Living Sacrifice
May. 8, 2008

Training Children in Idolatry

I was recently posed the question, “How do you ensure that your children develop a God-oriented heart?”

I am participating in a small group study of Ted Tripp’s book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  Mr. Tripp explains how man is designed by God to worship.  That is part of the need God creates in us—the need for Him.  Because of this, humans are easily bedazzled and impressed.  We are designed that way.  God designed us that way so that we would fill that need by choosing Him, worshipping Him.

But how can children choose to fill the urge and need to worship with God when many (most) parents throw at them anything and everything that awes and impresses them?  If a little boy likes Spiderman, it is not long before he owns Spiderman underwear, Spiderman pajamas, Spiderman light-up tennis shoes, eight Spiderman t-shirts, all the Spiderman toys, Spiderman movies, Spiderman books, Spiderman coloring books, Spiderman dinnerware, Spiderman sheets, comforters, curtains, wallpaper border, and a sleeping bag…. Same goes for Dora, Sponge Bob, Blue’s Clues, Batman, Disney, Barney, or whatever the child starts to show an interest…

Hmmm.  How are children going to choose to be in awe of and worship an invisible, infinite, omnipresent, omnipotent God when we continually give them tangible, visible, understandable gods.

Wasn’t that the Israelites’ problem?  They were used to living in Egypt with tangible, visible Gods.  The Pharaoh was a hero, who called himself a god with super powers.  He was visible, tangible, audible.  People were easily awed by him. There were statues, hieroglyphs, and action figures of him and his gods to see, touch, and feel.  When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, God became real to them through the plagues and His supernatural works and protection.  But, when Moses disappeared for a few days to the top of Mount Sinai, how quickly did they forget the invisible God and clamor for their tangible ones? 

And just like parents do, when children are impressed or pleased and they run out and buy the Spiderman toy, Aaron ran out and got the Israelites their golden calf.  It’s so much easier to just please them, to make them content, than it is to train them and teach them about the invisible God! 

Think about how God tried to solve this problem for the Israelites.  He commanded them, when they got to Canaan, to destroy and/or drive out EVERY inhabitant of the land and to not mix with them.  God knew how quickly the Israelites would be lured and awed and impressed by the tangible, visible, false gods of the Canaanites, and their groves and altars and trinkets and jewelry and idols.  And they were. Even the most “godly” of them thought nothing of having “idols” decorating their homes. 

Isn’t that just like today—where even our Christian leaders think nothing of filling their homes with idols to entertain and awe their children.  The Israelite girls copied the dress and styles of the beautiful and popular young girls of the Canaanites—much, I’m sure, in the same way young girls today copy the style and dress of their favorite Disney channel star.  They couldn’t resist the beautiful groves and fascinating rituals/gatherings that were all the social rage if you were “cool.”  Much like today we can’t resist the movie theaters or the TV or the video games, or the clothing with the idols plastered all over it.

Have you ever had a Godly leader suggest to you to consider turning off your TV?  To not  watch movies?  Isn't this the same thing as God telling the Israelites to drive out/destroy the Canaanites. 

We parents take the easy route.  It is easy to let our children idolize things because they are designed by God to worship and idolize something. Giving them their idols keeps them happy and content.  We like to see them excited, loving something, and taking an interest.  We cater to their desires and their passions, help them amass their collections. But don’t we most want to see them excited about God?

Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying we shouldn't build a healthy appetite for our children in Godly interests--things they will one day be able to use for the Lord.  But we must be discerning.  When it comes to activities and the things we allow our children to put first in their lives as priorities--how does it measure up in the long-term plan towards Godliness and a life that serves God and makes a difference for His kingdom?
 
How many parents, as their children get older and older, start to complain and worry when their children aren’t interested in putting God first?  Yet, they do not realize they are the ones that gave their children the idols that taught them to not put God first.  How can we complain when our children aren’t excited about God when all their lives we’ve encouraged their excitement about their favorite cartoon characters, pop stars, and movie stars? It is hypocritical.

I am certain someone reading this is offended. I am not telling you what to do. Do whatever you feel is right before God. But please, consider, do you want your children to grow up with a God-oriented heart? Remember the first and great commandment:  Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.  That should be your ultimate goal for your children.  You want them to grow up to seek first the kingdom of God. How you do that is your business, and your responsibility as steward of these children.

Might I suggest you try to be objective, take a step back and look around. 

  • How have you decorated their rooms?  What characters are on their clothes?  What movies/TV shows do you encourage? What toys do they collect?
  • Do they know more about Dora or Spiderman than they know about Jesus?
  • Or, more specifically, are they more impressed by Batman than they are by Jesus?  What would hold their attention more?  A Bible story or a Batman movie?

Oh, it is so easy to just let them love these things.  But is it harmless?  No.

Is it easy to train up children in the love and admonition of the Lord?  No.

But what do you really want for your children?

I have been really working to help my 3-year-old grow in awe of God and Jesus.  Although he knows who Dora is from a book given to him by an aunt and a toy phone I let him buy with a gift card (because he liked the phone, not because he loved Dora), I do not feed him the TV show or any other Dora things.  It would be so easy to please him and buy him these things and teach him to “worship” Dora.  He doesn’t have a clue who Spiderman is, or Batman, or Blue.  He just received some really obnoxious Spiderman underwear and pajamas from a well-meaning relative -- and while we appreciate the thought and gesture, we got rid of them.

Unfortunately, we cannot completely control all the environments he is exposed to. He learned who Barney is by (sadly enough) going to church where the toddlers were pacified with Barney videos. I can’t avoid these “idols,” but I don’t have to feed his desire!  It is so easy for a child to be awed by a “god” they can see, feel, touch, and hear—and wear on their underwear and sleep on in their sheets, and play with in video games, and play with in their toys.

How do I make my child awed by an invisible God more powerful than they could imagine? 

First of all, I must not get him used to visible, tangible, imaginable, audible, worldly gods.  If my child is used to being awed by the superhero he can see and be entertained by—mindlessly—how is he going to get his mind around the concept of an infinite God with greater powers and far greater wisdom than one who fixes problems the way we want  them fixed?

First of all, I eliminate the competition.  That’s what God would do. That’s what He commanded the Israelites to do.  Smash the golden calf. Destroy all idols—and avoid those who would encourage you or tempt you.

Then I must, like Moses did for the Israelites, show and prove God’s majesty to my children.  I must sow in my child the concept of the most Almighty, most powerful, inconceivable, omnipotent, infinite God. When I talk to my toddler, I tell him how Jesus made him, and how Jesus made everything, and how Jesus is everywhere and he can see us and hear us.  I explain, as often as possible, why we do the things we do in order to please Jesus.  I ensure that my toddler hears the name of Jesus umpteen-thousand times more than he ever hears the name “Spiderman.”  It is my job to make Jesus real to my children.  I tell my toddler Bible stories, tons of awesome Bible stories! The impressive stories of Jesus' miracles—great stories! Creation! The Flood! Babel! The Plagues on Egypt! Parting the Red Sea! The Walls of Jericho! David and Goliath! Raising the dead. Healing the sick. Feeding the thousands. Better than anything Spiderman ever did!  I can take him outside  and show him the wonders of creation.  I can show him each sunset and tell him that God made it especially for us--painted fresh. And by speaking constantly of Jesus, my toddler, hopefully, will feel like he knows Jesus, and can picture Jesus as He was, and know the character of God through Him. 

As my children get older, I encourage their prayer and conversation with Jesus.  I teach them how to listen and be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  I don’t numb or obliterate this relationship with God by giving them shallow satisfactions daydreaming about movie stars, pop stars, and sports icons.  I guide them in their prayers, helping them to recognize God’s answers to prayer, to feel His grace, and accept His love, and see His Providence. When they ask me questions, at times I prompt them, "Have you asked God what He thinks?"

I teach them how to study the Bible by sitting with them, and reading with them, and helping the Word of God come alive verse by verse.  I help them apply it, and then as the Lord works in their life, I help them to see the results.

Many of my friends and family have known for a long time that I don’t do “idols,” but I don’t know if they really know why.  Many of those who buy gifts for my children know not to buy anything Disney, or Superheroes, or not even animal prints.  But do they really understand why?  It’s not just a preference.  It is a desperate and determined attempt on my part to make sure I don’t fill my children’s need for God with empty idols that would so easily impress and entertain them.  I want my children to be awed by God. Perhaps I have failed to make my reasoning clear to them.

And when we’re "bored" around here, with nothing to do, God help me, I will not turn on the TV and give my children idols.  I will draw them close around me, and tell them more about the immortal, invisible, most-high God, the creator of heaven and earth.  I will tell of His greatness, His love, His majesty, His infinite wisdom, His power.  I will tell the stories of His faithfulness, His miracles, and His wonderful providence.   I will fill that God-given desire to worship by giving them God to worship. And when I fail to do so, I pledge that with God's help, I will do better next time.

The Bible tells us to be in the world and not of the world.  If I can (God help me) train my children to know God, to hear Him, to see Him, to feel Him, then when they are in the world, they will not be impressed by any cheap imitations. They will be able to go anywhere, do anything, and they will not be swayed, deluded, or diverted from the One True God in any way. They will know how to walk in the Spirit and not after the flesh.

To go deeper, read my post on Children’s Appetites…

And may God so richly bless you and pour His grace upon each of you, dear readers, as you seek His best.  You are in my prayers.
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Mar. 31, 2008

Getting It All Done (What can a 2-Year-Old Do?)

For the past several weeks, we have been adjusting to having a newborn in the house once again.  This is my fourth baby, but this time it is different.  This is the first time I've had a newborn AND a 2-year-old toddler at the same time (my older ones are all 5+ years apart).

I've had to pay more attention to my toddler's training.  I've had to be more consistent. I've had to be sure of what my expectations are for my toddler, and then follow through.  But it's not just my toddler!  There's a whole ship to run here --and we just keep running it tighter and tighter, little by little. 

Here is my list of my "expectations" of what a 2-year-old can do, and things we are successfully training and teaching ours to do.  I do not want to give the impression that he does all these things perfectly; he does not. But most days, he meets the expectations.

These are the things that have helped IMMENSELY in keeping the sanity around here (my sanity, to be exact), and have made it so that we are (mostly) back on track with our schedule, our school work, and our chores. 

Our two-year-old will be three soon, but here is what we expect at this point in time:

1.  Instantly and happily obey reasonable and simple commands (such as, "Come here," "Put your truck away right now," "Pick up the pencil under your desk," "Bring mommy a diaper for the baby.") This is the area he seems to test most often.

2. Stop whining or fussing when told, and be happy. Sometimes it takes a few minutes of sitting somewhere  by himself to "regroup"--but senseless, habitual, or "pay-attention-to me" spoiled whining and fussing is never allowed to continue more than a couple of minutes.  Scowling or pouting in rebellion to parental authority is not allowed.  We help him check his face in the mirror.  He must make a choice to be happy to obey and stay under his parents' authority.

This does not include the cries of a wounded heart or bodily injury! There are times for real cries! Discernment must be used! Sometimes, a tiny "boo-boo" can be blown up into a big fuss for no reason--we don't allow it.  But sometimes a tiny boo-boo can come with a big fall or a big scare, and comforting is needed!  Sometimes a tired toddler has a true outpouring of sadness or disappointment . That takes comforting and reassurance.  Parents know when their child is truly hurting, and know when they're fussing or crying or whining for no reason. Think you don't know?  If you find yourself getting irritated when you hear the whine or fuss, and feel irritated about having to comfort them or deal with them, it's probably because you know deep down they shouldn't be upset!  If you find yourself wanting to scoop them up and kiss them, desperate to take their hurt away, then it's probably a true hurt. Often you can tell by the tone of their voice.

3.  Put away his own clean clothes neatly and in the right drawers.

4.  Help put away the clean clothes for the rest of the family (he has been shown exactly where things go and how).

5.  Help sort dirty laundry into different bins and loads (for example, whites, reds, darks, and "jeans & towels.")

6.  Pick up his own toys and put each in the right place, and put other children's things away in the right place, or even other household things (any one's shoes back to the right closet, trivets off the table and back where they belong, baby toys/things put away, etc.)

7. Put away the clean silverware out of the dishwasher (sharp knives taken out first)

8.  Set the table neatly--entirely unassisted--once the dishes are placed within reach (including filling water glasses from the water cooler)

9. "Dump" or stir anything while baking/cooking (and rarely stir hot pans ONLY with careful help and supervision)

10. Knead pizza dough, place pepperoni on pizza, sprinkle shredded cheese on pizza, place balls of cookie dough on cookie sheets, cut biscuits and place on cookie sheets, place frozen french fries or tater tots on cookie sheets, etc.

11. Dry dishes and put them away (the ones within reach, such as pans, silverware, etc.)

12. Help wash floors with a sponge

13. Vacuum (he has his own electric "stick" vacuum) or sweep (has his  own broom that dad cut down to his size).  I don't expect perfection!  I expect him only to work willingly and happily alongside the rest of us.

14. Pull off dirty pillow cases (very funny and can take several minutes!), and help put new ones on

15. Carry out an "assigned" activity at an assigned place for an assigned (reasonable) amount of time.  For example: 
    -Read your library books for 15 minutes. You can put them away when the timer goes off.
    -Color at your desk until I'm done teaching math to your brother.
    -Get your blocks and some cars and you may build garages right here on the school floor until 10:30 (he likes pretending he can read the clock).

During those assigned times, I do not allow him to get up and wander or break the "boundary" I have set.  If I am teaching math in the school room, he must stay in there, and he may not even cross a finger out the door of the room.  If I have told him to sit at his desk, he may not get up! If I have told him to sit in a certain place to read, he  must stay in that place.

16. Help bring in firewood (one piece at a time)--but, boy! Does this work ever make him feel grown-up, tough, and strong!

17. Help shovel snow--I don't expect him to do much himself, but I do expect him to have the "happy working" attitude as he shovels and does what his older brother does.  Incidentally, the attitude is not a problem.  He LOVES shoveling (and eating) snow.  He feels important and strong!

18. Help pick up sticks in the yard before mowing.

19. Help plant seeds in a garden, help pick beans and tomatoes and corn, etc., help weed a garden, and hold the hose to water a garden (2-year-olds are experts at handling a spraying hose!)

20. Help wash the car

21. Help his sister dust.

22. Run the pedal on the sewing machine, closely following "stop" and "go" commands.

23. Play board games (Candyland, Finders Keepers, Hi Ho Cherry O, Memory, Uno)

24. Do school work:  He can identify some capital and lowercase letters on flash cards and make the sounds that go with each, identify some states and countries on a map, identify many shapes and colors, draw simple lines through a simple maze or trace a simple pattern of dots (to form a line or a circle), color with specific colors, follow simple coloring instructions, practice counting, identify some numbers ("2" and "5" are still confused a little bit, but Uno is helping, and "6" and 9" will be figured out soon, I'm sure!).  School work is always more fun when you get a marshmallow or a raisin each time you correctly identify a letter or number, or answer a question correctly!

That's all I can think of for now, but there are other components to keeping things running well in this home! Never is an expectation created without thorough and consistent training. He has needed to be shown everything. Some people assume a child will understand by "common sense." The reality is "common sense" exists only after it is developed.

My older children know their expectations for chores and independent schoolwork, and they are expected to get it done.  We have been "pressing" on for five years now, trying to get a handle on chores and school work, and little by little, things get easier and easier.  Now, the latest rule is that all upstairs chores are done and every one is showered and dressed before eating breakfast (beds made, rooms clean, laundry started for the day, and any clean laundry put away, vacuumed if necessary, closets or drawers cleaned out or straightened, if necessary).  After breakfast, downstairs chores are done (which are easy, because we've learned to get a head start on them the night before just before we go to bed!), then each of the older children start their independent school work.  I then flit between nursing the baby, doing schoolwork with the 2-year-old, and teaching/helping the older ones.  In the afternoon, when the 2-year-old goes down for his nap, that's when I do any necessary  "teaching" portions of school, such as history, or math for each child.  But I teach history once a week for about 1.5 to 2 hours, and I give independent assignments, so a whole week of history subject is taught in one day.

In addition, if I am nursing the baby or need to get something else done (or even just need a rest after a restless night with a newborn), I expect that I can ask either one of older children (sister, age 9, or brother, age 13) to take the toddler to play for a set amount of time (usually 30 minutes to one hour).  Not just keep an eye on him, but happily engage in play with him:  play-dough, make a craft with glitter glue, punches, and markers, play  Legos, fly a kite outside, read books to him, set up a hot wheels race track or build towers with blocks... .

And that is what is happening right now.  I've been getting many emails asking for me to post something again, that since the baby is sleeping soundly, I sent the toddler outside to play with his older sister (today, my oldest is helping Dad fix one of our cars that broke down--he always is excused from his regular routine around here if Dad has a project like that!).  I told them to play outside until 1:00, then they will come in for lunch, the 2-year-old will take his nap, and sister will get back to her school work.  It is now 12:55, so, with that, I will sign off.

In Jesus' name, keep pressing on! It can be done!  It can be!

God bless you!
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Feb. 24, 2008

Baby E has arrived (and other notes)!

I just wanted to let everyone know that our new little Baby E arrived earlier this month, safe and sound, healthy and full-term.  He is a most precious gift from the Lord. Thank you all for your prayers, support, and encouragement. 

Be patient with my blogging break! I will be back, as God leads.

I have joined a new Bible study group and we will be studying the book, "Damsels in Distress" by Martha Peace. 

Also, I just wanted to mention, for some good growth reading, I recently read and recommend, "The Calvary Road," by Roy Hession.  Talking about learning what it means to "die to self!"  Whew!  If you think some of my blog entries are challenging--well, this one did me in! Talk about a swift kick...

I recently completed George Mueller's biography, too.  It was very inspiring!

My husband and oldest son just attended a full-day men's seminar by Norm Wakefield, who was speaking in our neck of the woods (one of my favorite speakers and authors).  They both had a great time--such a blessing for our family!

God bless you all, and don't forget, that you all remain in my prayers for God's grace and peace to be upon you, and for His guidance, help, and mercy in your lives as you strive to live for Him!

And now I must go, for Baby E is squeaking for breakfast number 4.
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Jan. 19, 2008

God-Led Child Training

God laid it on my heart, and my husband's heart, several years ago His important plan of raising up a godly seed.  We committed to doing that for the Lord, and we radically changed our entire home (not just child training!  Our house, our marriage, everything!).  Since that time, especially since I feel the bulk of carrying out the child training rests on me since I am the one with the children all day each day, I have prayed intensely for God's help with raising my children the way He wants me to--according to His will for them. I have studied the Bible on the topic, read many wonderful books (To Train Up a Child, No Greater Joy, Shepherding a Child's Heart, IBLP materials), and listened to many wonderful sermons (especially those by Dr. S.M. Davis at www.solvefamilyproblems.com). 

I have learned many wonderful Biblical principles and gained much wisdom.  I have been given many examples and ideas by godly parents before me who took the time to share their wisdom (Steve & Terri Maxwell, The Mally Family, Kathy Morrissey, to name a few, and and even friends God has placed in my life).

But the most important thing I have learned is that all children are different, and God's plan and purpose for each child is different.  And unless my child training is led by God day to day and minute to minute, I'm going to mess up! 

My husband and I have established the authority structure in our home, we have made the boundaries clear, we have spent hours and hours training and teaching our children God's ways and God's Word, God's principles of authority, God's commands for children, and God's BEST in all areas of life.  We try to be as consistent as possible, as discerning as possible, as wise as possible.  We still make mistakes, but we learn and grow. I cannot ascribe wholly to any method, any ritual.  Training must always be flexible, willing to go where God leads.

For example,  there was a time there when it seemed like all I was hearing about in the homeschool circuit was "character training."  Everyone was doing it.  There were so many great stories and great examples of how to train godly character into your children.  I looked for curriculum.  I couldn't find one I that satisfied me.  I tried writing one that satisfied me--God was not in that effort.  Then I realized, I wasn't letting God lead.  I was only looking to the example of others and making my own choice.  When I prayed, God led me down a different path of study for my children in their spiritual growth, and they changed, and grew, and we had peace once again.  Now, there have been periods where God has had me work on a certain character trait in a certain child--but only at His leading!

Here are some examples of how I have been trying to let God lead my child training.  In my prayer journal, I write this simple request for each child, and I put a date by it.

Show me what _____ needs to learn next/reveal to me the next step in their direction and purpose.

Within a day or two, usually, the prayer is answered.  I have a crystal clear answer for what to focus on next to help each child.  I mark the date of answered prayer.  Then I obey the Lord and teach/provide what He showed me.  Then I place the same request back in my prayer journal and repeat the process again.

Let me share testimonies of how this played out this past month for all three of my children (13yo son, 8yo daughter, 2yo son).

On January 13, I wrote my prayer request in my journal for my 13yo son, and prayed for him several times. I asked God to show me how to direct and train my son in the next important step in his spiritual growth and towards fulfilling his purpose and calling in life.  Before the day was out, God had laid a verse on my heart, "A wise son maketh a glad father."  I felt prompted to begin encouraging my son to be wise by "making a glad father."  Sometimes there is tension in my son's relationship with my husband, so this verse and thought coming to mind seemed to be of the Holy Spirit. 

The Bible makes it clear that the relationship between father and son is crucial.  Jesus Christ had only one motivation on earth, and that was to please His Father and to do His will.  And we are called to have the same mind as Christ, which means my son needs to have the motivation, at this time in his life, to please his earthly father (in the same mind as pleasing his heavenly Father). 

Once my son has built this attitude deeply into his heart--the attitude to live to please his father, in a few years, when he is a man ready to lead his own family, he will have established the same mind as Christ and be able to live to please God, his Heavenly Father, and do His will.  That is because he will have established earlier the lifestyle of living to please his earthly dad.

I wrote down the verses, outlined some thoughts, and began talking about it with my son right away.  It is God-led child training, and I know without a doubt it is the next step for my son.  The tension that had been mounting in him is already dissipating.  God revealed the problem and led me in what to teach. 

Another confirmation that this was the area God wanted me to work:  I no sooner outlined the verses and began to work on this area with my son than Satan attacked.  My son, even though he instantly began making an effort to try to please his dad more, instead he started driving my husband more crazy than ever (and vice versa), and their communication problems went up several notches.  I used Satan's fuel as my own.  I shared with my son my prayer request regarding him, my answer to prayer, and how we were surely in God's will based on the test and trial that had arisen regarding the matter.  My son is a fighter for spiritual things--I know he will fight to accomplish this next step in his life.  And I will be praying for him through this.

And as soon as we are "done" in this area, I will be prompted to pray for God to show me the next step. Sometimes God shows me more than one thing to work on at a time--a little overlap.  Sometimes it is a one-day lesson.  Sometimes it is a long-term training.  But God has never failed to reveal to me what is needed when I ask.  (But that is the key, isn't it?  WHEN I ask.  Lord, help me to always remember to ask!)

On January 14, I entered the same request for my daughter, and began praying fervently for her. Three days later, on Thursday, January 17th, AS USUAL, instead of her choosing to work diligently at her chores and get them done first, she had gotten herself distracted and was busy in some invented project.  She was very absorbed.  I went to correct her, and the Holy Spirit said "don't."  I let her be.  I let her chores wait.  When I saw over an hour later that she was finished with her project, I gently redirected her to finish her tasks, which she joyfully did.  I struggled because I wanted to correct her for failing to remember the priority of chores first, personal projects later.  It is a big problem for her. She has seemed to be subtly disobedient lately--at least lazily so.  Always needing to be reminded of the simplest things (like putting away her pajamas!)  But the Holy Spirit said, "Stop."  I stopped.  I did not correct this time.  God was leading.

A little later, I walked upstairs and I saw the results of her "project."  She had planned a "tea party."  There were three things hanging on the door of her bedroom.  At the top was a menu of what was being served:  A variety of teas, hot chocolate (with or with out marshmallows).    Below that was the "poster" announcing the event, decorated in colored markers with curling script letters, hearts, and different colored markers.  It read:

 ________'s Tea Party.
 Saturday, January 19, 2008
Time: 9:00 to 10:00 a.m.
Place:  ______'s Room
All things are delightful, and a great opportunity to have fellowship, and have yummy tea, too!

Below that she had attached a sign up list with a pencil (it said, "Sighn Up).  I saw her coming up the stairs, and the Holy Spirit prompted me again.  I picked up the pencil and signed my name so that she saw me signing up as she came near.  She was so delighted!  Then I called her brothers and shared the "exciting announcement," and they signed up.  Daddy signed up too.

My daughter transformed before my eyes.  She is always delightful and joyful in spirit.  But she was fairly bubbling and bursting with joy and delight.  I sat down with her and listened to her plans.  I listened to how she was planning to set up her room, and how she was planning to set up the tea and hot chocolate.  I was very impressed at this 8-year-old hostess and event planner.  I was an office manager for years, and had seen many secretaries and administrative staff who couldn't have done such a good and thorough job planning a simple meeting!  God opened my eyes to some more of the gifts and desires He had given my daughter--gifts that need to be shaped and trained.  The gift of hosting, serving, and organizing (won't she make a great wife someday?). 

I patiently listened.  I volunteered some suggestions--all of which she got so excited about.  I then suggested we set our alarm clocks for 7:00 on Saturday, then I would help her make muffins for her party.

The next day, Friday, my daughter had no problem remembering her chore priorities, and being responsible and taking initiative.  She was completely obedient.

You see, I hadn't totally had her heart, which was why she was being slack in obeying me and not trying very hard.  I had sensed lately this breach in our relationship, and had been praying a simultaneous prayer.  And God pulled it all together.  By following the leading of the Holy Spirit, I had her heart back.  The relationship was healed.  And she wanted to please me and obey me.  Her love for me started flowing freely again.  And she wanted to please God.  Because I followed the Spirit's leading to support her "project," I opened a door that had closed between us and her willingness to be trained.  And, I started training her and helping her in an area where God wants to grow her gifts. 

Amazing.  I marked the prayer as "answered" in my journal.

Saturday morning, I made sure I was up waiting for her to arise with a smile on my face.  I guided her as she did all the work to set up for her tea party--but still let her do all the work.  I suggested the order in which she set up her buffet (mugs first, then the teas/hot chocolate, then the trivet with the hot teapot, then the spoons, honey, sugar, and marshmallows).  I helped her make cinnamon struesel muffins and chocolate chip muffins.  I helped her "time" everything. I helped get the rest of the family up and dressed.  And the tea party started promptly at 9:00.  She asked Daddy to open in prayer.  The baby had a BLAST, eating in "sissy's room."  We all had a wonderful time.  My daughter said she would host another tea party next month, and asked her older brother to please prepare a devotional for the family.

Two weeks ago, I put this same prayer in for my toddler son.  It seemed our child training had plateaued.  He wasn't improving much in his obedience, even with what I felt was consistent rules, boundaries, authority, correction, and training.  I had even stepped up my positive attention, reading him more stories, doing more "schoolwork" with him (something he loves), playing with his toys.  We were still "stalled" and his willfulness was just BAD.  He continued to exert his will and test boundaries that I felt he KNEW were firm.  I didn't get it.  I prayed. 

God answered FAST.  He used an off comment from my  husband about "the rod" to bring to my attention that I had stopped being consistent in using it.  You see, I am 37 weeks pregnant.  Maternity clothes don't have pockets.  I used to carry the rod in my pocket.  I never needed to use it that much--just seeing it was enough to remind my son where the authority rested.  But I had stopped carrying it around so much since well before Christmas.  No pockets!  Instead, I had lazily resorted to sharp verbal commands and swats with my hand, only using the rod if it was nearby.  Most of the time it had been put away out of sight. 

Then God brought to my attention all the verses over and over again about "the rod of correction.'  The Holy Spirit flooded my mind with all the Biblical principles on how the rod is the symbol of authority--and all the ways it was used.

Needless to say, prayer was answered.  Rod was restored to its proper place.  Toddler son is MUCH happier, less willful, and needing many less corrections.  My daughter and I even rejoiced at an important landmark yesterday -- baby's first "Yes, Ma'am!"  Said with all enthusiasm and joy.  Confirmation from God, too, needless to say.

I hope those short testimonies were an encouragement to you.  In any case, I had to write them down for my own sake--to remind me to keep looking to God.  It works!  It is so easy for me to quit looking upward and fall into ruts of child training, or simply implementing a "good idea" that may  not be at all what God wants for my children. 

Lord, help me to follow you more!
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Jan. 18, 2008

A Dangerous Immune Disorder

Lately, I've noticed a new immunity that many families--Christian families--are building.  Or should I say, "have built."

Stuff immunity.

Stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff... ....

I am speaking to me and to all Christians--if you are to be a follower of Christ, you are to let go of your stuff.

Christ owned nothing.  He understood about stuff. He understood that it is just stuff, and that one day it will all pass away.  Doing the will of the Father was His only goal.  He did not have a goal to buy a house, buy a car, own a Nintendo DS, have 24 pairs of shoes to go with every season and outfit... ...  He did not have books, movies, toys, games, hobbies to take time away from doing the will of His Father. He knew better.

Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.  Mark 10:21-22

I am a pretty anti-stuff person.  I absolutely refuse to collect anything, or allow my children to collect anything.  We sort and purge our home as part of our daily chores. Trying to be objective, I believe that  compared to most homes I visit, our home has but a fraction of the "stuff."  Yet still, I have asked God to help me this year get rid of another 50% of our stuff.  I still have a bit of the Stuff Immune Disorder. I was born with the disease, passed down from my parents.

The disease is rampant here in America.

Can you imagine what work could be done for the kingdom of heaven if Christians would give up their stuff, and their thoughts about getting more stuff, and focus instead on pleasing God and doing His will?

Symptoms of Stuff Immunity Disorder:

1. Shopping through Catalogs
2. Watching TV and being swayed by commercials (as in, making a mental note of something you need to buy)
3. Watching Home Design shows and dreaming about buying/building/improving/painting
4. Out-of-control craft/hobby supplies, as in:  more supplies than you even have close to time to work with
5. Full bookshelves of books you don't read
6. Full shelves of movies you own but don't watch
7. You don't even know how many shoes your family owns or if they all fit. You don't wear them all.
8. Unused clothing in your drawers and closets (pieces that haven't been worn for over one year)
9. Collections
10. Disorganized cupboards (because there's too much stuff you don't use) with kitchen items you haven't used or touched for years
11. You don't know what's in your spice cupboard
12. Junk drawers
13. Storage tubs
14. Magazine collections (no, you probably don't go back and read them, ever)
15. Unfinished projects
16. Dust collectors
17. You don't know exactly what food is in your freezer,  fridge, and cupboards.  There is probably some stuff in there that has been there for years.
18. You wonder why your children don't have an appetite for godly things such as church, prayer, reading their Bible, being diligent at school work, working with their hands...
19.  You wonder why you don't get the things done you need to get done, and why you are far from Christ.
20.  You make excuses for the money you spend and the things you buy. You find yourself trying to justify to yourself and your family why you needed what you bought--and you believe yourself.
21. You make excuses for your children and why they have so much stuff, or a particular toy. You promise to limit their time with it--but you end up not limiting their time with it.  It was just an excuse.  You believe what you tell yourself.

Dear ones, as a follower of Christ, the stuff has to go.  If children are to be followers of Christ, they must never contract this disease.  They were probably born with it--born into a nursery full of "stuff," -- matching crib set, new blankies, piles of baby clothes, and all the accessories, and more toys than any one infant could ever play with.

Now, don't think I'm being weird and radical.  Not all stuff has to literally go.  But your attachment to it has to go.  You have to be willing to let it go, just like that, if Jesus were to ask.  If God spoke to you right out of heaven one day and said, "Put that ________ in the trash..." would you happily walk over and dump it in without a second thought?

I've helped people move, and I've helped ladies clean and organize their home, and I've watched how people absolutely cannot let go of stuff.  Meaningless, useless, unused stuff.  Stuff that will belong to somebody else the instant you die (or be thrown in the dumpster). Stuff that will burn up to exist never more one day.  Stuff that has laid around for ages, piled, stacked, stuffed, and unused.  I've watched people get in fights at yard sales, furious over their rights to their stuff or the money they think they deserve--for the stuff they already realized they don't need.  Ladies will feel so proud of themselves when they get rid of a bunch of their stuff, thinking they are not attached to stuff, and are being so "good."  But, in reality, they had so much stuff, what they got rid of was not much more than the same as brushing a stray hair off a sweater because it fell out of their head.  They got rid of stuff to justify getting more or better stuff.

Stuff equals greed. Greed leaves no room for God.  It is fleshly and feeds fleshly lusts only.

And we are immune to it.  Because everybody has stuff. It is the world we know, especially here in America.

But we are not called to be like everybody.  And we are not called to be like the world.

How to cure yourself of Stuff Immunity Disorder:

1. DO NOT BE ATTACHED TO STUFF.
2. GET RID OF STUFF.

You will be happier. You will be more free. You will have less clutter. Your home will be easier to manage. You will be able to focus on godly things. You will have time to do the will of the Father. You will be able to give more. You will earn eternal rewards. 

Some suggestions to cure this disease--and if you find yourself with your toes stepped on, or getting defensive by something on this list, then you definitely have Stuff Immunity Disorder and your relationship with Christ suffers greatly:

1. Do not allow catalogs in your home. Do not browse them. Do not let your children browse them.  Cancel your name off their mailing lists, and put them straight into the trash if they do arrive.  STRAIGHT into the trash.  If you truly need something that is in one of the catalogs, you will know you need it without having to see it in a catalog first.

2. Seriously limit TV influence.  Immunity to the effects of commercials is one of the first stages of Stuff Immunity Disorder.  If you are watching TV, mute the commercials.  Do not watch programs that make you want to redesign your home, buy new furniture, etc.  If you truly need to do this, you do not need the influence of a TV program to guide you.  You need Christ.

3. Get rid of collectibles and stop collecting ANYTHING--you or your children.  It's almost idolatrous, is it not?  It is a serious waste of the resources given to us by God to manage. One of the most delightful children's books ever written was a Berenstain Bears' book titled, "Mad, Mad, Mad Toy Craze."  It tells how all the children and even their parents got caught up in buying "Beary Bubbies."  The new toy came on the scene with an advertising blitz and all the school children became hooked. There was much publicity about how stores would run out of stock, and how hard they were to find. At first, you could buy them for $2.75, then they were $5.00, then the rare ones were selling for over $100 each.    Here's how the book ends:

Of course, not many things are forever--and Beary Bubbies certainly weren't. Pretty soon, Beary Bubbies were everywhere. They came in Krinkly Krumbles cereal boxes. You could get them at the gas station with a fill-up. You could get them with a Krazy Meal at the Burger Bear. After a while, just about everybody in Bear Country had so many Beary Bubbies that they didn't know what to do with them.

There wasn't much you could do with them in the first place. You couldn't play dolly with them the way you could with a good doll. You couldn't play choo-choo with them the way you could with a toy train. You couldn't play baseball with them the way you could with a bat and ball. 

All you could do was look at them--except they had a way of looking back at you and making you think about all the money you had spent on them.

The only thing you could really do with them is brag about how many you had.

"I have 24 Beary Bubbies."

"I have 32 Beary Bubbies."

"I have 48 Beary Bubbies."

"I have 94 Beary Bubbies."

And no matter how many you had, there was always somebody who had more.

"I have 4,202!"

Get rid of or seriously control collectibles and collections.  All they do is tempt you to get more stuff.  For no reason whatsoever.  God created plenty of things for us to enjoy without having to muster up a collection.  When our family started trying to clear up "Stuff Immunity Disorder" in our home, the area of collectibles got completely purged.  My children weren't allowed to have toys that encouraged "buying the whole set," or "all the accessories."  Such as:  Polly Pockets, Littlest Pet Shop, Barbie (but Barbies went for other reasons, too), Furryvilles, Thomas Trains, Character toys, and on and on and on.  Other toys that could be collectibles--well, we just don't collect.  Hot wheels, Legos, doll babies, etc.  We set a limit on how many are allowed for reasonable, healthy play, and if a new one arrives that puts the number of that toy over the allotted amount, they child must choose which has to go.  For example, my daughter is allowed four baby dolls.  If she receives a new one or wants to buy a new one, she must decide which one will go.  She is allowed four purses.  Same rule.  The Hot Wheels bin is limited to 25 cars.  If the boys receive new ones or want to buy new ones, they must decide which ones go. Honestly, do they really need 4 purses, 4 dolls, or 25 cars?

If you collect things like cows, pigs, cookie jars, Coca Cola, antiques, bears, dolls, Barbies... (I don't know, what do people collect?)... then STOP!  STOP IT AT ONCE!  Get rid of the stuff and get rid of the temptation to buy needless stuff.

4. Whittle down your craft/hobby stuff to less than  5 projects and their necessary supplies.  For example:  If you like to sew, choose five projects, and keep the fabric and notions just for those projects, and get rid of the rest.  Just get rid of it. If you truly need it, God will supply it again, but I suspect many of you have pieces of fabric sitting in your sewing tubs that have been there for years, and before you, they were in your mother's sewing trunk for years.  Get rid of it.  If you have not made a quilt in the past five years, chances are you will not make one in the next five years.  If you do get around to it, buy new fabric or ask God to provide and He will.    Five projects, with a vow to not buy any further materials or supplies until the current ones are completed.  Same goes for crocheting, knitting, rubber stamping, scrapbooking.

5. Whittle down your wardrobe to the things you wear.  Not the things that you might wear.  Not the things that you might wear if you manage to become one, two, three, six sizes smaller one day.  If you do ever lose that weight and need new clothes, God will provide. Whittle down your shoes.  As you do laundry, do not put clothing back in  your children's drawers that have become too small.  Fold it into a separate pile to be taken to church to give away, or to the Salvation Army.

6.  Clear out your movies, books, puzzles, games.  Hold each one and ask the Lord, "Does it please you that I have this? Is this helpful or useful for the spiritual growth and well-being of our family?"  If the answer is NO, put it in the trash.  Can you get it at the library if you need it?  If the answer is yes, get rid of it.  If the world were to come a screeching halt, the economy were to crash, and we had to go back to living primitively, would you need to have it for survival?  Hmmm... how much room does it take to store just the Bible?  I'm not saying get rid of everything but your Bible, but I'm saying think about how much is too much!  Honestly evaluate how much you do crack open that book or listen to that CD. 

7. Clear out your kitchen of unused dishes, serving dishes, tupperware, and more.  SO WHAT if it was a wedding present?  Do you use it?  How many coffee mugs does your family really need? (Remember "Little House on the Prairie?"  They had one tin cup per family member, for hot and cold beverages. Ahh... simple!)  Do you even know what is in your spice cupboard?  Do you use all those things?  Look at your pans and bakeware.  Pull out five you have not used in over two years and get rid of them.

8.  Run all your planned purchases by your spouse first, for approval.  He will let you know if you really need that new shoe rack, those tiny tupperwares to pack snacks--or the snacks, a new rug for the bathroom, or that new gadget for the baby.

9.  Make your shopping list, then find 10 things you can remove from it because after consideration, you realize you don't really need them.

At the top of my prayer list right now, with my children praying with me, is for God to help us get rid of more stuff, and to help us give more.  The next week or so, we are cleaning again, purging again. 

Please!  Guard against Stuff Immunity Disorder!  It is dangerous!  How you "spend" here will affect how you spend eternity.

There is that maketh himself rich, yet hath nothing: there is that maketh himself poor, yet hath great riches. Proverbs 13:7

Now, I know this post is long already, but I'm going to put two posts in one.  Below I am posting an entry I wrote awhile back, chronicling how God helped us to simplify and learn to get rid of stuff.  I gave specific examples of how we dealt with different areas in our home. 

But God is still helping me.  It is an ongoing "treatment."  We are still working to "let go," and to get better.  Even as I typed this post, I realized that my sewing projects have grown to more than five and it is time to finish some up or get rid (I can already think of two that are going out the door!).  I am already thinking of my trunk that holds extra sheets and blankets, and my upper closet shelf, and my wardrobe--time to go through these things again (especially with baby #4 due in 3 weeks--praise the Lord!).  My bookshelf needs another purging.  At a glance, I can see about 25 books referred to regularly for reference that have "made the cut" for a few years.  But, I can see about 25 others that have "built up" that we probably will never look at again.

The Lord prompted me to give away four of my "keeper" Christian CDs a couple of weeks ago.  At first my thought was, "No way! Those are my favorites!" (My Selah CDs and a couple worship collections). And God spoke to me and said, "And when was the last time you listened to them?"  I handed them over to a 12-year-old girl without another thought, and was pleased when I saw the same girl today and not only was she carrying those CDs in her purse, but she had been listening to nothing but those CDs (instead of her usual Disney, Pop, and Hip Hop music).

And the garage--as soon as that warm weather hits in March, one whole homeschool week will be dedicated to that! 

And it just came to mind that over two years ago I did purge my crocheting down to two projects (I got rid of hundreds of dollars worth of yarn), and I haven't touched either of those projects since!  And I love crocheting!  I'm going to work in those projects by next week, or give them up.  And I LOVE crocheting--you hear me?  I love it!  I will give it up if God does not give me time for this hobby by next week.

God has been working in my heart in this area lately, and in my husband's heart, too.  I knew God was serious about growing me more in this area when I found lately I could no longer enjoy the occasional viewing of one of my favorite TV shows, "Antique Roadshow."  People were placing such a crazy value on things that had no eternal bearing!  My eyes were opened.  I just couldn't watch.  My dear late Grandmother, there in heaven, does she really care that I treasure her old Czechoslovakian brooch?  NO! NO! NO!  (When my husband sees the show, he always says, "sell it!") Do I have absolutely no concept of what heaven is really like?  My grandmother no longer has attachment or longing for anything earthly.  She is not up there wishing she could have taken her jewelry with her.  She is not up there worrying about who has her stuff now and how well it is being cared for.  She is not up there worrying about how sentimental I am about her or how much she is missed (and believe me, she is missed as much as anyone can miss a grandmother!  She was the best grandmother in the world and I've often found myself saying spontaneously to God, "Why did you take her so soon? I wasn't ready to let her go!)  I am not honoring her by hanging on to her old jewelry.  I don't wear it. I don't use it. I could truly sell it and give to the poor--that might please my grandmother.  That is heavenly and eternal...  Does that make sense?

Stuff immunity.

I started praying about the stuff problem about two weeks ago.  I wrote it in my prayer journal.  God is SO working.  Out of the blue, my husband had this disorder laid on his heart, too.  He said at the breakfast table, just out of the blue, "How in the world do so many Christian families even KNOW about Nintendo DS?"  Good question!  Is it commercials?  Is it just from spending too much time looking in stores and shopping? 

Stuff immunity.

I was once talking to a lady who was struggling with finances--facing insurmountable debt and stress because of it.  I know the problem.  She buys too much stuff.  She spends too much money.  WAY too much money. WAY, WAY, WAY too much.  She is dripping with too much stuff.  But she is in the serious last stages of the disease.  She wondered out loud if God was trying to teach her to have less anger, or to be more patient, or to read her Bible more, or to pray more.  But she was only ignoring what God really wanted from her.  Deep down she knows, but she would rather work on something else. She wants her stuff.  God really wants her to quit spending so much money and having so much stuff. He wants her to give up her stuff and follow Him. JUST LIKE THE RICH MAN. But she is immune to this.  If I mention to her "cutting back," she will defend herself about why she bought this or that, and why her children have this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this... and why her grocery budget can't be less than $____ because of who just has to have this, and this, and this, and this.... 

Stuff immune Disorder.

I'm nearly afraid it is terminal for her.

Now, I know I'm stepping on some toes.  Don't get defensive.  I understand we all have different gifts, different ministries, different interests, and different callings.  We all use different kinds of stuff and different amounts of stuff.  We all have husbands to submit to, and some of them are addicted to stuff worse than we are.  But like I am doing, I urge you to do as well:  Evaluate YOUR symptoms.  Pray. Ask God to help you improve in this area so that you can truly give up your earthly attachments and follow Him.  Deal with your stuff, and the things in your jurisdiction (no, don't sell your husband's three extra chainsaws and the 2,000 pounds of tools he never uses). And if you are reading this blog, know that I am praying for you, too.  And with that I sign off--but below I've pasted in a prior entry.  God bless.

P.S.  I forgot to mention that once you start the "Stuff Immunity Disorder"  cure, there are some side effects.  BE WARNED:
1.  Your budget will go further and you will be able to give more.  Your bills might even get paid.
2. You will begin using your time more effectively for the Lord--because you will be more organized. It will be easier to clean your house. You will not waste hours in useless fiction novels or in front of a video screen.
3. Your spiritual health will improve.
4.  You will not feel the same. 

The question is--do you want to change?
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is a portion of my prior entry that gives details on some of the things we did in the past to combat Stuff Immunity Disorder.  But remember, I'm still growing!

A Clean House: How We Do It

Several years ago, God saved our marriage and opened our eyes to His design for marriage.  Learning that the wife's designed purpose was to be a help meet to my husband, a keeper at home, I realized I had a LOT of changes to make. One of the first things I started praying for daily was that the Lord to show me how to organize my home, and how to keep it clean so that it would be a blessing to my husband and family.

During the tougher years of our marriage before we turned to God, I was such a mess spiritually/mentally, and it showed in our home.  I could never keep it clean daily--or weekly or monthly, for that matter. We usually lived in some sort of disheveled-bordering-chaos state, and only had a clean house on the rare occasion I spent one or two entire days cleaning for company.

When God showed me that being a keeper at home was my God-created purpose, I put it on my daily prayer list:  "God, please show me how to get my home clean and organized. Please show me how to keep it that way every day. Please show me how to make my home a testimony, and a sanctuary."

Well, it has been several years since I have started praying that prayer. And God, as ALWAYS, has been perfectly faithful in answering my prayers, and I have done my best to be obedient and keep pressing on towards the mark.

I look around my home today and compare it to the home I had then.  There is not a smidge of resemblance. God has transformed us so completely! We are able to keep the house orderly and organized, and our home has become a testimony.  We've had three children visiting our home lately (on separate occasions) who commented (referring to our choice of toys, our lack of TV, our cleanliness, the things we eat, etc), "This is the most Christian home I have ever been in!"  I asked, "What do you think? Is that good?"  They all replied, "It's great!" Some highlights of my journey and things we do now (followed by things God has shown me to still work on).

First, we GOT RID, GOT RID, GOT RID.  The only way to have peace and order is to have an amount of things that can be put in order! Step by step, God revealed to us one at a time the things that did not honor Him. First to go was the music--about 300 CDs. At first my husband started selling them on ebay, then we  were convicted that if we shouldn't have them, we shouldn't be the reason someone else had them, and God wouldn't be honored by money made from their sale.  So, into the trash they went. We have one small collection of our favorite Christian music, and we have some Christian audio books (i.e., Focus on the Family Radio Theater, and Henty Audio Books).

Then went the movies.  We kept what we thought were our favorites and ones that were decent, but one at a time, God continued to open our eyes to the subtle worldly philosophies we were allowing into our home.  I knew we were getting the hang of it when "The Little Mermaid"  and "Little House on the Prairie" went out the door.

Same for the books, even our children's books. Some of my lifelong favorites, even collected  "first editions" of ones like "Clan of the Cave Bear" went INTO THE TRASH.  God so convicted me of how I had polluted my mind with paganism, humanism, and sexual filth in the name of good writing. I really completely understood this concept when I attended the Basic Seminar of the Institute of Basic Life Principles and Bill Gothard said, "A truly good writer is one who controls your imagination, not provokes it."  I realized the world's concept of a good writer is completely different!  It was very life-changing for me because I have always been a writer, and I have always appreciated good writing. God changed me so completely. What I used to think was excellent and gifted writing, I now see it as trash.

Then went the TV.  We still have one. I use it sometimes for watching educational videos for School (S.M. Davis videos and other sermons, science and geography documentaries), but my daily rule now is that Mommy is not allowed to turn the TV on unless it is a school video.  Daddy is allowed to choose other programming--so sometimes the children get to watch some family favorites, and my husband and I sometimes scowl through the nightly news. But usually, after the day is done and dinner is over, the children clamor to have "family night" which means making hot tea or hot chocolate, then playing games in the living room.

Then the toys. I prayed for God to reveal to us what was wholesome, and wise for our children.  Away went all super heroes, Barbies, Polly Pockets, most video games, and anything addictive, materialistic, trendy, or having the "collectible" mentality. We had to get rid of Monopoly because my son became so agitated and greedy while playing! Then I watched, and day after day, week after week, I got rid off the dust collectors and the unnecessaries:  Games we never really played, toys that really didn't have a place or a purpose. Little by little, we organized completely to some basic types of toys, and then made a place for everything and put everything in that place.

For example, my 7-year-old daughter has:  Four baby dolls, and if she gets a new one, she must decide which one has to go. We limit it to four. She also has a baby swing, a baby high chair, a baby stroller, an antique child's table and chairs (used to be her grandmother's). Under her bed is a bin with all her doll clothes and accessories, which we go through about twice a year and anything that doesn't fit or doesn't get used has to go. She has a play kitchen with one bin of play food and dishes. She has a doll house with one bin of doll house furniture (a big old-fashioned doll house that my uncle made over 30 years ago for my cousin and my daughter inherited it, with all its lovely vintage furniture!). She has one one bucket of crayons and a stack of paper and coloring books/notebooks for her room for play (the rest of the art supplies we keep with the school things), she has a stack of wooden puzzles that are family heirlooms, and she has a shelf of her favorite stuffed animals (about 10, five of which are Build-A-Bears she has received as gifts on various birthdays). The box of Build-A-Bear clothes is kept in her closet. She has one small bin of her "favorite" toys and things she can share with her baby brother (i.e., a train whistle, a toy phone, a toy recorder, a pan flute from South America). And that's it. And she knows exactly where everything goes. And she can VERY quickly put it there.

My 12-year-old son has:  An ocean of Legos (sorted into his choice of bins and put away under the bed or on his shelves), one small bin of Hot Wheels, one jar of bouncy balls, one bin of small plastic animals (mostly for sharing with his baby brother or for entertaining younger children when they visit), and one bin of "Zip Zaps" with accessories.  He has a gameboy with a handful of games, but he is not allowed to play it at will. He has a personal CD player which he uses to listen to Henty audio books (He LOVES these and they are awesome), audio Bible CDs, sermons.  We do not let him listen to music through headphones. He does have a personal collection of books on a shelf in his room (his Christian biographies, Missionary hero tales, and Lamplighter books, etc.).  He has 2 or 3 computer games that we keep on the family computer and he is allowed to play on occasion with permission (he plays, on average, about once per week). And the rest of his things are outside:  Soccer ball, basketball and hoop, baseball equipment, bike, scooter, 4-wheeler, foxtail, frisbee, golf clubs, BB gun, .22 rifle.

Then we got rid of clutter:  Once through the house, then through it again, then again, then again. Load after load went to charity, or to very productive yard sales.  Each time through, God opened my eyes more and more to the things that were necessary versus the things that were not.  We trimmed and trimmed and trimmed, and we still look to trim every day.  For example:  We don't keep "classics" of fiction (i.e., "The Swiss Family Robinson") because we can always check it out at the library. Extra candles, games, puzzles, canned goods, craft supplies, fabric, patterns, yarn, spices, towels, blankets, knick knacks, dishes we never used, etc.  GONE.  I probably made about $4,000 dollars the past few years having yard sales or getting rid of things on ebay.  We continue to go through the house on a daily basis, and I have two rubber maid tubs stored in my office:  One for items I'm reselling on ebay, at the used store, or saving for a yard sale, and one for items going to charity I add something to them almost daily and empty them when we go to town:  even Christian books we've read but I know we will no longer look at again, clothing, kitchen ware, curriculum, etc.

THEN the CLOTHES.  Emilie Barnes and Elizabeth George helped me get a handle on this.  Our wardrobes are streamlined and simplified.  We have what we feel is the basic number of basics.  For example, about five pairs of jeans and five pairs of dress pants each for the men/boys, five casual skirts and five dressy skirts for the girls, and about five each of each basic type of top:  short sleeve polo, long-sleeve dress shirts, short sleeve t-shirts, long-sleeve T-shirts.  The boys each have one or 2 nice sweaters. Us girls have about 10 nice tops that go with everything.  My daughter has one or two nice dresses for special occasions at any given time. We keep it to the basics, and if one of the basics wears out, we replace the basic.  For example, one of my favorite denim skirts has just worn thin and tiny holes have started at the seams.  I will look carefully  and replace it with another denim skirt. It's that simple.  When my husband or son wears holes in a pair of jeans, I replace that pair of jeans.  When one pair of church pants is outgrown or gets holes, I replace that pair of pants.

Now, the chores.  Credit goes to the Steve and Teri Maxwell for this!  After reading "Managers of Their Homes" (M.O.T.H.), I learned to list all the household chores that it takes to keep our home looking the way it should look to be a testimony (right down to sweeping the porch, wiping out the microwave every day, and washing out the silverware drawer and cleaning the fridge once a week), and we keep them divided up among myself and the children.  After a friend told me about Maxwell's latest book, "Manager of Their Chores" (I think that's the title) and described it to me, I came up with a GREAT system for getting our daily chores done (God gets the credit--I know it was His grace that helped me!).  The children each have a daily checklist that has a checkbox for each daily chore as well as for their independent school work.  Thanks to a revelation God gave me while my children were reading some pioneer stories, chores are done first thing in the morning with a goal to have them all done by 9:00 a.m. so that we can continue the rest of our school day in an environment peace and order, and our home is set to be a testimony for the day (don't have to worry about that knock at the door!). Then their goal is to have their independent school work done by noon. Then I do my teaching and instructing portion in the afternoon while the baby takes his nap.  We're usually free after that to work on special projects or do anything else we like until it's time to start dinner and prepare for daddy to be home (which means touch up the house, which means we go to bed with it pretty clean and then the chores are done easily the next morning by 9:00 a.m.)
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Jan. 12, 2008

New Year's Resolutions: Simplified

I've always been torn between wanting to insist New Year's Resolutions are silly, and wanting to make several myself.  I mean, why only promise to improve yourself once a year?  Don't we have struggles and imperfections we are dealing with all year long? On the other hand, traditionally speaking, it is the time of year where people do give much more serious thought to changing and starting fresh.  There's something about opening that new, blank calendar that is inspiring.  It feels like a clean slate.  A BIG clean slate!

So, what do you resolve to change?  The list can be so long!  How do you pick?  Some people can quickly pick one "big ticket item," and that's it. I used to get carried away and end up with an overly ambitious list of 20 or more things, some big, some little, half of which I forgot by halfway through January.  Then I ended up feeling guilty, frustrated, and inadequate, and settled quickly back into having "just another year."

But, God has been growing me, and I feel like this year is going to be different.  I am only making one New Year's Resolution. 

Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?  Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.  Matthew 22:35-40

Based on that verse, I only need one New Year's Resolution:

1. To love God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

God places this commandment as the greatest, because He knows that if you keep this commandment, everything else "hangs" on this--everything else falls into place.  Everything.  Even everything on your New Year's Resolution list.

So, how can we keep this one resolution to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind?  It doesn't require trips to the gym, special diet menus, reorganizing your whole home.  It only requires a minute of fervent prayer each time the resolution comes to mind:

Dear God, please help me to love you with all my heart, soul, and mind. Please help me to love you more.

This is God's will.  If we pray it, He will give it.

And then just think of the blessings we will reap.  As you grow to love God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, you will grow in your longing to please Him and serve Him.  Your ears will tingle for the slightest commandment that you can obey to please the One you love so much.  Your eyes will greedily digest the Word of God as you look for ways to learn about the One you love and how to please Him.  You will develop those "ears that hear," and you will be not just a hearer of the Word, but a doer.  You will begin to be a keeper of God's law, you will begin to live in His will, and your life  will reap blessing and happiness.

 Take a look at this amazing verse of scripture:
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 29:18
Every year, we like to start off the New Year with "vision."  That's why we make resolutions.  We have a goal.  We imagine a better life, a happier life, a more peaceful life, a more productive life, a healthier life.  Goals are good!  God says right there in this verse that where there is no vision, the people perish.

 However, don't miss the treasure.  The word "but" in this verse tells you how to make sure you have vision and don't perish, and are happy.  The word "but" in this verse reveals to us a comparison of two opposite states:

 A person who has no vision and who perishes is the opposite of the person who keeps the law and is happy.

So, if you have no vision, what should you do?  Keep the law!
If ye love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15
Now see how this falls into place:  The greatest commandment is to love God, and then if you love Him, you will keep His commandments, and if you keep His commandments, you will be happy (and have vision and not perish).

Did you know that you cannot have Godly vision unless you love God first and it is your deepest longing to please Him and keep His commandments.

You see, when we love ourselves more than we love God, any vision we have is tainted and selfish.  We will set goals, even in the name of God, but they most likely will not be the goals that God has for us at the time.  His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts.

When we don't love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, our vision is clouded.  Our goals will be set in "our favor," --as in, goals that we feel will make us happier.  Goals that make sense to us, that sound good, that sound godly, and appear godly.  But God's vision is almost always different.  Many times in my life, I have outlined visions and goals that have failed, even though they were goals to attain godly things.  They failed because they were not in line with God's vision for me--God's revelation for me.  I had Him tuned out and me tuned in.  When, in frustration, I would finally turn to God for help, He would reveal His true vision for me, and the true areas where I needed to work and grow, which were not the areas I would pick.  Not the direction I would choose.  God picks the tough areas--the areas we subconsciously avoid.  Our blind spots. He loves us.  He really wants us to grow! In order to do that, He must move us out of our comfort zones.

We need to grow in our weakest areas, yet those are the areas most painful for us to face.  We try to resolve to do something about our "symptoms," but as humans, we do not have the vision to see into our own hearts and realize that our bad eating habits, our bad spending habits, our anger, our unruly or rebellious children, our troubled marriage, our clutter, our disorganization--they're all just symptoms.  When we muster up our own "vision," we often can only see our symptoms.  When we let God give us vision, He can see right into our hearts and give us the vision we need to make changes at the very core of our soul. He can clear up the cloudiness, the confusion, and the struggles.  Yes, it means changing in some ways that aren't comfortable, but it also means changing in ways that are effective and truly do lead to happiness.

That's why the love part--the greatest commandment--is crucial.  If you truly love someone, you will go through whatever discomfort necessary to change for them. 

So, if you love God the most, more than any other person or any other thing--if you truly can come to love Him with all your heart, soul, and mind--then you will be willing to yield to His vision for you, and willing to do anything He asks to make change in your life.  You will long to keep any commandment you know He wants you to keep.  You will gladly go through the discomfort, and do whatever it takes to please the One you love!  Just think of the bride who was motivated to lose 10 pounds for her wedding day.  In her whole life, that may be the most successful time of weight loss.  Why?  She has a vision and a goal, but what is the motivation?  Love for her new groom--yes. She wants to look beautiful for him and please him on their wedding day. She wants the pictures to be perfect, the dress to be perfect. This is a small picture of how, when we truly love God the way He commands us to love Him, we will be willing to go through any discomfort to grow and change.

When I meet my Bridegroom in heaven, I want to be beautiful to Him!  He's not going to look at my outside, but He is going to look on my heart.  I will do anything to prepare for that wedding day!

But I want to explain more of how keeping God's commandments relates to having vision and life. If you keep the commandments, you will have vision.  It will all start to fall into place. Your eyes will be opened.  You will see.  You will see how keeping God's commandments will help you, little by little, become the person you have always envisioned yourself to be.  Your anger and bitterness will be replaced with forgiveness and love.  Your lack of self-control will be replaced with patience and restraint.  Your cluttered disorganization will become peace and order.  Depression will lift as you take your eyes off yourself and focus on serving God. Your finances will improve as you make choices to please the One you love. Your marriage will become blissful, your children will grow in the Lord, you will become healthier... it will all fall into place.

If you make this one resolution, to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and you begin praying that one simple prayer all day every day, you will be transformed.  You will start living for him day to day, and minute to minute. 

Don't be surprised when you pray, "God, help me to love you more," and then you are gently prompted to show this love to God, pleasing Him by speaking lovingly to a child instead of reacting in anger.  Or, you are prompted to clean out some clutter, or even just choose something to eat that is more pleasing to the One you love.  Little by little, the clouds will lift, and you will be transformed.  You will be living life to please the One you love, and all your vision will fall into place.

Simplify your New Year's resolutions.  Just make this one.

Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

Try it, and you will see.  If you were to let God write your New Year's Resolutions, and you asked God to pick just one thing for you to work on, I am confident this would be it (it is for me!).  He said so right in the Bible--this is the first and great commandment.  If you don't have this one nailed, it is futile to work on anything else!  And then, when you do start working on this one--everything else automatically starts to work.  Amazing!

But not too amazing for God!  His ways are awesome.
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Dec. 30, 2007

Willing to Pay the Price?

The following article is one I had formerly written, and I am posting it again due to a reader request.  But, at the same time, I had also been thinking this was appropriate for the New Year.

Our family has been studying through the books of I Samuel through II Chronicles.  My husband is writing wonderful family devotions. I have been inspired to read these wonderful historical books again, with new eyes for the spiritual wisdom they contain.

Would you believe it--something jumped out at me!  God HATED the wickedness of the kings who sacrificed their children to "Molech."  It was so vile to Him--the kings and the people who literally burned their children as burnt offerings, thinking they were doing what "god" wanted them to do. 

What kind of sacrifice does God actually want from you?  Now? Today?  He wants YOU!

I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1-2

And how does He want you to make that sacrifice?  By NOT BEING CONFORMED TO THIS WORLD!

This scripture is the perfect lead-in to the following article.  You see, people today are sacrificing their children to the world because they are unwilling to make themselves a living sacrifice unto God.  What is your choice?  Sacrifice your children, or yourself?

Are You Willing to Pay the Price?

A mother once pulled me aside to ask me for help with her rebellious daughter.  She was desperate to change her situation. She said she had observed our family and wanted to "do what we do."  I warned her that changing her daughter wouldn't be easy.  I told her she had to be 100% committed.

"Anything! I'll do anything!" she assured me.

So I explained to her the drastic things that would need to be done to change her daughter's heart.
I explained about cutting her off from her friends, her TV, movies, books, magazines, hip hop music, and any other polluting influences.   Not just grounding. Not just limiting.  Completely eliminating these influences. I explained that it needed to be permanent, complete, and with no compromise.  I explained that if she wasn't serious about eliminating those influences, how was her daughter going to believe it was a serious problem? (If you have cancer, you don't just cut away a little part of it--you take it all!)  That means none of these things for mom, either.

I explained about the need to spend all available time with the daughter, talking, teaching, training, and explaining.  All the time possible--so for mom, that means no time to herself for now (mom must make a sacrifice).  No internet, no TV, no anything that keeps her daughter "left to herself."  Cook together, read the Bible together, talk about what God wants and why.

I explained about the need to purge the home of ungodly things.  You can't tell your daughter not to read certain magazines or books, then read them yourself.  You can't tell your daughter to leave the room while you watch a certain show or movie.

I explained that whatever you want your daughter to be, you have to be TWICE that in example and testimony.

And I explained again, that most parents aren't willing to pay the price. And I told her about some wonderful, Godly resources where she could learn more.

But by this time I had already lost her.  It was already too much.

This has happened other times. Mothers get to know me, they confide in me, the relationship builds for a few months. They try something here, and a little change there. I encourage gently, answer questions gently. I only give counsel when asked.  But usually the big question comes. They want it all. They're ready to do it "my way." They think I'm going to give them some magic formula where they can implement some one-time trick or discipline, then everything will be okay.  But when they hear that godly child training must be lived day in and day out, and that a home must be Christ centered with no polluting or worldly influences... they lose the eager interest. They fear losing things they love--their comforts,  indulgences, their TV shows, the little things they have decided are "okay" because they enjoy them. 

Parents are not willing to make the sacrifice.

I know there are parents out there who are willing to pay the price.  I've met some, and they have been a great (I mean GREAT) encouragement to me. But it is discouraging how often I am asked for counsel by people who see the example of our family and ask for advice, but they are not willing to change their own habits.  They are not willing to give up their TV, their rated R movies, their yucky books, their laziness, their anger, their impatience... Women are not willing to give up their independence and their attitudes towards their husbands, their bad stewardship, their stuff (shopping, buying, collecting, worldly stuff, stuff, stuff!)... A million different things.  It's like they are somehow looking for a way to raise beautiful, perfect, godly children without having to make any sacrifices, do any work, or be godly themselves.  They want one foot in the Bible and one in the world--the best of both?  Not possible--not according to God.

It doesn't work that way!

Be ye not conformed to this world.

I try to explain that it doesn't happen overnight. That you have to start somewhere. I try to break it down into little pieces, give starting points, small suggestions.  I try to encourage, tell them to take small steps, to call me for support... But the bottom line is, many parents have already grown up themselves being all about "me."  And they are now raising kids that are all about "me."  And no one wants to pay the price to break the cycle. No one wants to be the living sacrifice. No one wants to sacrifice "me."

I understand, too, that there is a certain amount of preparation that must be done by the Holy Spirit in order for someone to grasp the truth, grasp the magnitude of our call to Holy living.  God knows that I didn't comprehend this truth for years and years, and I know it is only by God's grace and His outpouring of the Holy Spirit on me that I was able to have ears to hear.  Some people just aren't there yet.  Many times when I counsel, it is easy to discern when someone isn't there yet, and isn't ready.  You don't give meat to a baby--you give milk. 

But how many moms are out there clamoring and pleading and praying and wishing for their children to grow up as strong, godly men and women... but they aren't willing to pay the price?

Yes, I know God is providential. And believe me, I'm not judging. Women who are asking for help know they need it.  Satan's strongholds are tremendous. I pray against them for all my blog readers and my friends continually.  If you have emailed me for counsel, or even left a comment, you are in my fervent prayers for God's help, God's grace, and God's outpouring of wisdom and mercy as you undertake your calling to be a godly wife and mother.  Keep praying! God is so gracious and so good. He will answer. He will do the work.  You won't even have to do the work.  He will do it! He can change your heart and the hearts of your children, and transform your home and your children.  Just keep praying! Keep asking.  Keep asking for God to do what it takes in your heart and in your life to be all that He wants you to be.  He will do it. 

My children are not rebellious (at the moment), but I still am committed to paying the price.  I only get one chance with them.  I can get my internet time later  (ha! what are they doing now, you ask?  The 13-year-old is playing Legos with the baby, and my 8-year-old daughter is reading her library books--books I approved, of course).

But, now I must go and put them in bed.  And put me in bed.

And as I go to bed, I know this post is is going to step on toes.  I just know it.  I was there once, too.  And, like someone did for me once--called me out on my selfishness and laziness--I just wanted to write it down.  You see, God prepared my heart by calling me to repentance.  I had to be broken first.  I had to realize the problem was me.  Not my husband. Not my children.  I had to make MY life the living sacrifice.

Moms--just pray for a change of heart!  You may not feel like it--but pray to want it (if you don't want it).  I know what it's like to hate change.  I hate giving up certain parts of me that God demands.  And when I don't want to--I pray for God to make me want to, and I pray for the change of heart.

In my life, there was a point where by God's grace I realized that there was only ONE solution for my problems--as a woman, as a wife, as a mother.  His truth.  Hearing it and doing it.

------------------

Epilogue:

As I sit here facing the New Year, I have asked God what He wants from me.  One thing He made very clear:  I am to be a living sacrifice--especially regarding raising the children He has entrusted to me.  I will be willing to pay the price, and I have told Him that this coming year, I will do all I have been doing and even more to make sure my children are not sacrificed to this world, but that I am a living sacrifice to God.

That means:

Patiently listening to my rambling 13-year-old son.

Sitting for hours to help my 8-year-old daughter learn her crocheting and knitting.

When my 2-1/2 year-old son cries, "Mommy, I want you!" and lifts his arms to me, I will smile back at him and say, "I want you, too!" and pick him up for a big hug and kiss.

Speaking to my children without anger, praising them, exhorting them, guiding them, giving firm authority, loving guidance, and continual encouragement.

Working to train them in all areas of their lives--even when I may not feel like it:  Helping them learn their chores better, be more diligent in their school work, growing them in character.

And being consistent with their training, even if it means I have to hang up the internet, the phone, or put down my own book and get my behind up off my chair...

Sacrifice.

See the name of my blog?  Living Sacrifice.  That is my prayer this year.  That I will truly become that living sacrifice to my Lord and Savior.  Jesus Christ is Lord.
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Dec. 14, 2007

Got Love?

It has been one of those weeks where a recurring theme has literally leaped off the pages of my Bible and grabbed me around the neck.  I was seeing things I never saw before, simply reading the same old passages.  I was seeing the word "LOVE," used so many different ways.

God is love. 

Now, do you know algebra?  I'm neck deep in Algebra I right now with my 8th grade son! If God is love, then love is God.

God = Love
Love = God

The two names are interchangeable. 

Try this: 

God never fails.
Love never fails.

See?  Still truth!

Over and over again, while reading the epistles this week, I saw how Paul was trying to convey that the "greatest of these is love."  If you don't have love (God, God's love) in you, you don't know God (he that loveth not, knoweth not God, for God is love), you can't grow, nothing works, nothing changes, and you might as well give up!  This applies to any situation in life! At home, marriage, kids, church, relationships, and all other efforts at growing and learning and trying to walk with the Lord.

Got love?

One mistake I used to make when trying to show love to others was that I tried to use my own love.  Well, that is actually blasphemy.  I have no love of my own.  I am not love.  God is love.  If I try to be love, or have my own love, I will fail.  I am walking in the flesh. I am trying to be something that I am not.  I am trying to mimic God--something sure to fail.

I used to try to love my husband with my own love, my own feelings.  It always failed me.  It was never enough to "bear all things."  I used to try to love others with my own love--I could love some, but definitely couldn't even come close to loving others.  My love definitely failed me.

But then I learned that I have no love.  I am not love.  Only God is love.  When reading I Corinthians 13 one day, amazed at the perfection of the love described in that passage, I realized that the passage wasn't telling ME to love people that way, it was telling me who God is, and what kind of love He has, and to let Him use me to pour His love through me on to people.  His love. Not mine.  Him. Not me.

When I understood this, my life changed dramatically--transformed by love.  The love that I poured onto my husband and family became truly God's love flowing through me--not my love.  God's love didn't fail me.  When I was angry at my husband or at my children and didn't feel loving, I could simply pray to God, "Lord, please love them through me.  Use my hands, my words, because I am not able to love."  I found that when I could not even muster up any feelings of my own love within my fleshly, human self, I could offer my body as a living sacrifice to God, and despite my failing feelings, I could still be an instrument of His love.  What healing!  What peace!  What blessing!

I was once talking to a frustrated mother.  This mother is an excellent mother.  I can't believe all that she is able to accomplish.  It is apparent all the ways she seeks to please the Lord in how she submits to and supports her husband, trains her children, and manages her home.  Yet, the children are still rebellious--especially  the oldest.  And one of her little ones (age 3) was pushing her to the limits of sanity with his antics for attention.  She said, "I have tried everything.  Nothing works!  NOTHING  works."  She went on to say, "I feel like I am missing something big... but I just don't know what it its."

And into my mind leaped the phrase, "Love never fails."

I know she has tried everything--training, correcting, schedules, lists, Bible study with the children... she HAS tried everything. 

She asked me, on the phone, "What am I missing?" 

Then, she gave me an example. She described one of her current situations about how no matter what the punishment, the consistency, the training, or the threat, the little one refused to stay in bed throughout the night.  She was getting no sleep and getting nowhere.  The little one was waking up, getting out of bed, playing, waking the other children, and doing all other types of mischief."  She asked, "How would you have handled it."

I sent a 9-1-1 prayer to God for guidance.  I imagined myself in her shoes.  I have had little ones of this same "ilk" spend the night at my house before.  I imagined having to take him into my own home, and imagined him doing the same thing. 

I told her, "I would have picked him up, cuddled him, kissed him, climbed into bed with him, and slept with him--all night if necessary--rubbing his back, kissing him, speaking words of love to him,  talking to him sweetly about Jesus, looking at him lovingly, caressing him lovingly, and holding him tightly for as long as was needed.  My boundaries and some chastening would have been spoken during this time, but I would have been speaking them while upholding him in love."

Don't you see, that is what Jesus does for us?  He corrects us, leads us, chastens us, but always while walking with us and enveloping us in His perfect love, and His never-ending mercy.

You see, love is  what was missing.

She said, "I have tried everything. Nothing works."

The Bible says, "Love never fails."

If nothing is working, then remember there is something that never fails.

Love.

a.k.a., God (Remember: God=Love, Love=God)

You must let God work through you, pour through you.  It is Him, and His love that never fails.

At one of the hardest times in my marriage, I remember saying to God, "Fine!  If you want to love him (my husband), go ahead!  Love him all you want!  I can't!  You can use my hands and my mouth!  But you're going to have to do it!"

That was a big "DUH" for God.  Now, I ride on God's coattails, so to speak, when it comes to loving my husband.  And now I truly love Him the way I always dreamed I wanted to, but was never able to do on my own.

I want you to consider, if your training and disciplining of your children doesn't seem to be working, is God's love missing from the equation?  If your marriage is still struggling with anger, resentment, and failing feelings of love--is it God's love you're allowing to be used in the marriage, or are you trying to muster up your own cheap imitation?

You see, children want to please those who they know love them.  If your children aren't too keen on pleasing you, maybe they don't know you love them--I mean love them the way God loves them.

Maybe you don't really know how much God loves you! If you really know God loves you, then you will want to please Him!

Sometimes, we get out of balance.  We operate in about 95% training, and discipline, and about 5% loving actions.  It should be the opposite.

My quick checklist. Do I (or you): 

Hug your children and kiss them--before they come to get it from you?  All the time?

Rub their backs and spend some loving time with them as they get into bed?

For no reason, go to your children and just hug them and tell them you love them, and that they please you?

Offer to read a story without being asked?

Offer to play a game, playdough, bake something, paint, draw, color, etc... without being asked?

Praise them for their good qualities, their good character traits, their good works, their progress, their efforts?

Smile?

Speak in love?

Let your eyes sparkle when you look at them?

Serve them willingly, and help them readily (i.e., get them a drink instead of making them get it themselves--even the older ones, get something for them that is upstairs, help them carry something, offer to help them with something before they ask, work with them on a chore or do a chore for them, make them something special, give them something special for no reason).

Allow God's love to pour through you on to them, even as you are correcting them?

Listen?  Do you stop and look them in the eyes and listen when they are talking to you?

Forgive instantly?

(Incidentally, marriages can also get out of balance--write your own checklist for that!)

That's one checklist.  Now, here's another.  Do you realize the love God, your Father, pours upon you?

Do you realize that regardless of how you displease Him, how you disobey him, regardless of your weaknesses and mistakes:

He provides for you daily, with love.

You have shelter.

You have food.

You have warmth.

You have protection.

You have clothing.

You have 1000x more than your basic needs.

You have continual grace and mercy all day every day.

You have His listening ear 100% of the time.

You have His forgiveness.

For the sake of the heart of your children, DON'T FORGET TO LOVE.  When all else fails:
LOVE NEVER FAILS. God has done some amazing work in our children.  They are obedient. They are joyful. But I try to let God's love pour onto them as much as possible.  I try to show grace, and mercy, and forgiveness, and joy, and delight in them.  They are confident of my love for them. They rest in it. I may convey sometimes that I do nothing but wield the rod, chasten, correct and admonish--but...  I do correct and train, but the love comes first.

God is more concerned with our hearts--not our actions (I was reminded of this in Sunday School last week).  He is providential and all powerful. Our mistakes and actions can't mess up His plans.  He is pleased when our actions are in His will, and He will reward us one day for that, but when we mess up, we can't mess Him up (what kind of God would He be if I could mess Him up and ruin His plan?).  He is concerned with our hearts. Our obedience to Him. Our submission to Him.  Our obedience is the key to our successful Christian walk.  And we will obey someone who we know loves us.

Do you know how He loves you?  Dear ones--you could never even imagine!

That is why His mercy is unending, and everlasting, and endures forever.

And if you are concerned with the heart of your children, don't let the love be missing.

Children will gladly and eagerly obey and submit to someone they know loves them--I mean, LOVES them.  And that means, God's love is pouring onto them through you.  If you can let God's love pour through you onto your children, then not only will they be obeying and submitting to you, but they will also be responding to God.  They will grow to know His love for them, too.

Which is His plan in the first place.

LOVE.

The greatest of these is LOVE.

Today, we were working on calendars that our family makes every year for Christmas to give as gifts.  Each month is a carefully decorated page with a picture and a scripture verse.  As we began decorating February, at first I was loathe to use any pink, red, or hearts because I am not on board with cheesy, meaningless, money-wasting celebrations of Valentine's day.  But because of how God has shown me about His love this week, I am so on board with love.  So bring on the hearts!  And pink glitter.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
I Corinthians 13
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Dec. 6, 2007

Children's Appetites

I once wrote an article about "Children's Appetites," and considering that it is now the Christmas Season and many of us have been praying about how to give good gifts and God-honoring gifts to our children and others, I thought I might put up something I previously wrote (with a little edit for Christmas). I had thought about posting this back in November, and recently a reader requested this specific article again!

Children's Appetites

Our homeschooling support group is working through the “Genesis of a Legacy” Bible study by Ken Ham.  Wow! What a great and inspiring series of lessons to remind us just WHY to homeschool in the first place.

One thing has stood out to me this week:  The issue of appetites.  Ken Ham gives an illustration in one of his video presentations where he has three volunteers from his audience come to the platform and try a bite of vegemite.  Vegemite is an Australian favorite—a dark brown squeaky paste made with salt and yeast. Australians eat it on bread or sandwiches.  They love it.  Most Americans, tasting it for the first time, think it is disgusting (I’ve tasted it and did not remotely like it!).  He explained that Australians love vegemite because when they are babies, their parents start giving them tastes of it on a spoon. They grow up eating it, having it regularly, and their appetite is built for it. The parents actually train their appetite for it!

So, what appetites are you building in your children?

What are your children hungry for? How do they want to spend their time? What do they want to “put in their brain?”  What do they want to eat? How do they want to behave?

Are we giving our children an appetite for video games? TV? Movies? Collectible Toys? Superheroes? Comic books? Sports? Worldly pleasures? Junk food? Laziness (not doing chores or work?) Lack of self-control? (giving in to whims or desires without regard to consequences?)

How often, do we as parents, cultivate the wrong appetites and then whine and worry when our children aren't hungry for the things of God?  When they aren't interested in good things, and godly things?  Sometimes, we cultivate wrong appetites because WE are lazy (yes, I am aware that is a word that makes many people mad).  Sometimes, I am tempted to turn on a cartoon for my fussing baby just to keep him quiet and occupied for a while.  But I will not often do it.  I offer him things that I know will give him a good appetite: to accompany me while I do a chore, or to play with his toys--toys we have approved (blocks, a few cars, books, wooden puzzles).  At any given time, I will tell him to play with his toys, or he must do nothing (sit on a chair in the middle of the room).  Guess what--he is developing an appetite for his toys--the toys we choose and approve.  He is developing an appetite to sit contentedly and look at books or work puzzles.

Incidentally, he is 2.  He has one basket of toys.  No more.  He has about 12 books that are at his level, and a stack of wooden puzzles that are kept in his sister's room in her cupboard (they were hers, and her older brother's before her).

I allow him to sit at his desk and draw or color, or play with his flash cards.

Sometimes, when the other children are doing school and the chores are caught up, I play a game with him, or I read to him, or I work on other ways to develop his good appetites.

At the moment, while I am typing, he is outside "working" with his older brother, and loving every minute of it. Following his brother while he does outside chores is a joy to him. And his older brother develops an appetite at the same time!

What about our older children?  How often do we let them get absorbed in video games, a movie, or TV just because it keeps them quiet, it keeps them from fighting, and we aren't even watching the time anyway because we are so busy ourselves surfing the internet, watching TV, or pursuing our own pleasures.  What do my children/your children do while we are online? What about right now?

About three years ago, we started reprogramming our children’s appetites to God-pleasing things. God revealed His truth in this area and I realized it was my responsibility to train the right appetites for my children--my end goal being to turn out children who had a hunger for God first and foremost, and an appetite for godly things.  I prayed daily for help.  We made changes.

We began consistently saying “no” to things where God revealed we were developing wrong appetites, (and explaining why they are not glorifying to God) and replacing those things with God-pleasing alternatives. This year, I am finally seeing the change and transformation evident in their appetites.  God's work is evident in our home.  He has been changing us, changing our lives, and changing our appetites!

About 3-4 years ago, we took away, one by one, TV, movies, collectible toys, superheroes, comic books, video games.  We kept toys that helped facilitate their growth in a godly way.  We didn’t do this all at once!  We were still growing in the Lord, and we didn’t always realize right away that some things were not pleasing to God.  But we grew, and we changed. And we are still growing and changing.

For example, at this point in time, my daughter (who is now 8) has a play kitchen and four baby dolls.  BABY dolls—not Barbie dolls, Polly Pockets, Bratz Dolls, or any other kind of dolls.  BABY dolls.  These toys encourage her to practice being a mother.  They give her an appetite for mothering. The other dolls simply were not as good at building this appetite.

My daughter has a doll house.  Not a trendy, collectible, plasticky, Barbie or fashion-doll house.  A real doll house. Made with wood.  It has carpeting and tile and empty rooms.   She has a bin of wooden furniture and accessories. It helps her organize and design a home. It gives her an appetite for being a home manager. She can sew curtains or make tiny pillows or bedspreads, placemats, or crochet area rugs.  She can make little pictures to hang on the walls, or design wallpaper, borders, or textured paint.

My son (now 13) has Legos. They give him an appetite for being a creator, inventor, planner, and builder.  He has books to read—godly books. Lamplighter Publishing, Henty novels, Christian biographies, martyr stories, missionary stories, and some approved classics (not all classics are acceptable—even though they are classics!).

My son has a computer for typing and learning programming—he has a programmable robot.  He has no internet connection.  He has an email address, but he corresponds only with family and very rarely AS NEEDED, and it is supervised by his parents.  He is not allowed to check it by himself (due to spam).  His appetite is not being built for internet, email, and chat. His appetite is being built to use the computer as a tool.

My son has tools. He has outdoor sports equipment.  He has a basketball hoop, baseball equipment, golf clubs, soccer balls, a bike, a scooter, a .22 rifle and a bow with arrows (50 lb). He doesn’t play on teams at the moment—it is not how God is directing him, and we are not feeding his appetite to think that athletics are highly important.  He might watch a sporting event or two each year. But we do teach him that being healthy is important, and that having fun is something God wants us to do!

We have art supplies and books to teach drawing and painting. We have stuff for sewing, crocheting, knot tying, and music (piano, guitar, recorders).

We have a DVD player.  It is for sermons, Moody Science videos, and other Christian videos we own.  It is not used more than once a week, if that.

We have local TV channels.  Most days it is never turned on.

The children have a typing tutor on the computer with games (my 8-year-old daughter can type over 20 words per minute—and she loves typing!  She has built an appetite for it!).  They have Rosetta Stone Spanish they can do independently.  We have about 4 computer games that can only be played with permission. They are car racing (just cars--no people, stealing, chasing... just driving), and hockey.

So, after three years, I have been watching my children and gauging their appetites.  Finally, there is evidence that their appetites are changing.  They don’t miss or even bat an eye that other children have Playstations, PSPs, action figure toys, Barbie Dolls, every Polly Pocket set, or 6 American Girl dolls, the whole line of Bratz dolls, or all the Littlest Pet Shop toys.  My children have no appetite for these things any longer.

My son has built an appetite for rea