Lesson 7:
Before: It rained all week during our camping trip.
After: All week, we had to sit in our tents with nothing to do and listen to the patter of the rain on the tent roof continually! It was so bad that I never want to go camping again!
Before: Katie saw a scary sea creature at the aquarium.
After: Katie went to the aquarium and saw this sea creature that gave her the shivers! It was dark red with orange spots on its back. It was about five feet long, and it had triangular bumps on it face. It made a low-pitched moan when it was mad. Katie had to plug her nose because it smelled horrid! Katie would describe it as the smell of rotten eggs.
Before: As I entered the cave, I found the object of my search-the lost treasure chest of the Ancients!
After: When I stepped into the cave, my eyes had to adjust to the dark but when they did, I saw the treasure chest that I had labored so hard to find! It was rusty brown, but when I opened it, I was blinded by the color of the gold! Inside there was diamonds and jewels, gold, silver that gleaned so bright it was blinding! When I got to the bottom, I found a map to another treasure on the island! I was so excited that I ran out of the cave and called to my team to help me sort through it all.
Amy | 
Dec. 28, 2007 - Untitled Comment
The Ancients chest was easy to see in my mind, "...I was blinded by the color of gold...." "...rusty brown..."
And congratulations. You took the two dead words "mad" and "horrid" and gave them new life when you added the showing words to them. Nicely done. If you had left "mad" and "horrid" standing alone I would have pounced on you. LOL
As it is, you crafted some great sentences.
And sorry...yes...you have to wait another week for the next lesson. But you can be working on your story, you know. Go back and review your character charts and see if you can't spark a story using the characters you created. Or...have you already started it? I can't keep track of all your stories!