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I haven't been blogging for the past couple of weeks. There has been a lot of stuff running through my head, but none of them seem to be something that can go in a blog. Today I stood here and wondered what I could type that wouldn't seem like rambling. The last several weeks have been very trying for our family. The details are not something to be written in a blog, but life continues to move on. I don't know if you'll understand what I mean, but sometimes when you're going through some trials you feel like life should just stand still. Like everything else should stop moving so you can deal with the current crisis. I am a very regimented person normally, as I know I have blogged about before. I always do laundry and ironing on Monday and Thursday, and if I can't do it on those days I get it done the day before - not after. I pay bills on Tuesday and make phone calls on Wednesday. Friday we run errands and Saturday we work around the house. Well, right now I have a huge pile of laundry, my bills are overdue and the house has piles everywhere that I should be putting away. Where is the homemaking fairy that arrives to take care of those things when you're in crisis management? :-) UPDATE - started this blog last week (January 30th) - finally getting back to it today, February 5th. I don't want to give the impression we're falling apart...we're actually doing better. This week, for the first time, we're getting some things back on track. I actually cleaned our garage yesterday. And it was scary. Why does the garage always seem to collect so much junk? I put stuff in there, and then end up giving or throwing it away after a couple months...should just do that in the first place. I'm going to post a blog I put out there last week concerning Valentines Day, and then try to post some more of the positive events and pictures from the last month. Thank you so much to those who have written asking how we're doing. It means so much to me that you would take the time to do that. February
The month universally set aside to celebrate love. You can't avoid the candy hearts, over-supply of flowers and abundance of mushy cards. I’m not a particularly sentimental person, so I don’t always deal well with deep emotional topics. For some reason, though, I was thinking the other day about how weird love is. Really. If you try to define it then you either sound sappy or cynical. As I continued to think about it, the words of this blog started bouncing around in my head. I’m probably ruining my reputation for not being gushy or overly-romantic, but I thought I’d send this out anyway.
We all have different experiences with love….some positive, some painful. This is one way to describe love: "Love is a canvas pattern furnished by nature, and embroidered by imagination." “To love a person is to learn the song (anonymous) Now isn't that sweet? Makes ya feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it? Another person portrays love this way: “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” (Neil Gaiman) Now there is a person who's been burned more than one time. I would suspect that most of us fall into the middle of these two quotes. This next quote seems to express it best. “But some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.” (anonymous) Most days, love is simpy there. It's not something we consciously think about - it just exists. We don't operate based on a clinical definition of what love is, it's something that comes out in the actions we show towards those around us. But go back to the first time you realized you loved someone. You were so aware of what you were feeling at that time. There was this rush of emotion that was almost too big to handle. You didn't know whether to jump up and down and holler or fall on your knees and cry. Even better was the first time you realized the object of your affection loved you in return. It was not one-sided or held in secret...it was out there - both of you knew that your lives were going to be greatly affected by the other and living a life without that person would leave either big holes or painful scars. Few times in our lives do we get to feel that rush of emotion. You can't manufacture it by falling in "love at first sight", and you can't replace it with empty relationships that fade after the first wave of feelings are over. It is built over time and experience, trust and appreciation. Pretty soon you look at that person and think, "How did I ever NOT love them?" There may people who have never felt love this strong – but I would guess that either they are going to experience it in the future when they meet the right person, or they have closed the emotional fountains in their lives and haven’t been able to receive what someone has tried to give them. If the first reason is true, then be excited for what the future has to hold. If the second reason is holding you back, then let go. Let the bitterness, anger, resentment or pain wash away and open up to someone who is waiting to give you love that is so tangible you can almost reach out and touch it. I am lucky - I have felt that emotion. I have experienced the tingle that goes up your arm when you brush hands for the first time. I have enjoyed the exchange of glances when you know someone is excited to see you. I have stood next to someone and felt their arm go around my shoulder. I have been nervous and excited for the first kiss, and then relieved when that kiss was everything you anticipated. But most importantly, I have shared some of my most personal thoughts and feelings with someone who I had learned to love enough to trust completely. So…enjoy this month. Go ahead and decide to show love to someone. Give them what you can - and always accept what they offer to you. Accept flowers. Buy cards. Kiss a little more often and squeeze their hand just for the fun of seeing their reaction. Whether it's words, actions, time, gifts or touch...it really makes no difference. Just enjoy the feeling that someone loves you. Not just for today or this week, but a love that is lasting. Even when you don't deserve it, or when you can't feel it, it will be there. Happy Valentines Day…. |
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