my little boy is going through a tricky phase rt now... Mr Nice Guy for a few weeks, then WHAM!... suddenly the darkest side of the dark-side is revealed...

he's a great kid!.... full of humour, and laughs, and fun stories, busying himself and his sister for hrs at a time... being creative and inventive, and sporty, and strong. but occassionally, something flips... if he doesnt get his way, he resorts to whining, and bawling, and cattawalling, and he can go on and on! and on!

-so here's the crunch! -  if we give in, he quits immediately, like nothing even happened! :-o but this is not the direction we want to go. we believe there are some desicions which an adult needs to make, and the tantrums of a 6-yr-old are not going to change that.... so we persist to try and find a solution...

-compromises? yes, they worked when he was younger, but not anymore. he wants to be in the drivers' seat 24/7. so any compromise he'll just refuse, merely continuing to demand what he originally wanted. or he says "whatever you want"/ "you choose." but when we do choose, as per his request, then he will still not follow through with it. ie he just continues his whining, crying, screaming monologue.

-if we stick by our guns reg e original issue, then he'll just kp whining and keep at it for hours (really, we've tried...)  and then he will just get more and more wound up, crying, sobbing, shouting, falling on the floor and flailing about. until eventually, he'll hv an asthma attack and need his inhaler... at which point he's so fed up that he'll refuse it, fight if we try, and get more and more breathless and hv more and more excrutiating chest-pains, and scream all the louder... at this point the only thing that helps is for me to leave the room.  it's very scary for me to leave him in this state, but there's nothing i can do to help him... i just hv to kp popping back until he's ready to quieten down and co-operate. (i hope!) and a lot of prayer goes a long way to soothe frayed nerves...

-another scenario.... if, along the way, we give in, but then go back on what we said, then the whole process just starts all over again... (foolish mb, but we were willing to try anything!)...even agreeing, (to get him to be quiet and listen), then stopping to reason about his foolishness. but he was not able to comprehend the gravity of his behaviour at that point. rather, he just persisted in doggedly chasing after his original want! which got us back to square one...a tantrum in full swing on the floor :(

-withdrawal of privileges, saying sorry, promising not to do it again... all are not lasting, even if he obliges at the time. we think we've won his heart. he prays about it and seems remorseful...but with time he forgets and does the same thing again a few weeks/months later....

-sending him to his room.... he wont comply and he's now too strong/ heavy for me to insist. if i try, he gets violent, both physiaclly and in words. so at this age, i know it's not e way to go. likewise for a smack to the butt. it just provokes him further, and makes him want to get even. (not the response i'd be after)

-you'd think it wd appeal to a kiddo's conscience if their mummy had had enuff and started crying...? nope...   he merely tells me "good, you can go cry all you want."  hmmmm.... so now i dont let it affect me.  i've learned to walk away and just ignore it.

-it's hard when there's another sibling in the house though. it's hard to continue with normal activities over the noise and distraction.   we cant leave tthe house to escape it... (at these times i wish we had a secret garden. )

-this last week or more, the younger sibling has started mimicking his behaviour :( and then treats him with anger and disdain after such episodes. another minefield...

-the turning point?  when e elder one used a clenched fist to physically harm me, that's when the repercussions of his behaviour finally hit home to Mr Jackal. finally all was quiet.  (the little one was shocked and scared. and dh was angry when he found out.)  and me...?... i set about with purpose, trying to find a way to teach one in his shoes, how to self-regulate his anger. some people call it anger-management, others say it's all about learning to control impulses.

-either way, there's a reason we cant always get our own way in life. we are not the centre of the universe. we live in a world of countries, with cities and towns and communities, and neighbours and families. we are a part of a whole. in our small part we mt not see e big picture.  so there are times in our lives when we have to trust the rules and guidance and wisdom of a higher authority. (eg.as a child, we cant be provoked to anger each time an adult tells us the way certain things shd be done. likewise, as an adult, it wd not be productive nor wise to be provoked to anger each time our boss requests something to be done in a way that's contrary to how we'd like it to be!)  we wd not make great progress in the classroom nor the corporate world if that were our attitude... we all need to learn to deal with these issues, and find effective ways to de-stress, or release the pent-up feelings we get along e way.... (and that goes for the adults too!)

i am optimistic that this is just a phase.... a part of growing...

i am learning and listening and discovering new ways to work through such phases in our lives...