• Oct. 1, 2009
Empty Nest Syndrome?
Is it possible to have empty nest syndrome even before all the kids leave home? I have been feeling pretty sad the last few days thinking about Levi leaving for AIT. I can't help, but think of my youth and all the years that have passed and how I often wish lately I had all my kids at home.
McKenna is of course still at home, but I know how fast the years go and in nine short years I will face her being the last one to leave the nest. Then I get to thinking of when I am all alone living here on our farm.
It makes me wish I had grabbed onto all the lost opportunities I had for memories when the kids were younger. All the things I wanted to do or planned to do, but was too afraid or let myself be talked out of doing.
How short time really is. As a young girl I thought that time seemed to almost stand still. I thought I would never be old enough to drive a car or any number of other things. I thought the school years would never end. I thought my parents would be here for as long as I needed them.
My daddy is gone now, but I still need him here and I miss my grandparents more than ever. My grandmother who always spent time with me and told me stories, painted my fingernails, gave me perfume and talcum powder to make me feel pretty and told me often I could be a model.
I stop and think of all the years of history I have shared with people in my life. Some for a short time and others a history that spans almost half a century. That is a lot of living and time for memories to be made. My bank of memories could be fuller if I hadn't held back or been so afraid. Of what I'm not sure.
Now I find myself on the threshold of a new experience and I am sad and fearful again. I don't want to be left alone. I like being included in my kids day to day lives. Yes, I know most of my kids have left home and I still have frequent contact and yes I do have other interests and hobbies to keep me busy.
But busyness is not really a substitute for mothering. For this kind of mothering, instead of mothering from afar. My dh is leaving to go back to work today and Levi leaves Tuesday and ships out the next day. I know once he has left I'm going to feel that void that is left when one of your fledgelings has left the nest.
Not sure why I'm sharing. I guess I just need to share. It's just going to be a hard week with my dh leaving today, my ds leaving Tuesday and Gabrielle moving Monday. I always thought it would get easier with each child. Instead it gets harder. It was way easier when my oldest left home than it is now. 
Big "SIGH." I don't even want to think of when my ds ships overseas. All I can say to you mom's with your babies still by your side is hang onto those years and cherish them. Because they are little now, but one day you will turn around and in their place will be a grown young man or woman where that child once stood and you'll wonder how time passed so fast.
