For the last few weeks something is amiss in my home.  Everyone has been cranky, frustrated, and irritable.  It is almost as though we all had cabin fever- but we don't.  Everything and everyone is getting on everyone's nerves.  Finally, I am able to see that the root of the problem is..........ME!  I am dreading the holidays this year because of financial stress and physical stress as I just try to get things accomplished, ie school, shopping, baking, regular meals, kids Christmas activities, etc.  I HATE the fact that Christmas is so commercial- even at our house (I don't want to buy any gifts at ALL!  We have ENOUGH!)  But what I am realizing is that my focus has gradually shifted from my Savior and what He's done for me to the things I am bothered by, negative things and, here's the BIG surprise- MYSELF!!!!  I have a BAD ATTITUDE!  I have become a worried, complaining, self-focused woman!  UGH!  That's the kind I really don't like!  God have mercy on me!  How quick I can slip back into such a wretched pattern of behavior!

Now not  that THIS isn't a big enough sin to deal with, I am reading 1, 2, and 3 John right now.  And 2 John gave me some startling insight into myself!  John urges "the elect lady" (either a church or actual woman from NT church no one seems quite sure) to temper her love with the truth, to not serve or extend hospitality to those who are false teachers.  God really impressed on my heart that I am quite the OPPOSITE of this woman, especially in my family right now.  I am quick to point out the truth but I have lost the love that should temper the truth.  I am reminded of a great balance with truth on one side and love on the other.  One of God's attributes are not more important than another. 

Now the solution: REPENT!  As a Christian, I know that God will be faithful and just to forgive me my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness!  Praise His name!  But I also pray that Christ renews my mind and purifies my heart because these sins have become habit.  And I also need to memorize Scripture and pray that my heart and mind are filled with good thoughts of God so I have a way to respond to circumstances in a way that is pleasing to Him.   I am praying that the balance will be level when I open my mouth with my family today, that I can show them more love like Christ.  And during the holidays when I see our extended family, that I will be loving not frustrated trying to explain our Christ-centered traditions and life.  That love will speak out of my mouth with the truth.

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