Blogging about a blog... Is that unheard of???  I just read a post here http://aheartforgod.blogspot.com/2009/01/entering-valley-of-humiliation.html And it inspired some thoughts within me about myself.  How I- even as a Christian- will do most anything to avoid humiliation.  That my pride is my desire to please men, not God.  That I don't want to feel ashamed.  But it strikes me that humility- something I say I desire- comes from humiliation- that which I avoid. 

According to Webster's 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language, humiliation is "the act of humbling; the state of being humbled." Also, it is "the act of abasing pride; or the state of being reduced to lowliness of mind, meekness, penitence and submission." So to be made meek and humble, I need to accept humiliation into my life.  It is the catalyst that creates a spirit of humility.  Not very appealing is it?  I don't want people to know the 'real' me, my sins, my trials, my secret covetous nature.  But the desire to avoid humiliation inflates my pride.  And arrests any chance of me achieveing a humble heart.

Why do I want to be humble?  More than "because God's Word says so."  God has a reason behind everything He does.  He wants us to embrace humility for a purpose.  Why?  Again, I am turning to my dictionary to give me a deeper understanding of humility.  According to Webster, humility is "freedom from pride and arrogance; humbleness of mind; a modest estate of one's own worth."  Now this isn't the false "I'm so focused on my horrible self" type of humility.  True humility doesn't stay focused on self because of the rest of the definition.  (Stay with me here!)  "In theology, humility consist in lowliness of mind; a deep sense of one's own unworthiness in the sight of God, self-abasement, penitence for sin, and submission to the divine will."  Thank you Daniel Webster!  So, true humility will bring us to repentence and allow us to see how low we are and how great God is.  Then, when confronted with God's love, we are so deeply grateful- because WE KNOW OUR UNWORTHINESS! 

So humiliation is a true gift from God that allows us to see our need for Him- if we don't fight it, if we don't squirm away from it, if we allow God to work His will in our lives to His glory.  So instead of pretending everything is perfect, that I am perfect, I will trust God.  I will accept the truth about myself, my circumstances, people around me.  I will stop "keeping up with appearances" and will become more honest at the deepest level.  I will stop seeking the approval of man (or woman, friend, child, mother-in-law, co-op group, etc.) and rest in God's acceptance of me as an unworthy, sinful creation that desperately needs Him or ALL is lost.

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Lord, give me peace in all circumstances.  Stregthen my spirit to endure any humiliation that might make me see my dependence on You.  Destroy my self-sufficiency.  Make me totally dependent on You.  Amen.

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How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
(REPEAT)

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I first heard about this song on WretchedRadio with Todd Friel.  What a beautiful way to get doctrine into our hearts- songs based on the Word!

I AM THE WRETCH THE SONG IS REFERRING TO!  PRAISE GOD FOR WHAT CHRIST DID FOR ME!

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How many of you know the story of the tower of Babel from the Bible?

Genesis 11

The Tower of Babel

 1Now the whole earth had one language and the same words. 2And as people migrated from the east, they found a plain in^(A) the land of Shinar and settled there. 3And they said to one another, "Come, let us make bricks, and burn them thoroughly." And they had brick for stone,^(B) and bitumen for mortar. 4Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city and a tower^(C) with its top in the heavens, and let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be dispersed over the face of the whole earth." 5And^(D) the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of man had built. 6And the LORD said, "Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language, and this is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. 7Come,^(E) let us go down and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another’s speech." 8So^(F) the LORD dispersed them from there over the face of all the earth, and they left off building the city. 9Therefore its name was called^(G) Babel, because there the LORD confused^[a] the language of all the earth. And from there the LORD dispersed them over the face of all the earth.

Last night I was thinking about how I struggle and strive.  Even as a Christian.  I am constantly TRYING.  TRYING to do the right thing, TRYING to be a good mom, TRYING to be a good wife, TRYING to be a good person, TRYING to do what I THINK God wants me to do.  Okay, STOP right there!  What does the Bible say that God wants me to do?  Micah 6:8 reads,

 "He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"

Walk humbly with my God.  God wants me to walk with Him, trust in Him, rely on Him, cling to Him. 

We all (like in Isaiah 53:6) have turned to our own way.  How many times in your life have you heard: 'be the best you can be;' 'always try your best;' 'if at first you don't succeed, try, try again;' 'aim high?'  Then, of course, our society is built upon awards and achievements in school and work.  So what are we doing?  We are building a tower of Babel in our own lives.  We are stacking our good works, awards, achievements to try to earn our way to heaven.  Even as Christians, we can be guilty of this. 

In fact, this heresy has been perpetuated by the church.  Many churches actually tell people to do good deeds.  Especially in this age of the 'social gospel,' we are encouraged to fight the good fight, feed the hungry, help the homeless, reach out to the less fortunate, etc.  All good things- no arguments here!  But doing good on our own power is still trying to earn our way to God.  We think we can become more Godly by reading the Word more often or by praying more, or going to church.  We might even try to manufacture feelings: guilt, humility, love, compassion.  We are trying to do what we think God wants us to do.  We want to do God's job.  Maybe we don't trust Him, maybe we don't want to wait for His timing, maybe we're just used to being self- sufficient.  We might even realize we are doing this and try to fix it by trying to focus on God.  (This is when Christianity starts looking like other religions.  We try to "journey" to God. It is hard to understand why God wouldn't "save" a good Muslim or a good Buddhist.  After all, they are doing all they can to do what is right.  BUT IT IS NOT ABOUT WHAT WE DO.  IT IS WHAT HE HAS DONE!) 

The Bible reads in Philippians 1:6,

6Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.

HE began a good work in us.  He will continue to perfect us until the day of Jesus Christ.  He will do it.  We just need to obey Him.  The God whose power resurrected Christ from the dead and destroyed the power of sin and death is at work in your life if you are a true believer!  Let Him do as He wills!

In light of this realization, my tower of Babel falls like a house of cards.  I will not strive any longer.  I repent of willfulness and of my false works based Christianity.  I will have no more faith in myself.  I will have faith in Him.  Because He WILL complete the good work He began in my life.  I just need to stay pliable in the Potter's hands!

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I want a sweet sense of Thy pardoning love,

That my manifold sins are forgiven;

That Christ, as my Advocate, pleadeth above,

That my name is recorded in Heaven.

I want every moment to feel

That Thy Spirit resides in my heart--

That His power is present to cleanse and to heal,

And newness of life to import.

I want--Oh! I want to attain

Some likeness, my Saviour, to Thee!

That longed-for resemblance once more to regain,

Thy comeliness put upon me.

I want to be marked for Thine own--

Thy seal on my forehead to wear;

To receive that new name on the mystic white stone

Which none but Thyself can declare.

I want so in Thee to abide

As to bring forth some fruit to Thy praise;

The branch which Thou prunest, though

Feeble and dried,

May languish but never decays.

I want Thine own hand to unbind

Each tie to terrestrial things,

Too tenderly cherished, too closely entwined,

Where my heart too tenaciously clings.

I want, by my aspect serene,

My actions and words, to declare

That my treasure is placed in a country unseen,

That my heart's best affections are there.

I want as a trav'ller to haste

 Straight onward, nor pause on my way;

Nor fore thought in anxious contrivance to waste

On the tent only pitched for a day.

I want- and this sums up my prayer-

To glorify Thee till I die;

Then calmly to yield up my soul to thy care,

And breathe out in faith my last sigh.

This is one of my favorite poems, and I hope I echo the author's sentiments in my life!

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For the last few weeks something is amiss in my home.  Everyone has been cranky, frustrated, and irritable.  It is almost as though we all had cabin fever- but we don't.  Everything and everyone is getting on everyone's nerves.  Finally, I am able to see that the root of the problem is..........ME!  I am dreading the holidays this year because of financial stress and physical stress as I just try to get things accomplished, ie school, shopping, baking, regular meals, kids Christmas activities, etc.  I HATE the fact that Christmas is so commercial- even at our house (I don't want to buy any gifts at ALL!  We have ENOUGH!)  But what I am realizing is that my focus has gradually shifted from my Savior and what He's done for me to the things I am bothered by, negative things and, here's the BIG surprise- MYSELF!!!!  I have a BAD ATTITUDE!  I have become a worried, complaining, self-focused woman!  UGH!  That's the kind I really don't like!  God have mercy on me!  How quick I can slip back into such a wretched pattern of behavior!

Now not  that THIS isn't a big enough sin to deal with, I am reading 1, 2, and 3 John right now.  And 2 John gave me some startling insight into myself!  John urges "the elect lady" (either a church or actual woman from NT church no one seems quite sure) to temper her love with the truth, to not serve or extend hospitality to those who are false teachers.  God really impressed on my heart that I am quite the OPPOSITE of this woman, especially in my family right now.  I am quick to point out the truth but I have lost the love that should temper the truth.  I am reminded of a great balance with truth on one side and love on the other.  One of God's attributes are not more important than another. 

Now the solution: REPENT!  As a Christian, I know that God will be faithful and just to forgive me my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness!  Praise His name!  But I also pray that Christ renews my mind and purifies my heart because these sins have become habit.  And I also need to memorize Scripture and pray that my heart and mind are filled with good thoughts of God so I have a way to respond to circumstances in a way that is pleasing to Him.   I am praying that the balance will be level when I open my mouth with my family today, that I can show them more love like Christ.  And during the holidays when I see our extended family, that I will be loving not frustrated trying to explain our Christ-centered traditions and life.  That love will speak out of my mouth with the truth.

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I speak out from my shame.....but for the glory of God.

What is the basis of your Christian beliefs?  Ask yourself, what is the core of your belief?  How do you know you are saved?  Did you pray the sinners prayer years ago?  Did you experience God's presence or feel the touch of the Holy Spirit? 

I ask this because approximately 15 years ago, I was asked these questions.  With some additional ones:  How do you know you believe?  "Because I feel in my heart that Jesus is the Truth."  What is your heart?  Is it your emotions?  Because emotions change all the time.  "No. My heart is my soul."  How do you define your soul?  "Well, it is the part of me that is the most me, the inward part."  Okay, but was your soul, that inward part, you last year?  When you were five?  Isn't that always changing just like your emotions?  "Yes..... but...."  So how do you know who you really are?  If you are changing all the time?  "I'm not sure........"  Are you the sum of your memories?  "Maybe....and experiences."  Yes but experience is fleeting.  And what if you forget some things from your past.  Are people with Alzheimer's still themselves?  "Well, I........."  How do you know what you believe?  You see, all is transitory.  Not even your believing is consistent.

This line of questioning was directed at me by  my Hinduism, Buddhism and Islam professor in college.  I was being questioned because I professed a faith in Christ.  These questions really troubled me and brought me away from Christianity in a very profound way.  But now, I KNOW what the truth is and the way to defend myself.  And I urge you to be able to answer these questions.  And to be sure your children know how to answer these questions. 

The New Age movement is moving into Christian churches at an alarming rate.  The church is about where I was in the world 15 years ago.  The Contemplative Movement has found a way into the midst of believers because we are so ignorant of the Word of God.  This movement has been able to infiltrate our churches because so many place the emphasis of Christianity on experience or feeling.  Our worship is based on which songs we like, how we enjoy God, getting an emotional experience from our worship instead of God being worthy of our praise at all times, in any circumstances.  Many pastors preach contrary to Scripture or use entertainment and worldly activities to "teach."  Fiction books not based on Scripture (i.e. The Shack) are used as the foundation for spiritual growth.  Psychology has led us away from focusing on God and following His plan- for which He will equip us- to focusing on ourselves and how God can fix us, give us a better life.

I have so much more to say on this topic.  My heart breaks for those who are so easily led astray- like I was.  Dear reader, get into the Word.  We don't need an interpreter of Scripture anymore, we don't need a high priest.  We have access to God directly through our Lord, Jesus Christ.  He will give you knowledge of Him; He will give you understanding.  All you need to do is ask.  Find sound doctrine.  Avoid everything else like the plague.  Because it is a plague- a plague of the soul.  It is highly contagious and deadly.  And if by chance you survive and return to the Truth, there will be times that you wish for death the agony of your sins will be so great.  Do not take this lightly.  Please return to the Word before it is too late.

If you are interested in reading more about how the modern day church has links to new age spirituality, please check out Apprising Ministries website at http://apprising.org   Pastor Ken Silva has done extensive research on this topic.  His website is a treasure trove of warning.

The anwer to the first questions I asked should be: "Jesus loves me this I know, for the BIBLE tells me so."  God's Word is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Without It, I would not know that Christ's death paid for my sins.  The Bible is not transitory.  It is not evolving.  It is always reliable.  It is much more trustworthy than I whose doubts come and go, whose belief waxes and wanes.  And so I will trust what the Bible says over my feelings, over my circumstance, over everything else.  John 1:1 reads, "In the beginning was the Word.  The Word was with God and the Word was God."  Pause and think calmly on that!

In Christ Alone, By Scripture Alone, On Grace Alone, I Stand.  ~mel

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And it is probably going to get worse.  Check out this article from WorldNetDaily http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=81310 If you choose to watch the Youtube video that proves the article, please be warned it contains very offensive language and behavior.  Guard the eyes and ears of your little ones. 

This video is particularly heartbreaking because the Message Christians share and pray for is LOVE. It is LOVE that shows sinners their sinfulness and then, provides the ONLY WAY to combat it.  It is LOVE that tells people about hell in order to bring them to their King.  It is LOVE that brings the only Message of Hope (the Gospel) to those who need to hear it- especially when they don't want to hear.  It is LOVE that reconciles a wretched sinner to the risen Lord, the love of God and the love of believers who are willing to share the Gospel.  It breaks my heart to see these silent Christians being escorted by police because they are being pursued by the very dangerous sinners that they were there to witness to and pray for.  Sinners seek to silence Christians so the convictions of their own consciences are silenced.   

Yet, I will pray all the harder.  No one can stop us from doing that.

And I will pray God's hand of protection over those on the front lines for our faith.  It won't be long until the front line is on our own doorsteps.  I pray we all have the faith to take action and stand firm.

In Christ Alone, mel

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Please take the time to watch the Paul Washer video I put on the right.  It is THE BEST preaching to youth I have ever heard.  If only I had heard it when I was young.  Please share this video with those you care about............

In Christ Alone.

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I was waiting for my milk to heat up to make yogurt while all the house is asleep (except for one reading nightowl upstairs!), and I thought, I actually could blog right now.  So here I am!  My favorite hymn is by William Cowper and titled "There is a Fountain."  I love it because of the words and also because of a quote I read by Cowper once.  It read, "There is no stain so deep the blood of Christ cannot remove."  That may be a paraphrase but I still love that quote. 

Here are the words:

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"I have the most animating confidence that the present noble struggle for liberty will terminate gloriously for America.  And let us play the man for our God, and for the cities of our God; while we are using the means in our power, let us humbly commit our righteous cause to the great Lord of the universe, who loveth righteousness and hateth iniquity.  And, having secured the approbation of our hearts by a faithful and unwearied discharge of our duty to our country, let us joyfully leave our concerns in the hands of Him who raiseth up and putteth down the empires and kingdoms of the world with all their power and greatness as He pleases."

                                                                                     -John Hancock

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I first read this on http://middings.blogspot.com All I want to say is THANK YOU, MARSHA!  (And R.C. Sproul, too, of course!)  This was the perfect thing for me to read as I struggle with contentment and thankfulness in all my circumstances.  God is truly good.  And His timing is PERFECT.

Seek Ye First
The Blessed Rich in Spirit by R.C. Sproul Jr.
There is real poverty in the world, more than we would care to admit. Jesus, after all, told us that the poor would always be with us. But just as all Israel are not Israel, so all the poor are not truly poor. The true poor are those who on a given day face the real prospect of not being able to produce more calories than they consume. They are the truly hungry, the truly naked, the truly thirsty. They are not, on the other hand, those who buy store brand cereal, purchase their clothes at the local Goodwill store, or who can’t afford a daily sugar and bitter beans concoction from the local Starbucks.


The faux poor are those who merely feel poor. This feeling creeps upon us when we find a gap not between how many calories we consume and how many we burn, but between the lifestyle we believe is our due and the lifestyle our production allows. Or to put it more simply, feeling poor is the result of wanting more than we have more often than wanting more than we need. It matters not whether we measure our wages in thousands or billions. What matters is the gap.



The Christian, of course, ought never to go through this hardship. First, we are called to daily ask God for our bread. We are to ask confident that our Father will not give us a stone. We know that we have what we have not because of chance, but because our God reigns. More important still, even if we are not given sufficient calories to make it to the next day, we have been given the pearl of great price. Christians are the richest of all.



Jesus reminds us in the Sermon on the Mount to consider the lilies of the field. We are not to be anxious about what we will eat, what we will drink, or what we will wear. The Gentiles, Jesus tells us, seek after these things. But we are called to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. And all these things will be added to us. The point here isn’t that the Gentiles get all the good stuff, while we have to learn to be satisfied with abstract things like the kingdom of God. Jesus is instead expressing the answer to Augustine’s problem: “Our hearts are restless, O Lord, until they find their rest in Thee.” Jesus is telling us to store treasure in heaven, which is the only treasure that satisfies.



In light of this, we ought not be surprised at the depression that weighs down the world around us. They are spiritually poor, rather than poor in spirit. That is, they have nothing of value. Their accumulated stuff amounts to striving after the wind. They miss that they deserve nothing. They miss that all that they have has been given through the common grace of God. (We simply have to find better language for this reality. It is true enough that this grace is given to all men, that He causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust. It is true in turn that this grace isn’t as astonishing as the grace He gives to His elect. But it is still amazing grace. God is shockingly, not commonly, good to His enemies.) They look at the world as a random collision of time, space, and energy, and so see what they do have as an accident. They can no more give thanks for the food on their table than they can for the rain that falls. The bankruptcy of naturalism isn’t that it displaces the dignity of man, but that it destroys our ability to give thanks. Remember how Paul sums up the universal problem of the sinfulness of man: “For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him” (Rom. 1:21).



What separates the seed of the woman and the seed of the serpent isn’t that the former receive the grace of God while the latter do not. The difference is that the former have been given this grace — the ability to give thanks to God for all that He has provided. This in turn directs us toward the cure for our own spiritual depression. We do not need to have our circumstances changed. We do not need another lecture on sound thinking. What we need is to give thanks.




This in turn is how we wage war against the seed of the serpent. The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but spiritual. Is there anything more spiritual than a heart filled with gratitude to God? Is there anything more potent than joy? Is there anything greater than love? This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. As we do so we will change our souls. As we do so we will change our families. As we do so we will change our churches. As we do so we will change the world. If we seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, the good news isn’t that all these things will be added to us. The good news is that we will find the kingdom of God and His righteousness. And having found this, we have found joy at His right hand forevermore.




Dr. R.C. Sproul Jr. is founder of the Highlands Study Center in Mendota, Virginia.
Dr. R.C. Sproul Jr. explains how the kingdom is advanced in our everyday lives and gives us a picture of how all things in life fit into the battle between God and the Devil in his column Seek Ye First.
© Tabletalk magazinePermissions: You are permitted and encouraged to reproduce and distribute this material in any format provided that you do not alter the wording in any way, you do not charge a fee beyond the cost of reproduction, and you do not make more than 500 physical copies. For web posting, a link to this document on our website is preferred (where applicable). If no such link exists, simply link to www.ligonier.org/tabletalk. Any exceptions to the above must be formally approved by Tabletalk.Please include the following statement on any distributed copy:From Ligonier Ministries and R.C. Sproul. © Tabletalk magazine.Website: www.ligonier.org/tabletalk. Email: tabletalk@ligonier.org.Toll free: 1-800-435-4343.

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Have any of you or your children read the Elsie Dinsmore series?  I am reading and crying my way through book 1, and I am absolutely amazed at how much I am affected by the example of little 8 year old Elsie!  Her humility and obedience and self control are almost an exact foil to my pride, rebellion, and emotion-controlled living!  Ah!  To have sought the life of Christ as a young child!  But the real beauty of the book is how it inspires me to seek Christ, to pray for His aid as I battle the wickedness of my own heart.  It is so easy to forget that He will help us by providing us with more faith, more love, more humility, more patience to accomplish the plan He has set before us!  1 John 5:14-15 says "And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:  And we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him." No matter how impossible it seems, He will equip us to obey Him!  Isn't that a wonderful thought!  He makes it possible to obey Him!  "And Jesus looking upon them saith, WITH MEN IT IS IMPOSSIBLE, BUT NOT WITH GOD: FOR WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE."  Mark 10:27 

The book also provides wonderful insight to the soul of the child, how fragile and yet resilient it is.  The novel and its many characters have given me much to reflect on concerning parenting, as well.  I know it is fiction but it truly is an inspirational, spiritually challenging read.  I am planning on using it during devotional time as a read aloud even though I have 3 boys!  If anyone has had any experience reading these books to boys, I'd love to hear it! 

I highly reccommend this book to all Christian readers of all ages!  In this treasure trove of virtue and life lessons, there is something for everyone to glean!

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(I encourage you, dear reader, to read Deschooling Society by Ivan Ilych.  Your library may have a copy or you can access it for free on the internet at http://www.davidtinapple.com/illich/1970_deschooling.html  )

"Many students, especially those who are poor, intuitively know what the schools do for them. They school them to confuse process and substance. Once these become blurred, a new logic is assumed: the more treatment there is, the better are the results; or, escalation leads to success. The pupil is thereby "schooled" to confuse teaching with learning, grade advancement with education, a diploma with competence, and fluency with the ability to say something new. His imagination is "schooled" to accept service in place of value. Medical treatment is mistaken for health care, social work for the improvement of community life, police protection for safety, military poise for national security, the rat race for productive work. Health, learning, dignity, independence, and creative endeavor are defined as little more than the performance of the institutions which claim to serve these ends, and their improvement is made to depend on allocating more resources to the management of hospitals, schools, and other agencies in question."

I see the results of this type of mentality everyday.  As I see problems in my country (the USA), I recognize the truth of the above paragraph.  The US is supposed to be a free country but the school system is very socialized.  The good of the individual is overlooked for the "good" of the masses.  But this "good" for the masses is not really good but just enough to placate the masses.  For example, doctors (from my experience) tend to be frustrated and annoyed when you- a mere patient- try to research health options contrary or just different from what is reccomended, especially if it is non-traditional medicine.  Many people in my country believe we should give up our right to bear arms so that the criminals will have less access to firearms.  But the truth is, if a crime is being committed, most likely the police aren't there- unless the criminal is really stupid!  And I believe that my husband and I feel more responsible for the protection and survival of our family than a stranger would, even if he swears to "serve and protect."  (This is nothing against police officers.  I know they are essential for the existence and functionality of our society.  But logically speaking, they can't be everywhere at once.  And most often aren't even notified until a crime has been committed.  I think an armed citizen is a benefit to the police force.  It allows them to do their jobs more effectively and quickly.)  Many "careers" or "jobs" replace our identity.  We become "teachers," "doctors," "police officers," "insurance agents," "salesmen," "lawyers," "dentists," "factory workers," "punch press operators," "mechanics," etc., etc., etc. instead of human beings with names created uniquely by God for His glory.  Individualism is stifled for a mob mentality.  Those who rage against it usually end up forced into conformity by the opposition.  I thank God that I know that my purpose is to serve God and enjoy Him forever.  I try to share this purpose with everyone whom God places in my path.  My prayer is that you, dear reader, discover this as well.  God bless you in your walk of faith.

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Cowardly, wayward, and weak

I change with the changing sky.

Today so eager and strong

Tomorrow not caring to try.

But He never gives in,

And we two shall win,

Jesus and I.

The first time I read this poem was while I was reading Tramp for the Lord by Corrie Ten Boom (an excellent read, I might add!)  But lately this poem keeps coming to my memory.  I am constantly amazed at how my feelings, successes, failures change so quickly.  Thank God our relationship with Him does not rely upon our feelings, our efforts, our heritage, who we know, what we look like, etc.  Jesus takes us just as we are.  He takes the little we have and changes us for His glory and our good if we are willing.  Oh Lord, make me willing!  Give me a willing heart!  And a steady heart and mind to focus on You and not the things of this world that distract and torment me so much!  Amen.

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He said, " I will forget the dying faces;

The empty places,

They shall be filled again.

O voices moaning deep with me, cease."

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in forgetting lieth peace.

He said, "I will crowd action upon action,

The strife of faction

Shall stir me and sustain;

O tears that drown the fire of manhood cease."

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in endeavor lieth peace.

He said, "I will withdraw me and be quiet,

Why meddle in life's riot?

Shut be my door to pain,

Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease."

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in aloofness lieth peace.

He said, "I will submit; I am defeated.

God hath depleted

My life of its rich gain.

O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?"

But vain the word; vain, vain:

Not in submission lieth peace.

He said, "I will accept the breaking sorrow

Which God to-morrow

Will to His son explain."

Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.

Not vain the word, not vain;

For in Acceptance lieth peace.

-Amy Carmichael

(Toward Jerusalem)

Lord, give me the strength to accept my circumstances and stop fighting the war against them.  I strain and strive in vain, Lord.  Give me Your peace.  Amen.

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Today I am reminded that God is God of all our circumstances.

He gave V. her good MRI results last week.  The remainder of the tumor still isn't growing!!!!  (Praise Him!)  So she should be able to start growth hormones soon!

He provides for my family in this time of my husband's work injury (3 years and running!).  He does so above and beyond all we could ask for or even wish or dream.  (I still stay at home with my husband and children!)

He will use even these times of trial with my husband's family (not supportive- even hostile to us and our decision to homeschool, move, whatever!) to His glory and for our good.  He is teaching me even now.  And I will claim the hope of the promise found in Philippians 1:6.  "Being confident of this very thing, that he who hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ."

He will use and has used the situation with my husband's grandmother's death to His glory- even though my own behavior discourages and shames me at times.  It is so hard to fight the sin of anger.  (And "who can tame the tongue???")   It is true what people say, an inheritance/will brings out the worst in people.  (Lord, please help us to seek You and Your will.  Please remind me, Lord, not to try to understand people- we are all depraved but to instead love them.  Please help us to shine the light of Your love to the unsaved people which have been brought into our lives because of Grandma's death.  Thank you for this opportunity to witness others of Your love, mercy, forgiveness and grace.)

He uses the impossibilities of our financial situation, my husband's pain and lack of mobility, the bankrupt WV worker's compensation commission all for His good.  I remember Joseph speaking to his brothers, "You meant it for evil but God meant it for good (paraphrase by me)."  And I will claim triumph over evil by His power and strength.  That the darker the circumstances, the brighter His light. 

This verse my family claims as we stand.  Luke 18:27  "And he said, the things which are impossible with men are possible with God."  Amen and Amen.

Lord, may my life be an example of these words. May You "tame my tongue" since I cannot.  Place an angel at the door of my mouth, Lord.  Let only those words pleasing to You pass through.  Forgive me for trying to take Your place and judging those around us.  Please help me to remember Your love and mercy.  Give me the power to forgive those who wrong us and speak badly of our family.  Give me power over fear and anger.  Give me peace in the circumstances surrounding Grandma's will.  Don't let vain or empty statements draw my attention from You.  I want to be more like You......Amen.

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Oh that we would teach our children to yield!  What the world teaches is to stand strong for yourself, be proud of who you are.  Don't let anyone tell you what to do.  You know yourself best, take care of yourself.  Oh, what lies the devil tells! 

Each day, I am learning.  Learning to trust God, to yield to His will.  How much simpler had I been taught obedience and trust instead of wariness and self-preservation!  How much more joy would I have instead of my defiance rearing its ugly head!  How do I cut the head off the beast??!!  I know God is worthy of my trust; it is the day to day living of that trust, of walking by faith not by sight that is so difficult for one so defensive. 

And now, with the illness of my niece looming constantly in my mind, I have no choice but to trust.  I have no power over the situation.  I cannot control the surgeons, the tumor, the outcome, her brain's response to repeated surgeries.  But still, I worry, I wonder, I search the internet for alternatives.  I have everything but the quiet heart I long for.  Why do I fight what I want most?  Why do I hold onto what I can't keep so tightly?  And how do I force open the fist of my heart?

By placing my niece at the foot of the cross.  (It seems so easy, doesn't it?) By praying in God's will.  By accepting the lot and portion assigned to me by my Heavenly Father because He knows best what I need, what my niece needs.  (I remember the words of Elisabeth Elliot, "In acceptance lieth peace.")  He sees the greater picture....  The reason behind the disaster.  Remember, "what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Creator calls the butterfly."  I will rest in His promises, minute by minute.  Psalm 34:17-19 "Yes, the Lord hears the good man when he calls to Him for hlp, and saves him out of all his troubles.  The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking; He rescues those who are humbly sorry for their sins.  The good man does not escape all troubles- he has them, too.  But the Lord helps him in each and every one." (TLB) 

I look forward to the day I will 'count all things joy.'  I pray my faith is enlarged that I may look beyond immediate circumstances and see the situation in the light of God's will.  James 1:2 "When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don't resent them as intruders but welcome them as friends." (Phillips' translation) 

I pray that each of you reading this comes to this kind of understanding, too.  That we all may welcome all circumstances in the hope that the outcome will be a closer, more confident walk with Christ.

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