Play Happy! - Homeschooling - Autism - Organization - Frugality

Oct. 4, 2007

Encouraging another walking the special needs road

Play Happy - Formally The Special Needs Homeschool Family

When our son Noah was diagnosed with autism 4 years ago we immediately became part of the special needs club. Its not a club anyone wishes to join, but many of us find ourselves in. Shortly after that my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and our youngest son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (which is under the autism spectrum). Suddenly I had three kids with special needs and I felt very inadequate.

The first thing I did was to get on the internet. I read so many sites on autism and ADHD that I began to feel like I knew what I was talking about. I put holds on about 20 million tapes and books from our library and read most of them. For over 2 years all I read about was these two disorders. Basically, I got myself educated.

I was also fortunate to get involved in a moms support group for special needs kids. This group turned out to be my best resource for coping with our new family situation. Not only was I encouraged, I got first-hand experience on therapies, doctors, therapists, the public school system, DDD and other resources available in the community. This group of moms and their knowledge were better than any book I had ever read. They were my lifeline and my encouragement, especially in those first two years.

Now that it has been 4 years since diagnosis, I find myself on the other side of the tracks. I've been walking this path for a while and I've learned a few things. I've learned that us moms and dads know a lot more than we think, that the experts can be helpful, but they do not know our children like we do. That we can do so much teaching on our own without expensive therapies and that we can teach our children with special needs at home.

I like this side of the tracks a lot better than those first two years. The beginning of the special needs walk was so overwhelming. So full of emotions, decisions, logistics, financial burdens and information that its not uncommon to shut down for a while and hide in the bubble of denial. That is not a good choice by the way because your children will suffer for it. Your special kids will get worse and your typical kids will feel forgotten. Not good.

All of this comes down to my new position title in the special needs club. Instead of a newbie to the club, I now am a seasoned member. That means I have women calling me now, wanting advice and encouragement as they have recently joined the club and they are feeling the need to slip into the denial bubble. I also am getting some women wanting my input because we did so much of the therapy with our kids on our own and we have them home with us, teaching them here at home where they belong. I got a lot of suspicion and flack from the other seasoned members of the special needs club when I pulled my autism-spectrum kids home from the school. Even though our intent was to only keep them there until their language improved, apprantly the other special needs moms didn't think we'd actually pull them home. But really that is another long story.

I write all of this to encourage those of you out there who are seasoned in this walk of special needs to take the time to talk to the newbies. They are feeling overwhelmed, stretched beyond their means physically, emotionally and financially and most of their marriages are on the rocks. They would be happy to get the laundry caught up and their homes clean, and to sit down for a homemade meal. It is like they are first-time moms again, except it doesn't get better after 6 months. They can't find their mothering groove and the chaos of being a first-time mom won't end for them for a few years. These moms need us to encourage them, bring them a meal and let them know they are not alone.

I know that my time in the special needs club has been a whirlwind ride and I am glad that I have more to learn, but even so I remember the first days. I hope we can all encourage another mom who is feeling she is at the brink of losing it, and lead her out of the bubble of denial.

Janelle

Our sweet children, full of special talents and special needs :)

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Aug. 30, 2007

Special Sites for Special Kids

Since I have been working on homeschool projects and prep, I thought I'd highlight my current favorite site for visual schedule making.

Do2Learn is a great resource for homeschool or public school families alike. On this site you can make the best picture schedules for your kids who fall under the Autism Umbrella. Typical kids love picture schedules too, so don't feel your left out if you haven't been blessed with an Autism kid.

Do2Learn also offers free materials and basic schedules, on line games geared toward learning and sequencing (a biggie for autism kids), free picture cards and other items.

Check them out! I don't get paid a cent for saying so, I just love this site and all the time and money it has saved me by being able to make my own picture schedules at a reasonable price.

Janelle

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May. 24, 2007

The Special Needs Sorority

To You, My Sisters

by Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters."

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail.

We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries.

All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does, or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unabl e to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and physiatry.

We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our children with cerebral palsy. We have labored to prove to insurance companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us on line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and
don't even want to try.

We have our own personal copies of Emily Perl Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat." We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it.

We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.

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Apr. 24, 2007

Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month. Being the mom of a son with Autism and another son with PDD-NOS has been a journey that I never thought of taking. It has been a ride, and continues to be, of growth, heartache and amazement.

My son drew Sponge Bob the other day. Now to many of you that may seem like nothing. But this is a boy who 7 months ago wouldn't pick up a pencil for anything and couldn't draw a circle and barely a straight line. Now he is writing his name and he drew me a picture of Sponge Bob! Right now its hanging on my fridge. I think I'm going to frame it and put it on my bedroom wall.

Do you know someone with Autism? If you don't now, you will. Autism effects one out of every 150 children born in this country. There is no known cause. There is no known cure. Moms and Dads all around this country have varying opinions as to the cause. Unfortunately no one I know of has found a cure.

This mom's opinion on the cause is mercury. Through my own research and observation, I believe that certain folks are more susceptible to autism and that the mercury in vaccines triggers the right combination for the devastating results. As for a cure, well, I haven't found one! I have found things that help, GFCF Diet, vitamins, ABA Therapy, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and various other forms of early intervention.

The biggest help for us has been our faith in the almighty, prayer and time. Taking time to be with our son and making everyday life his therapy of choice. Taking the extra effort to include him in our goings and doings around here. Not excluding him because of his disability. I believe this has been his biggest asset - us forcing him to take part in life. We haven't used him as an excuse to not do something, unless I was alone with him and all 4 of our kids and his safety would be of concern. That has been the only exception.

Do you know someone with autism? You do now. You know my son Noah.

Much Love - Janelle

PS - look for the home management series next!

Mar. 5, 2007

Can you say we're talking?!

I must give my son a giant Yahoo! for his incredible leap of progress as of late. In the last 3 weeks I have heard more and more 4 and 5 word sentences that were completely his own. It is so precious to see! Much like watching your first-born speek their first words and take their first steps. He has worked so hard to get to where he is. He still has a long way to go, but we will still rejoice in the moment of his triumph!

Tomorrow we will make a special dessert for dinner to celebrate his leaps with speech. I am so proud of him!

Janelle

Feb. 25, 2007

A 5-word sentence!

This is a Yahoo! moment. Friday night I went in to check on the kids after bedtime, and Noah says to me without me saying anything to him, "Mom, Noah ask for juice please." Wow! I was praising him left and right and got him some juice!

Its the little things that keep us going. :)

Janelle

Jan. 30, 2007

There's a fine line of discipline

We don't have cable tv. Without the cable you can't get any stations in where we are. We haven't had cable in over 12 years and we are happy with missing the smut of television. But there is the occasion that we hear of a tv show that is intriguing. It is this purpose and because my husband is a movie nut that we get Netflix.

Recently I have been watching Season 1 of "Super Nanny". Wow. What a show! I know that they purposely make the kids look worse than they are but wow! It is easy to compare your own abilities and kids to the ones under observation. Though many flaws exist in doing this, I still have come to the conclusion that I have pretty good kids!

The thing that intrigues me about Super Nanny is how she is consistent. It is often observed that consistency is the main reason for lack of childhood discipline in a home. As I have been watching, I have thought a lot about my own consistency or lack thereof with disciplining my children. It seems I go in waves of loving consistency with downright ignorance. I also see myself doing this with certain children too, but not necessarily all of them at the same time.

In particular I have noticed that I let my autistic son get away with so much more. I know this is wrong, but when he is backtalking, he is TALKING and INTERACTING! It is hard to discipline such a behavior when he is using speech and language appropriately, no matter how rude it is. Still I have come to the conclusion that the backtalk, no matter how cute it may seem at times must stop. I don't want my son, who already will have his challenges in life, being a brat too. He doesn't need anymore strikes against him.

We have seen a lot of good fruit come from bringing our children up like Michael and Debbie Pearl preach at their website 'No Greater Joy.' But their discipline tactics with Noah don't work. He doesn't understand the consequence of his actions. We have found that time outs and the 'naughty corner' do work with him, as Super Nanny promotes.

I just throw this out there to think about how you approach discipline with your special needs child. Discipline is a must for our children if they are to become active, viable adults. Lets not slack on this issue, even if it means thinking outside the box, for our special needs kids.

Janelle

Jan. 23, 2007

Thinking outside the box

First off I added a new counter to my blog. My old template had a counter and I was pushing 2,000 hits before I switched templates. I hope this new counter catches up to my old numbers soon!

I am also going to be adding a daily devotional, some pictures and some other links to speical needs blogs and sites.

Until then I want to write about thinking outside the box. Our current therapy focus is on writing. My son has come a long way with his writing. He would literally melt and slump into a ball at writing time. I had to think outside the box to get him interested.

It started with the sand table. Well, actually it had rice in it, but you get the picture. One sunny day I showed him how he could write letters in the rice. He thought that was pretty cool. From that we went to flour on a pan, then whip cream on a cookie sheet, and of course dirt works real well too (just keep it outside). Now he is writing quite a bit with a big old whiteboard and wipe-off markers. This is working for him. He has begun to write on paper and even with some lines but still he seems afraid of it. Taking a different approach is helping him to see that writing can be a lot of fun. We'll get to the lines eventually, we just had to start with some fun.

I hope thinking outside the box in your current area of challenge in homeschooling your speical kids will help. It took a lot of time, but it has proven to work for us.

Janelle

PS - I am working on starting a blog on home organization and planning! Keep checking back for updates.

Jan. 18, 2007

Making progress

There are times when I am homeschooling my son and I wonder what am I doing?! I can barely get the boy to focus on me and how can I get him to focus when the smallest thing distracts him? It can be frustrating at times.

It is moments like this that I just want to send him to school full time. I know that isn't the answer but sometimes it is really tempting. Its at those moments that I must remind myself why we are homeschooling. Get back to the roots of why we chose to do this in the first place. Are we afraid of the outside world? Are we sheltering our children too much? Why?

For some there answer to this question will be different than ours. Mainly we feel it is our duty to educate our children. We don't want to pass this duty onto someone else. But what if there is a special need? What if your son has autism and you wonder how you could do better than all those specialists with the masters degrees? It is at that point that faith comes in. Are we called to this? Yes. Is it Gods will? Yes. Is it easy? No way! Its darn right tough.

Yet in those tough moments we can get a glimmer of progress. Recently we've gotten that with our son. For months we have been fighting with handwriting. It got bad enough that I just quit attempting all together. Yet as of late I am seeing my son begin to pick up a marker or crayon on his own. He is drawing some and today he actually held a pencil. I was so happy! Oh wow! God is good.

Its those little moments that keep me going. It is the knowledge that yes, we are on track. We are in Gods will. We just must keep going, keep the pace, keep pursuing. Don't give up.

The homeschool walk with our special kids will be tough, no doubt. But lets keep striving for the prize. Keep on the road that God has laid out for you for at the end He will say, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.'

Janelle

Oct. 5, 2006

A long time coming

This post is a long time coming. Not just because its been way too long since I posted on my blog but because I have some long-time news to share.

My dh and I have been reading a lot of Dave Ramsey materials over the last year. If you know anything about his ministry, you know that he is all about getting folks out of debt. Well Dave, guess what?! We are paying off the rest of our credit cards and car payment this next week! Yahoo! We still aren't debt free, but we are working on it. As Dave would say we are gazelle intense.

It is an exciting thing to feel confident in your future finacial planning and to know you are using God's provision well. It has truely been a long time coming!

Now onto special needs. So far the school year is going okay. My oldest autistic son, who is six, is giving me some school grief. He does pretty well when I am working with him one-on-one, but not so well in the group. It'll get better with time, so I'll keep chugging along. Its not so bad that I'm ready to try another approach or anything its just a time thing.

We are leaning towards getting our boys a big table with a wood train set on it for Christmas. Last year we got them a small set just to see if they would like it. Well they really do so we may move onto the bigger set. Plus it has storage under the table for all the pieces and they can leave it set up in their room.

Its late, and I'm tired so I'll end here. Hopefully I'll blog more next week.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Janelle

May. 23, 2006

Its the big 5th birthday!

Today is my autistic son's birthday. He is a big 5 year old today! Yahoo! I can remember when we he was first diagnosed at just over 2, and all I could think about was getting him to do x, y, and z by age 5. This was drone into us by therapists and specialists who declared that early intevention was our best treatment and that after age 5 it was harder for kids to 'change' their behaviors.

Now, knowing more through the last 2.8 years, I have learned that yes, early intervention is key but life doesn't end for an autistic child at age 5. I have seen plenty of kids in my circle of friends that have blossomed after age 5.

When we were getting our child started in 0 to 3 program, our family coordinator asked us what future we saw for our son. I remember looking at this sweet Christian gal and saying, "I simply can't look past the age of 5 right now." The question was a good one, because it got my husband and I thinking about the long term and that yes, there is hope. Even so every aspect of our lives with our son and his therapy was all wrapped around the age of becoming 5.

So being 5 and having autism are a big deal. Have we met our goals? Is our son where we thought he would be? Will he lead a 'normal' life? I don't know. I don't know all the answers but I do know he will lead the life that God had intended for him, and he has thus far been a great blessing and joy to us. God has used him to teach our family and many others of our acquaintance about hope, patience, compassion and joy. Joy in the common things of hearing a child say, "I love you mom", and saying it all by himself.

Noah is progressing nicely. He is talking and moreso with his own words and thoughts. He is engaging in some types of normal play. He does better in social situations. He is interacting with others more and more. Yes, his is doing well.

For those of you at the beginning of this journey, don't get wrapped around getting it 'done' by the age of 5. This is a lifelong journey, so enjoy the walk along the way.

Tomorrow I'll blog about how the birthday party went!

Janelle

May. 22, 2006

Please pray for Stefani Shultz and her children

http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=jeffschultz

Here is a link to the Shultz family. They are a homeschooling family with some special needs kids. Stefani's husband Jeff went on to glory within the last few days. They are a neat family. Please keep them in your prayers.

Janelle

Apr. 19, 2006

Oh my aching arms!

The last few days have been warm and bright here in Western Washington. I have had the task of getting our lawn in order.

Before this week, we were being drenched in rain. That is pretty normal for around here, especially in the spring. Even so it was getting warmer and my grass was getting very long!

I got the lawn weed eated and mowed up but it took some minor tune-ups to both machines. I was able to do it all myself though which was nice!

Boy though, are my arms so sore and tired today! Its just another example of how much I need to start working out again.

With all of this fine weather I am finding the homeschooling days, at least in the bookwork sense, are getting shorter. We are all outside enjoying the weather and working in the yard. Its good for all of us, but I must admit sometimes I suffer from the homeschool mom guilt complex. I am not a total unschooler, but I also am not a strict by-a-schedule schooler either. We fall in the middle somewhere. It works for us, but of course like everyone else I fall into the were-not-doing-enough trap.

I need to learn how to deal with these feelings better as I know when our son is home full time beginning in June, that our flow will change again. I need to rest in God's grace that He will guide me and teach me how to make everyone get what they need, when they need it.

It is a scary thing, jumping into homeschooling a special needs child. I know, without a doubt, that we are doing the right thing. But I still get somewhat anxious at times.

It doesn't help that some of my well-meaning friends (these are ladies in a support group I attend of moms with special-needs kids), are all a bit freaked out that we are not going to keep our son in the school system. Even so, God is using it to shine his light. I have had four opportunities now to share our convictions in our faith and how that is the main reason we are bringing Noah home. I hope the Lord is planting lots of seeds. I pray, Lord, and by your grace, bring these ladies to You!

Tomorrow I will talk some about the great neurodevelopmental program we are using called CAN-DO. Its a therapy program designed for special needs kids, so that the parents can keep them at home.

Janelle