Turning Our Hearts To Home

Jun. 8, 2009

Can we talk about discipline?

I'm open to any and all comments. Just please be polite.

About 4 years ago, I started googling for disicpline help. I soon came across homeschooling and being quiverful. On the quiverful digest, someone offered to send me a copy of TTUAC. At first, I was horrified! Then awhile later, I read it with different eyes. Eyes that seen the love he has for his own kids. To " Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Prov 19:18". But during the same time, had come across "Grace based discipline". Torn, I'm absolutly torn. I've flipped back and forth so many times. Though I've never been heavy on the rod like Pearl. But I've wondered if I should have. Later I found rasing godly tomatoes. It seemed really good. But I keep getting sucked back to GBD. There's this site which breaks down all the veres into their original language and culture and says how we are not to use a rod or any form of punishment on our children. The rod is figurative, standing for our authourity. Not permissive parenting, but active parenting. A site on that is called GOYB Get Off Your Butt parenting. Basically, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you say no, get up and make it happen if they don't obey right away. Don't count to 3 or threaten to punish, just go make it happen. It seems like the same as the rod side of things, just with out the rod. Ok, I can get that. When 3 y.o. comes out of her room, just keep taking her back 10 times til she stays or 5 times with a spanking. I go back and forth several times. But then I started feeling like I shouldn't spank. So I try to do the GBD thing. My oldest child, almost 8, starts talking back to me. Ok, I can't GOMyB and make anything happen. It's attitude not physical. Am I suppose to just verbally tell her, for the 9000th time to not talk to me like that and then give her the proper way speak to me? I read horror stories from both sides. Spank and your child will end up all and emotinal basket case that stuffs all feelings inside and will need meds one day. Plus they won't respond to you anymore once they are to old to spank, so they'll rebel. Don't spank and you'll neve have peace in your home and they'll turn into delinquits and you'll need meds one day. I'm told it's fake peace and it'll end when they are too old to spank. So, my kids do respond to spanking. It gets a lot more peaceful around here. But I'm always afraid it isn't the right thing to do. Both ways use the same scriptures to support thier beliefs. It just varries in how you inturpret it. I'm so frustrated. I just want the truth! Which way truly is the biblical way? I've been praying for wisdom and clarity on his for years, but haven't got it. One of my secret wishes would be to sit in on a debate between opposing site leaders. I just need the truth. I just want to do right by my kids. I love them so much! I want them to grow up to sevre God. I don't want to put a stumbeling block before them, either by spanking them or failing to spank them. Anyone got any advice? ETA: Fixed link.

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Comments

Jun. 8, 2009 - Shepherding

Posted by doughgirl37

The book that helped me was Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp.
Look at the fruit you get when you use the rod. You said it yourself, there is more peace.
When you use it the correct way, in love, then it works and then you use it less and less.
Blessings as you search this out. I am still in progress with it as well.

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Jun. 9, 2009 - I relate to what you are asking/saying

Posted by HomeGrownKids

Hi there,
I feel like I've just about read every parenting book known to man. In some ways I'm glad I've read them as I always glean some little nugget of truth from them- even if it is only one. But the downside is information overload!

I wrote a post on my blog, if you're interested.
http://kerugma.net/how-do-we-parent-1562.htm

Regards,

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Jun. 10, 2009 - Untitled Comment

Posted by psalms16vs2

What does your husband say about the discipline? The first thing I would think, is to pray with your husband, and make sure you are in agreement. I believe in the rod while they are young (we used a spoon). But we never hit in anger. It was a form of discipline. We would tell them what they did wrong, spank them, then hug on them and let them know that Jesus loved them & so did we. We didn't hold it over them, or continue to be angry. The consequence for what they did wrong was over, and on with life. Oh, and that's another thing, consequence. Make sure they know what the consequences are for wrong actions they might do. Like the back talking, make sure they know what the consequence is for back talking, and then, most importantly, follow through with that consequence, whatever the consequence is.

Now that our children are older, we have stopped the spanking, but now discipline with groundings (hurts them much more sometimes). And through all of this, my husband is the main disciplinarian. My children know that when I have to discipline them when he gone, he will know all about it when he gets home, and back me up 100%. And he will talk with them also. A husband and wife have got to be together on discipline, I think.

So those are my two cents worth. I do pray that the Lord shows you and & your husband the direction He has for you. :)

JoAnn

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Jun. 10, 2009 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Mumkins

DH thinks kids should be punished. But he's not consistent and gives too many warnings. Plus he's just not home that much. So it falls mostly on me. We aren't really in agreement about most things. But, that's a whole nother post.

As I posted on a board. My problem is people using the same verses. Strongs says 'rod' maybe be figurative or literal. So how do we KNOW which way it means? I've always liked to believe you can just pick up a bible, believe as it says and that's that. But DH says we just can't do that. Our English as changed and we have to know the culture. The culture thing has always bothered me. Why would God put stuff in his word for all time if it only applied to one culture? It's not like all Paul's letters went in the bible. God chose specific ones and laid on his heart what to write in that letter. Anyway DH said, we sometimes can't pick up a bible and take it at face value. I can't think of any good examples. DH says one about white teeth and hunger. But I don't know where that is. He says it's enough to be able to get us saved. But if you want to dig deep, you need to study context, meaning, customs and original language. It's frustrating. I don't have time to go to bible college for 3 years like he did and spend 8 hours a day studying his word with professor's to answer all my questions. And in a liberal feministic world, I believe the church and many of those professors have been infiltrated by some wrong beliefs anyways. I thought it was funny that his teacher that had some same beliefs as me that DH doesn't share was his Greek and Hebrew teacher. I just want truth. I don't care what Mike Pearl or Crystal Lutton think. I want what God wants and no more or less.

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Just posting about life, marriage, parenting, God and well, of course homeschooling.