a certain boy did something very mean and hurtful a few days back.  the person he offended was not feeling very well, having just got out of a&e a few hrs b4.  but they got on the wrong side of him in a rather painful way.  (while trying to convince e borrower of a certain toy, that if someone requests said toy back, then it wd be good manners to return it sooner rather than later.)

said person on whom the pain was inflicted, wd usually have been *v v v angry*. well, they were! e culprit was sent to his room while e executioner deliberated long and hard.  

executioner was tired and wanting a reprieve. it was e 2nd time in a year, but twice too many. kind words hadnt worked, not angry ones either...  e threat of ex-communication, a picture of a life behind bars...all there today and gone tmw.

but then a line came into my head...

"hands can.....,  and hands can.... , but hands should not ...."

i was reminded of a little book that kay had made just a few months back. it gave me an idea.

"son, listen carefully... what you did was wrong. very wrong. you did something bad and i am very very sad.  we cant let this happen again. ever! and u need to make ammends. ...

"now when i say something hurtful to you, then i commit myself to saying at least 10 meaningful, good things to u thereafter...so u can see that i still love u, and that i want to build you up again. i do that because i love you.  i do that because our relationship is important to me. 

"is our relationship important to u?...

"...if it is, then i wd like u to show me.  i want to see change in yr actions.  i'm leaving u now to be on yr own for awhile... i wd like u to sit down with this paper and pen, and write down 10 good, helpful, kind and gentle things that you cd do with yr hands to make me feel better. "

*he looked up at me and SMILED!

...this from a boy who had been raging mad just a few minutes earlier... what a surprise! and what a gentle way of calming his fire... i thank God that he led me down another path and gave me the peace and patiece to see this through.

my little boy came up with a list.  he has put it beside my bed.

i cant get to it now because dh is asleep, but i'd like to get it tmw and place it here as a reminder to myself that i shd sometimes take a different route *before* all else fails.

*here's a sampler:

on e 1st day he chose these 3 from his list of 10. he didnt hv much time to do anyhthing *big* as we'd planned to go out...and although i didnt think he deserved to go out and have fun with us, i really didnt want it to ruin my day... :)   so i accepted his little 'offerings' and forgave him in my heart much sooner than i mt have otherwise.  i was challenged and changed...

here's part of his list:

-1 big hug! (which lasted veeery looong...and said more than any words cd have!)

-1 handmade "pressie" (a dragonfly he'd made from card, with folded paper wings and an open mouth....  ~ i'm going to hang it up somewhere as a reminder of that day :))

-1 picture drawn especially for me. (he spent quite some time making it 'perfect'... me in the middle of a flower garden!  he even checked from e nxt room what colour dress i'd prefer to wear, and what my favourite colour flowers were. i have my hands upstretched to a blue blue sky.)  and on the back it says simply: "Dear mum 'you are a kind and Loving mum.'

-1 foot massage (is what he gave me tonight at bedtime :)) ...so that makes 4!