Posted in Ponderings

We were sick last week, & I happened to catch it this time. When I'm sick my appetite & sugar cravings typically go way down, & that's what happened. I can tell I'm feeling better though, because I was very hungry today. The babies are nursing a lot still, & I think that again, I need to drink more water. I'm often just so thirsty, especially with my bad throat right now. But now that I've kind of broken down the bad sugar cravings, I hope to keep them under control. I hope!

I also have to remember to take my vitamins... I'm still having little aches & pains here & there; signs of inflammation. I think if I gave up wheat that may help; it has in past.

My Bible readings are more consistent than they were, but I've missed 3 days of the challenge. I remember & pick it back up again, so I'm glad about the challenge, because it's kept me going. I don't get much, if any, quiet time. I've started taking my laptop to bed, & sometimes I can get an hour or two of things done while it's more quiet. Tonight I got my reading in that way. I'm still thinking of adding in more of a study, along with my daily reading through the Bible schedule (maybe that's a bit ambitious). Either way, the daily readings & daily prayers are very strengthening.

I love Children of Destiny (can you tell?). I have been on their email list for a while now, & the daily prayers addressing all of our different needs, some that don't even occur to me to pray for, have been a huge blessing. This keeps me in daily prayer specifically for my two severe kiddos. The Autism Awareness Month prayers have been a blessing as well, & I'm happy to be posting them daily on this blog & my main blog, I Can Do All Things...Phi 4:13. It's awesome to know there may be lots more people out there praying, not just for all the children, but the whole situation, which I feel is really a huge spiritual battle needing this tremendous prayer thrust.

Posted in Ponderings

Things are quite dicey lately...

Big Guy is having meltdowns, Little Guy is breaking out in rashes & getting die off of the viral & yeasty kind, Storyman & Butterfly are chattering away endlessly (which is great as my other 2 are non verbal but being overly verbal can be trying as well!), & the Ladybugs are very cranky with their new teeth coming in & trying to learn new developmental skills such as sitting up & crawling...

AND I fried my laptop... more on that in my other blog, but I dumped coffee on the keyboard. And it's fried. Fried, fried, fried! I hope we can get it fixed. Hubby is calling Dell to come by; it probably won't be covered under warranty though. Ugh.

I sometimes forget my vitamins but I'm trying to be consistent. I've recently added tumeric, my Armour Thyroid, biotin, & the liquid D to my list. I can't say I feel much better yet, but I haven't cleaned up my diet well enough to judge. I find I can take lots of great supps but if I don't eat right they can't do their job well. With the added stress & strain here lately I just haven't applied myself enough to, well, me.

By applying myself to "me" I just mean maybe a little beyond basic care. I get some basic care; although I haven't had a professional haircut in 1-1/2 years. (I hate haircuts though; it's a curly hair thing). I'd like to eat better, but I grab & I comfort. Not good. Typically what's quick, easy, & comforting is not good for me.

I don't really need to "get out". I don't mind not going anywhere, not having vacations, not doing "dates" with the husband, or homeschooling events or mom's night out stuff. They'd be nice but it's not on the ticket right now. I'd like to have more family stuff with all of us, but that just isn't altogether possible. I'm hoping it won't be forever. Seems like I've been hoping that for a long time though...

I also wish I could have more individual "good" time with each kiddo. Not the "quality time" stuff, just good time. Good RDI interchanges with my autie boys, good activity or reading time with all, enjoy a nice, quiet nursing gazing at my lovely babies without being interrupted by quarrelling kiddos...

I think I do have kind of a unique situation with the variety of special needs, ages, abilities, etc, so I just wish there were more of me to go around!

I guess I must apply Phi 4:13 more...

Posted in Ponderings

Not keeping certain foods in the house is a very good thing to do. Sometimes I've found that I'm just really thirsty, so some filtered water helps (helps the milk supply too). Then other times reaching for a protein or a piece of fruit helps. I did my online shopping again & we'll pick it up later. The list is all our staples, nothing "extra" except some Fig Neumans that a couple of the kiddos enjoy. They're actually quite good (like a healthier version of the standard Fig Newton) & satisfy just fine with one or two.

Lately I've been very down about some personal matters. It's quite difficult feeling completely alone in this journey, with no interest from one who of all people should be very interested. Financial matters are always a huge concern, & that's quite understandable. I can only put those matters into the Lord's Hands. There's direct involvement needed, to truly make things work. There's an attitude of unconditional love & acceptance, & a lack of care for other's opinions needed as well. Patience & care for other's feelings is a must. These children are up against the world, & I feel like I'm all they have sometimes.

I read a book to the children everyday, a little at a time, & it talks a lot about "dying to self". We have no rights & we have nothing; it's all God's. We have to give it all to Him. Meekness is essential in keeping up a relationship, even when it's not mutual. Depending on who we are dealing with, & how much we have to deal with that person, this is a monumental task. With another Christian, they may find conviction when responded to with meekness, however, when dealing with non-Christians, this is not always the case. Having felt punched in the proverbial gut too many times leaves one downtrodden & dejected. There are some I have had to separate from, & keep healthy distances... but there are others I cannot do this with. Presently the problem is how to press on in such a situation & try to meet it in a godly way (which I have not been doing). Paul learned to be happy in all circumstances; so must I...

Posted in Ponderings

The other day I was doing my online food shopping. It's not a luxury here; it's a necessity! I don't have to go into the store which I just cannot with 6 kiddos, 2 autistic & 2 babies. So I pick out everything online, schedule a pick up time & they bring it to my van. They also carry many of the special allergy free foods we need & organics. It's lovely; a real blessing.

Anyway, the bakery has this really yummy peach crumb pie & I had a craving for it. It usually comes warm - wow... I knew I probably should not order it, as it's just too yummy first of all, but it has some dairy too so that's not the best for me or my nurslings. Well, I had these "nudging" feelings; you know the kind, when God is saying "No, don't do that." Then sometimes we listen, & sometimes, well...

I sort of half heartedly did go ahead & order it, not feeling particularly good about it but wanting it anyway.  Sort of a thought came to me in the back of my mind, a "well hopefully they won't put it in the bag or something" but I really didn't want that to happen haha!

I spoke to them that morning & the list was set. The pie was on my computer printout so that meant it was on the order. I left with my kiddos to pick up everything.

After everything was loaded I realized she had not handed me a pie. They typically tell me because it's warm & they don't want it bouncing all over the trunk, so I would put it in the front, with the eggs. That didn't happen. The clerk went back into the store as the order was complete & we were all packed up.

Before we left I checked the receipt, & the pie was not on there, anywhere! So I didn't get it & wasn't billed for it!

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit (inside)... even though I still wanted the pie!  I guess I was saved from myself!

Posted in Ponderings

So happy February here... my first entry this month on this blog. Thought I abandoned it before it even got started, huh?  Nope, I'm still here!

A lot of lessons seem to be pointing in the same direction for me lately. I've been reading a book to my kiddos lately called Making Brothers & Sister Friends by Sarah, Stephen, & Grace Mally. It's really an amazing read, considering the kids wrote it, while being kids together. The two were a bit older, but still, these are siblings in the midst of being, well, siblings, which isn't so easy!  It's a lot easier to look back & say this is how it should have been done, but they were in the middle of it still at the time of the writing.

We've gotten to a section on humility. They are saying this is the basis for every good relationship. A lot of problems I've had with people in the past, mostly "BC" (before Christ, in other words, before being saved), had to do a lot with pride. Not just mine, but still, if someone doesn't get over it nothing is going to give. I've been taught to "get over it" several times. Still, I struggle with this issue a lot.

My son found this to be a tough nut to swallow. Back down? When he knows he's right??? How can God ever expect him to do that???? Well, I know He does, but frankly I need work on this as well. It is a tough nut, but it can really soften & bring me closer to the Lord when I practice this. It doesn''t feel right at first, but then Satan really wants us to always stand up for ourselves, & make sure our right are known! However, this is not God's way. It's certainly my human instinct & first response however.

What about apologizing? I require this from my children, even toward each other, however, do I always practice this necessary act as a Christian? Well, , not really... I do apologize to my children. As much as I don't want to, I do. It doesn't feel good to start, but when I see their reactions I know it's the right thing to do. With adults, such as hubby, it's a lot tougher for some reason. Perhaps it's fear of a possible rejection, or "eat crow" type feeling. Whatever it is they're just excuses & I need to get on with it because as a Christian it's the right thing to do.

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Storyman has kind of a habit of doing things that are good & reporting them to me. He also tends to like to say he's proud of himself for such & such thing that he did.

Matthew 6:1-4 1 “Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. 3 But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.^"

It's important for us to remember we're not doing good for other people's reactions, we're doing good for Him, because of what He did for us.

I told him it's okay to feel good about things we do that are right but we shouldn't get "puffed up", as they say in the Thomas series. We should always remember it's only through the Lord that we're able to do anything. I have to remember that too. Sometimes I'll get that "Wow, I got all that done today, great!", feeling, however, right after I remember my life verse & title of my main blog:

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Then there's an immediate, "I didn't do anything" feeling! I can't do anything without Him. I also then remember all the things I didn't do, quite possibly because I'm still not relying on Him enough to carry me through the day.

Even my other blog has made me evaluate these feelings. Why am I blogging? Do I want some sort of "credit" for this? Do I want attention? I enjoy it, yes. I like to spread the word about autism & its effects on the children & family. I like to write. I enjoy sharing pictures & family happenings. I do enjoy others good feedback when I get it. I have enjoyed a few awards. However, I have to keep in mind that I want the blog to honor Him, & I have to let it be His. I can't do it without Him, so it's His. In fact I changed the heading above the award from "Awards" , to "Thank you!". I am thankful & should be.

I'm not entitled to any of it. Everything in my life is His. If I keep that in mind I won't be "performing" for others; I'll be watching everything I do making sure it's something He wants to do for me & something that will be pleasing to Him. It's called "dying to self". It's something I need to practice a lot more. It's something He's working on in me & I am thankful for that. I need it!

My Bible reading lately has been about David. What an incredible person; one of the best in terms of being close to God, being His, following Him, His servant... yet so very humble. The book we've been reading also mentions many other great Biblical people who practiced humility such as Job, Isaiah, Daniel, John the Baptist, John the disciple, etc. Jesus taught the greatest humility when He humbled Himself to die on a cross for me.  When I think of that, well, gee whiz, who am I that I need credit for anything!?

Posted in Ponderings

I'm still milking this virus or whatever it is; there's a 1/2 cap lysine here from when I was splitting this for someone so I may take that tonight. I have not taken my vits yet; lately I've been putting it off until evening which I don't really like. It's so much nicer to have them all down in the AM, but there's just too much to do then & I don't get to it. I think I'd be able to get over it quicker if I could sleep at night, but there's just too much nursing going on these days!

My day starts out with supplement mixing for 4 kiddos, while hopefully my Ladybugs (twin baby girls) stay quiet for me (which doesn't always happen!). Then it's breakfast making & administering all the supplements, cleaning up, trying to get something into myself, computer time, & onto homeschooling. Needless to say, I'm quite tired by then, but I'm tired just getting out of bed these days!

One thing the virus has done for me is curbed my hunger. I have to still make sure I eat enough for nursing two, but it's been nice to not be SO hungry, SO much of the time. It's also made me extremely thirsty. It might be the extra nursing going on these days (teething), the mouth breathing from being so stuffed up, the dry heat here, or all of the above. But it's made it a lot easier to get that water drinking done.

I'm extremely tired & when this tired it's tough to keep the head above water, so I'm trying to keep that in perspective right now. These difficult periods tend to pass, although the autism thing here doesn't pass, but there are times I'm physically & emotionally stronger to deal with it. Right now I'm neither too well, so I guess the best thing I can do is pull closer to the Lord & do the best I can health wise, even if it's just the bare minimum right now. I have a book coming in that's been highly recommended to me, so I will blog on that when it comes.

This morning I wondered why the Lord wants me to go it alone most of the time. It really bothered me at one point because there's not really anyone I can lean on. I've been reading a great book with my children & they've been discussing how we can't see the big picture, only God can. So we can only do the best we can in our present situation, day by day, minute by minute, & leave Him to work out the plan. I don't know what's coming in the future, how I affect others in my behavior during these difficult times, & how He will continue to use me if I am listening, staying close & allowing Him to grow me. So I have to keep that in mind as I press through, with His strength, not mine (because I don't have it). I also believe He wants me relying on Him, not others, & He will bring in others when He feels it's time to provide.

2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Posted in Ponderings

I don't like resolutions. I've never kept them. For the past few years I've decided I would read my Bible through in a year, following a schedule. Let's just say I'm waaaaaaay ahead for this year... But I did have some goals in my mind for this year. So far I've missed the mark quite a bit.

I wanted to read my Bible everyday. I would like to do a Bible study. It would have to be done alone, since I don't get out much & don't have a church. But that's okay. I still haven't done either of those. I wanted to drink the minimum requirement of water for me, 64oz, daily, & take my vitamins daily. I've missed that a bit as well, although getting better. Generally, as far as caring for everyone & everything, I'm last on the list. Actually, lately, I haven't even been making it onto the list!

The stress & strain are showing. Six kiddos - my oldest is severely autistic, non verbal, vaccine injured as a baby. Second & third aspie (asperger's) type kiddos. My 2yo, breaks my heart, he's on the spectrum. He lost any language he had developed his first year after weaning. The antibiotics & anti inflammatories & steroids he had his first year did him in. He's definitely got systemic yeast. He's acting like my oldest, with some twists, & it's hurting me terribly lately.

I'm working so hard at the biomed, wanting so much for something to make a difference for them. I want them healed. But nothing is without bumps in the road. My baby twins; they make me smile just when I need it. They're teething & needy. I wish I had all day to cater to them, but there's so much to do. They get a lot of mommy though. I'm beyond tired lately, both physically & emotionally.

There's improving my diet, healing my own candida; these things would help. The EBV (Epstein Barr Virus) is flaring a bit on me lately, but that figures with the lack of attention I've been giving my diet. Weight loss is needed, but would be gravy, because right now I've really got to aim for health.

Discipline - obedience - those were my other goals, for me! I need to follow the Lord closer. I'm definitely going downhill the more time I allow myself to not pull closer.

I've got a lot to do. Maybe one thing at a time, one day at a time...