now is so *not* e time to be ill~

we got back from melaka and e kids n i proceeded to get sore throats n runny noses, 1 after another. nothing serious...just enuff to be irritating...

and what's even more irritating to me is that i actually developed a sore red rose from all e abrasive tissue-rubbing... something i've not had since England-time more than 10yrs ago!

and usually when i get sick, it'll strike fast n furious, n i'll be over with the worst in max 2-4days. the same with the kids. ...but this time it's just like an irritating cold that keeps coming n going.

and ya, what a great time to be sick! with the h1n1 on everyone's lips, it's obviously bugging me bigtime too!  so here we've bn home with mild fluey symptoms for 7+days...and i kp asking e ppl in-the-know... "izzit possible it cd be?"

well app not....  they say that if it were, then a fever shd have shown up by now.

so i'm thankful, really i am!... but still stressed.

kay seems fine now, but ky's sore throat is back, and he seems to be having sinusitis from this morning. poor thing, it got him crying so i know it must hv been bad. i had to massage it constantly to finally get him to sleep tonight. ... and at the same time that i was trying to calm him, i was doing my utmost to focus my breathing through an asthma attack, and try hard not to cling too tightly at my bothersome heart palpitations. :( 

dh was still awake in the livingroom when i finally got out... it was a much-needed sense of calm that exuded from him...just by being there, quielty watching tv.   funny that... any other time it wd probably have irritated me! ;) 

well, i told him what e doc said abt ky wearing a mask to school. his reply: dont take e risk. i'm glad we were on the same page.  i really wish though that i cd just h/s them both and not hv to worry abt all this... it really is giving me so so so much stress.

"why worry?..." so many ppl say.

 "it's nothing, ....just hv proper hygiene". 

if it was their kid who ended up breathless everytime urti came ard...with reaction time down to a day, and a&e becoming the standard, rather than the exception... /if it was their kid who had a *high risk* of being e  "one in a 1,000" to die from this... then how wd they feel?  how wd they feel each time their kid steps into a shopping cntr, a train, a lift? ..each time their kid raises a hand to touch their face...?

it's stressful. and it's so exhausting being constantly stressed like this. i hide it but it's still there.

i'm not ready either. my asthma has become so reactive. when it hits like that it's so sudden... i cant even get to my inhaler. i literally feel faint then buckle n blur.  so far dh has bn there to help me, thank goodness... but he's not ready for the worst. (i dont think he cd even carry me down t the car!)  and he wont even talk abt it. 

yes we can pray...hand it all over to God... but i'm not ready to let go. i'm not ready for anything to happen. my family is too precious to me.

i so wish we weren't here rt now, having to face this. i so wish i was somewhere far away where this has not yet come... (somehow s/africa seems a brighter option rt now. :))  what a strange twist of fate!... wish we had a little cottage there that we cd 'run away' to.  

wdnt it be great if we and our families cd just take a year out and 'dissappear'... until all this blows over...