exactly 2weeks ago, ky saw his neurologist. at that time, e night dizziness was bothering him a few nights a week....and e migraine avg abt once or twice a fortnight. we got some new meds for e dizziness, and i was really hoping for e best!

that was 2 weeks ago.

this last week has seen him awake til past midnight or 1am every nite. e week b4 that, he probably slept well only once or twice in e whole week.

my emotions are wearing thin. i've not slept well in daaaays.  i took him paed tday for blood tests. she told me e meds i'd bn given were more for nausea... but not much else to give becos of his asthma. e bloodtest results come out tmw. in e meantime i'm to increase his nasal spray to 3x daily, as she thinks it mt be an imbalance due to his allergic rhynitis. i'm willing to try anything rt now. if she told me that bungy-jumping off the sanfransisco bridge wd help, then i'd probably go straight there and do it.  i'm really really at my wits end. i feel sick sick sick to the pit of my stomach. and no, i dont think i'm sick at all!  i'm just exhausted. i feel like crying and crying and never stopping.

i distract myself in the day because i know i have to. my life is busy and i know i need to keep it that way if i am to remain sane. but i cant keep this all in anymore.  i dont know what to do to help him.... i just keep promising that it's going to end one day, and he has to be strong until that day comes.  but how long can we go on like this? i dont know how to help him.

b4 it was e migraines... now it's e dizziness. when they come, there's nothing that can take it away. i distract him...and try keep him from crying and screaming in desperation... we're all on our own going through this ordeal. dh is asleep or out. and kay will be up and down needing my help.  so i stay with him...changing rooms, or grabbing a snack to take his mind off things.

finally after 3hrs or more of crying, complaining, screaming, he'll crash and sleep from exhaustion.  but for me i dont sleep then. i cant.

i'm drained and worried, but i just cant sleep.  it feels like i've been wrung out and hung up to dry. i hv my chores waiting, but i feel too tired to even start on them. then kay wakes from a nightmare, or a cough or a sore throat... i settle her and sleep a few hrs... well e same no' of hrs as b4...but w ky's sleeplessness, it means i dont hv those 3-4hrs on my own wen they're asleep... it's like i'm physically working 3-4hrs extra each nite but with nothing to show. i just feel so exhausted! mb it's e emotional drain....

e paed said that i need to start keeping a diary again. record exactly how things are with him each day. so i am doing that now. it's something different. it makes me feel like i'm doing 'something' rather than 'nothing'. and in the meantime i'll think abt what other avenues i can go down to try get to the bottom of this.

school? he's still going...jus missing for his aptmnts, then straight back again.  and  once home he has to catch up on anything he's missed.  his head is so fuzzy rt now that he cant even do simple sums. i feel sorry for him. he misses work then has to catch up....  is it truly neccessary in the big picture of things? no, probably not.  without proper sleep, it's probably e last thing he shd be doing....  so what do i do?  shd i just forget abt it?  shd i pack him off somewhere like ubin for 3days to try and break the cycle? 

if i do, how long will it last?  exams are coming. how on earth is he going to be able to think straight with so little sleep each night?  will it go? will it return?  is it school that's doing this to him???  

looking at ky each day, no-one wd know what goes on.  (i know, cos ppl hv told me so.)  other than a frown here, or a strained look in the eyes now and then... he looks and behaves like a v normal kid.  the days r happy and we forget. we try forget our tiredness too.  he runs around, jokes, laughs, plays yoyo like any other kid on the block.  but when the night comes it all changes. it's like a monster that comes out then wont go back to bed. i dont know how he keeps going on...knowing that day after day it's likely gonna be there again and again.

i pray for him wen it comes and i pray for him wen it goes. and i pray i wont yell at him wen i cant take it anymore... but sometimes i do.  and then i pray for patience to keep being there for him... and strength to get up and do everything else that still needs to be done.  and i pray i'll be there for my girl and my hubby, and my sick sore cat.... and i pray for an escape-route...wisdom to know where to go and what to do, to get us away from the worst of it. 

am looking forward to e doc's call tmw... mb she'll hv some of the answers.  am also waiting for a councellor's contact from her for some free mind-over-matter type tricks to teach him.  and i'm hoping there's mb just something simple up with his blood, that a qwik foul potion cd set straight. :>