The past months my heart has been too full and my schedule even fuller.

The days seem endless and yet - I've struggled to create order and schedule.  I stay home and still my heart and mind is not focused on my home. I have come to the realization that I have gotten off track.

I (re)learned recently that I could probably be labeled a Melancholy-Choleric.  I am an organized homebody with administrative and leadership abilities which drag me out of my home - then I like to complain about it.  I'm learning that often we are gifted with two things that seem in conflict with each other.  This in itself seems to create the perfect situation for God to draw us near and keep us reliant on Him.

As it is for me.  So what is the secret to joy?  How can my melancholy spirit feel the joy I long for?  It is so simple and still I don't see it for many days sometimes.  He offers me joy in the music that delights my soul and in the nature all around me.  How do I go for days ignoring such things?  When I find my way back to His fellowship I rediscover these tokens He has offered me.  For some these tokens may be the fellowship of other believers, the sharing and the relating that reveals God's love for  us.  He speaks to each of us in the language we understand intimately and deeply. 

I am sometimes embarrased and ashamed about my personality makeup.  Sadly, I have been influenced by someone who taught me that this inner conflict between the cheerleader and the dark brooding artist equated to being insincere and fake, that those two contrasting personalities in me meant I wasn't being real part of the time.  How could that be? 

I must learn and know the truth.  God created this in me.  It is not a punishment or a flaw - but the gift He has given to me to reveal His glory to others and to minister to my person, my inner being.  Through my melancholy He speaks to my soul and through my choleric He (may) speak to others.  He is a God of order and balance - and I am living proof of that.  So are you.  I see it in my spouse and children.  I see it in my closest girlfriend as I watch her personal struggles. 

Delight in it.  Embrace it.  Being someone who has always shied away from conflict - I understand that avoiding conflict here on earth is no good for us.  Even if there is no external conflict - such as relational conflict - the inner conflict almost always affects us or we are ignoring it.  I don't know anyone who doesn't have days or weeks when they don't struggle within themselves to balance.

So my lesson today - I cannot eliminate the conflict - but balance it.  As if I am walking a tightrope - God has given me the pole for balance and provided the net underneath me.  All I have to do is walk - be obedient and BALANCE.

May God bless your day - see Him everywhere -

for He is everywhere!