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When you get what you want as you struggle for self
And the world makes you queen for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what THAT woman has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or husband
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The person whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass
She's the person to please, never mind all the rest,
For she's with you clear up to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the woman in the glass is your friend
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life,
And get pats on your back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the woman in the glass.
by Archibald Hart
For so many years I have based my identity and my self image on what other people think of me. I have craved words of affirmation in nearly everything I do. It's not that I seek praise. I simply want to know........ Did I do a good job? Am I good enough? Every sunday that I lead worship, I ask my husband........"did I do a good job? did I do ok?" When I bake something, I want to know..."Is it good? Did you enjoy it?" but the underlying question is "Am I a good wife/mother/friend? Am I pleasing you?"
But no matter how many times somebody tells me I'm doing a good job, it is never enough to quench that question of my heart. Am I good enough? Sure, words of affirmation from other people make me happy for a little while, but I am so very harsh and critical of myself that I really struggle to believe them deep down. Nobody has said or thought such cruel words about me as I have about myself. I look in the mirror and tell that girl she's ugly and she's fat. I look around my house and see mess, and I tell that girl she's a lazy slob. I lose my patience, or my temper and I tell that girl in the mirror that she's out of control, she's crazy, and she's a horrible person and corrupt in the very core of her soul. I am constantly reminding myself that I do not measure up.
The devil is the biggest identity thief there ever was. He wants to rob us of knowing who we are in Christ!!! Yes we are sinners, and yes the heart is deceitfully wicked as the Bible says, and in ourselves we are nothing, but when we get ahold of WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST, we have a solid foundation to build our identity.
If I base my identity on what others think of me, I am giving them far too much power over me. For one thing, are their perceptions even accurate? If I base my identity on unrealistic standards I have set for myself, or based on my appearance, or based on things I possess, or how much money I have, or how much education I have.... I am going to constantly ride a roller coaster for those are shaky foundations to base your identity.
To build a healthy self esteem, first we need to belong and know that we are wanted, accepted, cared for and enjoyed for who we are. God created us to fellowship with Him. He enjoys being with us. He cares about us. When we are born again, we are adopted in His family and we belong to Him!
Second we need to feel worthy. We must be able to say, "I'm good. I'm all right. I count" We often only feel worthy when we do something good, or measure up to some standard, but in God's eyes, we don't need to keep striving to be worthy. None of us are truly "worthy" of what Jesus has done for us, but He has deemed us worthy! He loves us even while we are sinners. He sees not what we are, but what we can be. We are a work in progress. We don't have to be perfect to be worthy of His love. 2Co 3:5 Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;
Thirdly, we need to feel competent.... we need to know that we can do something and cope with life successfully. God declares that we are competent. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
It's time to renew my mind and start believing what God believes about me. I am tired of letting the devil rob me of my identity! I am tired of believing his lies. I am loved. Though not perfect, through Jesus, I am a good person. I don't have to earn God's love. He loves me already. He loved me as a freckle faced little kid. He loves me when I am angry and rebellious and He loves me when I am walking a straight path. He is FOR me! He is not waiting and watching for me to fall so He can punish me. He wants me to succeed. Through His strength I can do anything He calls me to do. I am His child. I am an heir of Christ. My identity is in Him.
*This devotion was written by me, but greatly inspired by Chapter 10 of "Always Daddy's Girl" by H. Norman Wright
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