Play Happy - Formally The Special Needs Homeschool Family

When our son Noah was diagnosed with autism 4 years ago we immediately became part of the special needs club. Its not a club anyone wishes to join, but many of us find ourselves in. Shortly after that my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and our youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (which is under the autism spectrum). Suddenly I had three kids with special needs and I felt very inadequate.

The first thing I did was to get on the internet. I read so many sites on autism and ADHD that I began to feel like I knew what I was talking about. I put holds on about 20 million tapes and books from our library and read most of them. For over 2 years all I read about was these two disorders. Basically, I got myself educated.

I was also fortunate to get involved in a moms support group for special needs kids. This group turned out to be my best resource for coping with our new family situation. Not only was I encouraged, I got first-hand experience on therapies, doctors, therapists, the public school system, DDD and other resources available in the community. This group of moms and their knowledge were better than any book I had ever read. They were my lifeline and my encouragement, especially in those first two years.

Now that it has been 4 years since diagnosis, I find myself on the other side of the tracks. I've been walking this path for a while and I've learned a few things. I've learned that us moms and dads know a lot more than we think, that the experts can be helpful, but they do not know our children like we do. That we can do so much teaching on our own without expensive therapies and that we can teach our children with special needs at home.

I like this side of the tracks a lot better than those first two years. The beginning of the special needs walk was so overwhelming. So full of emotions, decisions, logistics, financial burdens and information that its not uncommon to shut down for a while and hide in the bubble of denial. That is not a good choice by the way because your children will suffer for it. Your special kids will get worse and your typical kids will feel forgotten. Not good.

All of this comes down to my new position title in the special needs club. Instead of a newbie to the club, I now am a seasoned member. That means I have women calling me now, wanting advice and encouragement as they have recently joined the club and they are feeling the need to slip into the denial bubble. I also am getting some women wanting my input because we did so much of the therapy with our kids on our own and we have them home with us, teaching them here at home where they belong. I got a lot of suspicion and flack from the other seasoned members of the special needs club when I pulled my autism-spectrum kids home from the school. Even though our intent was to only keep them there until their language improved, apprantly the other special needs moms didn't think we'd actually pull them home. But really that is another long story.

I write all of this to encourage those of you out there who are seasoned in this walk of special needs to take the time to talk to the newbies. They are feeling overwhelmed, stretched beyond their means physically, emotionally and financially and most of their marriages are on the rocks. They would be happy to get the laundry caught up and their homes clean, and to sit down for a homemade meal. It is like they are first-time moms again, except it doesn't get better after 6 months. They can't find their mothering groove and the chaos of being a first-time mom won't end for them for a few years. These moms need us to encourage them, bring them a meal and let them know they are not alone.

I know that my time in the special needs club has been a whirlwind ride and I am glad that I have more to learn, but even so I remember the first days. I hope we can all encourage another mom who is feeling she is at the brink of losing it, and lead her out of the bubble of denial.

Janelle

Our sweet children, full of special talents and special needs :)

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Posted by Cherie

You have taught me so much. I went to my first Mom's of Special Kids meeting today and you were right. These women are amazing. I left there overwhelmed with all the info, but I will go back. They promised to take my hand and show me the way in this special club.

You are such a great Mom and Friend
Cherie

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Posted by Anonymous

This is a great post. I was wondering if you could tell me your belief on medication. If you believe in it, please tell me which one you think is best for autism. This is a very helpful sight. Thanks. Annette

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Posted by Janelle

Annette - Thank you for your question! As of right now my son Noah is not on any medications for his autism. My ADHD daughter is on medication, which is something we didn't jump into. In dealing with ADHD, we cut all food colorings, did behavior work and a more structured environment, but we found that even with these positive changes our daughter needed the medication. For her it was a lifesaver. It made her feel more in control, focused and she isn't as frustrated or down on herself as she used to be.

In dealing with autism, I don't have experience with the meds. I have friends with kids on the spectrum who have used medications that are also used with ADHD and have had some sucess. For our son we didn't feel that was the right route to go. He was on a Gluten Free Casein Free diet for over 2 years. We pulled him off of it as we didn't feel it was benefical to him any longer (some kids can outgrow the diet).

Every autism case is different. I wouldn't discourage anyone from trying medication, but I also have never heard of any pill that will cure autism. It just doesn't exist.

I hope that helps you. Feel free to email me or post if you have further questions.

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Posted by Anonymous

We joined this club 2.5 years ago. It is a hard club to be in. We have 4 children, with just 1 special needs. It is a challenge for everyone in the family. Slowly I have figured things out and like you read a ton of books. Most doctors we see don't know anything about Sensory Integration Disorder. I find myself explaining to them what is wrong with my son. Frustrating! Good luck!
Jennifer

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Posted by Anonymous

i just stumbled on your site. what a great post. i too have been a member of the special needs club, and over the last few years have felt like i have graduated as well to being a seasoned member. our son got his dx 7 yrs ago-- he will be 10 next mo. what a wild ride.

thanks again, gail at www.challengesandadventures.blogspot.com

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