Play Happy - Formally The Special Needs Homeschool Family

One of my favorite blogs is at Large Family Logistics. Kim has had a blog connected to her retail store there for some time. I have learned so much from Kim over the years. She is the one who taught me to assign a task to each day of the week. Even though I have always been organized, her system streamlined my thinking of when to do what.

Kim and her family have really been through some challenges over the last few months. Her baby was born premature and they were in the ICU at a hospital away from home for months. Thankfully God is faithful and good and they are home now with their healthy new baby, though he has premie issues to still overcome.

Because of all of these challenges and refocus in her life, she has shut down her store and her blog. I will miss learning from her. She had a great way of sharing Jesus with such compassion mixed with repentance.

Kim still has lots of saved posts and her home organizing system still up. Check out her site at Large Family Logistics.

I have been a visitor of many other blogs that have since been shut down, but this one really hits me. Kim, if you ever read this, know that you have touched my heart and blessed my family.

Janelle

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"I think a life in music is a life beautifully spent and this is what I have devoted my life to. " Luciano Pavarotti

Have you ever heard an angel sing? Have you ever listened to the sound of God's voice in song? Many think of a woman's voice when they think of an angel singing. I think of Pavarotti.

His voice spoke power. His voice spoke softness with strength. He seemed to be able to sing anything, anytime, with anyone. He could make the hair stand up on the back of your neck with fear and trembling, and a minute later cry like a child. His voice held the muscle to move mountains even if they were only the mountains in ones heart. Often those mountains were bigger than the physical ones around us.

I will miss my friend Pavarotti. Though I admit I haven't listened to him in a long, long time, there was a time in my life when he was a dear friend. He kept me company when I was alone in college and he was my secret opera star in high school.

Thank you Lord for giving us a glimpse of what the angels must sound like. Thank you for Pavarotti. I hope he knew you, because one day in Heaven I'd like to sing next to him.

Janelle

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A while back I blogged about Joel and his struggle to survive. Joel went home to Jesus earlier this week. You can read his update here: http://www.weloveyoujoel.blogspot.com/

I was touched by this little boy and his family. He really yanked at my heart. Maybe because I also have a 3 1/2 year old and Joel looked like him some. I can only imagine the pain and feeling of loss his family is going through. They have been couragous to fight for Joel and I know that the Lord will say on their day in glory, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

Please keep them in your prayers. Little Joel is with Jesus now, free of pain and illness, and is waiting in glory to be reunited with his family! What a day that will be.

Janelle

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We have had some hard days here lately. Bad attitudes from everyone, myself included. It has not been fun. Yesterday was particurally hard. It was one of those days that you wish you weren't a mom because you were doing such a bad job at it. You know, one of those days you pray that God will forgive you for and that He'll make your children forget. Just bad. I was so glad when it was over and I and everyone else was in bed.

Today has been better. Part of this was because my own attitude was changed. The Lord used one of my favorite magazines, TEACH (www.teachmagazine.com) to convict me of my ways. During naptime yesterday I went into my room and just cried. Cried because I knew I was on my own that day, as my husband would be working late. Cried because I had a bad head cold and felt awful. Cried because my emotions were ruling me instead of me ruling them. God was gracious enough to let me cry and answered me as I cried out for HELP! SOS! I NEED YOU! Okay, I'm weak, so you can be strong through me now - I claim Phillipians 4:13 in my life God - so make it so!

God delivered and he delivered quick. Usually He makes us wait you know, so I was so happy He delivered me quickly. Right after my good cry, I went out to get the mail. My TEACH magazine was waiting for me. Yahoo! I knew that would brighten my day. It not only brightned it, it brought conviction and an answer to my cry for help. The first two articles completely answered my prayers in regards to some issues with our children. It was so simple, yet I couldn't come to that conclusion without the Lord's leading. It was awesome.

Today is a better day. God is good, guiding me through. And tomorrow will be a good day too, because no matter what, God will be with me to point me in the right direction.

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You know there are some gifts that you just don't ask for. Sure a special needs child would be one of them. But that is not the realm I'm talking about today.

It could be some thing you don't need or even like, such as a hawaiian shirt. Sure its good for a laugh but do you really like it?! Um, that would be a 'no' from me.

Or, it could be a movie that you have heard is inappropriate or offensive, but from the giver they wouldn't think that.

These types of gifts are annoying but ya know, you just pass them on or better yet, throw them away.

I'm talking about the gifts that won't go away. Take my gift. My gift is the Song Of The Lord. Now for those of you who don't know what that is, its when God imparts or edifys his church through song and uses you to do it.

This isn't a gift I asked for or even particurally wanted. Sure, I may have the musical skills and talent (also a gift) to make it happen, but that doesn't mean I want to do it.

Having this gift is like sticking your neck out there like a chicken does for slaughter. It requires total trust in what the Spirit is doing in you, without getting in its way. It requires obedience, trust and yeah, the ability to make a fool out of yourself.

You see when God decides to impart this gift on someone, He won't leave you alone with it. He keeps pressing you with the Spirit, in the Word and lets those around you know and speak into your life. Its not fun. Its a growing, changing thing. Its a molding thing.

Now that changing thing is all good and dandy when you hear it happening to someone else, or you can do that in the privacy of your own home. But when God says, "Hey, get up on that stage and do this in front of everyone you know!" well, then your in for some humbling.

I can't remember the first time God gave me a song. It was maybe 2+ years ago. It seemed just like a one-time thing, and folks were touched by it. Cool - so you go on your way. But then He brings another and another and....Well, then you have this gift. Now you wonder what in the world you are to do with it. So you pray. You fight God over it. You make a fool of yourselves a few times and folks mock you. You get council. You fight it some more. And, yes, finally you surrender to it.

Thank the good Lord I am at the surrender part. I'm at the point I can say, okay I have an audience of one. That one is Jesus and Him alone. If He wants me to sing, so be it. If the gal in the back mocks me then that's her problem.

I can finally say, okay, I will be a fool for you Jesus. I sure don't want to be, but I will do it because I love You more than I love the way that guy in the middle row looks at me. I can be the fool. I can be the mockery. Its okay.

So what I've found is that the more I'm learning to submit fully to God in this area, the less like a fool I am looking. That is good. Even so, its really hard to know God wants you to sing and play, but all He gives you is one word or a short phrase. You've gotta trust Him. You've gotta play some chord, listen to the spirit and put your face in the mic and be at peace with whatever God has you sing.

Its a learning walk. I know from the covering of my husband and our pastors that God is using it. I know from the women who come up to me crying, saying God answered their prayer through the music. I know that my God will do great things in my weakness, because baby, this ain't from me!

Janelle

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A friend of mine wrote this post on the freedom in being in God's will and not letting go of stuff. Since I've been touching on that subject lately, I thought I would share her post here (with permission of course!). - Janelle

One of the songs that rings in my head is from Robin Mark's CD, "Revival in Belfast".  It is called, "Jesus, All For Jesus".  It was our theme song for the retreat.  The Chorus goes, "For it's only in your will that I am free."
    

The Lord has been working the concept of Freedom into my life with a whole new revelation this last year.  In this new found freedom in Christ I am finding a deeper joy in my marriage, homeschooling, mothering and discipleship.  The Lord is still working it into my life and I am sure there will continue to be changes, but the process it wonderful.
    

I am reading "God Smuggler" by Brother Andrew to the children.
He went to war and totally turned from his roots of faith.  He got wounded and was in the hospital for a long while.  Sister Patrice, one of the caretakers, tells him a story of how the natives catch monkeys.
      "

Well you see, the natives know that a monkey will never let go of something he wants even if it means losing his freedom.  So here's what they do.  They take a coconut and make a hole in one end just big enough for a monkey's paw to slip through.  Then they drop a pebble into the hole and wait in the bushes with a net.
    

Sooner or later a curious old fellow will come along.  He'll pick up that coconut shell and rattle it.  He'll peer inside.  And then at last he'll slip his paw into the hole and feel around until he gets hold of that pebble.  But when he tries to bring it out, he finds that he can not get his paw through the hole without letting go.  And Andy, that monkey will never let go of what he thinks is a prize.  It's the easiest thing in the world to catch a fellow who acts like that."
    

"Sister Patrice got up and put the chair back by the table.  She paused for a moment and looked me, (Brother Andrew), straight in the eye.  "Are you holding on to something, Andrew?  Something that's keeping you from your freedom?"
    

Brother Andrew leaves the war and goes home.  He continues going his own way until a revival meeting.  He and his friend were super drunk and were heckling the whole meeting.  The Minister started a song directed toward them about "Let My People Go."  Brother Andrew then tells of his conversion night.  He laid in bed, with the cold wind blowing.  He says, "There were many voices in that wind.  I heard sister Patrice. "The monkey will never let go...." I heard the singing under the big tent. "Let my people go..."
    

"What was it I was hanging on to?  What was it that was hanging on to me?  What was standing between me and freedom?"
    

He finally prays, "Lord, if You will show me the way, I will follow You, Amen."  "It  was a simple as that."
    

The world tries to offer all kinds of "pebbles" to attract our curiosity as women and mothers.  There is always something to lure us from our calling as a wife and mother.  We grab on tight and don't want to let go.  It makes us feel "good", fulfilled.  It's kudos and applause, not snotty noses and sleepless nights.  It is the wide road that seems to be right.  After all, it is what the majority do, Christian or not. 
    

My husband and I go for walks along the Snoqualmie trail.  When we start out the road seems a bit drab and you look way down the road and it seems to narrow, in fact, you can't even see the final destination.  However,  we keep walking straight ahead, keeping our eyes on where we are heading.  When we get there, what seemed like a narrow, very constrictive path,  is a beautiful WIDE river, flowing freely.
    

To me this is the perfect picture of obedience.  As we follow the Lord's will for our lives,  committing EVERY area to HIM, it may seem like bondage or it may mean letting go of control. But, as we walk in the Spirit, we begin to drop the pebbles of our own idealism and expectations.  Soon each step of obedience brings us closer to that peaceful flow of the unforced rhythms of grace.  We find we have loosened our grip and our heart and minds slides out of the fleshly hole.  FREEDOM, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.
    

So, I say to myself and well as challenge you,  What are you holding onto?  What is standing between you and your freedom in Christ.  Let go now!!

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Sometimes I see families, big or small, and all of their children are healthy. No one has ongoing medical issues, delays, or whatever - pick your issue.

Now we all know that the surface view is not the real one. Folks have problems, yes, but I can't help but wonder when I see families like that is why me and not them Lord? Why did you pick our family for special needs and disclude others? I don't get it.

Its at those times that God reminds me of His will. Stay in His will. Stay focused on the Lord. He is in charge. He knows what is best for me and it is there that I belong.

This little story blessed me when I read it. I hope it blesses you too.

Written by Erma Bombeck Published in the Today Newspaper Sept. 4th, 1993

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments forpropagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.

"Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.

" Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations." "I will permit her to see clearly the things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

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I sometimes refer to children as flowers. I love flowers for sure. I have never wanted fewer flowers and ever since the birth of my first daughter, I have pretty much never wanted fewer children. Sure I went through my normal "I'm pregnant and you couldn't pay me to do that again" stages, but every time practically to the minute that my child was born, I was wanting another.

I have hard pregnancies and that contributed a lot to my bad attitude during the pregnancies, which I regret now.

All of this brings me to the topic of adoption. I am still praying for more children to come from old me, but in the meantime we are considering adoption. There is a great ministry in our part of the state called Antioch Adoptions. Do a search and check them out. It is a church ministry, nearly or completely free of charge, to get kids into good homes.

Something also that I'd love to see everyone help out with is the prevention of child trafficking. Here is a good blog that can give you lots of information on this subject. http://dollymama.blogspot.com/2006/03/how-you-can-help-stop-child.html

If you can't or don't feel lead to adopt, then there are other ways to help out the helpless. Helping to release children from trafficking is a great place to start.

Short blog tonight - I have lots on my mind.

Blessings and pray for the children with no home tonight! - Janelle

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I talked again with the special ed director at our local school today. She wanted to ask about our upcoming IEP and had some questions about our son.

It was an interesting conversation. I got to share our 'whys' in reference to bringing our son home. God used it, I think, to ease her mind. I reassured her it has nothing to do with their program, etc., but that we were simply doing what we believed God intended for our family. I got to throw a lot of faith in there. I hope they see Jesus through it all. If anything, I'd love for some seeds to be planted in the lives of others through this experience with my son.

It isn't uncommon to wonder "WHY" when you have a special needs kid. Having two I at times feel overwhelmed. Having four kids born in 5 years was a lot in and of itself. But then to throw autism and ADHD into the picture just complicated the recipe. Sometimes I've wanted to say, "Lord, I ordered a green salad, plain. I didn't order a Chinese Chicken Salad plus the dressings, hold the oil."

Simple. I wanted it just so, like my own little present, all perfect. But God had other plans. Bigger plans. Plans to make me grow, to stretch me, to build my faith in Him.

This verse has always spoken to me when I start with the 'why God' questions. "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Phil. 4:11-13

Then when I'm just starting to feel resolve I'll remember my online friends who have 3 autistic sons, along with a bunch of other kids, and their homeschooling too. I know my situation could be so much harder. The grass is not always greener.

When I being to come out of my pout I am reminded of this verse: "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes. 5:17-19. Here is the kicker in this verse: FOR IT IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU....God's will for me. God's will that I had 4 kids in 5 years (and am praying for more!). God's will that I have a daugther with ADHD. God's will that I have a son with pretty severe Autism. God's will.

Who's will do I want to be in?! My own? NO WAY! I want to be in God's! So if its God's will that this is my life, then by golly I'm giving him thanks! I will praise Him and thank Him through every trail, circumstance and victory!

Its just a big lesson. A lesson in being thankful for where you are, who you are, and for what God is doing in your life. Thankful for this day that He has made, for the blessings of my children, my husband, and to hold everyone of them dear. Time is fleeting so enjoy the moment.

Okay - I must admit - I like Chineese Chicken Salad, but maybe, throw in the oil too.

Janelle

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