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It seems the problems lately have just been piling one on top of the other. These sort of things always seem to happen during the times that the hubby and I have considered or have tried returning to church as a family. In my own humble opinion, I think it is a spiritual attack. But who am I to know? I'm not exactly what you would term a 'faithful Christian'. As a matter of fact, I would be considered in a lot of circles as 'backslidden' or whatever term you wish to give it. I was saved at the age of 15 at church camp, though I grew up in church from a much younger age...around 4 or 5. However, upon accepting Christ as my saviour, I never received any kind of discipleship. I was just told to start reading my Bible and pray. I started to do this as best I could to my understanding of what a Christian ought to do. I still floundered badly, being in a public high school, non-Christian home, and around non-Christian friends much of the time. Upon entering college, I was struggling in my walk and not getting much out of my Bible readings. Yes, I read my Bible but never got any 'deep personal messages' out of the verses that I hear so many Christians talk/write about, even on these blogs. Though I was at a Christian college, not everyone there was a Christian, which I knew was just as typical as at the churches I had attended. I met my husband there, also a Christian. We both had devotions together in the beginning of our relationship, but we both quickly succumed to typical 'college life'. Since that time, we have both struggled in our faith. I attended church for six years without him during the first part of our marriage. He had no desire to attend anywhere but I felt the urge to be wtih fellow Christians. The church I chose seemed good at the time, yet my hubby didn't agree with their doctrine. I attended; however, it wasn't that friendly to 'single moms', which is what they treated me as since I attended with just my children and not my husband. I endured it for a time but couldn't handle it any longer and discontinued attending. Since then, I have brought up returning to church off and on to my husband...hoping that it would spark something in his heart. He still wasn't ready, but I was willing to wait. I didn't nag because I knew it would just be counterproductive. Last summer, my husband approached me about looking for a church to attend as a family. I was elated! I grew up Grace Brethren and he grew up Baptist...so there wasn't much of a difference in beliefs in our opinion. So, he was open to visiting a couple of the local Grace Brethren churches. We have visited two since summer (only a couple of times), yet it never worked out. His eagerness to return to church seemed to be squelched for a little while. Yet, in the last couple of weeks he has restated his interest yet again. But things seem to keep happening now...our van problems, and the last two weeks he has had not only overtime til the middle of the night on Sunday morning, but also exams for his schooling. Having to work a full-time job, his only school time is when he gets home...at night. I have been so disappointed lately, not only by our inability to attend as a family for one reason or another, but by all the 'stuff' that keeps popping up in our life to make it harder. Whenever we start to come together as a family, that's when Satan starts to attack us the hardest...with everything from car troubles to family medical issues. I don't consider myself a strong Christian by any stretch of the imagination. I would still consider myself a 'baby Christian', which is sad. Yes, I have 'head knowledge', but not a lot of persoal faith. Like I said, I was never discipled and never got a lot out of my Bible readings. So...over the years, my Bible time has slowly disappeared out of both frustration and lack of desire. My life has surely shown it too. I desperately want to right it, but don't really know where to begin, but to start back at church and be around fellow Christians. (in this aspect, co-op has been a blessing to me) I want this not only for myself, but for my girls. At their age, I knew all my books of the Bible, the stories about Jesus, verses out the yin yang...all of this by heart and with joy..knowing about God/Jesus. My girls do not. They know only a little here and there. Yes, it falls squarely on my husband and I's shoulders for this failure. This school year is the first time they have ALL actually had Bible time with me, during our school time in the Prairie Primer. It has been my Bible time as well. I have gotten to discuss many things during these Bible studies and even salvation...which my eldest two decided to accept Christ as their saviour! I desperately want to be a better example for them and know that I currently am a terrible one due to the lack of my own Christian walk. So, please, pray that all of this starts to work out, that we can get back in a church as a family, and that we don't keep getting bombarded with stuff. Also, that I find my way in my own walk with God so that I can lead my girls properly in theirs. |
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