I find so many teachable moments in daily every day living.  If we just keep our ears and eyes open there are so many opportunities to not only teach our children, but also for ourselves to learn....

For father's day we went out to eat, and as we went right after church we were still quite dressed up.  Our girls in particular were in their fanciest dresses that they currently own and their hair was done up in pretty little "up-do's".  As we made our way through the restaurant, Brianna walked in front of me and I noticed that heads were turning to admire my daughter.  Old ladies smiled and I could hear ooohs and awwws which made me catch their eyes knowingly and smile too.

When we sat down I told Brianna, that she was turning heads all over the restaurant and she was embarrassed.  I told her not to be embarrassed but to keep her chin up and smile!  She said, "But mom, people will think I'm stuck up if I keep my chin up!"

And in that instant I had this light bulb moment.  I have thought like Brianna all my life.  "Be invisible. Don't make eye contact.  Don't be too pretty.  Don't act like you're somebody..... people will think you're stuck up.  Somebody might get jealous"

But when Brianna said that to me, the light clicked on.  "Nobody will think you're a snob if you look them in the eye and smile your sweet smile!" 

It's not about our clothes, hair or posture.  Though there is nothing wrong with dressing nicely (and modestly) and it is quite advisable to pay attention to personal grooming, that is not what makes us anything.  It's about our attitude and spirits.  So stand up straight.  Keep your chin up.  And smile!  We are heirs of the Father.   And that's what makes us royal.  Know that you are His child and that He dwells within you.  Don't be afraid to let Jesus shine through you! And as you radiate His peace and love and grace, you will exude confidence, and as you lift your chin and look into people's eyes and smile, you may just liberate others to do the same!

1Pe 3:3-4 Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

There have been entire books written about parenting by far more educated and better writers than I, yet I want to write about one of my great fears in parenting my children, and that is the fear of losing my children's hearts.

I have very high expectations of my children, and when I say something, I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I am quite creative when it comes to discipline tactics.  I strongly believe in discipline, and I believe that true discipline is lacking in many homes in this generation.

I believe there are some measures we can take as parents to ensure that we do not lose our children's hearts.  There is a time and place when it is appropriate to let our children know that we are angry with them but it is never ok to hit or spank a child when you are angry.  Getting even with your child is not mature parenting, nor is that even discipline. Getting even with your child is simply childish behavior on the part of the parent!

Discipline is not merely punishment. I think a lot of people get mixed up right there. 

Pro 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Discipline is training, teaching a child in the way he ought to go.  Discipline takes a lot of work, a lot of talking, a lot of diligence, and consistency, and yes, usually with appropriate consequences.  Many parents are simply too lazy to be bothered so they figure if they yell and spank they've "disciplined".  Spanking may improve a child's behavior and for that reason many parents think it's worked!  But if it hasn't touched and changed their hearts...if they don't understand why we must not do such and such, but are simply following the rules to avoid punishment, they are not going to have it in their heart when they grow up.  This is why we must train them so that God's principles are deeply engrained in their hearts. 

There is definitely a time and place to teach your children to obey instantly, "because I said so."   If your toddler is running to the street, he needs to be obedient when he hears his parent holler "STOP!"  There is no time for explanations. Instant obedience is for his own safety.  But there is nothing wrong with explaining to your child later, the reason why they must always obey instantly.  Mommy and Daddy love them very much and only want to protect them.  If we constantly make rules and say no to our children with no other explanation than "because I said so"  they will grow to resent us.

My children are like my second chance at life.  I don't mean that I am one of those parents who live their dreams through their children, (except for the piano lessons...haha)  but through them I get a second chance at being a kid.  I get to snuggle soft little bodies next to me, and read "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch.  I get to giggle at jokes that make no sense but we laugh because the other one is laughing and we just laugh and laugh.  I get to blow bubbles and draw pictures with sidewalk chalk.  I get to play memory game and go fish.  I even get to play dolls if I want to.  I can go to the park and swing on the swings and nobody looks at me weird because I'm there with my kids.  I can watch my children's minds grow and develop into the most caring and wise human beings.  As I watch their relationship with their daddy and see the love of God for His children as it is meant to be...... there is something within me restored constantly, through my children.  I feel my own love for them as their mother and I know that it is from God. I love my kids so much it physically HURTS sometimes. I would not lay down my life for just anybody, but I would for them.  I would rather fall and scrape my knee than have them scrape theirs.  I am FAR from a perfect mother.  So if I love my kids as much and deeply as I do, how much more does our God love us.  How much more does He want to restore in us, that which is broken, that which has been eaten and destroyed. God has restored much to me already through my children.

One thing I want to instill in my children that I never had, is self esteem.  I picked up this cute little book the other day at the preschool and flipped through it.  Here are some of my favorite easy things to do to raise your child's self esteem...

excerpts from the book "Raise Your Child's Self esteem - 99 easy things to do" by Nancy Krulik

• Tell your child that you love him at least once a day
• Try to take your child's feelings seriously. Don't say "she'll grow out of it" or "it's not so bad"
• Let your child know it's ok to make mistakes. Admit your own
• Laugh at your child's jokes - even when you don't get them
• Praise your child's efforts without worrying about the results
• Teach your child that "can't" is not forever. With a little hard work your child will learn a new skill and turn "can't" into "I can"
• Pay attention to your child's random acts of kindness and thank him for it
• Don't let your child go to bed angry with you - or thinking that you are angry at him
• Always say good-bye before you leave. Sneaking away will make your child mistrust you
• Let your child cry if he needs to. There's no need for him to always take things like a grown up. Remember he's only a kid
• Start an "I can" can.  Decorate with stickers and whatnot. Every time your child accomplishes something new, write it down and put it in the can.  Every once in awhile check the contents of the can so your child can see how much they've learned
• Carry your child's photo in your wallet
• Let your child push the button in the elevator
• Take a day off to go on your child's field trip
• Listen to one of their favorite CD's.
• Let your child record the message on the family answering machine
• Play school together and let your child be the teacher
• Get your child his own magazine subscription
• Set aside a special talking time each day when you can discuss the day's events. Keep this time sacred - no tv shows or telephone calls can interrupt
• Instead of asking your child how school was, try asking him three great things he did that day
• Teach your child the lullabies you sang to him when he was a baby

And here's one from me.......... When you hug your child, don't let go until they do. :)

The past month or so I've really been focusing on disciplining myself specifically in two areas. One is daily bible reading. The other is exercise, which I've been doing every other day...but am thinking i need to bump that up even more.  As mom becomes more disciplined in these areas, she's also noticing some things in her kids that needed work.  One was lippy mouths, that sometimes I let slide because it's always done in 'fun', especially by my funny son!......but I'm thinking it's really not that funny anymore.  The other thing was the whiny/argumentative response to mom asking them to do any chores/homework/practising piano etc....  NOT acceptable.  So we've dished out some rude medicine this past weekend and all their mouths have been healed. Hallelujah.

The other thing I'm getting tough on, is the amount of time sitting on a couch watching some form of entertainment on a screen.  Today I doled out tickets (you can buy a huge roll of them at the dollar store).... 10 tickets, per week, each valued at 30 minutes of brain sucking entertainment. (video or xbox) No one is allowed to sit in front of the screen without a valid ticket.... (these are to be used mon-fri.........weekends are usually super busy anyways with church activities, and music lessons, and that is when we may watch family entertainment if we have time.) 

Frankly I don't think I'm even being strict. I'm being MORE than reasonable. My kids don't think so, but I think an hour of brain sucking activity a day is way more than enough.  This will force them to choose carefully how they want to spend their tickets.  Of course they cannot spend a ticket until all homework, reading, tutoring (Garnet) and piano practise is done. 

Next on my list....... making a list of daily chores for the kids.

Should you trust your children?

I was chatting on the phone with someone today and they told me they would never trust their kids, that noone should ever trust their kids (to tell the truth), that all kids are going to make mistakes and they will all lie.

I disagree.  Yes all kids will make mistakes. (Duh! Like WE don't???) and yes probably all kids will tell a lie at some point in their child hood.  That's normal.  You correct it and you go on.  It's called learning. Does that mean you should NEVER trust your kids?  I don't think so.  I completely trust my kids.  I am not a naive mother who thinks her kids can do no wrong, but I have trained them diligently from day one, that if they lie to me, the consequences will be much harsher than if they tell the truth in the first place.  The thing is you CORRECT IT!

I completely trust my children to tell me the truth, and the odd time I am not sure if they fudging the truth, I will say to them, "You better be telling me the truth, for if I find out you're not, you are dog meat.  And I WILL find out.  I will ALWAYS find out....." 

That always makes them cave.  If they were lying, at this point, they will tell me the truth.....If at this point, they are still sticking to their story I would bet my my cadbury creme egg that's hidden in my dresser drawer that they're not lying, especially my eldest. She's as honest as the day is long. 

And my middle....she might lie in the fear of the moment but she will always confess later.  But we've dealt with that and she is now aware that it is best to tell the truth in the first place. 

All of my kids have a healthy conscience. And I trust that. does that mean I believe they will never lie to me in their life? Well, no.... they might. They're human. They are capable of lying. But I can't live in constant suspicion of them!

Am I a naive mother? I don't think so. I'm not blind to my kids faults. I don't close my eyes to what goes on around me. I am conscious of their moods, actions, whereabouts etc....but  My goodness, if your own parents don't believe in you who will? And how will THEY believe in themselves?  I trust them until they give me reason not to trust them.  We haven't quite hit the teen years so maybe I'll change my mind then. I hope not. I want to be able to believe in and trust my kids.  I think that if you are constantly suspicious and never trusting your kids they are defeated before they've begun and they just give up and don't care.  My kids know I trust them and I have taught them that trust is a treasure, that they better not break it for it is nearly impossible to fix, once broken.  And it is very important to them to keep my trust.

Am I delusional? Do you think parents should NEVER EVER trust their kids?

Mat 18:3-6  And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

How often have we thought of children as a nuisance to be dealt with rather than a blessing?  How often have we been unnecessarily harsh with them because they get on our nerves.  How many of us stuff them away in the nursery, so that we can be more 'spiritual' in church, rather than taking the time to train them how to behave.  How many times have we snickered a little at the thought of 'children's church' or children's ministries, as though it were somehow inferior to grown up church, and worse, gone as a spectator and not gotten involved in praying our little ones through?

Children are very very important in the Kingdom of God.  If you receive a child in His name, you are receiving Him. In fact Jesus went so far as to say that if you not become like a little child you will not make it to heaven!!

If we offend any of these little ones, if we are unnecessarily harsh with them, if we cause them to stumble and fall, it would be better for us to be drowned in the ocean than to offend a child.  That's Jesus words. Not mine!

Yes they must be trained, but they must be treated with loving care and respect.  They have feelings, and those children that are not treated right, grow up into an adult society full of issues. 

How did Jesus react when children interrupted his sermon?  Did he scold them and rebuke their mothers for not disciplining them? No, he took them on his lap and he blessed them, and he made them feel important.

Children are a blessing from God.  Jesus loves children.  When we love on these little ones entrusted to our care we are also loving on Jesus.

Lord, help us to love the children you have placed in our path. Help us to see them through Your eyes.