Jan. 4, 2008 - Fabulous!

Posted by skmarlow

This is fabulous, Amy! A wonderful story about a gold nugget come to life. I felt like I was the gold nugget. I heard, saw, and felt what it must be like to be ripped away from my old home and into a stranger's hand. Well done! Since your writing skills are excellent, I now have an assignment for you. I want you to take this Gold Nugget story and FIX the mechanics. This means indent for paragraphs, indent for the dialogue (show me you've learned about dialogue), and in general make this story look like it would if you were reading it from a book. I know you can go in and edit your post. I wait anxiously to see the REVISION. As for content, you don't need to change anything about the story. It's excellent. But really, Amy! Running it all together in one paragraph? Hmmmm.....I know you know how to set it up right. :-)

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Jan. 4, 2008 - Hi Amy!

Posted by Brenna13

Awesome story! Thanks for visiting me!!!! This is AWESOME! I love this template/blog!

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Jan. 4, 2008 - Much better

Posted by skmarlow

This is much better, and I do understand about the HSB posts. Sometimes things don't look like you want them to. So....I'll show you how I would punctuate it and you see if that's what you had in mind. I think it is very close to what it should be. (comments don't let you indent, so I will put a space between what I think should be paragraphs, OK?) Every day I lay in the stream waiting for the man to find me. He spent hours searching but only got gold dust. His wife had tried too, but the searches were all in vain. One day, as I was rocked back and forth by the tiny waves, I saw the little boy coming towards my part of the stream. He sat down a few inches away from me and started to dig through the dirt, imitating his father and mother. Suddenly, his chubby hand reached down and grabbed me! It was the most frightening experience I had ever gone through! I could no longer see the glorious sunlight I had learned to love. I no longer felt free like I had in my cool bed of rocks. This chubby hand was hot, and dark! Then, the boy opened his hand and I could see the warm sun again. I wasn’t so scared then. I could hear the boy mumbling something about how beautiful I was and then we got up and jiggled and jolted and bumped and jumped along until he reached his parents. “Mommy look at the pretty rock I found!” I heard the boy say. Then there was a lot of commotion and I couldn’t tell what anybody was saying. There were shouts of excitement, more jiggling and jostling, and then more shouts of excitement. Once they quieted down a little, I heard the dad say something about how he couldn’t believe that his four-year-old boy had found a huge chunk of gold, when he himself had been searching for days! The sun disappeared again for a long, long time.

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