My Storys

Mar. 31, 2008 - Lesson 7 of Writing Workshop

I have finaly got updated with Writing Workshop For Kids lesson 7. So here it is:

Before: It rained all week during our camping trip.
After: It rained all week through our camping trip and everything was flooded. It was cold and misrable because there was nothing to do in the rain.

Before: Katie saw a scary sea creature at the aquarium.
After: Katie saw a very big and furious-looking sea creature at the aquarium. It had red eyes and spikes with a cruel mouth looking mouth.

One more time!

Before: As I entered the cave, I found the object of my search-the lost treasure of the Ancients.
After: As I entered the cave, I found the object of my goal - the lost treasure of the Ancients. It was cold when I touched it and it looked inviting. I opened the rusty old lid and saw lots of jewlery, money, a ring and a big gold cup.

To look at Mrs.Marlow's blog, click here.

Mar. 31, 2008 - Lesson 7

Posted by SuzyScribbles

I'd say this is a good start, but you did not have to limit it to one or two sentences. I would like to "see" this frightening sea creature. "Frightening" is a dead word, since not everyone has the same idea of what frightening is. What does it look like? Red eyes? 6-inch teeth? And.... SHOW me the rainy, miserable week. And I'd love a vivid description of the treasure box and what's inside.

Hope this helps!

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Apr. 9, 2008 - Lesson 7

Posted by skmarlow

Good addition to the sea creature scene. Now....OK...the treasure chest looks inviting. So....open it up! Show me what's inside. "I opened the old, rusted lid and peeked inside. I saw...."

OK? Have fun!

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