• May. 7, 2009
Just a Little Sad Today
When my kids were babies or little and even when they were bigger, but still had some time before they were on the threshhold of going out on their own I thought I would relish the time I had time for myself. I thought that time was a long way off. With each child who left home I always knew there was still time left and more kids to go.
Now though I am almost to the last one. I am to the last of my kids with my first dh. After this there will be one more, but the last ds to leave is making me sad.
I am now facing the last of my first five leaving home and I am feeling very melancholy. I know each one of them leaving was something that was and is right. But oh there is a pain in my heart for the door that is closing.
Yes, I know another door will open, but to have my last of the first five of my kids have their attentions and focus elsewhere right now is ....I don't know.....I don't know for sure what I am feeling. He is eagerly embracing life and can't wait to experience what new horizons will hold, while I remember and my dearest memories of those past years flood my mind.
I long to spend the last bits of time he has before graduation with him because these days will never come again. Once he graduates next month the last remaining hurdle before adulthood will be accomplished.
How odd that I didn't see time marching speedily on all these years. I didn't see the day fast approaching that would bring us to this, although I knew it was in the distance. I am happy for him and yet I know of things he has yet to discover and one of them is what I face right now as he prepares to leave the nest. A day he will face himself if he goes on to marry and have a family.
Some days I wish I had those times back, but I know I was once just like he is. I couldn't wait to get on with living and be inducted into the adult world.
Well this too shall pass. I guess this is just a sad time of year for me and I have had a lot of things to reminisce about and reflect on. I have been thinking of my father who passed away barely two years ago and my older kids father who died thirteen years ago this past month. Also my oldest dd who married Friday on what would have been mine and her father's thirty third anniversary, not to mention Levi's pending graduation.
I feel lonely. My dh won't be home until later in the week and I'm feeling alone. This is when I could really use a really good close friend. McKenna's sick and oh sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I'm going to finish this before I really become a whining bawl bag and start really bawling.
Now though I am almost to the last one. I am to the last of my kids with my first dh. After this there will be one more, but the last ds to leave is making me sad.
I am now facing the last of my first five leaving home and I am feeling very melancholy. I know each one of them leaving was something that was and is right. But oh there is a pain in my heart for the door that is closing.
Yes, I know another door will open, but to have my last of the first five of my kids have their attentions and focus elsewhere right now is ....I don't know.....I don't know for sure what I am feeling. He is eagerly embracing life and can't wait to experience what new horizons will hold, while I remember and my dearest memories of those past years flood my mind.
I long to spend the last bits of time he has before graduation with him because these days will never come again. Once he graduates next month the last remaining hurdle before adulthood will be accomplished.
How odd that I didn't see time marching speedily on all these years. I didn't see the day fast approaching that would bring us to this, although I knew it was in the distance. I am happy for him and yet I know of things he has yet to discover and one of them is what I face right now as he prepares to leave the nest. A day he will face himself if he goes on to marry and have a family.
Some days I wish I had those times back, but I know I was once just like he is. I couldn't wait to get on with living and be inducted into the adult world.
Well this too shall pass. I guess this is just a sad time of year for me and I have had a lot of things to reminisce about and reflect on. I have been thinking of my father who passed away barely two years ago and my older kids father who died thirteen years ago this past month. Also my oldest dd who married Friday on what would have been mine and her father's thirty third anniversary, not to mention Levi's pending graduation.
I feel lonely. My dh won't be home until later in the week and I'm feeling alone. This is when I could really use a really good close friend. McKenna's sick and oh sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I'm going to finish this before I really become a whining bawl bag and start really bawling.
