Jun. 12, 2008

   Rediscovering Myself

You've all read about the saga of my last five years in California.  How it took so much from me and left me changed in both good and bad ways - but the bad ways are the ones that seem the most memorable (painful.) 

But my focus has been off for longer than that.  It's possible that my focus has been off since shortly after we married and bought The Village Inn.  By necessity, the guests and business were the forefront in my daily life.  They came first - my household came second (or last, oftentimes.)

The primary symptom of this problem is and has been the state of my home.  Cluttered, unkept, a major mess, it has not felt like "home" truly since before I became an innkeeper.  My focus was always on keeping the inn spotless, welcoming and cheery - and my home suffered as a result.  I can only be stretched so far and I am obviously going to give my attention to my number one priority and for 10 years, that has been the comfort and care of my paying guests.

But now, my innkeeping days are behind me and I can once again refocus on what is most important.  Yes, we have two businesses in the process of start-up, both in our home.  However, neither requires my constant, around the clock attention that guests demanded.  To change 10 years of habit does not happen overnight though.

My number one issue is - SURPRISE! - the time I spend online.  I can pass several hours in the blink of an eye because I love to research.  LOVE LOVE LOVE it.  Give me a topic and I will google and search until the wee morning hours.  And then I must visit all of my various forums and read a number of blogs...  All while my house is in disarray and my husband and child order take-out for dinner and search for clean socks.  *sigh*

Second, now that I'm no longer in the woods in the middle of nowhere, there are places I can go.  People I can visit.  Stores I can shop at.  Drive-thrus I can partake of.  It seems I am suddenly running an awful lot of errands.  It reminds me very much of my lifestyle in Atlanta.  Constantly on the run.  I grew to hate being in the car - but was often required to run from here to there in order to pick up things that were required at the bed and breakfast.  I have no such excuse now!  I just like to be able to go places.  And I think (brace yourself) I think I am AVOIDING my responsibilities at home.

Essentially, it all boils down to one thing.  Self indulgence and lack of self control!  Selfishness!  Putting myself first and my family last.  A very bad thing indeed.

To be continued...

 

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Comments

Jun. 12, 2008 - I'm right there with you!

Posted by nicolenordman

Christy,
The Lord just opened my eyes to the very same thing yesterday. I've been obsessed with what my neighbors from hell(excuse my French) are doing instead of being focused on my house.
The devil has a way of getting us sidetracked and busy doing unimportant things.
Here is what busy means:

Being
Under
Satan's
Yoke

I haven't gone anywhere in the last two days and it's been wonderful!

You are not alone in this area!

Talk to you later!

Sarah

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Jun. 16, 2008 - Funny thing is.....

Posted by Tania

I have just been thinking the same thing but in a different way. I need to give my family more attention but I also need to give my self more attention, something I have NOT done in well a good year or too. I have been focused on what is all around me and the kids and I have realized that in order for me to have a happy household I need to be happy and if that means throwing Lexie in a jogging stroller at 6am and going for a run so be it, if it means dragging Matt and Amanda down the road for a walk then so be it, in the end we all benefit and a happy mummy makes a happy home!!
You will be fine my dear!!!!

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