"i want to hit my head on something hard.."

"mama, pls...i hv to hit my head on something hard... i cant take it!"

ky had been complaining in his sleep all night. like he was having constant nightmares. he was semi-awake evry few minutes but cdnt verbalise what e problem was... until just before 4am... "a very bad headache" he said.

from what e neurosurgeaon told me, i knew it must be a very bad one to wake him... so i grabbed e new meds. i managed to get e codeine into him just before e whole thing escalated.

it wasnt confined to e left side this time. but rather e whole head... and he was screaming and writhing and begging and repeatedly punching his forehead.  again he wanted to go to e tiled floor but i stopped him and covered the area with pillows.

it was only one round this time...1st time ever. so although it was a bad one, i'm glad it wasnt e usual 3 or 4 times cluster. all i can attribute this to is the codeine.  and altho it only kicked in after abt 40min of headpunching and screaming, i'd still follow e same next time.

as an aside, it makes me wonder what kind of damage he can inflict on his brain if he keeps this up longterm?

well because of e nite's 'happenings', he had to miss gym today, and there was no way i was gonna let him stay over w/o me for tnite's scout camp. 

i think of all this and i wonder why...?

and for his precious sanity, i wonder *when* this will all end...?