Thirteen Things Not to say, or To say to a suffering family (from our perspective, having gone through major turmoil last year - read about it here - hearing plenty of things you shouldn't say, and not too many of the ones you should say):Don't say:1. Oh, I know exactly what you're going through. No you don't. You may have gone through your own trial, you may even have gone through something similar, but it is different for every person and every family and the impact is felt differently.2. God has a reason and a purpose. No, this is not true, and is based on Christian tradition and cliche not based on anything Biblical. It is something Christians say without really thinking about it, and while one may think that is a comforting thought, if one really considers what this idea is saying about God, one would realize it is not comforting in the least. God does not enjoy or glory in our suffering. God does not plan sickness, disease, or death. It is a result of sin. We are living in a fallen world, and that is part of the curse that we live with.3. Have you tried ...(fill in the blank)...? Yes, it's been tried. Or no, it hasn't, and we have our reasons. A family that is suffering is tired of everyone's well-meaning suggestions, and having to explain and re-explain what they've done or not done, and why they've done it or not done it. If you have something you really think is worth bringing up, write it in a letter or email and leave it at that. Don't insist on a response.4. It must be something you're ...(again, fill in the blank - doing, not doing, eating, not eating, etc, etc, etc)... Do I really need to explain how insensitive this is? Don't apply blame, it only adds pain to the situation.5. What can I do? Good as this may seem, it is insensitive and expresses one's inability to empathize for what a suffering family is going through. We have enough to think about, enough requiring every last brain cell that we do not need to think for you, too. You decide what you can do, and then just do it!!Which brings me to, what to say:6. I can bring a meal once a week, what night would be best?7. I can mow your lawn/do your yardwork once a week, is there a day that's better for me to be there?8. I can clean your bathrooms on this or that day, at this or that time.9. I can do your grocery shopping for you on this or that day....(are you getting the picture? LOL).10. I'm sorry you're going through this.11. Regularly send cards, emails, phone calls, etc, reminding a suffering family that you're thinking of them, praying for them, care about them. When turmoil goes on for months and months, or years, people often forget about it and go on about their own lives. Make it a point not to forget, and to let that family know you've not forgotten. It helps.12. A smile and a hug, if you don't know what to say.13. A simple: I'm praying for you.Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!) |
(besides, I said this was our last pregnancy, not our last child. We hope to adopt as soon as financially possible). A side note, this list is applicable as MOM, too!!
