Diamond Epistles
Posted in Parenting
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Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. There have been entire books written about parenting by far more educated and better writers than I, yet I want to write about one of my great fears in parenting my children, and that is the fear of losing my children's hearts. I have very high expectations of my children, and when I say something, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I am quite creative when it comes to discipline tactics. I strongly believe in discipline, and I believe that true discipline is lacking in many homes in this generation. I believe there are some measures we can take as parents to ensure that we do not lose our children's hearts. There is a time and place when it is appropriate to let our children know that we are angry with them but it is never ok to hit or spank a child when you are angry. Getting even with your child is not mature parenting, nor is that even discipline. Getting even with your child is simply childish behavior on the part of the parent! Discipline is not merely punishment. I think a lot of people get mixed up right there. Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Discipline is training, teaching a child in the way he ought to go. Discipline takes a lot of work, a lot of talking, a lot of diligence, and consistency, and yes, usually with appropriate consequences. Many parents are simply too lazy to be bothered so they figure if they yell and spank they've "disciplined". Spanking may improve a child's behavior and for that reason many parents think it's worked! But if it hasn't touched and changed their hearts...if they don't understand why we must not do such and such, but are simply following the rules to avoid punishment, they are not going to have it in their heart when they grow up. This is why we must train them so that God's principles are deeply engrained in their hearts. There is definitely a time and place to teach your children to obey instantly, "because I said so." If your toddler is running to the street, he needs to be obedient when he hears his parent holler "STOP!" There is no time for explanations. Instant obedience is for his own safety. But there is nothing wrong with explaining to your child later, the reason why they must always obey instantly. Mommy and Daddy love them very much and only want to protect them. If we constantly make rules and say no to our children with no other explanation than "because I said so" they will grow to resent us. Sending a child to their room alone for long periods of time for a "timeout" is simply creating a breeding ground for sulky, brooding attitudes. Timeouts, if used, should be done in view of the parents so that any lingering attitude can be corrected. I won't let my kids up til they can smile at me. Properly. ;) As parents we also need to be educated about basic child deveopment. It is fine to challenge our kids but if we expect more from them than they are capable of doing we provoke them to anger and frustration. It really isn't realistic to expect a toddler to sit perfectly still and quiet throughout a 2 hour church service. Their attention spans are short and those muscles need to move! Let them jump and clap during the worship time and save the colouring books and sippy cups for when they must be quiet during the preaching time. I used to get frustrated with my son because he seemed so rowdy at times. But he has energy. He needs an outlet for that! There are times when I expect him to be quiet, but I must also provide for his basic need to burn off that energy! After each disciplinary session, it is important that the parents take the time to hug and pray with their child and let them know they are loved and valued. It is important to read a scripture pertaining to that behavior so that your child knows this is bigger than just what mom and dad think. This is about what God thinks. It is important for them to know that they are forgiven, so that as they grow older they can accept God's grace and forgiveness. As parents we are not perfect. We all blow it sometimes. The best thing you can do for your child is to tell them you were wrong, apologize and make it right. Nothing will pull your child's heart from you as fast as a parent who can't admit they were wrong. Deu 6:4-7 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. The Bible clearly indicates that we are to spend a lot of time talking and teaching and explaining God's Word to our children as we go about our daily lives. Our children do not always have to agree with us, or even like the rules we lay down, but if they understand our heart, and see our love, we will not lose their hearts |
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