by Tammy Drennan

Leadership – Above all, I want my children to lead, not follow. That doesn’t necessarily mean I want them to always be in charge or to head up corporations. I just want to be certain that in any given situation they feel so confident in themselves and their convictions that they’ll set the standard of behavior rather than follow that of others.

Kindness – There is no excuse for being unkind to another human being. This is a character trait that must be inculcated in children from the time they’re very young. Sometimes you must be firm or even stern, but never unkind.

Humor – The ability to laugh at yourself when you make a silly mistake or to indulge in a little self-deprecating humor goes a long way in relationships, as well as personal satisfaction. Ditto the willingness to laugh with others (but never at them).

Empathy – We say it but I’m not sure we believe it – you can never understand another person until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. If you can’t walk a mile in his shoes, you can cut him a little slack. I’m not talking about making excuses for poor or wrong behavior – just making sure that all interactions with others are conducted in the spirit of understanding rather than self-righteousness.

Conflict Resolution – This is the willingness to maturely and calmly face differences and work through them, even when the other party is reluctant.

Helpfulness – I want my children to be able to quickly recognize a need and be the first ones to jump in to help. That need may be physical and require some muscle or it may be emotional and require a kind word or deed.

Reverence for Life – Is this a social skill? Obviously, it’s much more than that, but reverence for life is the attitude that helps us treat others as we would like to be treated, even if they’re different from us.

Small Talk – This is a tough one in our house where even our humor tends toward the heavy side. But it’s a skill that proves useful in social situations – being able to easily banter back and forth for limited amounts of time about trivial topics like the weather or whatever little things are going on around you.

Selflessness – By this I mean the habit of focusing on others rather than on self. This may be one of the most important and least possessed social skills on the planet. How often do you talk with someone who is more interested in you than in herself?

Listening – To truly listen to others is to revolutionize your relationships. Listen with your attention so fully on the other person that you actually begin to take an interest and ask follow-up questions rather than jump in with your own stories or experiences.