Mom To Five - for the Pastor's wives...

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

for the Pastor's wives...

As I read through the blogs on HSB, I was struck by how many Pastor's wives are out there. Two of them, Diamonds In The Rough and Encouragement Along The Way have become blog friends and I love reading about their experiences and thoughts on raising kids and homeschooling while also being a Pastor's wife. Both of them seem to balance those roles very well.
I am not a Pastor's wife, I'm a Pastor's kid. This post is not a about how tough the ministry is, although I know it is at times. This post is meant to give you a perspective as a PK of how we look at the church and our parents and will hopefully give you some encouragement if you feel like you are pulled in too many directions.
My mom felt that pull as a Pastor's wife and mom. She wasn't perfect, but looking back I know my brothers and I feel she was close. Mom made it her mission to keep the family in tact, and she tackled that mission with everything she had.
So often I see Pastor's wives who are so busy teaching Sunday School, visiting people, playing the piano, etc, etc, that their schedule at church resembles a full-time job -- only they aren't getting paid. :-) I'm not saying any of those things are wrong, but time and time again their kids grow up resentful of the church because the kids feel it ALWAYS took priority over the family. My mom was busy...typed the bulletins, taught SS at times, sang in the choir, and helped where needed, but somehow she conveyed a love of mothering and home.
She made sure we were in bed on time instead of falling asleep in the church pews.
She allowed us to call my dad right in the middle of deacon's meetings to say goodnight (I chuckle thinking of all those men listening to my dad say goodnight to a chatty daughter).
She made dinner every night and we ate as a family, even if my dad had to leave again later.
She expected us to be in church faithfully.
She did not complain about people in the church or criticize them when they were hurtful to my dad.
She was hospitable to any missionary or special speaker that came through our churches, and through that gave us kids a chance to talk personally with many Godly Christian workers. We saw what God was doing all over the world and found out that there is a common bond in the Lord with complete strangers who are trying to serve him.
She got angry and frustrated like any other mom, but never let it last long. She desired a peaceful home and would not let us treat each other disrespectfully as brothers and sisters.
She insisted that we support each other in whatever was going on. If my brothers were playing a basketball game, we all went and cheered them on. If I was playing the piano in a concert then my brothers were there to support me. If my dad was speaking somewhere, we all went and listened.
As I grew older and we transitioned from mother/daughter to mother/daughter/friend she would tell me of the stories from our first churches. I couldn't believe some of the things they had gone through without us knowing. She has been a tremendous support to me as a mother, and is very close to my brothers and their wives.
It's not that my dad was neglectful or disconnected. Quite the contrary. But like most Pastors, he had a job to do and he was doing it for the Lord. He has poured his heart and soul into ministry and God has used him mightily. I respect him and love him and we have a great relationship.
I'm not writing this to make you feel pressured, but to tell you from a PK's perspective how much you shape and mold the family while working to be your husband's help meet. Don't put the church first, that's the ministry God called your husband to do. God called you to be his helper, and I can think of no better way to help a Pastor than to keep the home going strong. Titus talks about teaching the younger women to be a keeper of their home - to love their husbands and children. My mom definitely showed me and so many other women how to do that.

Tori

Note: my mom has a website if you're ever interested in some of her writings. She's down to earth and practical - always telling it like it is. sallyjoy.com

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Comments

Wednesday, January 2, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Momto5

Thank you for sharing this Tori! Your comment - "Don't put the church first, that's the ministry God called your husband to do." - you know I never really thought about it that way but my husband made sure the board understood that when he came on as pastor that I was not part of the bargain. As in: I would play piano (which I can't anyway but most pastor's wives can, right? :-)), teach etc. He made sure they knew I was a wife and mom first and that my job was at home. I have helped whenever it was needed but only for a season. There have been so many times when I would feel guilty because there was a need but I felt at that time I couldn't fulfill that need. My husband has always been an encouragement in that there was never any pressure to perform or always be available to do everything.

Okay I could keep rambling but I won't...thank you again for this post! :-) I look forward to checking out your mom's site.
~Tammy