"Mama, put your arm around me again..." 

...a quiet voice came from a little boy during storytime, as i moved to turn a page.  a simple request, but it meant a thousand words to me, and coming from someone who never asks, but certainly needs...

my dear Ky, you're such a strong, well-rounded little boy. and it's probably because of yr physical strength that i have failed to recognise your ongoing need for such gentle touch. i can understand how warm and reassuring it must be for u, especially after so long being on your own, and having me constantly encourage u to fend for yourself.  

pls forgive me.  i have not given u the care i should have.

i'm so aloof and distracted at times, wanting to get abc done, and forgetting there's a little soul in there, waiting and wanting to be nurtured.   it seems too often that such moments just pass me by...   yr still a child like i once was, yearning for a soft gentle hand in a quiet moment. it's a learning journey for me. pls help mama remember. and i'll kp trying

While walking along the road today... on the way from playgroup to chinese class...and stopping off home along the way to feed the cat...

Ky- "Mama, i wish i could be 6 forever!"

Me- "Why?"

Ky- "Then i wdnt have to go to school, or work... and life could just be this way forever..."

Me- "Aaaah..."

kynan:  "Mum, i think i wanna be a taxi driver when i grow up."

me: "Why's that?"

ky: "They earn lots of money!"

me: "but they have to work very hard."

ky: "no it's not hard work. all they have to do is drive around."

me: "i know, but driving around looking for customers can be tiring. besides, there are plenty of 'easier' jobs around that probably pay better? for mama, that wd be teaching. you can sit or stand in the day. and it can be quite fun getting to know all the kids."

ky: "oh ya, like a swim teacher. that mt be nice... or a gym coach! i wonder how much a gym coach earns? do u think it's enough to survive on mama?"

me: "i dont know kynan, perhaps u shd ask yr gym coach?"  :)

Once upon a time there was a cobra. He slthered around the desert and he wanted to find a friend to play wth. So he sliithered more and more and more.

Then he found a big, long, fat python.  And the python's mouth was open, cos he wanted to eat that small skinny cobra.  But the python didnt get to eat the cobra, because he went sliitheriing away veeery fast! Then the python tried to follow him, but he was too fat, (cos he had already eaten earliier!).  So he moved slowly likke a snail.

The cobra got away.  Then he sliithered to the snake playground. It was a playground full of cobras, and no other snakkes. He went there to look for a friiend.  There were snakes playing all over the jungle-gyms and sliides. He went to the jungle-gyms cos they were the quietest. 

He found a friiend at the very top of the jungle-gym.  And they played together until bedtime.

The End!

after all kayla's stories, i asked kynan if he had a story he'd like to share with us...  and this is what he told...

   "Once upon a time, some ants lived in a large anthill in a desert.

One day, they were digging their walls to make their anthill a bit bigger. And the anthill was right next to a lake. And where they were digging, was the lakeside. 

There were thousands of ants digging, and when they wre digging the last bit, the water flowed in.  (They'd got closer to the underground water, but they didnt know it was there because they'd never been out of their anthill.)

They were very clever, so they made a ladder using themselves, and it reached to the opening at the top of the anthill.

Then some army ants at the top of the hole helped them out.  They flew down to save the rest of them.

One last ant was struggling in the water and he was saved by a brave army ant who flew down to get him.

Then the anthill collapsed. Lucky evryone survived!

The End!"

 ***btw, in case you hadnt noticed, this story is adapted from the movie by the same name. (but in this version, the author was adamant that no ants should drown, not even the baddie. :))  all in his own words, as narrated to me.  and no grammar has been altered.

my dear kynan,

today you u came back from archery and ran to the kitchen all bright-eyed and smiling and this is what u said: 

"mama i had 7 arrows today. i got all 7 on the board, and 2 of them hit the cross in the middle (that's the centre of the bull's-eye) ...1 first, then the other one rt next to it!"

you were so proud of your achievement. i asked u if u were trying really hard to aim straight and u replied: "no mama, i was just looking very carefully..."

you had thought that today's crossbow session was yr last. perhaps that is why u tried so hard? ;)  or is it just that yr skill has been honed? 

now u say u that y'r ready to try something new!...  and rock-climbing is what yr eyeing :b 

remember when u climbed halfway up the t/p safra wall without even any gear or ropes? u did it while waiting for our friends to arrive.  u were so excited and twice called me away from my lunch to come and watch... i'm surprised u actually made it down again... and thankfully without any knocks or broken bones!  (i can see that gym has made yr arm muscles even stronger than they were before!)  i see you've had a taste of a new challenge and now it's hard to let it go.   if only there were enough hrs in a week to do it all yeah? ;b

i am so proud of you my boy!  i love yr fiery spark! 

may you long enjoy enthusiasm for new challenge and adventure! :) 

with lots of love from your mama, xxx

we'd rushed off to e a&e at abt 10.30pm.

the rush was on to try and get there in time to record his ongoing but sporadic chest troubles on ecg, *before they disappeared*. well unfortunately, after waiting for cab, waitiing in triage, waiting to register, waiting in e procedure room for nurses to get moving and convinced enough to do ecg *before* seeing doctor...well finally (and expectedly)  there was nothing left to see! (down to 50% of whatever it had been)

they still wanted to keep him there another hour for monitoring, but i was worried kay mt wake as it was past midnight. (& wasnt sure if granny wd cope alone). so when his chest-pain completely dissappeared i just asked for discharge. dh had come back from his eastcoast sojurn (guys night out), so i had a liift conveniently standing ready. :) we saw e doc, arranged for a follow-up, got meds, and headed out into the night. (well, early morning...)

when we got home, dh ran granny home while i helped ky to bed.

we walked through the pitch-dark livingroom, holding hands as i led e way. then he stopped me halfway, clung onto my waist and gave me a long tight hug... "mama, you're the best mama in the whole world!"

short, sweet and to the point! :)  ...who could not reciprocate? :)

and why? i dunno... i think mb he thought i'd be mad at him for upsetting our night? poor thing... how cd we? i told dh when he got back, and he also asked why... but i think he understood. it was the writing on the wall for him. and he was unusually quiet about the whole episode :)

we love you too kynie... so much!!!  i just wish we could figure out what this is all about, and help you get through it. in the meantime you can call on us anytime. you can trust us to be there for you.

before bed tnite i told kynan he had 10 minutes left. later i walked past and told him he was down to 2!

as i came out e bathroom, he said "it's one now rt?"

"yup", i answered,  continuing on my way.

"i know," he said, "cos i was counting to 60".

"then you can tell me when yr time's up!" i grinned back.

as i came out e kitchen a while later, he told me that he'd actually ended up counting to 90 both times, so he was pleased to discover he'd actually had an extra minute staying up! :) 

while i was smiling over his busy little head, he pondered, "mama, if there's 60 seconds in a minute... and 60 minutes in an hr... then how many seconds are there in one hour?" eyes big and grinning, as he sat waiting for an answer.

his eyes nearly popped out of his head when he heard! :)) and thankfully i didnt need a calculator :b,  but i did sms dh to check that i was rt! 

3,600 is an awful lot to a little boy, especially when it turns out he's been counting time! 

tonight at bedtime, as we lay in the dark after hugs and kisses...this is what kynan said to me...

ky: mama, all your kisses are like jewels...

me: why do you say that?

ky: cos each one is so precious!

aaaaah now aint that just the sweetest thing! :-)

Part1:

i took a walk to the library one very hot afternoon... and half-way along, my 51/2 yr-old piped up:

"Mama, do you like those yellow flowers over there?"

me: (looking up to follow his pointy finger)

 "Yes Kynan, they're beautiful!... but i don't think they'd last well in water."

ky: "i know."

me: "how do you know?"

ky: (smiling) "cos they're already wilting on the bush!"

Part2: (bear with me :))

not much further, and approaching the traffic lights, he stops and calls back to me in dramatic tone....  furthermore, he feigns collapse, one floppy arm feebly reaching towads me:

"Mamaaaa, i need some wateeeer... I'M WILTING!!!"

i had to smile,

in the car on the way home, late one afternoon...

kynan: "mama, how do you think _ [long pause]"

me: "how do you think what?"

ky: "no, how do you think?"

me: "with my brain."

ky: "i know... but how does my brain know to think, without me telling it to remember?"

my darling left the house this evening, pushing his bike alongside him...

we had all gone down to the playground for some fresh air. later, i observed him free-wheeling between his friends with his feet in the air...

half an hour passed by and he was no-where in sight. i peered around the corner of the nearest block, and saw him peddling madly, then wobble left and right, desperately trying to avoid some pillars.  he missed them by the skin of his knuckes, free-wheeled a bit more, then peddled on again... after a  sharp left up a ramp, he continued in circles around the playground, narrowly missing kids and balls and flying projectiles... he spent another hour doing just that.

later when we went home...he rode on 2-wheels...all the way!

to say i was proud would be a complete understatement! :)))  i wanted to clap and jump up and down!!!...and run rings around him!!!...but for a 5-yr-old, that mt have been a bit un-cool... (we were in full site of his friends after-all!) so instead, i smiled and waved, and told him he was doing wonderfully well! 

and his response?...

"i did it all on my own! i didn't need daddy.

God protected me!"

-lying in bed after lights-out,

  "mama, how do we get to heaven when we die? ...do we like go up through the clouds?"

-another night before kisses, suddenly very serious,

  "mama, what's the other place where the bad people go?...you know, those who've done really bad stuff" (then horrifyingly showing me the gun sign...) "it's not right next to heaven is it?"

-last night before lights-out,

 "mum, when we get to heaven, can we talk to Jesus?... wow really?!" ... (eyes brightening, beaming...)  "that's amazing!"

-little while later, he continues,

 "i want our whole family to be there! i tell you what... 1st dadda will die, then you, then me, then kayla, and then the little ants... cos u see, they get walked over all day, and people don't even know!" (i explain that it's not up to us to decide) "oh, you mean it can't be like that?.. but actually dadima shd go 1st cos she's the oldest, then the rest of us, and then the littlest babies last."

-after a pause,

  "will we all look very old when we die?"

- then later, after a long while in bed, (i thought he was asleep...)

  "mama, can you please tell daddy that Jesus died for him?... now!!!... u go in and tell him in the bedroom ok?!"   (i mention he's sleeping...)  "but you really have to tell him cos i really want all of us in heaven together!" (i agree... ask him to remind me in the morning, and pray he's ready to hear it)

-In a very animated voice...

"You know Mama, i just dreamt that i could slide down a fireman pole, and now i can!"

  "You can? How do you know that?"

"Ya, I can for real! Cos i dreamed it, now i *know* i can do it!

(and he wanted to go down to the playground in the pouring rain to show me :))

-"Mama, i want my room like a jungle. With trees and leaves on the floor. Just no rivers and ponds!"

(the influence of wonderful imagery in library books!)

Ky: Mommy are you 21 now?

Me: Yes darling J

Ky:  Then daddy must be more than 30 rt?

Me:  Yes, that's rt!

Ky:  Like 60?

Ky at bedtime:

"Mommy, if we go to heaven when we die, how do we get there?"

Ky: I wish I was a bird.

Me: Why?

Ky: Cos then I could fly away.

Me: Why would you want to fly away?

Ky: Then I could fly away from my fighting friends.

*long story, but wait for the punch-line rt at the end...

it's worth it!*

me:  ky, u know aunty S will be giving birth real soon.... it's so exciting isn't it!

ky:  ya. i saw her tummy's really big now...like this...

me: yes, it mt be 2weeks or so, then we'll get to see a beautiful newborn.

ky: is it a boy or a girl?

me: the scan said a girl.

ky:  what's her name gonna be?

me: i don't know.

ky:  why don't we ask?

me: i guess we cd do, but i don't think they've chosen it yet.

ky: oh...

me: aunty S asked me for some books on baby names. she said they're looking for one starting with 'R'.

ky: why not 'A'?

me: well, they want it to match w e papa's name, which is R___d.

ky: how come?

me: well, aunty S' name starts w the same letter as her son...so they want their girl's name to match with...

ky: ...their papa!

me: that's rt!... so do u have any girl's names you'd like to recc?

ky: mmmmm....'Runt'!

me: (smiling)

ky told me the other day that he learns things really quickly. 

"you're right!" i observed. "and mb in future you cd put that to really good use...by teaching others..."  these r a few of the things he's really pleased to be able to do rt now.

-i can skateboard really well u know!  i can even go from sitting down to standing up without falling off.

-i can play yo-yo and make it go up and down for a very long time.

-i can dive under the water at the swimming-pool.  when i'm bigger i'll go diving with dadda... mama and kay can stay in the boat.

-i can climb up really high walls. and when i'm bigger i can do real rock-climbing.

-canoeing is really easy. all you have to do is paddle! (...he's not even done this btw ;-))

-wow! i read all of these! there's 1,2,3,4,5 you know! wow, i read them all!  i can read!  i can even read so many books too!  can i read these 2 again?... (ky very pleased after reading a few a-z word lists at bedtime one night)

-he just used our fridge magnets to do the alpha's a-z.  ...well, he was bored one afternoon...so i'd suggested he try make a few short words and see if i cd read them.  he obviously didnt want to, cos when i came back abt 5/10min later i discovered a colourful alphabet snake, made w combination big and small letters.  what a pleasant surprise :)  this is the 1st time...  he's never been taught the order uc, and i'm not one to sing the alpha song eiether... so although there are 2/3/4yr-olds the world over who cd do similar, this little achievement is really amazing to me.  

it's so true that when left to their own devices, there r so many things they cd just learn themselves...

...and what a blessing too, to see the kids develop their own interest in learning. 

while walking back from j8...

ky: mama, you know...Krn won't be an adult 1st!

el: really?

ky: ya, cos P's big bro's A&G will be adults before him!

el: oh yes, yr rt!

ky: so when they're adults they'll be like old men. (laughing out loud)

el: how old do you think you must be to be called an adult?

ky: as old as you and dadda.

el: how old do u think that is?

ky: 20!

el (smiling): that sounds about rt...

ky: you are 20 rt?

el: i'm 20 + 10 + a little bit more.

ky: oh

ky: so when i'm an adult, my friends and i will be young men... and my cousins will be old girls. (giggling)

el: when a girl becomes an adult, we call her a lady.

ky: oh

...all quiet for a while...

ky: so when kay is a young lady, you will be an old lady.

el: mmmm, ya. (stifling a smile)

ky: ...and dadda will be an old man, and i'll be a young man.

el: ya

ky (smiling): but you & dadda have still got many birthdays before then...

el: ya, thankfully! (big grin)