsh words rather than sweet, maxing credit cards to buy stuff rather being wise stewards of the finances God gives us, storing up treasures on earth etc.  Do you see the discrepancy there??  Advice over authority.  God's word is where we need to look for all things.  Be a Berean...check all things with Scripture.  God will bless you for your obedience to His Word.  Yes, it will fly in the face of today's wisdom, yes, it will cause people to be angry with you when you point out God's authority.  Do it anyway.  That's what God commands us to do.

Ok, I feel better now...

We are officially on summer break at our house (for a couple of weeks now) and already, I feel my summer is gone!  Every weekend between now and September has something happening...camping trips, moving family members, family reunion, yada yada yada.  I feel like I have no time to relax!  I like having weekends where there is nothing planned at all....it allows for those lazy summer weekends to float around in the pool, drinking a nice cold pop.

I look forward to summer break as a time to renew my energies, catch up on long since ignored house work, plan the next school year (and trying to find that ever elusive element of FUN I have been looking for going on 6 years!).  I have started planning the next school year...I love Sonlight but I'm taking a break this year from it to do my own Candian History..Sonlight Style.  I am using a guide for help.  I have already started planning a group field trip to coordinate with our Canadian History..a small element of fun I hope.  So far, I like the way the next year is shaping up better than all the years previous...it seems to get better each year.  That's a plus!

When September rolls around, I hope to be ready and rejuvenated...I'll just have to find ways to relax amidst the busy summer weekends.  My son will be starting grade 10 (I have survived the first year of highschool!!!) and my daughter will be starting grade 6.  How is your summer shaping up?

All of my life I have struggled making friends.  It bothered me when I was younger (like grade school), but then come highschool, I didn't really care.  I actually preferred going to the restroom by myself (I never did understand why most girls had to have all of their friends with them), I enjoyed going to the mall myself (I got more done that way).  I never liked talking on the phone much (unless it was a boy...I was a bit of a tom-boy), and I've always found men easier to talk with....I find women very difficult to be myself around.  It didn't bother me at all.  I always viewed myself as independent and confident.

Then I became came to know the Lord and all of this changed.  I'm not sure why either.  Some of it I think is the scriptural requirement to have fellowship with other believers (can't do that if you don't have friends who are believers).  I remember reading, early in my Christian walk, that we will not have an easy life as believers, but I never anticipated being shaken like I have in regards to social "stuff".  I lack the confidence I once had.  I now see people gathered together and feel like I just don't fit in anywhere...not in the world (which, incidently, I know is a good thing, but not in the church either.  Let me clarify that these are feelings I have....I have never been shunned, excluded, or anything like that.  I often leave church feeling like an outcast, an outsider, like I don't fit in.

Then today, I had one of the most socially satisfying days at church ever.  I felt great!  I had a momentary sense of "finally, I'm okay".  I say momentary because it didn't last long.  I was talking with another woman, in the early evening, and she had been invited over to another church members home for a bbq, and wanted to bring my daughter with her (my daughter had been at her house all afternoon).  That cause a ridiculous twinge of jealousy I've had a hard time shaking.  It's ridiculous!!!  I have no reason to be jealous!  This drives me nuts!  Our family isn't invited out much (and we don't do much inviting in either) and it bothered me to think "what about us?".  I feel like I should be in highschool!

Have you ever felt like this?  I have been saved for about 10 years now and can't believe that I can't shake this crazy feeling!  I pray about it often.  I have managed to make some friends at church that I see fairly often (mostly other homeschool families) and I have connected with another woman who often feels like me.  She describes it best...feeling like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. 

At home and with family, I'm fine, in fact, I find my family life extremely satisfying.  It's only at church I get this way.  I'm not sure what the Lord is trying to do with me and if this is part of my "preparation" or not, but I'm frustrated and needed to express it somehow.  I actually feel better now that I've told you about this.  Thanks for listening!

Well, I just arrived (yesterday evening actually) from a whirlwind trip to my brother's in Ottawa..just under 800 km from my front door.  He and my sister-in-law own two units (townhouses) that they are turning into one and needed to empty one of them into the other.  I brought along my son to be the brawn...boy, am I thankful that God gives teenage boys muscle and stamina!!

Why am I writing about this?  Because I learned a few things over the weekend:

1)  As much as I love the looks of a two-storey home, I NEVER want one!!!  I have something like a raised ranch that enables me to rarely have to climb stairs often.  Not so with a multi-level home.  I feel like I spent a week on the Stairmaster!!

2)  ``Stuff``` is overated.  I like that I don`t keep a lot of stuff.  For me, once something is beyond usefulness, it`s pitched (or given to a good home).  No so with my brother and his family.  Man, it takes a lot of energy to cart a lot of stuff you rarely use!

3)   I`m glad Windsor doesn`t have an Ikea.  I can spend too much at Ikea.  Ottawa boasts a beautiful Ikea and while I didn`t spend much, I could have spent more than I did.  The cost of a trip to Ottawa is always inflated by purchases that I make at Ikea that wouldn`t have ordinarily get made.  There is just something about that store....I think it is their displays.

4)  Dinner tastes much better when someone cooks.  Even though our meals for the weekend were simple, they were awesome!  I think someone else cooking enhances flavour.

Now to rest my legs......

My dear brother and sister in-law have been worried sick since they found out they were pregnant for their second child.  Their first child had a rough first few months of life.   My neice, we'll call her Sarah for privacy, was a meconium baby that had serious complications as a result.  To make a long, emotional story short, she ended up on a cardiac by-pass machine.  Oh how we cried out to the Lord for this little girl!   Now, two and a half years later, there is no evidence of this early trouble.

I remember, when Sarah was in the hospital at Children's Hospital on this machine, praying with her parents for a miracle on Sarah's behalf.  This was the first time I was ever able to share the gospel with my in-laws and they were grateful for the prayers.  I do not believe they accepted Christ at this time, but I was encouraged by their willingness to receive prayer.  Churches around our city rallied around them in prayer.  While this was a nerve racking time, the Lord began to give me  peace that He would answer our prayers, and of course He did! 

Fast forward to the pregnancy of my now new nephew.....

Due to the difficulties of Sarah's early life, understandably, my in-laws were terrified throughout this pregnancy that something would go wrong, especially my sister in-law.  Although several people, her doctor included, tried to calm her nerves and explain that Sarah's difficulties were a result of a "fluke", she was visibly nervous throughout this pregnancy.  If I were in her shoes, I imagine I would have been just as nervous. 

After nine months of nervous anticipation, my new nephew arrived safe and sound, much to the relief of his parents, and Sarah is now a big sister!  I know that many prayers were offered up to God, asking for the safe, uneventful arrival of this precious bundle of joy.  It is my prayer that we will have another opportunity to share the gospel with my in-laws and ensure their safe arrival into eternity with us. 

Ugh!  We're not done yet!  We will be done by June 20, except for my son's math...I think that will continue on into eternity!  To be fair, math is his least favourite, and most difficult subject.  

It is this time of year (bright sunny blue skies, warm temperatures, thoughts of camping...) that make me want to ditch school early!  Of course, as the principal of my children's school, I can do that...but I can't.  It's that box-checker mentality I have been cursed with!

This is also the first year (of the five we've been homeschooling), that I'm starting to feel burned out.  With my son in grade 9, while I have little to no teaching to do for him, I find highschool pretty demanding to oversee.  Thank God both of my children are independant learners or I would BE burned out. 

While reading a friend's blog, I realized that I don't bring my feelings of being overwhelmed, burned out, stressed out etc. regarding homeschooling to the Lord.  For some reason, I have been trying to rely on my own strength to get through the last few months of this years schooling adventure.  One phrase keeps popping in my mind since reading my friend's blog, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."  He wants to meet my needs and I fail to bring them to Him.  Well, enough of that....I'm off to pray!  I hope I've learned my lesson.

Each year, we get visited by mallard ducks.  We don't live very close to the river, but nevertheless, we usually get the pleasure of watching a male and female stroll around our front yard in the early spring. 

Yesterday morning, as my husband was heading outside to get the pool pump going for the day, he commented that  male mallard was standing on the edge of our above ground pool.  I rushed to get my camera and by the time I got to the window, I got to see him fly away.

Again this morning, my daughter this time, announces that a mallard was IN the pool!!!  I grabbed my camera, was able to take a few still shots and a short video of this marvelous duck swim and enjoy our pool.  He swam for quite a while, then jumped up on the edge to primp.  He was enjoying our pool for an hour that we know of.  Thankfully, he didn't leave any "presents" for us.

I wonder if he'll be back?

I recently had a revelation that my children are sinners.  Now, I have always known this but I have finally come to understand it.

When our children rebel, lie, act out, disappoint, make poor choices, give us attitude and disrespect, we are not to take it personally.  We are to deal with these symptoms of a larger problem, but not take it personally, as if we have failed.  I have taken these things personally in times of exhaustion or mental/emotional weakness, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  Our children are sinners, who we hope will be saved by grace.  Their rebellion, lies and so on, are an affront to a holy God, more than they are to me.

Not too long ago, my daughter (almost 11) went to the mall with her friend (almost 13).  Now, before you panic about his, realize we live a 10 minute walk from a small mall and this was in the afternoon.  They were going to look at Webkinz.   No big deal.  A couple of days later, she came to me devasted and crying, that she needed to tell me something about the trip to the mall.  She was worried I would hate her and I assured her I wouldn't (although my blood was starting to boil).  She told me what was making her feel so guilty and I was happy to hear it wasn't as bad as I thought it was.  It was dishonest, but not that serious.  I told her to confess to God, and that she wouldn't be allowed to go to the mall again with this friend. 

After she left the room we were in, cleansed of her guilt, I felt horrible!  I had failed as a mother.  I wanted to talk to someone about it, get reassurance, but I had no one I felt I could call that wouldn't judge me for allowing my daughter to go to the mall unaccompanied by an adult or judge her by her lack of judgement.  I called no one.  I certainly wasn't going to call my husband at work about this.  Isn't it awful that we can't be real with those who are supposed to understand the complications of sin better than anyone?  Maybe that is my own fear........

Then I started to think.....I started to think about what she did right.  God is so good!  He put a strong conscience in my little girl that pricked her incessantly for 2 days and drove her to repentance.  She confessed to me, she confessed to God.  She asked for forgiveness from me, she asked forgiveness from God.  Then I came to realize that this is what we want from our parenting efforts!  God doesn't stop us from spreading our wings and making mistakes.  He allows these things for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).  We are all sinners (our children included) and all we have the power to do as parents is to give our children a solid foundation in the Word, give them opportunities to spread their wings and help them up when they fall.  I believe my daughter is a stronger person as a result of this experience and I believe I have finally learned a valuable lesson.  What would we do without our children to illustrate God's truth?

I had a wonderful opportunity to speak with a new bride (we will call her Sara) about homeschooling today.  She and her husband do not have children yet but have already started the conversation about how to school their children when they have some.  Sara herself was homeschooled for one year growing up and stated she had many great memories of that time in her life.

As we spoke, I was able to tell her many of the great benefits of homeschooling as well as the biblical reasons (adademic and otherwise) for our decision to homeschool.  Her husband came in and was concerned about taking the Christian light out of the school if all Christians homeschooled.  I was able to remind him that young children are not prepared to tackle the "system"....they can influence a circle of friends....which still happens regardless of you educate your children.  As homeschoolers, we have the opportunity to teach all subjects in the light of the Truth of God's Word, laying an unbreakable foundation,  which will prepare them to make a difference in the world as adults.  This is a common concern among potential homeschoolers...almost as much as the dreaded "socialization" quesiton (which didn't come up today). 

Anyway, we had a great conversation and it bolstered my own self-confidence in our choice to homeschool our children by reminding myself of the best arguments we have for homeschooling.  Need a boost?  Homeschool evangelism might just do the trick!

During the summer, I was determined that this homeschool year (number 5) would be the best yet....characterized by a patient, loving, gentle, fun-loving mom.  How am I doing?

Patience:  This is a constant battle but I must say, so far this year, better than ever!  (You watch, now that I have typed this, my patience will disappear!)  I have really tried hard to relax and not be so schedule driven (another constant battle) and it is paying off.  I am trying to remember that we will accomplish in a day only what God will allow us to accomplish. Overall grade for improvement: B+

Loving, Gentle:  Better......I still struggle more than I like.  I desire to be gentle in speech and I still fall too short.  Overall grade for improvement: C

Fun-Loving:  I'm just not getting this at all.......  Part of fun-loving for me is taking advantage of those spontaneous opportunities and I just can't get away from that schedule!!!  When I plan to have a day off and go do something fun, we do it and we have fun!  I guess I'm looking to be more spontaneous, and this is how I defined "fun-loving" in my mind..........this definition isn't working for me....I'll have to re-think that!  I'm too "scheduled".  Overall grade for improvement: D

Putting all this down "on paper" makes me see I still fall way short of the mark.  To encourage myself, I must remember that, this side of eternity, I will always fall way short of the mark.  Otherwise, I will keep praying and trying, sinning and repenting and confessing my shortcomings to God and my family.  I don't remember worrying about this kind of stuff before being saved..........

Since my last blog, I have read two books to try to help me become the mom that the Lord would have me become.  I read "Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit" by Teri Maxwell and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.  Both of these books I would highly recommend to anyone!  They were both fantastic!

The second book in particular helped me to see that my roll as a parent is ultimately to point my children to God.  I need to help them fear God, not me.  My parenting techniques have mostly consisted of things gleaned from my own childhood.  My dad ruled with an iron fist and you dared not cross him.  To this day, I dread my dad's disapproval.....how ridiculous!  I am an adult!  I was raised to fear him (and he had very big hands, if you catch what I mean ).  I don't want this for my children.  I also want a better relationship with my children than I have with my parents......emmulating their methods won't work (they also are not Christians).   I want them to know and fear the Lord.   I understand (more fully anyway) that my job as a parent is to teach my children to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever". 

Now, this is all head knowledge unless it translates into action.....how am I doing?  It is easier right now since we are on summer break and the frustrations of school are presently absent.   I am hoping to have the summer to "practice" all that I have learned so far and have a much better school year.

"If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" is a phrase I have heard countless times.  Isn't funny that until yesterday, I misinterpreted what it means?  I always understood this phrase to mean that everyone ought to bend over backward to keep me (Momma) happy.  This is not Biblical (as if I needed to tell you that!).

Last night, attending the baby shower of an excited mom-to-be, a more seasoned and wise mom spoke for this momentous event.  This wise mom lives and breathes Scripture...you can tell just through casual conversation that she seeks to glorify the Lord in all that she does.  She spoke of three things that she prays for on a regular basis: gentleness toward her children, wisdom, and an understanding that her children belong to the Lord.  She shared many anecdotes from her own family (including how forgetful children leaving milk on the counter and a messy house have been turned into Biblical lessons for her children.....WOW!).  She also shared about losing her dear son (2 at the time) in a pool accident.  Without going into full detail of what she said last night, I was convicted (at a baby shower!) that I fall short of the mom God wants me to be.

I struggle with anger and harshness often....and admittedly I am grieved by it.  I also felt powerless to do anything about.  I do pray often that God would increase my love for my family and others all the time!  I know that with God I can overcome anything, but when I repent, sin, repent, sin (you know the cycle), I get discouraged.  This godly woman inspired me to pray for gentleness and an understanding that my children are not my own.  What does this have to do with "if Momma ain't happy...."?  Everything!  I realized last night that my job is to delight in my children.  I've had it backwards all these years!  I have waited for them to delight me.  I need to be more gracious and understanding with them.  If I delight in them, have grace and understanding, I WILL be a happy Momma.  Think of the benefits to my children and husband if I was happier?  I have also realized I have been selfish toward my children.  I need to guide and direct them, not try to control them. 

This realization has changed my outlook.....I pray that I will delight more in my children, that I will watch out for harshness and anger and put on a gentle and quiet spirit.  Scripture is replete with advice in this area.  I read Ephesians chapter 4 today and the Lord used it to bolster my understanding of His desire for me as  mother. 

I am so grateful to this wise mother for sharing her heart with us at the baby shower.  It is wonderful encouragement to get glimpses inside another person's family to gleen Biblical insights for your own.  Iron sharpens iron.    I am also thankful that God will complete the work He has started in me and that he loves my children more than I do.  He knows what He is doing.  As the wise woman said last night, "God gives us our specific children to help us to grow".  

WOOHOO!  As much as I enjoy homeschooling, I also love summer break!  We have finished the bulk of our school work for the year, with math, spelling, a bit of grammar and a few Latin lessons hanging on.  I may drop the rest of grammar though......

That is all for today....I just wanted to share my excitement with whoever is inclined to read this!