all about me change is happening... 

my life seems a total bore in comparison.

i have become consistent... so predictably predictable in my roles, predicatable in my expectations, and predictable in my actions and their outcomes. predicatble in my home-life, and predictable in my relations.  even the spur-of-the-moment things i sometimes do, have become so predictable to me.   councillor, teacher, comforter.  many hats but the same role. empty vessel or_

channel.  it's been a year of challenge, a year of discovery, a year of trying to radiate peace and consistency through the storms.  i' can see now there have been changes.... i've been molded to be less reactionary....

changes within rather than without.

letters have been written.... carefully, and with great precision.  and they've been on my desk for over a month already.

kay asked for a "pretend guinea pig".  (..."i must write 'pretend, else he might give me a real one!" she added.)

while ky asked for a "very very very long long long rope".  ("maybe i should tell him i'm a boy.... incase he gets me a pink one!" :))

it's going to be a 'cheap' Christmas! :)))

our boy is so funny... brought home 2 of his exams today and i cdnt help but smile...

he's cracked the silly mistake-making for math... only to transfer that knack to english! can't believe he read some of the questions just half-way then jumped to his own conclusions about the rest!... silly monkey!

at the start of this year ky was browsing early-readers_or what might be called 'level3'.  they had ard 10-15pgs with a colour picture on every page.  back then although he was capable, he never read unless i asked him to. but these last few months have seen a phenomenal change.  he'll now occassionally pick up a book on his own, and they avg 200/300pg's.

looking back, i didnt know how to help him along.  so all i did was try to stock up on some exciting books and leave them lying around in different rooms... and jam-pack his bookshelf...in the hope that he'd start picking them up.

he did!

well he had to!... because he was required to bring a book to school every day for silent reading in the hall. he hated it to begin with... not the reading, but having to sit still cross-leeged on the floor for so long. it gave him cramps in his legs, followed by pins and needles. so he asked me to take him to school as late as possible. (which i did... but some days i had lsp readg club, so no choice but to take him there early.) and without him knowing, it slowly paid off. :)

but i never knew it was working until the last month...when i realised he was picking up the thicker books and had actually got some way into them.   and here i'd spent the last year stocking up on good readers for ky *to grow into*.  thinking they'd last him until he was 9 or 10. 

somehow it's been a good year for secondhand books at and above his level...

-a couple of scout friends kindly passed on their precious reads... these included favourites such as black beauty, robin hood, heidi, moby dick etc

-i've also been buying some enid blyton books on and off, but these have not yet been touched.

-we were fortunate to find out about a book exchange program run by ikea a little while ago. the kids had loads of books by then, but i thought it wd be a good opportunity to 'upgrade' some of their older readers from when they were younger. (it was very very hard for ky to let go of his books, but fortunately he did when he saw what he cd exchange them for!)  well he came back with another peter pan, and another treasure island (he insisted they were different stories to the ones he already had ;))  another pirate book he found was 'kidnapped'. (these stevenson bks are both likely going to wait until he's older... e subject matter scares him to bits...esp the odd picture of skull n bones!) well he also found another black beauty, and an oliver twist. 2 slim fantasy books about dragons, will probably soon find their way into his schoolbag. :)

-not long ago i was fortunate enough to get a bunch of hardcover classics from a friend: robinson crusoe, the 3 muscateers,  white fang, gulliver's travels, last of the mohicans, war of the worlds and a few others i forget the names of.  these books followed in the footsteps of swiss family robinson, which we'd started as a bedtime reader earlier in the year.  it was all in old english, so we cdnt do too much at a time as i wanted them to understand the vocab.  it was a wonderful read that we all very much enjoyed.... (the only complaint from kayla at the beginning, was that there were no pictures... as compared with our previous night-time classic: alice in wonderland.) but she wd quietly listen in while drinking her milk... stopping every now and then to ask what a certain word or phrase meant...

-other finds were a bunch of little house on the prairie books. we started the 1st about a week ago. (i'm surprised actually, considering robinson crusoe etc are still sitting unread... but perhaps he wants a change.)   kayla's happy because finally she has the odd picture to look at ;))  and kynan finds it gripping.... all talk about red indians, tepees, wild animals and unchartered country.  he can hardly believe how simply e first settlers used to live...and how clever the dad was to build his own log-house from scratch!   the wolves were rather scarey for him though...so i expect he might stop reading 'white fang' for a while ;)  i guess 'white rabbit' to 'white fang' is a bit of a leap!

i could never read more than 1or2 books at a time when i was a kid, but he 's not following suit... presently it's liitle house on e prairie at night, tom sawyer & white fang in his free time, and nim's island in his schoolbag.

he says he's got the best library that any kid could have... (i wish i'd had one like that when i was a kid!!!)  he tells me he's gonna keep them all until he's grown-up. :)   (~will have to see if i can sneak some out for kayla in a few years! :))

kids were exhausted tonight.... both asleep by 9.30pm.  and why?

i had them out from 9+ this morning, til 8.30 tonight. thankfully i stopped by mil's house to bath them, else they wd hv bn too zonked to move! so here i am with time to ponder the day... ;-)

today was a nice day. it should have turned bad but we never let it.  we went to a new church, and all 3 of us found e ppl there to be very welcoming. it's small but quite cosy in a way. seeing neighbours from our blk there helped us know where to go and get e kids settled. amazingly kayla was fine on her own, no questions asked. she's really growing up! i think we shall probably try it out again a few more times... it's convenient too cos it's so close-by. i also like the fact that they get the kids involved in things like operating e powerpoint, cd-players etc on a rota basis. it really gives them a sense of ownership.

the other highlight of e day was an orchestral opera performance by nanyang at e esplanade. we chanced upon it in passing... and as it was free, we decided to hang around and give it a go. i'm surprised e kids lasted the full hour... and pleased too!  kynan says he liked e harp the most. and a male/female couple who sang a duet love-song. kayla liked that one too. i had too many favourites! in fact i was quite astonished by the standard of the performance... most encouraging. (the only one that i felt was not quite up to standard were the flamenco dancers, seemingly tagged on just for show. their part in the opera was barely audible too, which was more of a technical issue.) but the rest was fantastic!  the audience were very appreciative too. (my kids hv never clapped that loud! :b)

the next 'beautiful sunday performance' is on e 15th nov at 5pm and e kids hv already asked me to make it a date!  :)  this reminds me of the good old days when i used to attend oh-so-many such events in the uk during my work -and student-days. such events were either free, or pay-what-you-want.

but since getting married and shifting out here, that's one side of me that hasn't really had opportunity to be fulfilled.  (mostly cost being a factor/ and timing too_ once kids came along.)  but today i remembered how much i really enjoyed it!!    and something else about today has given me a tremendous sense of peace.  i dont know exactly what did it... but although so much nonsense was going on ard us, i never let it get to me.  not the slightest bit of anger or irritation. it really just washed rt over without me even trying. (which is a new experience for me! i usually have to try veeery hard not to be irritated by certain stuff ;))

"be wise and walk on... seal it. keep it safe within you..." a translation of Daniel today that somehow covered me and gave me immense peace, both within myself and while being with my kids... i'm thankful for it.   perhaps this is the word that will get me through... i thank God for the peace in me and the peace in the kids, to just go out and be... and enjoy each other's company...while the storm was raging around us. 

i wish i had more time with ky... to read, to talk, to play whatever games he wants me to. ... to just be there.

it's bn so different since he's been in school. so hard to build on the relationship.

so much time in a  day...yet so little time for *us*.  has it been worth it?

the year is almost up...  and what has *being part of the system* done for us???

-academically, i see negligeable progress. (and in written english a noticeable decline.)

-physical & creative input, almost non-existant.

-science and nature interaction, minimal.

-malay, #@*6#@# ... after a year of daily classes, he is still unable to string a sentence together on his own. (and the class size is small. mb 12 kids)  cd he hv achieved more if we'd had a tutor come to our home? cd he achieve more this coming year if we did just that? 

on the up-side...

-he shows a growing interest and ability in reading. exposure at school is positive.

-social skills, have blossomed.  he is forging, breaking and keeping new relationships independently of us.

presenlty it's hard to tell if the negatives outweigh the positives. 

how long will i wait to see if it rights itself?

if my other half agreed with me (and if ky was willing)  then i'd probably call it quits at the end of this year... and just do what i know best... but i am not him and he is not me....

a *year out* would be nice...   it wd certainly give him time to catch up with his malay.... a big bugbear at present.  and just think of all the things we could do!!!

but i'm talking myself in circles. and that's not a good way to get anywhere!...

so i'd better go and do something more constructive :)

have we done enuff prep for the exams?  no!

am i terribly bothered?

no!

;-)

these last few days e boy has been to gym, visited e library, had me play cardgames with him, watched tv at his leisure, accompanied his sister to montessori, been out with us for lunch & dinner, had time to play yo-yo to his heart's content, - to spend an hour in the bathtub, and even -to tidy his room!

yet we got some work done too...

we'd planned for 2 papers a day_ to review eng, maths and malay. unfortunately we only got 1 set for malay to last us e whole week...?  (if we'd had more, our time wd hv bn much better spent there instead, but oh well, schools think differently to homeschoolers ;))  none-the-less, we picked up another few pages today.  he finished them during kay's p/g.  3 more hrs were spent playing ball with a mate, and swinging back and forth on e monkey-bars... much to the little-ones' delight.   he looked soooo happy! and soooo relaxed....  a very nice sight after so long.

school really takes up way too much time doesnt it?   so it wdnt feel right me keeping him home cooped up all week... although i'm sure 99% of the sane population wd be.  ;) and their results wd probably reflect that?  

we're off to see e 'meatballs' movie tmw. kay will hv rdg club. and ky will enjoy his freedom!  freedom to run and laugh and play to his heart's content. :b 

...and if we're lucky, still hv time for a few problem sums when we get home ;-)

it's the 1st time that kynan went to bed on time... and actually fell asleep before his sister!...well, 1st time in a long time!

not sure if the counselling helped...mb the talking...mb the time-out that we took in e serenity of bkt/btk park...(as opposed to rushing back for an hour of school)...mb the no-tv rule these last few days, maybe just knowing that someone out there knows his fears... lots of maybe's.

today he came back with a sore knee. P1 C shares their drama-time with them and it emerged from his councillor that he's scared of them because he gets antagonised each time they meet. (which is every wed)   what he spoke of was mostly verbal, but he was too scared to repeat the words to us. doc said it was good that he allerted the teacher, but as it still kept happening... she showed him a coping technique. he practised it at home last night. i dont think he used it today... but his knee still hurts really badly, which makes him feel down.. :(   and who was the chap?... the 'woodland policeman' no less!... mummy thinks that next time, the narrator should take the nasty policeman and lock him up in his own woodland jail :))

aside from the trials, he also talks about his latest best-mates and what they get up to during recess.  one particular girl now sits beside him in the canteen, and lends him her special 501 yo-yo.  today she noticed his new lunchbox, while the rest of the class commented on his new haircut.  it brings big beaming smiles to his face as he speaks of all these. 

thank goodness for his little friends who make it all seem brighter!

and now...he's already looking forward to P2... "Oh, i can't wait!" he grins :)

Some thoughts put to writing...

My mommy says she is an English South African,

And my daddy is an Indian Singaporean.

I say...

~I am an English boy living in Singapore!

I am a bit like my mommy, 'cos I look like her.

I'm a bit like my daddy, 'cos I like sports and hot curry like he does!

I am...

~a little bit like both of them!

I have a class at school where I learn Malay. I like it! 

I also went for some Chinese lessons. I like it too!

There's even Tamil....

But I don't know anything about that!

My Dadima speaks Punjabi.

I can understand her.

If we had a class like that every day at school...

Then I might learn how to speak back to her.

It's funny that people like me can go anywhere...

I'm not Chinese, or Malay, or Tamil.

We can choose where we want to go,

But whichever class we go to, we don't really belong.

When I was a baby,

A little kid asked Mommy what I was.

She was confused for a bit, then she told them smilingly~

...."He is a special-mix!"

I'm a human being.

Underneath we're all the same.

God made us that way.

We get to like each other without noticing all the rest.

So don't treat me a certain way,

Because of my colour or my language.

'Cos I'm not my colour...

And I'm not my language.

    ~I'm just me!

after these last few weeks of ky's migraines and dizziness, i've hardly slept more than 4/5hrs most nites. coupled with kay's fever and puking, i hv been feeling decidely frazzled by the time they finally konk each nite/morning.

last nite i thot i wd go crazy if it went on just 1 more nite!

it didnt!

so i know there's a God who thought i wasnt yet ready to go over the edge! :>

i slept ard 3am or later yesterday becos of kynan's issues. then at ard 4am, kay walked over to my room spewing puke here, there and everywhere... her fever was sky-high. so after cleaning up (her and e floor), and getting some meds down her, i crashed.

at ard 5+ i was up for some reason... i cant rem if it was one of e kids that woke me or what?... to zonked i guess.  anyhow, i used the opportunity to instruct dh to pls drop by at lunchtime n take ky to school/ or call up his mum to help... as kay wd be too sick to walk.  he told me to sms him later. i told him  i'd be asleep! and that's exactly wot i did! i went straight back to bed~

kay was not too well e whole day. she took an hr to eat half a piece of bread in the morning. another hour to *not* eat any rice at lunchtime.  30 min to eat 3 teaspoons of yoghurt in the afternoon.  :)  e rest of her time was spent listening to stories, watching tv, doing online puzzles etc...and she even requested to do 'schoolwork' in the afternoon cos she was 'terribly bored'.  :b

my free moments were not idled away.... i spent e time vacuming n mopping e house, doing lots of laundry, shifting a mattress up to e loft bed, and changing bedlinens. it was a very fruitful day. i was expecting the worst for e nite, so shifted ky back to kay's room, so i cd deal with them both in 1 place. it worked!

for e 1st time in weeks, ky actually slept without much incident. :)))))) Praise the Lord!!!!!!

so i managed to eat some dinner and take a bath... 2 things i've barely bn able to do in weeks!  i even washed some laundry, folded 4loads of clothes (that is a sofa-full, ie piled high and overflowing ;)) , and i deep-cleaned a bathroom.

now i've had 3hrs of peace in my home tonight....no screaming, no crying, no begging in pain or desperation.

thank you thank you thank you Lord!

exactly 2weeks ago, ky saw his neurologist. at that time, e night dizziness was bothering him a few nights a week....and e migraine avg abt once or twice a fortnight. we got some new meds for e dizziness, and i was really hoping for e best!

that was 2 weeks ago.

this last week has seen him awake til past midnight or 1am every nite. e week b4 that, he probably slept well only once or twice in e whole week.

my emotions are wearing thin. i've not slept well in daaaays.  i took him paed tday for blood tests. she told me e meds i'd bn given were more for nausea... but not much else to give becos of his asthma. e bloodtest results come out tmw. in e meantime i'm to increase his nasal spray to 3x daily, as she thinks it mt be an imbalance due to his allergic rhynitis. i'm willing to try anything rt now. if she told me that bungy-jumping off the sanfransisco bridge wd help, then i'd probably go straight there and do it.  i'm really really at my wits end. i feel sick sick sick to the pit of my stomach. and no, i dont think i'm sick at all!  i'm just exhausted. i feel like crying and crying and never stopping.

i distract myself in the day because i know i have to. my life is busy and i know i need to keep it that way if i am to remain sane. but i cant keep this all in anymore.  i dont know what to do to help him.... i just keep promising that it's going to end one day, and he has to be strong until that day comes.  but how long can we go on like this? i dont know how to help him.

b4 it was e migraines... now it's e dizziness. when they come, there's nothing that can take it away. i distract him...and try keep him from crying and screaming in desperation... we're all on our own going through this ordeal. dh is asleep or out. and kay will be up and down needing my help.  so i stay with him...changing rooms, or grabbing a snack to take his mind off things.

finally after 3hrs or more of crying, complaining, screaming, he'll crash and sleep from exhaustion.  but for me i dont sleep then. i cant.

i'm drained and worried, but i just cant sleep.  it feels like i've been wrung out and hung up to dry. i hv my chores waiting, but i feel too tired to even start on them. then kay wakes from a nightmare, or a cough or a sore throat... i settle her and sleep a few hrs... well e same no' of hrs as b4...but w ky's sleeplessness, it means i dont hv those 3-4hrs on my own wen they're asleep... it's like i'm physically working 3-4hrs extra each nite but with nothing to show. i just feel so exhausted! mb it's e emotional drain....

e paed said that i need to start keeping a diary again. record exactly how things are with him each day. so i am doing that now. it's something different. it makes me feel like i'm doing 'something' rather than 'nothing'. and in the meantime i'll think abt what other avenues i can go down to try get to the bottom of this.

school? he's still going...jus missing for his aptmnts, then straight back again.  and  once home he has to catch up on anything he's missed.  his head is so fuzzy rt now that he cant even do simple sums. i feel sorry for him. he misses work then has to catch up....  is it truly neccessary in the big picture of things? no, probably not.  without proper sleep, it's probably e last thing he shd be doing....  so what do i do?  shd i just forget abt it?  shd i pack him off somewhere like ubin for 3days to try and break the cycle? 

if i do, how long will it last?  exams are coming. how on earth is he going to be able to think straight with so little sleep each night?  will it go? will it return?  is it school that's doing this to him???  

looking at ky each day, no-one wd know what goes on.  (i know, cos ppl hv told me so.)  other than a frown here, or a strained look in the eyes now and then... he looks and behaves like a v normal kid.  the days r happy and we forget. we try forget our tiredness too.  he runs around, jokes, laughs, plays yoyo like any other kid on the block.  but when the night comes it all changes. it's like a monster that comes out then wont go back to bed. i dont know how he keeps going on...knowing that day after day it's likely gonna be there again and again.

i pray for him wen it comes and i pray for him wen it goes. and i pray i wont yell at him wen i cant take it anymore... but sometimes i do.  and then i pray for patience to keep being there for him... and strength to get up and do everything else that still needs to be done.  and i pray i'll be there for my girl and my hubby, and my sick sore cat.... and i pray for an escape-route...wisdom to know where to go and what to do, to get us away from the worst of it. 

am looking forward to e doc's call tmw... mb she'll hv some of the answers.  am also waiting for a councellor's contact from her for some free mind-over-matter type tricks to teach him.  and i'm hoping there's mb just something simple up with his blood, that a qwik foul potion cd set straight. :>

a certain boy did something very mean and hurtful a few days back.  the person he offended was not feeling very well, having just got out of a&e a few hrs b4.  but they got on the wrong side of him in a rather painful way.  (while trying to convince e borrower of a certain toy, that if someone requests said toy back, then it wd be good manners to return it sooner rather than later.)

said person on whom the pain was inflicted, wd usually have been *v v v angry*. well, they were! e culprit was sent to his room while e executioner deliberated long and hard.  

executioner was tired and wanting a reprieve. it was e 2nd time in a year, but twice too many. kind words hadnt worked, not angry ones either...  e threat of ex-communication, a picture of a life behind bars...all there today and gone tmw.

but then a line came into my head...

"hands can.....,  and hands can.... , but hands should not ...."

i was reminded of a little book that kay had made just a few months back. it gave me an idea.

"son, listen carefully... what you did was wrong. very wrong. you did something bad and i am very very sad.  we cant let this happen again. ever! and u need to make ammends. ...

"now when i say something hurtful to you, then i commit myself to saying at least 10 meaningful, good things to u thereafter...so u can see that i still love u, and that i want to build you up again. i do that because i love you.  i do that because our relationship is important to me. 

"is our relationship important to u?...

"...if it is, then i wd like u to show me.  i want to see change in yr actions.  i'm leaving u now to be on yr own for awhile... i wd like u to sit down with this paper and pen, and write down 10 good, helpful, kind and gentle things that you cd do with yr hands to make me feel better. "

*he looked up at me and SMILED!

...this from a boy who had been raging mad just a few minutes earlier... what a surprise! and what a gentle way of calming his fire... i thank God that he led me down another path and gave me the peace and patiece to see this through.

my little boy came up with a list.  he has put it beside my bed.

i cant get to it now because dh is asleep, but i'd like to get it tmw and place it here as a reminder to myself that i shd sometimes take a different route *before* all else fails.

*here's a sampler:

on e 1st day he chose these 3 from his list of 10. he didnt hv much time to do anyhthing *big* as we'd planned to go out...and although i didnt think he deserved to go out and have fun with us, i really didnt want it to ruin my day... :)   so i accepted his little 'offerings' and forgave him in my heart much sooner than i mt have otherwise.  i was challenged and changed...

here's part of his list:

-1 big hug! (which lasted veeery looong...and said more than any words cd have!)

-1 handmade "pressie" (a dragonfly he'd made from card, with folded paper wings and an open mouth....  ~ i'm going to hang it up somewhere as a reminder of that day :))

-1 picture drawn especially for me. (he spent quite some time making it 'perfect'... me in the middle of a flower garden!  he even checked from e nxt room what colour dress i'd prefer to wear, and what my favourite colour flowers were. i have my hands upstretched to a blue blue sky.)  and on the back it says simply: "Dear mum 'you are a kind and Loving mum.'

-1 foot massage (is what he gave me tonight at bedtime :)) ...so that makes 4! 

what a fab long weekend i've just had!

...one of those where you've done so much that yr body just aches and aches after.

-cant believe i've just spring-cleaned my whole house!.... i just started here and there, and b4 i knew it i'd got ard the whole place! :)  hv bn sending dh off with e kids for an hr or 2 once or twice. and i've made e most of my nights.  then sat ky had no gym or scouts, so we had e whole day to ourselves!!!!

-nothing like a wake-up call to get yr house in order :))  and i even manged to hv dinner prepared by 4pm today! so dh happily ate once in the afternoon and once at night.  luckily it was super-yummy tagliatelle with a ricotta and tomato/onion/garlic based sauce. i threw in some organic sesame seeds and some tumeric powder~ for good health! :>

-now i'm eyeing just a few more things i want to get rid of, and some bks i'd like to re-arrange this coming week.  then tmw i plan to zap ard e fans and bookshelves.

-not-to-mention a certain little boy will be mopping e floors throughout e place... more of why in the nxt post. :)

i'm a happy superhero today!  i've polished my cape...

now watch me fly!!!

took Tiger to e vet e nxt morning. i felt miserable from e asthma but had no choice. poor kitty was sad and oh-so-quiet.

when i picked him up b4 leaving, i noticed his hips uncomfortably twiseted towards me, so i nicely turned them the other way. i heard/felt a quiet crunch and slip/pop simultaneously.  we both got a shock, so i put him down pronto...so worried i'd done something dreadful to him.

hurried e kids off to grandma and noticed b4 leaving that e cat somehow seemd more 'straight' in his posture. and he was walking/jumping up with no perceived probelm. thot mb i shd stay, but decided i'd best get him checked to be sure.

turns out he'd had a hip dislocation, and the muscles in his back leg bore dmage from e twist/untwist motion. but e vet said it had already bn put back. no sign of break or anything else. seems i'd saved myself $300 by putting it back myself!

not that i'd do it again of course! she says i shd change jobs to animal chiropractor! on the down side, it mt well happen again...app there's not much holding it in rt now as e soft tissue has all bn mangled.

so alas the kids cant carry him for at least a month! anyone's animal needing a click here, n a crunch there, do drop by :))  (that's a joke! btw)

oh and e bill was a sensible $40+ with 3 meds included... 1 for pain, 1 for inflammation, and one multi-vit for muscle-repair. it's cheaper than *my* doc! ...perhaps i shd go there nxt time!

just 1week ago we took a flying visit to Melakka...by car :)

it was something dh *needed* to do. i had a mountain of things to do in that short holiday, but dh twisted my arm and convinced me that relaxing by the pool with e kids wd be better than visiting e green frog show :>

some memorable snippets:

-e drive up was without incident.

-e roads, coffeeshops and hotels were dead-quiet because of e malay fasting month. (we had not expected this, but it was a pleasant surprise.)

-we stayed at e new holiday inn, cos equatorial was having renovations. as e kids and i were feeling asthmatic, we decided not to try our luck. holiday inn is more of a business stop than a family place. pool area full sun, no shade. pools straight up-n-down...rather boring for kids.

-e only room with bathtub was app *club*. (dh had made e bkg and didnt realise this... so we had to pay xtra). on the upside, it came with 'free' snacks and beverages in e day... fruit, crackers, nuts, yoghurts, soft drinks, tea & coffee, and wine and other alcoholic beverages with something more substantial like chicken parcels and springrolls in the evenings.  needless to say, dh and e kids were happy to go there every time it was open. :)  (for comparison, Equatorial still has better club-food by far. rather than stuff out of pkts/ or frozen and fried, their food looks like it's prepared by a proper trained chef. the presentation and choices of dishes were of a far higher standard.... like night and day.

but the best bit for me abt e H/Inn club lounge, was not e food at all... it was e sunset. :)  e lounge is situated very nicely, such that e setting sun streams rt in through the side window...making the whole room awash in beautiful hues. while at the front, a little balcony gives access to a view of e strait that runs between the little island and the jetty. very beautiful relaxing in an armchair, watching the seabirds fly to and fro in formation at sunset. very very soothing with a smooth chilled white-wine in hand. :) 

-kynan's shoes both fell apart at/ and b4 the hols. so he was lucky enough to choose *2* new pairs at e nearest mall. this has *never* happened b4, so he was noticeably over-the-moon :b it was hard to find a pair of trainers that fitted him well, *and* with a flexible sole for good running and hiking. but eventually he did. :) for e 1st time, he chose "big-boy" sandals. they are kind of in the timberland style... dark leather uppers, with proper cushioned suede insole. (but at a fraction of e cost! :)) so we were all happy!

-kayla didnt *need* anything, so 2 little sticker-sheets + 2 cheap teddy-bear hairbands were enuff to make her ever-so-happy.  :)

-dh and i were happy with the hotel's pre-dinner drinks so we really didnt need anything else! :>

-e last night b4 leaving, we took a boat trip down e river. it was surprisingly cheap and beautiful. all was dark by then. and a myriad twinkling blue and white lights had bn hung beside the river. little alphabet and number lights adorned the lamp-posts (which kept the kids busily amused), and at one stretch, all the wooden stilted 'kampung' houses had been beutifully lit up. it made for a very pleasant ride.... something i'd be sure to do again on any subsequent visits. (and no, there was no smell this time!) the entire stretch of the waterway has also been lined with paved, lit promenades on both sides, so one cd easily walk the entire stretch both ways.  definately something we will return to do.

-one thing which cd be spotted along e way, was e pirate theme park. really it's just a big wheel ride, along with a pirate ship, and a small climbing rock-wall. it's beautifully lit up at nite though...and was oh-so-enticing to the kids...but by then we just didnt have any time left to go. (but i'm pretty sure they'll remind us nxt time :))

-we took a walk along Jonker street on a weekday-night. it's very beautiful ard those streets when all is quiet and darkness falls. i'd never really noticed it b4, but e exteriors of e buildings are aglow in red light as u look down e streets.  we passed row-upon-row of really old houses...inside walls stacked high with cartons, while elderly folk dined on e floor or squatting on low stools, chopsticks clicking against bowls with rice and veg. it's like another world inside. another world so far removed from that where our kids r growing up. as we walk further, a really old chap with a face of weathered wrinkled skin rides by on a rickety old bicycle...boxes strapped behind, and a black bowler hat perched askew on his head.  it's like i've gone back in time and life stands still for a moment... he turns and looks at us, smiles and turns back.   "i like yr hat!" i call out..   is it the wine, the warmth of a balmy night, or  the strangeness of this whole encounter that make me lose my senses for a while?  :) 

-breakfast was predictable after e 1st day. hot western food was not really pallatable. day1: vienna sausage-halves boiled, frozen corn&peas mixture in a mayonnaise-like hot white sauce. (i cdnt bring myself to taste it.) day2: cheap tasteless chicken/beef sausages, boiled, & e same thin white sauce over mixed frozen veg, along with some over-fried hashbrowns... hard and soaked with oil.   i stuck to freshly-made omelettes and pancakes, along with some soft cheese crumbled on toast.  dh had e eastern/asian hot food (which is e same evrywhere), while e kids stuck to toast, ham, cheese and milk/ fruit juice. (brown bread ran out b4 we even got there on all 3days and was never replenished... which was quite a dissapointment. so we usually ended up packing some dried cereals in a tupperware for e kids cos we knew they'd be hungry again not long after.

-if yr a foodie, then rt now, from my experience, this is probably not e place for u....unless they're still teething problems. one nite i ordered a chicken sandwich at e foyer-cafe/bar. my lime-juice at ard $12, took 20minutes to pur and serve. (i was e only ustomer, with 4 serving staff at e empty bar a few feet away. after 45 minutes the food had still not arrived and e area was getting smokey from a lamb being roated upstairs... so i asked to move nearer the restaurant.  after close to 10min they had still not brought my drink over, so i went to get it myself, only to find half had been spilled across the table. at this point my asthma was kicking up a few notches and my inhaler was up in my room. so i asked them to pls send it all straight up as soon as they cd.  "certainly, 10 more minutes ma'am."   i'd not eaten since breakfast and it was now 5pm. after 1.5hrs of waiting, and feeling rather queasy and faint, i called dh at e poolside to pls try bring e food up for me. "10 more minutes ma'am" they told him. when it finally arrived e chicken slices were so tough that they'd probably bn under the grill for a full hour or more. (or was it yesterday's chicken resurrected? it certainly tasted that way. well i'm not even a foodie, but i wont be going there again any time soon. )

-our return trip was *interesting*.  leaving Melakka, dd was bored with e breakfast choices and ended up eating only cheese; 2 yellow types, and one crumbly white and blue one. then on the way out, she grabbed a mango lhassi from e club lounge and downed half of it in one go..... an hr later on the expressway, the weather was getting nice and warm amd it all came out...nicely covering her carseat, clothes and soft-toy in a wonderfully-scented sour milk and clotted cheese mask. (not!)  e next petrol-station toilets never came too soon!  all food was banned until we hit JB... where we stocked up on some groceries and snacks.  part2 of e saga started there.

JB side cleared smoothly, but s/p side had a major jam. ky started a migraine... and e only way to keep his screams from escalating, was e sight of e uniformed customs officials alongside. i was so glad for e chilli crisps bought earlier...he got through a packet of them by way of distraction... we were veeerry happy when we finally got home! :))) and we were all even happier to get into a nice warm sweet-smelling bath and go straight to bed after. (but not mummy... not until i'd done 2loads of laundry and stripped and gassed a certain carseat! :))

***afterthoughts:

-we'll go again to that oh-so-favourite haunt of ours.  but no, i wdnt pay again to go to Holiday Inn.  (nice simple decor yes, nice original art pieces yes, but imho not worth e $ for a family stay)  oh, and another thing that miffed me: "free sauna and jacuzzi* they advertised....  what they fail to mention is that they have only *1* jacuzzi and that is reserved for the *men*. no ladies allowed- even if it is empty. no separate hrs designated  for men and ladies. no family slots. (well now since when do ladies prefer going to the sauna???? i thought that was more of a guy-thing?)     the kids had so been looking forward to it with me that they were dreadfully dissaponted. so dh checked that it was free of other guys, then took them in for a bit. doubly-miffed.... i felt happy for them yes, but decidedly left out!!! ....yes i'll say it again... "i'm not going back."

-oh yes, one other thing we've not had the joy to expereince on our hols.... unsavoury poolside etiquette.  sad to say, it was from those with accents closest to home. :(    just 2 incidences were enuff to mar the enjoymnt of the rest... and they honestly seemed completely oblivious to this fact...?  i wish i cd have helped the situation... that most were not like that...but the unfotunate coincidence of both happening in 2days, did not bear well for our fellow countrymen.

an example on day 1-  a mum got her 9/10yr-old child to blow her veeeery snotty nose rt into the pool. it was near the edge of the infinity pool, (which some mt say is ok?) but the girl was washing her very very streaming snotty hands in the water rt beside me. it was a mucus waterfall 3x over.  ( toilets with toilet paper were just a 1minute stroll away....) to make it worse, the lady spoke in quite an educated manner. i cdnt bear to stay in the pool a minute longer, though were i thicker skinned i wd probably hv offered to take her kid to the loos myself. (but considering the girl's age, i think it wd prob just be too embarrassing for her. ) so i did the easy thing and took my kids and went.

day2 was not spared either.  (pls dont read if yr squeamish or eating while reading this)...  -while reading a book & sunbathing, i heard an older man saying very loudly to his 11/12yr-old dd, (loud enough for all other 12/15guests in the pool to hear).... "squeeze it harder. harder. no not like that, harder. squeeze till the blood comes out." ...  now this is not e usual type of conversation that i'd hear poolside... so in shock and disbelief i cdnt keep myself from looking up.  (i shdnt have!)  he was in e water at e far end of e pool, circular receding hairline, daughter behind his back, but i cdnt see wot she was up to? ....as i was still trying to figure out exactly what was happening (from behind my book), a young foreign chinese girl and her eastern european friend jumped out of e pool in a hurry and grabbed their towels. "his kid is squeezing his zits, his big yellow pimples!!!  can u believe it?!!!"  they chorused.. (the guys conversation continued. i cdnt stay to listen. i had completely no appetite after that!) any lifeguard to complain to? not in sight. shd i have offered some tissues i wondered...?mb he'd have got the point? i cdnt bear to get back in the water, let alone hang ard there anymore... :(

-so if not there, then where?

presenlty my preference wd be Equatorial for style and quality, comfort, good club snacks, and it's family-oriented...with nice big club rooms, and not-to-foget: their fabulously lush down bedding.  and their pools offer more privacy as u can relax under e trees ard e landscaped edges. 

my 2nd-choice wd be Mahkota. ya it's a bit run down (but they were painting it in stages when we last went?), but check-in can be tedious...yet it's relaxed, has good breakfast choices, ie good quality food that tastes fresh, and a nice choice of pools and play areas for e kids.  (and of course the putt-putt which the kids lurrv!)  mostly malaysians frequent this one, so i find the pools to be quiter (kids seem better behaved?...no running n screaming wild ard the pool perimeters, nor trying hard to drown siblings each time their parent tunrs!), and the adults are very quiet in their conversations. so the whole pool environment is rather inobtrusive.   it's also nice to see whole families swimming together, esp with fathers involved in the minding and supervision of the children.  a whole lot more pleasant of an atmosphere imho :)

-any other good family spots that r close to e towncentre i wonder? with pool, family-size room, good selection of local and western food on site....? :)

"Hazey days are here again...

Oh help oh help where's my inhaler again... "

this seems to be my daily refrain...

and e last few nights it's evry hr or so.

rt now i feel like a gigantic house has been plonked on my chest

b#B#NB***##**bb stupid ppl burning their paper rt below my front  door, jus discovered why my inhalers not having any effect. bbb***dy infuriating. my whole living room has bn slowly filling with smoke and i cdnt tell! grrrrr ... the flames are over a metre high above e drum and there's a nice little huddle adding fuel to the flames. called e council and they say 'err yes tmw, tq for yr call. ' am off to try breathe better in kay's bedroom. this is ridiculous! cant even have my own home to myself. b***bb***#** "close yr windows ma'm" you think i'd be calling u if my windows were wide open????

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

it feels like ages since i last had time to sit properly and write... so i'll try my best to play catch-up, working backwards... :)

-tonight our dear Tiger got on the wrong side of dh's leg and somehow ended up getting his leg caught between the matress and the bedframe. he yanked himself free and has bn limping since then. :(  it doesnt look like a break. hopefully just a sprain or partial dislocation.

poor kitty was in a state of shock after...just lying really still in a dark corner, hissing and meowing feebly when anyone came near. 2hrs later he seemde to be feeling slightly better. while i was putting e kids to bed, he came and gave a sad meow at the door. i scampered up, (kay understood), and he promptly came and sat on my lap and started licking my hand and arm with his sandpapery tongue.

later when i tried to find the bit that hurt, he was quite accomodating.  a quick nip and a paw that pushed me away told me when i'd hit the mark.

well i've made a special bed for him tonight... a soft laudry basket turned on it's side with his big pink towel for comfort. (i'd found him trying to get into one of my soft carrier bags just b4 that... wanting to hide away) and that's where he is rt now...and probably will be til the morning when he'll be whisked off to the vet.  awww poor kitty...

kynan has learned a few things of late...

-this week he came home with a fact that was very surprising to him... that muslims fast! ie, that his little muslim friends cant eat or drink anything the WHOLE day at school...not even water. he saw his one little mate 'suffering' for want of water in the middle of a hot day...and thought over the sense of that. he also became aware of a few other things...

*like why they dont do p.e. during this fasting month,

*and he observed that the teacher is kind enough not to require them to talk too much, (else they'd become thirsty.)

it's a real eye-opener to him... and i'm glad that he's actually outward-looking enough, to be aware of such.

-he has a new malay teacher, and he's finally getting some constructive help in constructing sentences... albeit only once a week... at least we're making progress :)

-the end of term is coming near... they have no exams this term, so we're taking it easy.  to top it off, homework has been almost non-existant of late.

i've used this time to become totally hands-off with his spelling. (at the end of last term, he'd still come to me to be tested once the night before. the rest of the week, i'd advised him to revise daily for the best results.

of course he didnt always follow...but i left him to it. he had 2 terms to learn to become totally independent.

there was once he didnt even come to me the nite b4. i didnt ask or remind.... (but i knew he'd not even written any of the words a single time.)  i let him be. he came back with 2/10 :) cruel me, ya! 

but thereafter he saw the sense in daily revision, and has been fine since. these last few weeks i've not seen the spelling lists, nor been asked to quiz him. his teachers havent been sending the books home to be signed either, so i have no idea how things are going... but the positive change i see in kynan is that he sits down now, each morning and night, and  revises them quietly without even a word from me. it makes me feel happy not to be burdened by this aspect of his upbringing... and in total contrast to many other parenst around us. 

but this style of fostering independent study techniques from a young age, is not unique. in fact i see that it's quite common amongst larger families here. but those with only 1 or 2 kids imply that they're too 'kiasu' not to be involved each step of the way. or they say their kids are too lazy. so they dont trust them. but if we never let go...then will they ever be willing to stand on their own 2 feet?... we will always be their safety net....stepping in b4 they fall, as we dont want them to mess up. cos if they mess up, then it may look bad on us as parents, ya? :)

i really think we do need to step back and little by little, let our kids learn to live their lives for themselves. cos when we do things for our own reasons, then suddenly what was previously someone else's burden, actually becomes our own responsibility... and we literally 'grow up ' overnight. 

this is how we worked when we were kids. we did our homework and revision all on or own. our results were for our benefit alone. my mum never blinked an eye whether we brought home an A or a C...so long as we never failed. consequently, we never worked to get recognition from her. instead, for the subjects we enjoyed, we worked to do the best we cd...for ourselves. (for that is where our strengths lay)... and the book prizes were an attractive carrot from the school! :))

i'm hoping that gradually kynan will be able to do the same for himself... learn how to revise independently for exams, so that he too can be totally responsible for his own personal fulfilment. but this is just the beginning... i hv to provide him with the tools and give him plenty of practice with me... b4 he goes off to use them on his own. mb by P3... i'm hopeful!

ah, my little girl is growing up!... tonite i sat on e comfy chair at granny's, relaxing after a long day out.

she promptly came over and sat 'horsy-style' on my one leg. after a little while, she lay her head back against my chest, and just relaxed her whole body against me.  it was so sweet to have her there awhile...too tired to feed herself, so nibbling bits of chicken from my fingers, while leaning back listening to conversation...every now and then opening her mouth like a little bird, for another morsel of food.

when i got home and put her to bed, she drifted off almost immediately...completely exhausted by her busy day.

as i later stood washing a pile of dirty dishes, i realised that this was the 1st time, in a long long time, that she'd climbed up to my lap to just "be".

it was so nice to have her close like that... a really pleasant memory already...and just hoping there'll be more :)

and ky? oh i wish he'd still come sit on my lap sometimes!... perhaps it's something i shd help bring about ;)

e hols hv exposed ky to a diff style of learning again...

e migraines hv left completely for now... ie no more yelling to bear with at school = no more dizziness, pain, puking = no more trouble trying to sleep at night = no more need for pain-meds.  so on the one hand i'm a happy mummy!

his friends in school are a bonus... e interraction w girls... e feeling of independence_all perks. his teachers seem sweet. they're young and mostly dont have kids yet from what i've heard. that in itself has it's pluses and minuses... ;)  e school has a sound moral platform for e kids. e assemblies and Bible talks, are all part of what i want my kids to grow up with...

he said b4 that he really liked school.  he's made some really really close friends.  (and this was inspite of e err 'disciplinarian' style)  he was so sick at times, yet he refused to stay home and miss out on p/e or art, his fav subjects. 

but e downside_ e sports are soooo lacking. he wishes they'd do more 'challenging' stuff, be more creative with games, and learn some 'proper' sport.  "when will we get a chance to go out on a field mama?...to run, to play football."  he's become soooo unfit since p1 started. thank goodness for e hols!... else he'd still be a lazy lump on e sofa!  now at least he's got some muscles back ;) 

a biggy for me: after reading some of his classwork during e hols, i realise that e level of english is qt disheartening. it's been a big step backwards for ky. it seems to me that perhaps expectations r qt low, so he doesnt bother to deliver. and unless the teachers know the child's background, they wd be none-the-wiser. ...and art...? (my other pet-peev!)_hey, i'm a designer after-all!...and i see in ky a prolific draw-er...just as i was. so if we counted the actual art hours in school, i'd probably cry! 

i feel like he's there for so many hrs each day all week, but missing out~ so do i go with the flow?   am i short-changing him? 

yes and no?

-english, arts & sports: no challenge rt now./ -class discipline: e opp extreme./ -math: ok / -malay: more assistance needed but_? 

art and sports can be made-up in our own time. e hols hv shown me this.  so i'm not too worried...

but english? what will be the longterm effect?...ie seemingly  'dumbing-down' a kid's writing to meet the 'class-standard'... might it not make a kid believe that he need only give something so simplistic in order to just get by? ie not his best effort.

as a teacher, i've seen this to be particularly so with boys. (for those who are capable, unless the ballmark is set high,  they wd be qt contented to just sail through / under-achieve) 

so now i'm aware of this, my worry is not just for ky, but for kay too.

she wants to go to this same school, to be with her big brother...

her standard of english has been much higher rt from e start... she's shy, but she's so very capable.  so after seeing where ky's at rt now, i'm really starting to doubt whether this school wd be a v good fit for her.  i think she needs a higher level, most certainly for english.

and kynan?...can his teacher/ school offer higher-level learning/ tasks for those who r more able in english (such as what they do for mother-tongue?) 

someone shared with me from moe, that it was for english that this style of teaching 1st came about, but that it's mother tongue that has seemingly put it into action...

it's something i probably hv to find out directly from his school... but i so hate to rock the boat.

what a conundrum!

oh yes, and if it's not enuff to hv e enticing home-learning option b4 his eyes, he's now grumbling abt having to wear the mask to school :(

....so what is e lesser of e two evils my dear child? _wearing a mask?/ or landing in hospital?

baby steps, baby steps...