My Storys - Lesson 5 of Writing Workshop

My Storys

Jan. 28, 2008

Lesson 5 of Writing Workshop

Lesson 5:

Character: Joanne Anderson ( Jo )
Emotion: Happy

Jo got up from her bed on her birthday and got dressed then went down stairs. "Hey come here" her brother yelled in her ear. "I have a surprise for you"! He led her out to the barn and she saw a horse. "Is that for me"? She asked. She felt her heart starting to pound. and she jumped up and down in excitement! I will call her Thunderbolt. Jo thought, patting the her glossy neck.

Another character: Penny
Emotion: Uneasiness

While walking through the woods with Jo, Penny pricked up her ears and stoped. "What's the matter girl?" said Jo. Jo didn't see a hunter with a gun while Penny was stamping her feet. Jo looked where Penny was looking. Jo laughed out loud nervously when she saw what Penny was looking at. "Oh it's all right!" she said to Penny. "It is just a hunter or someone walking through the woods!" she said her voice shaking. Penny still began to shy away and shake her mane.

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Comments

Jan. 29, 2008 - Lesson 5

Posted by skmarlow

Nice job, Bethany. You showed Suzanna's feelings with her jumping up and down and her pounding heart. It is so much better in your stories to show your character's feelings rather than just say, "Suzanna was happy when she saw her new horse." I hope you will use this in your REAL story.

If you are feeling energetic, can you take a different feeling now and show Suzanna feeling it? Like frightened or angry? It's good practice to get "inside" your character's head and feel with them, then write it down.
Let me know when and if you do it again....

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Jan. 30, 2008 - Ginger

Posted by skmarlow

Good start: pricking up her ears, stamping her feet. Nice!

Hint: Try to keep showing rather than "telling" (Ginger didn't feel very assured). That's telling. Instead, you could say, "Ginger continued to shy away and shake her mane as Suzanna's teacher came near." By saying this, we can SEE that Ginger is STILL uneasy.

Understand?

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I'm not really a book writer yet. I don't why I called myself that. Anyway, this blog is for writing lessons.